


Grey Walls

by Lirtastsya



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, Prison AU, Prison Sex, and SMUT, kiho, mentions of past rape, possible triggers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-05
Updated: 2017-11-22
Packaged: 2018-05-24 20:09:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 140,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6165184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lirtastsya/pseuds/Lirtastsya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kihyun isn't a bad person but having Wonho as a cellmate might make him so.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Grey from now on

    “Bend over and grab your ankles.”

            It was the most mortifying demand Kihyun was ever required to do. The room was cold and the only thing he was able to do was stare at a concrete floor as the examination took place.  He shut his eyes tightly as he just wanted this to be over – he couldn’t understand how it turned out like this. The degrading feeling he has is too much to bear for him, a few whimpers in disgust and helplessness escape his lips and there are a couple of amused chuckles from behind him.

            “This one won’t last.” He hears one of them comment and it just brings him down ever more.

            After the examination, Kihyun is escorted over to a small window where a faceless individual shoves clothes and shoes through to him. He’s then practically pushed down the halls, passing the cells where every repulsive remark you can think of is cat called his way – his skin crawls. He’s shoved into the cell and the clank of the door slamming shut and locking is still ringing in his ears as he finally brings his eyes up to the dark haired guy lying on the top bunk. He hears the hums of unconscious breathing and he is more than thankful.

            Don’t mess with him and he won’t mess with me, he tells himself over and over in his mind as he gradually makes his way to the bottom bed, placing his items down. No curtains, no doors, no solitude – nothing to give Kihyun some comfort of having to undress in the open to change into the orange suit. He somehow manages. He looks around the room and all he sees is grey. Grey walls, grey floors… grey life. Kihyun hates the color grey.

            Kihyun is resting on his back and staring up at the underneath of the top bed when he hears the soft sounds of his awaken cellmate. His eyes widen a bit and he gulps but tries to remain calm, his heart however goes on overdrive.

            Tattoos.

            That’s the only thing Kihyun notices when an orange suit falls from the top bunk and lands on his feet. A plethora of colors and designs that run all the way up and disappear into the sleaves of the suit. Kihyun wonders just how far the tattoos go and where before he catches himself staring and quickly looks away. He rises up but is rendered speechless when his cellmate turns around and bends down, face to face with him.

            He watches his cellmate give him the once over and lick over his bottom lip, biting it follows suit.

            “A lot prettier than the last one.” His voice is deep and rough and Kihyun has never been so terrified in his whole life.


	2. Grey from now on 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Wasn't able to beta, sorry for the mistakes.)

Kihyun’s eyes downcast quickly and he shakes his head, he doesn’t understand why he does. Maybe he’s disagreeing with the tattooed man, or maybe he’s just doing it to try and wake himself up from this horrible nightmare. He knows what happens in prison… If you’re the pretty boy in the eyes of these criminals, then you’re the one they’re trying to get. Kihyun doesn’t want that at all, he doesn’t want to be the one with the pretty face and that could pass as a woman in their eyes. He doesn’t want to be gawked at or bum smacked with their greasy hands when he walks by. He doesn’t, he doesn’t, he just…

       “Not my type though.”

       He looks up and his cellmate is already out of his face and on the other side of the room stretching, he’s more than relieved. He looks as the dark haired boy slides down the zipper to his suit and pulls the top half off of him, he’s wearing a black shirt underneath. That still doesn’t give him the view of the tattoos that his curiosity is begging to see however.

      “Wonho.”

      Wait. Kihyun blinks a few times before comprehending what was just said. He seems a little bit at ease as the guy seems to be easily talking with him, no intimidation or vice in his words. Just talking. He exhales and nods a couple of times. Wonho. His cellmate is no longer a stranger to him whom also isn’t into him at all, which seems like two accomplishments in one day.

      “This is the part where you say your name back.” Wonho informs him and he wants to smack himself in the face for acting like he’s never spoken to another person before. He gathers himself and opens his mouth to talk. “Look, you can either talk to me willingly or I can take back what I said earlier and-”

      Kihyun shuts his mouth instantly, Wonho takes long strides over to him – he grabs Kihyun’s chin and pulls him forward so their noses bump against one another. “–and make you cry out the answers I’m asking for.”

     Wonho’s scent erupts into Kihyun’s nose and it’s instantly bliss to him – it’s a mixture of the old spice fragrance and vanilla. A scent that isn’t roughly what a prisoner should smell like but it’s true and Kihyun confesses to himself immediately that it’s his favorite scent. But Kihyun shouldn’t be concerned about Wonho’s amazing smells; he should be worried that Wonho just admitted to doing horrible things to him if he didn’t open his mouth…. Right now!

     “I guess that’s my answer-,”

     “Kihyun.” He gasps out at the last second he makes a mental note to never stall for responding ever again.

     Unfortunately, the horrible thing about Kihyun being backed up into a corner and pressured into something is that he finds that he cannot stop talking once started. It’s an atrocious tick he has and it doesn’t benefit him in situations like this. He just can’t help it though.

    “My-… My name is Yoo Kihyun…  I-I’m 176cm’s tall, 21 years old… I hate eggplants… Dogs are my favorite pet…“

    He continues to spill meaningless facts about his life as it seems as though his mouth is on autopilot. Looking at Wonho’s face, Kihyun can tell the dark haired man isn’t one bit impressed and has the most uninterested expression you could ever imagine. It was to be expected – however, having long fingers slide into the back of his hair, gripping tightly, and rough lips crashing against his own wasn’t something that Kihyun was expecting.

    It was so sudden and unexpected that it literally took Kihyun’s breath away. Wonho’s scent returns and it’s pleasing but Kihyun doesn’t want this – even if Wonho’s lips are everything mystic – and he quickly moans in protest. Wonho’s lips press even harder before he finally tugs on Kihyun’s hair, pulling him back. He licks his lips and smirks. “Shut up.”

   And for the rest of the night, Kihyun does.

 

   Kihyun doesn’t go to breakfast the next morning, his stomach is way too sick with worry with what he knows is out there. Monsters.

   Wonho didn’t seem bothered with him not coming; in fact he didn’t even bother to ask if he was. He simply hopped down out of his bed and walk right out of the cell; he was walking with nothing but confidence. Kihyun wondered what type of person Wonho was in this place. Was he the kind of guy that talked with his fists? Was he someone that could get things? Was he an informant? Was he feared here? Kihyun didn’t know and he doubted Wonho would answer him if he asked.

   Kihyun turns over so he’s facing the grey wall, his back to the outside, to the daunting world. He knew more than anything that he would be forced to leave his cell; it was just a matter of time. But if he was able to postpone the inevitable – then he would. Maybe they wouldn’t notice if he stayed quiet on his little bed. Maybe they wouldn’t care either way and just leave him be to rot. It didn’t matter though... Kihyun was trapped here…

   “Skipping meals won’t save you.” He hears Wonho’s voice break through the midst of almost falling back asleep. He feels his body jump a bit when his eyes finally crack open. He hums in response.

   “They’ll force you to go to the court yard and get some exercise.”

   He doesn’t say anything. He won’t.

   “Remember what I said yesterday? About not answering me?” That dreaded smirk. Kihyun rises up quickly.

   “I don’t want to go out there…” He speaks softly.

   “Why’s that?” Wonho’s tone is pure boredom and Kihyun doesn’t even want to bother with an answer but he knows the costs. He’s quick to learn.

   “I don’t want to be around all those… animals.” He admits and it actually feels good to be able to talk to someone about his fear, opening up is easy if he has the chance and attention of another.

   “You’re under the same roof, trapped within the same walls, having punishment like the rest of us. Congratulations,” He rolls his tongue from behind his teeth, a growl ascending while doing so, “You’re an animal like us all.”

   Kihyun slinks back until his spine hits the wall. The way Wonho had said ‘animal’, the snarl that came along with it was arousing and chilling to him. What was going on with him?

 

   Wonho was right – as soon as all the cell doors slid open and everyone was meant to leave them, a guard turned the corner to the cells opening and looked right at Kihyun.

   “Hey, new guy. Up and out.”

   Dread filled his whole body when he exited the cell and the sun blinded him, causing him to recoil slightly. It seemed like an omen. There were so many daunting and unfamiliar faces walking all around, it makes Kihyun silently panic – fills him with unending anxiety. He knows without a doubt that he doesn’t belong here… He doesn’t belong amongst these convicts, no matter what Wonho thinks, Kihyun is not an animal. He’s not a low down criminal. He’s a good person; he just… doesn’t have great luck. That was all.

   Kihyun scanned the area as quickly as he could, trying desperately to find Wonho. He needed a familiar face for some comfort. He needed to stick with someone he knew before anyone tried to cause trouble with him. He didn’t want to stand out, that was trouble enough.

   After a moment of searching he found the dark haired man standing with two other guys. He makes sure to keep his journey towards Wonho casual and leisurely as he doesn’t want to attract any attention or let anyone know how scared he is. He discards his frightened expression and exchanges it for one that is jaded and uncaring as he slides his hands in his front pockets, heading over to Wonho and the two strangers.

   Keep it simple, he reminds himself.

   Once at Wonho’s side, Kihyun tries his best to size him up and look tough in front of the other two. He tried.

   “Try standing on your tiptoes.” The bright red headed one says and the three start snickering their breaths away. Kihyun just feels low and looks at the ground.

   “Hey, don’t be too hard on him.” Wonho finally stops laughing at him. “It’s his first day out with other kids. He doesn’t know how to act properly.”

   “Oh!” Kihyun quickly looks up as he hears someone gasp in excitement; the guy has bright eyes and blonde hair. “He’s your cellmate, right? The one that cried all night while you were trying to sleep?”

   Okay… Kihyun is crushed now.

   “Yeah, that’s him.” Wonho confirms.

   Scratch that... he’s demolished.

   The bright eyed blonde moves away from the red head and goes right over to Kihyun, his smile just as bright as his eyes and he seems completely harmless. Genuinely so. Kihyun feels some kind of relief from it and he doesn’t step back or flinch when the blonde – or perhaps white haired guy – comes closer than arm’s length to him.

   “Minhyuk.” He says solely and smiles.

   Kihyun doesn’t know what to think, he’s stunned. “Huh?”  Was this guy being… nice to him?

   “I’m Minhyuk.”

   “Minhyukkie~” The red head playfully corrects and smirks over to Minhyuk. The smirk is different from the smirks that Wonho gives Kihyun and he’s captivated. And it’s not because the red head has the deepest dimples he’s ever seen. No, it’s because his smirk just seems almost different. Teasing, or perhaps affectionate. No, that couldn’t be it. Kihyun is sure it’s something else but what?

   “He’s got a problem with answering others, I’ve come to realize.” He hears Wonho inform them and he can’t help but blush horribly.

   “Oh! Look at what you’ve done to him.” Minhyuk says rather loudly, lightheartedly. “So red.”

   “I don’t have a problem speaking…” He finally finds his voice and lets loose. “It’s just so… intimidating being around this guy.” He refers to Wonho and that deadly smirk appears right on cue. He seems to be enjoying this more than he should.

   Wonho bends down a bit so his lips are right near Kihyun’s ear. “Mm, you’re right to fear me.” He purrs and Kihyun’s whole body shutters. Not in disgust though.

   “Hm? Afraid of Wonho? Why? He’s so harmless.” Bright eyes giggles like a school girl. “He’s like a puppy.”

   “Not hardly, but he isn’t that scary. He’s just… seriously sexually aggressive.” Red head follows after.

   “Don’t say it like that, Jooheon.” Minhyuk frowns at him. “But, uhm… It’s true.” He shrugs.

   “Now, if we’re talkin’ hard and tough and someone you don’t mess with. Then he needs to meet Changkyun.” The name now known to Kihyun as Jooheon says and gives a big smile and whoa are those dimples something else.

   Shaking his thoughts away from Jooheon’s face, he realizes what was just said and almost stutters out his replay. “N-No. No, I don’t want to meet someone like that.” Did they not hear a word he just said? Kihyun didn’t want to meet angry, hostile people; he wanted to feel safe with others like Minhyuk. Minhyuk seemed like a really gentle person, just kind of loud. “I just… need a friend…” The word seemed odd and his voice was so unsure when he said it.

   “You realize you have a friend already, right?” Minhyuk smiles at him and nods as if to assure him once more. “Your cellmate.”

   Kihyun just deadpans. No, they really, truly haven’t been listening to him at all but he decides to play along anyway. “You make it sound so simple. Is that what you did?”

   “Yes.” Another smile and man Kihyun is starting to get tired of it. Not really. “Jooheon is my cellmate, you know. And we’re inseparable. I’ve got his back and he’s got my back.”

   “Those are two entirely different meanings you know.” Wonho bites his lip.

   Minhyuk’s face goes a dark shade of red and Kihyun – shouldn’t – but understands exactly what Wonho was hinting at. His jaw drops and at a glance Jooheon doesn’t seem affected by the outing at all. However, Minhyuk looks more than uncomfortable.

   “Oh…” Was all Kihyun was able to say and finally shuts his mouth. His lips feel kind of chapped. That explains the smirk from earlier, he thought to himself. He wants to fix this situation, but he isn’t sure how he should go about it. He thinks hard, studying the faces of the others. Wonho, the dark haired sexual animal. Jooheon, the dimpled red head. And Minhyuk, the white haired guy with a bright eyes and a bright personality. They all seemed so different from one another, so … interesting. They didn’t seem like the bad people that Kihyun thought there would be in this kind of place. They seemed so normal and civilized and well… like regular people.

   Kihyun nodded to himself and gave a very, very puny half smile. “I’m-,”

   "Kihyun." Wonho answers for him and when Kihyun turns around to face him, the tattooed man's eyes are smoldering.


	3. Grey from now on 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (So unbeta'd. I don't think I need a trigger warning here, but just in case here's a heads up.)

It was in the cafeteria where Kihyun felt the calmest.

       He feared he would have to eat alone and would be constantly harassed the entire time. But, no – he had his own little group with him. It seemed, to him, as though this little group that he was now a part of wasn’t one to be messed with. No one approached them; no one even glanced their way. No whispers, no stares, just… quarantined so to speak. Not that Kihyun minded, in fact this was probably the happiest moment he’s ever felt since he got here.

       He was sitting beside of Minhyuk, on the inside as he was still troubled, with Jooheon and Wonho sitting in front of them. He felt like he was in a secure little box, something he truly needed.

       However, continually since the time he spent in the court yard getting to know Minhyuk, he’s had a huge question on his mind. How could someone so pleasant and bubbly and smiley get locked up in this place? He didn’t fit in at all and Kihyun couldn’t help but become aware of that. He wondered if it would be crossing a line if he asked…

       “Uhm… Minhyuk,” He turns his sights on the white haired smiling face. “What did you do to get into a place like this?”

       At that moment it seemed as though all three men paused their eating and looked up at him – Kihyun looks at three faces and slinks into his seat a little more. The atmosphere slowly turns dark and he stuffs his face with another bite. Maybe he shouldn’t have said anything.

       “Oh that?” Minhyuk seems to go all nonchalant and shrug it off, “I’m a total clepto. Can’t keep my hands to myself at all.” He finishes with a smile.

       “I’ll say,” Jooheon quickly speaks up, “First time he steps foot in my cell, I turn my back for two seconds and the guys already got his greedy hands on my hat.”

       Kihyun makes a face as if to say, ‘That’s not that bad,” but Jooheon notices this look and speaks up again – his voice is even more fakely frantic. “The hat was on my head!” His eyes are wide and slightly offended, “I didn’t even notice.”

       “What can I say? I’ve got quick hands.” Minhyuk counters.

       “Yeah, I agree with that.” Jooheon approves and Kihyun already knows that was meant to be sexual and he just brushes it off the best he can. But now Kihyun understands everything. Minhyuk’s fast talk and pretty face could easily be a masquerade for his quick fingers and slick movements. It makes complete sense and even though Minhyuk is a criminal and locked up for his crimes, Kihyun doesn’t think badly of him.

       “Me and Minhyuk are in here for the same reasons.” He hears Jooheon’s voice again and his ears perk up with curiosity. “He does simple pick pocketing steals and shoving stuff in his jacket when he’s at a store. I break into houses and get the stuff I want.” He smiles… is he proud of that or something?

       “What got you caught?” Kihyun asks. “I mean, did someone see your face and pick you out of a police lineup?”

       Jooheon simply nods.

       “How’d they figure out it was you?”

       Minhyuk points right at Jooheon’s cheek, “Bet you can’t guess.” He snickers.

       His dimples. Kihyun hides his smile; it was a too comical moment.

       What was going on with him? He shouldn’t be laughing and feeling so composed while he’s in this kind of place. But he is and does and it seems as though everything in that moment is alright.

       “Wonho, what did you do?” He turns his smile to the tattooed man – but Wonho is definitely not smiling back or even has an amused expression. It’s dark and icy and Kihyun’s feelings of comfort from before have completely vanished. His eyes follow the dark haired man as he slowly stands, shrugging his shoulders. “It’s a mystery.” His voice is so unsettling that Kihyun takes that answer and stares at his fruit cocktail until Wonho vanishes from the cafeteria all together. He exhales a shaky breath.

       He didn’t know what to think – what did Wonho do that was so bad to cause him to act that way? Going from normal to frightening in a matter of seconds. He certainly wanted to find out… Prison is a give to get place, right? Maybe if Kihyun was to offer up something, then Wonho would roll over and give up some information. But what could he offer?

       Jooheon slides his tongue over his bottom lip, “So, uhm… What did you do to get locked up?” That question was directed at Kihyun and he nibbles on his lip a bit.

       “Well…” He starts but is interrupted when a blonde haired – rather beautiful and model like – man silently sits down at the table with them. He’s a little taken aback from this as he was more than sure this was it from the group. Wait. His mind almost goes blank from the instantaneous thought that popped into his remembering thoughts.  

       Changkyun.

       The guy Jooheon was talking about. The rough and tough and ‘don’t mess with me because I’m scarier than Wonho’ guy. Jooheon boosted about him in the court yard… But this guy… Now that Kihyun became aware, didn’t seem like a tough guy. He was picking at his food with dainty fingers and was giving a stank face towards the food on his tray. He had a long build and was also very thin. His features were something else. He was… pretty. Handsome. Adonis like. A guy that should be terrified to be here – as pretty as he was that is.

       “Hyungwon.” Jooheon calls out after taking a bite of his food.

       The model cuts his eyes towards Jooheon, “Hm?”

       “Changkyun still in the hole?”

       The model known as Hyungwon gives a meek smile and nods his head. “No worries,” his voice is quiet but precise. “He’ll be out tomorrow.”

       The hole? Kihyun’s eyes widen in conjecturing his thought momentarily forgetting about Wonho.

       Minhyuk’s lively voice breaks through his thoughts, “Kihyun, this is Hyungwon. He used to be model.” He informs and Kihyun had already guessed that from the very start. He looks the part perfectly. He nods his head towards the blonde.

       “Nice to meet you.”

       Hyungwon purses his lips when he looks at Kihyun, though he isn’t intimidating, he seems rather judging with his eyes. His big and sparkly eyes. Kihyun admits to himself that he can’t deny Hyungwon’s beauty. He simply cannot – and his beauty is rather distracting in every sense. He finally conveys himself to look away.

       He glances at Minhyuk, “What’s the hole?”

       “It’s the isolation room the guards put us in when we get too carried away.” He notifies him. “Changkyun punched one of the guards and he’s been locked away in there for about six weeks now.”

       Kihyun shutters, this Changkyun guy just keeps getting worse and worse and it’s basically freaking him out and he hasn’t even laid eyes on the guy yet! Why in the world would someone like Minhyuk and Jooheon befriend someone like Changkyun….?

       “What did he do that was so bad?” Kihyun shouts out and feels relief and apprehension all at once. He really has to control his mouth, he either doesn’t speak enough or speaks too much, and there is literally no in-between.

       Hyungwon eyes go a little obscure at the question, dark amusement swirling inside of them. He scoffs a little laugh. “Oh, he just killed someone.”

       Kihyun stops breathing straightaway. “…why?” He chokes out.

       “Because,” Hyungwon’s smile grows, teeth showing somewhat and a pink dusting covers his cheeks. “He’s in love with me.”


	4. Grey from now on 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Another possible trigger warning. This is where the past mentions of rape come in so warning.)

Everything seemed like a blur that night for Kihyun.

          He was exhausted when he entered his room – he glanced upwards to see Wonho fast asleep on the top bunk. It was at that moment that he recalled what happened between them during the meal. How angry and dark Wonho had become. It gave Kihyun such a hollow sensation of curiosity from what Wonho could have done. Something he didn’t want to talk about. Nonetheless, he decided it was best to keep to himself on that subject; he wouldn’t want to experience that kind of miserable vibe again. Besides, Wonho was asleep… it would have been rude at that moment.

          Kihyun sighs softly and goes over to the bottom bunk, sitting on his bum before falling back on the mattress with a slight bounce. The squeaks on the railing of the beds seemed so loud that night. He glanced up at grey walls and silently wished for a window to peer out of. He wanted to see the moon, the stars – he wanted to feel the cool air on his skin. He wanted out.

          Kihyun closes his eyes and relaxes the best he can on that lump-filled bed. Even though he’s drained he can’t seem to stop his minds endless thoughts. More so about what he was told during supper. The whole Hyungwon and Changkyun love affair murder story that was more than he could handle. The story stills swirls in his mind.

**-Flashback-**

          “Because, he’s in love with me.”

          Kihyun still doesn’t seem to fully grasp what Hyungwon was telling him and he wanted to know more. “I… I don’t understand.” He whispers.

          “It’s kind of a twisted story.” Minhyuk cuts in with a warning but Hyungwon speaks up in the most energetic and fascinated voice. This new found enthusiasm to tell his story seems exciting and frightening all in one bundle for Kihyun.

          “At one time Changkyun was an admirer.” Hyungwon begins and Kihyun’s all eyes and ears to him. “Not a full blown ‘try to find my address and send me love letters and come to all my shows’ kind of admirer. But enough that I could remember his face when we would come into contact.” He explained and his smile was infectious.

          “Anyway, the company that I worked for wanted more scandal for entertainment and so they brought in another model. For competition reasons.” He waves his hand at the mention of the other model. “I hated that guy. He took the scandal as a real thing and it ticked me off. Next thing I know, everyone is flocking towards this guy. He’s getting more attention than me more support, more love…” Hyungwon sighs softly and Kihyun feels empathy for him somehow.

          “I wasn’t about to have that.” Hyunwon’s voice goes unfathomable. “I remembered Changkyun instantly. I knew he’d do anything I asked of him. And he did.”

Kihyun couldn’t stop himself from gulping from the way Hyungwon’s voice was blissful. Was Changkyun really the rough and tough one of the group? From where Kihyun is sitting... The true petrifying one seems to be this perfect model.  

          “So… Just like that?” He couldn’t bring himself to actually say it.

Hyungwon nods, putting his hands underneath his chin and resting his head on them. “Just. Like. That.” He frowns soon after, “Those investigators figured out I was the mastermind behind the whole thing and poof.” He swats his hand in front of his face, “There goes my job, all my money, friends, and fame. Everything you can think of.”

           It sounded as though Hyungwon wasn’t finished with his sentence and Kihyun wanted to try his luck with finishing it himself. “Everything… except Changkyun. Right?”

          “Mm.” Another eerie smile. “That’s right.”

          “Wait, wait.” Kihyun shakes his head. None of the questions he had churning in his mind had been answered at all. It doesn’t explain why Changkyun was so hard in everyone’s eyes – sure maybe it was because he was sentenced to life in prison – however from the story that Hyungwon told it didn’t seem like Changkyun was anything like a monster. So… what was the deal? “You guys keep boosting about this guy like he’s an animal but… how did he become that way?”

          “Oh, that’s my fault.” Hyungwon confesses. Kihyun goes silent and pays attention once again.

          “Well, I wasn’t ever interested in that guy. I just used him and he took it the wrong way. He thought it meant something, I guess.” Hyungwon shrugs. “They put us in different cells and the only time we saw one another was during mealtime and on the court yard. He tried to talk with me and he would follow me around, I didn’t like it. It annoyed me.”

          Kihyun can feel the butterflies in his stomach as the momentum of something big was about to be said. “So, I told some of the really big guys that I’d do them some ‘favors’ if they got Changkyun out of my hair. They beat the hell out of him.” He watched Hyungwon shutter.

          “After that… I don’t know, something in him changed… He changed…”

          Kihyun feels the impetus build higher.

          “He became fiery and shady and his expression was deadly all the time. He would get into fights on purpose to prove himself and show off to everyone to let them know he wasn’t to be messed with. Then…” The air changes and Kihyun’s stomach cramps with anticipation.

          “I found out he wanted to be moved into my cell… The guards said he would cause chaos the longer they denied his request. They got tired of it all and just moved him in with me…”

          Scary, Kihyun thought to himself – but true daunting was yet to come.

          “He was so mad at me because he found out what I did to him. Having him beat up…” Hyungwon reminded him. “I guess he was tired of being the brunt of every horrible thing that I cause. First the prison sentence and then getting smashed up. So, that night he got his revenge. In the… physical sense that is.”

          Oh…. Kihyun knew exactly what Hyungwon meant and that gave him gooseflesh all over his body. That explains it then and he didn’t have to, nor want to, hear anything else regarding the guy who everyone is afraid of ever again. However, nothing was more chilling then the words that absconded Hyungwon’s mouth afterwards.

          “We’ve been madly in love ever since.” The final smile.

**-End Flashback-**

          Kihyun sighs softly once again, there has to be something seriously wrong with him, he thinks. He was supposed to be so shocked about that story, because it _was_ so disturbing to think about. To know that happened. But the smile on Hyungwon’s face… Even though he was put through that, he seemed so happy about it.

          He shakes his head. Stop thinking about it, he tells himself and finally drifts off to a not so peaceful slumber.

 

          Kihyun wakes up in the middle of the night to soft chatter.

          He twitches a little and is kind of grumpy from being woken up that he doesn’t realize, at first, that it’s Wonho’s voice. He blinks and finally clears the unconscious static from his mind and rises up from his laying position. He shivers a bit as its pretty chilly but he gets out of the bed anyway.

          He places one socked foot on the edge of the railing to his bed and hoists himself up. He didn’t realize the courage he had at night – thanks to the tiredness. He peeks over the top of the mattress to make sure that Wonho is still actually asleep before he rises up all the way.

          Frustrated eyebrow creases.

          That’s the first thing he sees when his eyes finally adjust to the dark. But soft whimpers and pouting lips are what follow suit. Wonho’s expression is that of distress and concern. Kihyun can tell that the tattooed up man is having a nightmare and it saddens him. To think someone so big and strong like can be his most vulnerable when someone else is paying attention.

          Kihyun yawns for a while and thinks of the only thing he knows to do in situations like this. Something his mother did for him.

          He reaches out his free hand and starts softly caressing Wonho’s cold cheek. He does this over and over again until he creates a soft warm friction on Wonho’s skin then he gently rubs his thumb over the spot. It seems to help and Kihyun is glad because the whimpers have stopped and the exasperated creases are gone. He doesn’t know how long he should continue to do this but it doesn’t bother him to keep going and this lingers for minutes on end. Time seems to pass by unnoticed.

          “What are you doing?” A profound voice asks and Kihyun jerks in attention, foot almost slipping but he catches his balance at the last second.

          “I….” He can’t seem to find his voice.

          He watches as Wonho slowly moves his head towards Kihyun’s hand, cheek disappearing and lips are replaced with it. Soft lips press into the palm of his hand and it pleases him – sharp teeth find their way to Kihyun’s fingers and nip at them gently. Tongue right after to lick over the bites. Kihyun wants to panic and thrash and blush and adore all at once. But then Kihyun comprehends that Wonho is still half asleep and he calms. Wonho rests his head on the pillow again and Kihyun takes the advantage to quickly go back to his own bed.

          He _forgets_ about what happened that night because Wonho is a soft, savory, and sexually touchy sleeper and only Kihyun will know that.


	5. Grey from now on 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo unbeta'd. Changkyun and Hyungwon are my OTP. You will be able to tell here, why I didn't just write a fanfic about those two is beyond me.Triiiiiiiiger warning, i'm assuming? I don't know how sensitive you are. I suck so hard when it comes to the law - so half of this is probably dead wrong and I also suck at plot! xD My bad! 
> 
> OH MY GOSH SKIP THIS CHAPTER IF YOU'RE EXPECTING SOME DEEP LAW ENFORCING AND CAUSE OF BEING ARRESTED FOR KIHYUN, I CAN NOT STRESS ENOUGH HOW BAD THIS PLOT IS! xD
> 
> Also, smut.

The next day, Kihyun finally meets Changkyun for the first time that afternoon.

          They’re all out in the court yard standing around, aimlessly talking about nothing in particular – Kihyun is leaning on the wall beside of Hyungwon as he still wants to stay hidden from the rest of the prison world. He glances around his little group with no interest whatsoever. He doesn’t feel like talking, he just wants to keep to himself and have a peaceful moment in the sun. Sigh. He feels miserable today.

          His eyes lower, hit the ground and he can’t seem to stop himself from staring into space. He lets his thoughts wonder; he thinks about his life outside of these walls, of what it was like. How he missed his simple little home, his boring desk job, hell he was even in the middle of deciding which kind of dog he was going to adopt from the pound. But all of that had been taken away from him; in a puff of smoke everything was gone.

         Why did I have to go to the market that day, he silently recoils.

         Something catches his eye and when he looks up from the ground he notices a figure coming towards them. A guy who has broad shoulders with brown hair and he’s walking with force and determination in his steps. Kihyun immediately suspects it’s a newcomer just like him, but the way this guy is presenting himself is high in fortitude as well as in an alpha way. And that’s exactly the kind of vibe that Kihyun is getting from him. So much force and energy is radiating off of this guy, he seems like someone who’s on a mission to get what he wants.

         An alpha type aura.

         Dominance.

         Kihyun doesn’t know what to think of him – all he knows is that this powerhouse energy emitting guy is stomping his way over to them with a carnivorous look in his eyes. More so right over to Hyungwon. Kihyun looks down at the model but he’s nose deep in a book and has no awareness of the outside world beyond that paperback story.

         Kihyun tries to warn him – he extends his arm to touch Hyungwon to make him aware but it seems he isn’t fast enough. Just as he’s inches from Hyungwon’s shoulder there’s suddenly a firm hand planted on his chest. The hand pushes against Kihyun hard and sends him tumbling backwards. His back falls against a firm chest and arms wrap around him from behind as he is caught. He tilts his head back and sees that Wonho is his savior.

        He wants to be embarrassed at this moment but he’s too fuming by the fact that someone had just knocked him out of the way so roughly he fell backwards. He gets back on his feet properly and is ready to give a serious irate expression at whoever it was but he hears a warning whisper.

         “I wouldn’t.” The voice advises, Minhyuk’s voice.

         So Kihyun stops and just watches.

         The man that pushed him has now slammed his hand on the wall behind Hyungwon’s head – Hyungwon giving a cringe in return, book falling from his hand instantly. The guy is a bit shorter than the beautiful man but that doesn’t defeat the point that his energy is towering over him. His brute energy.

          “Ch-Changkyun.” Hyungwon’s voice is so low the name was almost missed.

          Kihyun hears nevertheless and his stomach drops. It was finally him.

          “I’ve been in the hole for so long this round,” Changkyun’s voice is extremely deep and it takes Kihyun aback. “You were on my mind the entire time.”

          Kihyun can hear the shaky breath that Hyungwon exhales. He can’t believe how close their faces are, their noses are practically brushing against one another. Everything seemed so… sensual.

          “I missed you.” The desperation in Hyungwon’s voice was something new. His voice usually calm or that of exhilaration – but right now his voice was pure need. Kihyun watched as the two begged to be closer to each other: eyes were scanning over one another’s bodies, lips being bitten and licked with anticipation, the pheromones in the air. They needed each other severely. Kihyun was so shocked at the display, how could they act like that in this kind of place? Who would have thought the big bad Changkyun would act like such a romantic.

          “Tonight you’re mine.” Changkyun growls and at this point Kihyun has to turn his attention to something else. He can’t let anyone know how embarrassed he feels in this situation – he needs comic relief and fast. He twists and sets his sights on Jooheon and Minhyuk, if anyone can break this awkward atmosphere, it’s them.

          Jooheon, however, is giving Minhyuk the once over as well, his eyes are full of lust. “Consider yourself torn up.” He smirks, dimples so deep. Minhyuk literally purrs to that response and Kihyun has nowhere to hide. Whatever kind of pheromones Changkyun had exerted has drifted its way into everyone’s libido. It seems to have taken over their senses.

          Well, not everyone. Kihyun wasn’t affected by this. Oh. And neither was Wonho.

          Kihyun whips his head behind him and locks eyes with Wonho whom has an amused expression. “You look like you’re expecting me to say something too.” He comments. 

          Kihyun blinks as he truly was, but wasn’t.

 

          “Who’s the new guy?” Changkyun asks.

          Kihyun lifts his head from the question but notices Changkyun isn’t even looking his way but looking at Jooheon instead. They’re all sitting at the cafeteria table for supper, everyone finally calming down after the sexual square that Kihyun was trapped in had vanished. The dissipated behavior the group displayed was something new and either exciting or overwhelming to Kihyun – he hadn’t yet decided which. 

         One thing he did discover about Changkyun was that he didn’t have one shred of interest in Kihyun. But Kihyun didn’t care… nope not at all.

         “I’m Kihyun.” He was getting better at talking with others, he wanted someone to take notice and praise him for it. “And you’re Changkyun, right?” He licks his lips, “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

         Silence.

         Kihyun was about to sigh from being ignored but before all was lost, Changkyun looks right at him. He wants to smile, kind of, in a friendly way. He wants to think of something to say to break the ice. He finally comes up with something and opens his mouth to speak – but just as he does he sees Changkyun lunge halfway towards him.  In the most intimidating and quick way, it causes Kihyun to jolt backwards and almost fall from his seat. And squeak. Yeah, he let out a squeak in fear and surprise.

        What the hell? He wants to ask but is to freaked out and shaken. But he then again kind of gets it. Changkyun is, in fact, topp dogg around here and in being so must show everyone what’s up. Kihyun didn’t expect that he would react so… feebly.

        “Kihyun just arrived a few days ago,” Minhyuk explained for him and Kihyun silently thanked him. “He’s…. weak.”

        Wait, Minhyuk! His jaw dropped.

        “And he stutters a lot when he gets scared.” That usual infectious smile appears, “but other than that he’s a really nice guy.”

        “Thanks…?” Kihyun pulls his brows together in confusion. Oh well.

        “Good to know.” Changkyun says to Kihyun before taking a bite and being totally engulfed with his meal. Kihyun glances back at him and notices that he and Hyungwon are hip to hip as they sit together. He can’t believe he’s thinking it but he tells himself that they’re both really cute together.

       Criminally cute, he jokes but it’s in bad taste, just like this meal.

 

 

       Back in the room Kihyun is rubbing his right shoulder and sighing once again.

       It’s the one thing he ever does anymore. It seems as though, even if only a few days have passed, he has gotten used to his new prison life. He wakes up, skips breakfast, goes to the court yard, back to his cell, eat supper, back to the cell, silence between him and Wonho for hours, then goes straight to bed. Yes, his boring and customary routine that he despises.

       Not tonight.

       Tonight he was going to bond with his cellmate. Or at least try too.

       “So,” He starts as he’s sitting crossed legged on his bed, picking the fussies off of his blanket. “About why you’re in here…” He tries once again to figure out the reason why Wonho ended up in prison to begin with – he’s praying he’ll get answers this time.

       “Ch,” He hears a snicker from above him. “Are you still on about that?”

       “…Yes.”

       “You know, it’s really none of your business.” Wonho’s voice was still lighthearted when he said that so Kihyun took it as an incentive to continue.

       “It’s just…” He tries to find the words. “You just don’t… seem like a bad person to me.”

       “Oh? Wasn’t it just the other day you told Minhyuk I was too intimidating to be around?”

       “Yes, but-,” Kihyun is cut off by Wonho’s counter question.

       “But what?” His voice raises an octave. He seems offended but Kihyun had already promised himself from the beginning that he wasn’t going to back down when Wonho tries to use coercion to get his way. “I’m too scary to be around, right?”

       “That’s not it at all.” Kihyun tries again.

       “Psh.” He can tell without even peeking that Wonho is shaking his head in disbelief. “How contradicting of you.”

       “Uhm…” He bites his lip, “You tell me yours and I’ll tell you mine.”

       There’s silence for a moment before the creaking sound of the bed above him sounds out – he sees Wonho jump from the top bunk and land perfectly on his feet. He watches carefully as the tattooed man turns around and shrugs his broad shoulders.

       “Maybe.” He ducks his head and sits opposite of Kihyun, “Just depends on your story.”

        Kihyun’s eyes drop to the blanket and he continues to pick for fussies. He can’t believe he’s actually going to talk about this – about the reason why he’s stuck in prison in the first place. He didn’t want to have to recall the miserable moments again, but he has no choice if he wants answers.

        “I… killed someone.” He admits and awaits judgment.

        Silence. Hm?

        He looks up at Wonho whose face is just a blank canvas. Okay… What’s the deal?

        “I uhm… I killed a person…” He tries again.

        “Yeah, and?” Is Wonho’s retort and Kihyun can only blink.

        “And? And we’re going to have dinner and dancing Tuesday night to make up for it. What do you mean and?” Kihyun couldn’t believe the sass that had just came from his mouth but he can’t help himself. “I took a person’s life.”

       “On purpose?”

       “I… Well, no... No, it was a complete accident.” He exhales hard. “Everything was a misunderstanding.”

       “And I truly believe that.” Wonho is nodding and Kihyun just really doesn’t know what to say.

       “I mean just look at you.” Wonho gestures at Kihyun’s whole frame. “You cried the first night you came here. You almost jumped out of your panties when Changkyun faked you out. You just aren’t a person who could do something like that.”

       Kihyun purses his lips, “You believe that… And you don’t even really know me.” He scoffs in disbelief. “…Wow…”

       “But, I’m curious to know what happened.”

        Kihyun just nods, “I… Just really have terrible timing…” He begins. “I went to the market that morning… Got everything I needed… Once I left the store I saw some dude running…” Kihyun wanted to stop talking. He could see everything clear as day in his mind.

       “Yeah?”

       “And he screams, _‘Help me! Please stop him, he’s after me!’_ And there really was someone after him, so I quickly tackled the guy to the ground. I thought he was a bad guy trying to hurt someone…” His hands are shaking. “….and….and that guy… the guy that said he was being chased… just… shot the dude that I was holding down…”

       Kihyun can’t stop the whimper. “The guy was thrashing around in pain but I kept him down…”

       “The guy you thought you were helping was really the bad guy.” Wonho finished for him and Kihyun nods.

        “Yeah… That’s right. The dude stole the other guy’s wallet… I couldn’t believe what I had just done… I helped someone do that…”

        “But you didn’t know.”

        “No, I didn’t know. But the police sure thought I had something to do with it.” He composes himself. “They got me for… What was it…? Oh. Accessory.”

        “You didn’t kill anyone.” Wonho interjects.

        “Yes, I did… Were you not listening to me at all just now?” Kihyun frowns immediately.

        “You didn’t pull the trigger did you?” Wonho’s voice is gravely, “You didn’t plan out going to the store to help someone get murdered, did you? No. You didn’t. You didn’t kill anyone.”

       “I took away that guys life! If he never wakes up-,”

       “What? Wakes up?” Wonho falls back against the bed post and starts laughing rather loudly. Kihyun is more than confused and just stares at him. Wonho is nothing but morbid right now, he thinks.

        “This guy… he’s in a coma, isn’t he?”

        “Well… Yeah.”

        “Kihyun… Oh dear god.” Wonho gets up from his seat on the bed and goes over to the sink, resting his hand on the edge of it. His eyes are closed and he looks like he’s containing himself. “The dudes in a coma. He’s not dead. You didn’t shoot him. He’s alive! You did nothing. You’re innocent.”

        “No, I’m not. I’m-,” Again he’s interrupted and its rather annoying.

       “You. Are. Innocent.” Wonho says slowly and finally looks at him again. “You just have the suckiest luck. That’s it. All you need is a good lawyer with some patience and you’ll be out of here in no time. As long as you can afford one like that.”

        “I do have a lawyer who’s trying his hardest to help me out. He’s the very best…”

        “Then you just have to sit back, relax, and wait.”

         Hm. So…. This wasn’t his fault…?

         “It’s … not that easy…” He attempts.

         “Oh, but it really is.” Wonho heads back over to the beds and is about to jump up back to his own in an attempt to run away. Kihyun isn’t having that though. He quickly stands to his feet and grabs at Wonho’s orange jumper in an effort to stop him. He wasn’t about to let him get away again.

         “Hey, wait.” He tugs even harder to make sure that Wonho’s extending leg falls back to the ground. “You didn’t tell me yours.”

         “That’s just so much work.” Wonho seems to whine and Kihyun finds it kind of cute. “You give me the most boring murder story and you expect me to give you my story? No fair.”

         “No fair? That is more than fair.” Kihyun grits his teeth. “We made a deal.” He is a little fired up.

        “I said I would if your story was interesting.” He smirks devilishly, “It wasn’t. Deal breaker.”

        Kihyun growls at that and quickly moves his body in-between Wonho and the bed. He’s not going to take that kind of answer at all. He refuses. He realizes he wasn’t the push over he was when he first got here and maybe even less when Wonho told him it wasn’t his fault. Because maybe it was or maybe it wasn’t – he just knows he himself is innocent. He sees that now.

       He glares up at Wonho, he’s unmoving and he wants it known. Wonho watches as Wonho licks over his bottom lip, another grin. “Hm. You want my story so bad? You want me to have to use my mouth for your benefit? Then so will you.”

      Kihyun’s expression goes arid; somehow the atmosphere in the room has shifted.

      “Wh-What?” He hears his voice break a little.

      “Yeah.” Wonho uses his chest and presses Kihyun up against the bed railing, closing the distance between them. “Use that pretty mouth for me, Kihyun.”

       He feels Wonho cup his chin and lift his face up so he and Wonho are merely inches apart – his breath hitches in his throat. The air becomes so thick and laced. What Wonho had just asked of him…

     “Okay.” His voice has a mind of its own. “I’ll do it.” He knows this is something he wouldn’t normally do, but like he had told himself before. Prison is a give to get world. He wants information; he has to work for it. He can’t beat around the bush or try and talk his way out of it. Because reality isn’t that tranquil or appealing.

          “That’s what I like to hear.” Wonho doesn’t seem shocked that Kihyun has agreed so easily and that bothers him. Kihyun gulps when Wonho steps back to give him space. He unhurriedly falls to his knees in front of the tattooed man. He watches as Wonho unzips and pulls down the top half of his jumper – he then slides down the zipper to the pants part. Kihyun can’t take his eyes off the sight. He’s so nervous.

           It’s not that Kihyun hasn’t done this before, he has in fact. But, he’s never done it with someone he doesn’t have feelings for. He has always cared in some way before even thinking of doing something so chancy. At this moment, however, he just wishes he does a decent enough job. Wonho’s been in here a long time, right? Will he want this to be fast, or will he want Kihyun to take his time so he can savor the moment?

          Wonho slides his boxers down and over his already hardening member – Kihyun squints a little and sees tattoos that stop just above his abdomen. They’re beautiful.

           Wonho slowly slides his hand over his member, a few tugs. Kihyun leans on his knees a bit more and slides his tongue from the tip to the base of Wonho’s member. He’s not bold, just somewhat experienced. He extents up and moves Wonho’s hand away and continues to give teasing and lengthy licks all over.

            He looks up while doing so and notices that Wonho has shut his eyes and is licking over his lips. It must have been a long time, Kihyun thinks to himself. So Kihyun decides mischievous time is over and slowly engulfs Wohno into his mouth without effort. He feels fingers slide into the back of his hair and grip tightly, a hitching breath follows after.

            He’s more than happy with the reaction.

Kihyun hollows his cheeks and starts leisurely bobbing his head all the while taking Wonho right to his throat. He wants Wonho to feel good, to feel all the heat. He caresses the underside of Wonho’s member with his tongue and as a bonus he hums to vibrate his mouth.

            He hears the dark haired man curse under his breath – fingers gripping tighter.

           Kihyun rests his hands on Wonho’s hips for leverage and clutches his pants tightly. He starts to move his head back and forth faster and when he thinks he’s got a good speed and rhythm going he feels a second hand press on the back of his neck. He doesn’t think anything of it at first but soon feels Wonho start thrusting into his mouth.

           He inhales sharply. He can hear raspy moans and grunts coming from Wonho and he feels a little proud of himself for making the tattooed man feel that way. But soon the only thing he can think about is the chocking. Wonho is thrusting so quickly and deeply into his throat that it’s chocking him to the point of drooling and tears falling down his cheeks, gagging noises in the midst of it all. He takes it though.

            Several seconds later Wonho swiftly slides himself from Kihyun’s mouth and as soon as Kihyun opens his eyes to see why – Wonho comes all over his face and in his hair. He stays still, squeezing his eyes shut once again. He hears the most erotic and deep drawn out noise he’s ever heard from anyone come from Wonho and that’s when he realizes he’s hard.

             He quickly places his hands on his lap to hide it. Kihyun finally opens his eyes and Wonho is staring down at him, panting hard.

             “Didn’t know that pretty mouth was so dirty.” Wonho comments and zips himself back up, stepping away from Kihyun.

             Kihyun sways but makes it to his feet and rushes to the sink, trying to clean himself up. He still can’t believe he went through with it, but now it’s Wonho’s turn to pay up.

            “Well?” Kihyun says after he’s washed his face and hair out of any remembrance of Wonho’s fluids. He looks at him with intrigued senses.

            “Well, what?”

            “Why did you get locked up?” He asks, annoyed.

            “Pft.” Wonho snickers and shrugs a bit. “None of your business, like I said.”

            Kihyun can only stare – he feels dirty but then again he can’t help but like it.


	6. Grey from now on 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Very short update, my final semester in college starts tomorrow, i'll be short and i'm sad about it ;n; I'll try hard to keep updates going!)

“Why is your voice weird?” Hyungwon asks after Kihyun’s usual greeting, he sits down beside of him under the minimal shade of the court yard.

          Kihyun scrunches his nose up as he rubs over his throat for what feels like the millionth time that day. After last nights… situations – he has a very sore throat and eyes that won’t stop staring daggers into Wonho’s head. He can’t help but recall the images of Wonho’s pleasured expression – he can’t get them out of his mind.

          The way he bit his lip in concentration, how his eye lids slid shut, and those deep grunting voices that came out in short gasps. Ugh, Kihyun can’t help but gulp. Which causes another spasm of pain in his throat.

          He actually woke up this morning with puffy red eyes, due to the crying from yesterday. While Wonho was thrusting into his mouth so willingly, at one point Kihyun lost the ability to breathe and it brought tears to his eyes. When he looked at himself in the mirror his face was so red and stained with tears, and so much come smeared all over his face and in his hair, he thought he looked pretty good that way to be honest.

          “Same reason why you’re limping today.” Kihyun says without sentiment and Hyungwon merely smirks to himself.

         “And how did you know I’m limping?” He asks. “I was sitting down when you came out here.”

         “I didn’t.”

         “Oh.” So much amusement in his voice that Kihyun can’t help but grin himself.

         “Yoo Kihyun.” An unfamiliar voice calls out to him and he turns towards the sound. It’s a guard, one that Kihyun hasn’t seen before but it doesn’t worry him. “You have a visitor.”

          He just blinks.

 

         They send Kihyun into a type of solitude room – it has white floors and white walls, it’s such a massive improvement from the grey that mocked him day and night. Once inside he sees a familiar face.

         “Shownu…” He says with way to much excitement. He rushes around the table that is sitting center in the room and he wraps arms around the only familiar person he’s seen since he was put in his place. He knows he’s shaking but he can’t help himself, he’s truly too happy to care about anything else at this moment.

         “No touching!” He hears a guard call from beyond the door and Kihyun is reluctant to let go. He eventually does. He has to tilt his head back to look up at his lawyer, his face beaming to no end.

         “You have no idea how happy I am to see you…” He admits and they take a seat. “Please... Please tell me you’re here to get me out...?” His voice is that of a pathetic beg.

         “Uhm…” Shownu gives a simple smile and gestures towards him, “You’re looking real good, Kihyun.”

          Is it a bad sign when your lawyer doesn’t answer your question…? His head falls and his forehead hits the table.

 

         Kihyun’s face is pressed into his pillow as he lies on his side. This lumpy bed is his new home, he declares. He’s going to be in here forever, he knows it; there isn’t any hope for him anymore. He’s just going to rot away in this cell, in this hell…

          “Are you crying again?”

          With _that_ guy. He groans deeply into the pillow. He hates that guy’s insensible voice, his ‘I don’t care’ attitude, and those sexy tattoos that cover him. He lifts his head and stifles an infuriated sigh. “I’m not crying. I’m …annoyed.” No, he was sad. But why admit that to Wonho?

          “Because of your special visitor?” Wonho’s voice is mocking.

          “I’m not on my period, you jerk.”

          “Well, it would explain the moodiness though.” Kihyun chunks his pillow at Wonho’s head. He catches it and chuckles and the sound is charming. Kihyun finds himself smiling and feeling a millions times better considering the circumstances.

         “My lawyer came to visit me… and gave me some updates.” He shrugs. He explains to Wonho – whom has sat down beside of him and is listening to him like he actually gives a care – and explains how the guy is still in a coma. His condition hasn’t changed, sure his brain activity is improving but other than that everything is the same. He tells him how Shownu isn’t going to give up on him; he’s still trying to find evidence to prove his innocence. But he also explains to Wonho that he thinks of giving up. That there is no point in anticipating when all the negativity is creating a wall in front of him.

         He just doesn’t see the point.

         “Well…” Wonho speaks up long after Kihyun had stopped talking, “You shouldn’t just give up… Just kind of… Chill.”

          “Chill?”

          “Yeah, just chill.” Kihyun nods like he understands but inside he’s as lost as can be.

          “Don’t think about it. Just relax. Unwind. When the time comes that the guy wakes up, then you’ll be waiting right here.” He explains. “So just, for now, chill.”

          “Yeah..” Kihyun nods and smiles and understands, but… “And do what?”

          “Me.” Wonho smirks and Kihyun can’t hide his blush.


	7. Grey from now on 7

“Do you know what I miss the most about being on the outside?”

            Kihyun looks up from another disgusting tray of gruel to pay attention to the blonde haired, bright eyed man. Minhyuk’s usual warm and welcoming composer is now low and dull looking. Even Jooheon was seeming a little down while beside of him.

            “What?” Hyungwon asks but doesn’t seem to be paying much attention.

            “The beach.”

            It’s quiet and nothing makes sense about that. Maybe it was his own personal thoughts but Kihyun had expected everyone to get in on the conversation. Saying what they missed about being on the outside. But nothing, no smiles, no input. Kihyun’s eyes shift around the table as the silence grows – the group isn’t usually like this… He’s kind of worried.

            “Well, do you know what I like about being on the inside?” It’s a shock to hear something like that come from Jooheon’s mouth and Kihyun lifts his chin. Everyone’s eyes are on him.

            “Jooheon…” Minhyuk tries.

            The red head stands to his feet and without saying another word makes his way a crossed the cafeteria. Kihyun turns around to watch him – no one says anything. But he continues to watch Jooheon leave. Someone walks passed him and they bump shoulders roughly. He can see Jooheon say something, he can’t tell what. A few words were exchanged and before anyone could react the guy he bumped slammed into the ground.

            Kihyun jolts in his seat. What the hell?

            “Jooheon!” He hears Minhyuk growl out and rush over to him. Kihyun has to stand up at this point as everyone is crowding around. The blonde has an angry look on his face and his mouth is moving a thousand miles a minute. Everyone is paying attention to the guy on the ground but Kihyun is watching closer. Minhyuk cups both of Jooheon’s cheeks and press their foreheads together. The looks on their faces are complete devastation. And pain.

            “Minhyuk is up for parole.” Wonho explains from behind him. Kihyun only turns his head to look at the dejected face.

            “Parole…?”

            Wonho nods, “Jooheon’s not taking it too well.”

            Kihyun pulls his brows together, confused. “But… Why? I mean-,”

            “What? You think those two are just sex and cell buddies?” Wonho scoffs, “Hardly.”

            “I understand Changkyun and Hyungwon, but I just thought Minhyuk and Jooheon were using one another.”

“No.” Wonho shakes his head and his bangs slide back and forth, nice and feathery. “They’re inseparable. I thought you’d have noticed that by how perceptive you usually are.”

“They’re just as real as Hyungwon and I.” Changkyun’s voice is deep and gravely.

“I don’t pay that close of attention…” He whispers.

Kihyun glances at the pair once more before they separate quickly and the guards finally come in to disband the group of onlookers. They take Jooheon and the poor victim out of the room. The hole, Kihyun thinks and finds himself sitting back down with the rest. Minhyuk is nowhere to be seen.

“I couldn’t ever imagine being separated like that…” Hyungwon’s voice is laced with despondency. “…not from someone so important…”

“It’s never going to happen. So, don’t even bother to think about it.” Changkyun has the upmost confidence in his voice.

“How can you be so sure?” Kihyun can’t help but ask.

Changkyun’s deep eyes seem to puncture holes into him – as if he was annoyed by the question. As if his eyes were saying, ‘Why are you questioning what I’m saying?’

“Because we’re ‘lifers’.”

“Lifers?”

He pushes his plate away and nods, “Me and him… We’re never getting out of here. We’re in here for life.” The eyes leave Kihyun and glance up at his beloved Hyungwon. “And that’s why we’ll never be parted. Because, we’re here for good. You’re stuck with me, for good and nothing or no one is going to change that.” Neither of them move or say anything else, they can’t. Not in this place. But the urge is there, Kihyun can feel it in the air.

Whoa….

But Kihyun believes him – he believes every word and he already knows that he himself isn’t ever going to question the love the two share. Because he can see it. Subtly but surely.

“I feel for Jooheon,” Wonho’s voice breaks through the splendor. “I haven’t really known him that long, a few years now, but I do know that when he loves. He loves hard.”

A few nods from the other two.

“I mean… He always spoke so great about Minhyuk, most of the time it wasn’t even sexual.” He cracks a smile and Kihyun joins in. “And I even like him. He always smiled – always. I don’t think I ever saw a frown on his face.”

Hyungwon raises his hand, “He did that day the cafeteria ran out of that disgusting chocolate pudding he loves so much.”

“Jooheon likes that stuff too… And he gave Minhyuk his pudding.”

Kihyun couldn’t believe he was tearing up over this pudding story, over someone he didn’t even know that well. But that someone was a special person a smiling and happy person. Someone who honestly didn’t belong here and him getting out was probably for the best.

“My point is,” Wonho continues. “He was always the optimistic one. He always made us laugh when we were down… And … he’s leaving…”

“Look, m-maybe he’ll be turned down,” Kihyun cuts in, knowing that wasn’t something he should be saying. “Maybe they’ll deny him… Maybe…”

“Oh come on, Kihyun. Minhyuk was an A+ student here. He did his job well, when he was on laundry duty he would fold it all and let everyone else just sit there. There is no way he’s going to be denied. He’s free now. We have to try and accept that.”

“Of course we accept that.” Hyungwon smiles a tad. “He’s getting out… He can go to the beach now. He can do everything he always wanted too. And we’re happy for him.” He says a matter of fact. “And… once he’s gone… We’re going to support Jooheon the best we can.”

More nodding.

“It’s weird though.” Wonho puts his elbows on the table and tucks his hands under his chin. “It’s like we’re a broken down car. And the owner is taking us apart piece by piece. Disconnecting us. We won’t all be here forever –,” He looks at Hyungwon and Changkyun with courage and support in his eyes, “ – we aren’t perfect. We aren’t sturdy, of course we’ll break. We’ll be thrown away and more pieces will be replaced. First, Gunhee and now Minhyuk… Just when you think you’re that one section that will be immovable from your sanctum… It turns out you’re wrong.”

Hyungwon and Changkyun look at each other. Kihyun merely shakes his head while hiding his face behind his hands.

This place is scary and there are true monsters that are hidden behind these walls but there is also agony and misunderstanding and affection and something more imperious that is hidden even deeper.

 

 

 

Dinner ends soon after and Kihyun rushes back to his cell, he doesn’t want anyone to see the tears that are threatening to escape. He can’t look weak not in front of these people. He needs to man up; he was never this emotional before. So many things change though.

He almost forgets that Wonho is trailing behind him. He rubs over his forehead.

“I never thought I would care so much about someone like this.” He sighs softly, sitting down on his bed. “I barely know him but it seems like he’s a best friend or a brother or something.”

“When you’re around someone long enough it’s bound to happen.” Wonho comments and he unzips the top of his suit and pulls it down so it hangs down his hips. His black shirt is wet in parts from the heat and it clings against his midsection, Kihyun doesn’t even pretend like he doesn’t care.

“It’s just human nature. Sometimes we cling to those closest to us – they may not be the person we want the most but it’s better to have comfort than to be alone.”

“Yeah… You’re right.” He really was. “You’re so right.”

Kihyun stands to his feet, cupping Wonho’s cheeks and pressing their lips together. He knows he’s taken the man a back, Wonho tenses at first and his lips don’t even move. Kihyun closes his eyes and presses even deeper.

He feels Wonho place hands on his hip and the side of his neck, he’s relieved but for a moment before he’s pushed back a bit. “What are you doing?”

He opens his eyes again, blinking in confusion a few times. “Comforting. You said so yourself.”

“I honestly never thought you’d agree to it though.” He smirks, “I was just teasing you all this time.”

Kihyun isn’t convinced at all, “Hardly. It was genuine. And I don’t blame you. God knows how long you’ve been in here. I’m sure it’s been awhile.”

“Not counting the blow job you gave me the other day?”

“Satisfying but not enough to dull the libido, I’m sure.” Kihyun’s lip quirks up a bit, not exactly a smile though. He leans up and gives Wonho a chaste kiss.

“Let’s do what Jooheon and Minhyuk did before they fell in too deep.” He offers. “Give and take, right? You have needs and so do I. Though the two aren’t the same.”

“They aren’t?”

Kihyun shakes his head, “No. Your desires are sexual, clearly. And mine are comforting, in the literal sense.” He explains, “Security too. I don’t want to be the person that is alone and just pitying myself while I’m stuck in here. I AM trapped here. And being trapped and alone isn’t something that I can deal with.”

Wonho’s eyebrows shoot up and down in an almost understanding way.

“Alright, comfort and security it is.” He approves and chuckles, “I didn’t peg you as the needy type.”

Kihyun lifts his shoulders and inhales sharply, “Yeah, well… You can only imagine the annoyance I always sensed from my past boyfriends. No one likes the needy kind.” His voice is crestfallen.

“Some don’t mind.” He smiles softly.

There is a bit of awkward silence but the sound of multiple cell doors slamming and locking shut interrupt it. Everyone is closed in for the rest of the night.

“Well, now is a better time to start than any, wouldn’t you agree?” Wonho’s smirk is infectious. Kihyun nods and they agree to take things slow for right now. Kihyun falls to his knees and like last time Wonho is rough and quick to thrust into his throat. Kihyun gags a lot more this time but is much more eager to let Wonho do as he please, no matter how hard and rough he’s treated. He understands though, because Wonho has needs that he can take care of.

Wonho’s face is everything arousing when he comes and he comes in Kihyun’s mouth and tells him he has to swallow. He, of course, does. But once he stands back up he heads over to the sink and rinses the taste out – he washes his face right after since it was time to go to sleep anyway.

He turns and sees that Wonho is midways ready to jump up to his bed. “It’s my turn.” He says quickly to stop him. “For my part you’re going to spoon with me.”

Wonho’s expression is nothing but hilarity – his eyes widen like he had just seen a ghost.

“Bad joke.”

“No, true story.”

When he makes it back to the beds he has the sudden urge to kiss Wonho and does. It’s just so simple and familiar and makes him feel warm inside. He kisses him again. “I told you, I want comfort. Literally.”

Wonho is looking like he might back out of the deal but he exhales through closed lips and they vibrate rapidly. “Fine, a deal’s a deal.”

Kihyun smiles finally and lays down once Wonho is down and comfortable on the bed. It’s takes a minute to get in the perfect position for the both of them but soon Kihyun’s back is pressing against Wonho’s chest and the warmth spreads between them. Wonho places his arm in a couple of different positions and finally he settles it on Kihyun’s stomach. It’s awkward, there is no doubt about that.

“This is exactly the kind of thing that I missed the most.” Kihyun admits in a whisper.

Nothing else is said, Wonho’s soft snores fill Kihyun’s ear and it’s soothing. Kihyun sleeps better than he ever has since being imprisoned – he swears he feels arms wrap tightly around his waist and pull him closer and closer throughout the night.

 

 

They find out that Minhyuk’s parole hearing will be in a week or two from today and they also find out that Jooheon will be in the hole for three days thanks to his little incident yesterday. The atmosphere between everyone is still tense and depressed, but idle chatter is continued out in the courtyard. Minhyuk puts on a brave face for everyone, he even smiles constantly to make everyone feel better but it’s clearly in vein.

Hyungwon has visible marks covering his skin, disappearing down the neck of orange suit. He starts to silently question Changkyun’s stamina these days, the guy’s superman or something.

“Once I’m out, I’m going to go buy a huge house.” Minhyuk puts his arms out to exaggerate his statement. “For us. For all of us. We’ll live together there. And i’ll make sure there is more than one bathroom in it so we all won’t argue.” He smiles and Kihyun’s heart breaks.

“Jooheon and I get the biggest room though, no exceptions.”

“Fine, but Hyungwon and I get the room with the most windows so we can watch the sun set.”

No, his heart shatters into a million pieces. Hyungwon and Changkyun are lifers…

“Then that leaves the room with the biggest closet for me and Kihyun.” Wonho chuckles and slaps him on the back.

Kihyun’s voice cracks, “F-Fine. But only if my dog can live with us.” He’ll play along…

“Oh!” Minhyuk turn his body to face him, “What kind of dog is it?”

“I… Don’t know yet, but it’s going to be a cute and energetic one.”

“No Pomeranians.” Hyungwon shakes his head and his hand. “Those kinds of dogs bark way too much and I hate that kind of thing.”

Kihyun nods and opens his mouth but is cut off by Wonho, “Well, it can’t be a huge dog like a Great Dane. Those dogs are massive and intimidating.”

“Then we should get a dog that’s in-between them. And not one of those fancy pure breeds either. Those dogs noses are so high up in the air that when it rains they drown.”

“Then what do you suggest? I mean we have to have the perfect dog.” Minhyuk pouts.

“Something simple but beautiful, Jooheon would say.” Hyungwon smiles.

“A Dalmatian.” Kihyun speaks up.

Wonho is the first to smile and one by one the rest follow suit. Even scary Changkyun is bright and cute looking. For a moment everything seemed like it was going to be okay. And here they were, planning out the rest of their lives together, planning out a life that will never come true. But hope is lingering around the group like a security blanket – it seems okay for everyone to just pretend right now.

“So, who is going to go grocery shopping every week?” Kihyun asks and quickly raises his hand, “1,2,3, not it!” He shouts out.

“Not it!” Everyone raises their hand and Jooheon isn’t here to object.

It’s more than okay to pretend right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter made me so sad, why did it come out like this... :c


	8. Grey from now on 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That last chapter killed me - I refuse to leave it sad like that!

Time passes by way too quickly and everyone knows it.

They try though, they try so hard to make it seem like everything is alright. Even Jooheon is trying his best. The first couple of days after getting out of the hole he was completely somber and livid. He would keep his head down, curse under his breath – he couldn’t bring himself to look Minhyuk in the eye. Kihyun even noticed the few tears that would fall and Jooheon would be annoyed by them.

Somehow Wonho was able to convince him how time was precious and that being angry wasn’t going to keep Minhyuk here like he thinks it will. The talk works and for the rest of the week Jooheon is the perfect boyfriend. He gives Minhyuk all the love he deserves and more.

Kihyun is happy for them…

But it’s not long before the hearing rolls it’s ugly head around and slams in everyone’s faces. Mocks and taunts them with no mercy. Nothing but bowed heads and shaking hands as they all sit under the shade on the court yard. No one says anything because they simply can’t.

Jooheon can be heard sniffling and using fake coughs to try and cover it up. Nothing is okay at this moment.

“So…” Kihyun prays he’s speaking low enough that no one can hear him. “He’s at the hearing right now?” He asks.

“Mm…” Jooheon clears his throat and nods, “Yeah… Left this morning actually.”

“I wonder if he’s nervous? I mean… Three people sitting in front of him, staring him down, probably hounding him with questions.”

“Minhyuk can handle that. He’s good with people.”

“He’s probably making everyone in there laugh as we speak.” Hyungwon says to try and lighten the mood.

“Yeah, he’s probably already charmed everyone.” Wonho says amused at the thought.

Jooheon cracks a smile.

“You know he’ll wait for you, right?” Changkyun says out of nowhere and it sounds so awkward and personal coming from him. Embarrassing to say the least.

Kihyun glances over at the two.

“He’s so into you – if you’re worried that he’s just going to forget about you, then don’t. He’s going to wait as long as it takes.”

“You’re worried that Minhyuk will just move on?” Wonho’s voice is like silk.

Jooheon purses his lips, “Well… I mean. What if it takes me years to even be considered for parole? What if he gets lonely and just gives up? What if … What if he finds comfort in someone else?”

“That won’t happen.” Kihyun is quick to interject. He can’t believe his ears, “If anything Minhyuk will stay single forever until you come back to him. How could you think those kinds of things about him?” He leans forward and his eyebrows are forever furious.

“You and Minhyuk – what I see when I look at you both is true love.” He wishes he could just shut up, this is too uncomfortable and a grown man shouldn’t say such things to another man like this. In this kind of environment. In a place where you can get your face smashed in for even sounding the least bit weak if someone rude were to hear. But Kihyun can’t help himself.

“This is prison love, right? Once you get out in the real world again everything changes, everything is different.” Jooheon tries to defend.

“What? No.” Kihyun scoffs. “Love is love. You think feelings just change overnight? You think you and Minhyuk just saw each other one day and said, ‘Yep, that guy, I love him already’ Just like that?” He shakes his head. “Absolutely not. Love takes time…”

“I honestly wouldn’t put it past him if he were to get arrested just to be here with you again.” Hyungwon adds.

Jooheon tries to force the smile away but it reveals itself. “That sounds just like him.”

“He loves you…” Changkyun murmurs.

Everyone’s eyes look towards Kihyun – more so behind him as he is sitting and facing the wall that everyone is leaning up against besides Wonho who is sitting beside of him – and he freezes.

The look in Jooheon’s eyes tell him everything he needs to know.

“I’m free…” The voice behind him is everything broken.

Kihyun is so relieved he didn’t turn around too look – he wasn’t going to breakdown in front of Jooheon, he was going to be strong for him.

            Back in the cell is a whole different story – Kihyun breaks down. He can’t stop the tears from flowing. He can’t stop thinking about the loneliness that Jooheon and Minhyuk will have to endure after tomorrow. Minhyuk will have to go out into the world and start a new, his family abandoned him once he became a criminal, Kihyun found out from before. Jooheon will go back to his cell, to a cold empty room. Alone…

            The thought of pure isolation has to be the worst feeling in the world.

            Kihyun has to grit his teeth to stop another wave of emotion from flooding through.

            He closes his eyes and tries his best to concentrate on sleep. It fails, however. All he can see is the look on Jooheon’s face – it was complete devastation. He didn’t say anything, but he stared for so long at Minhyuk. It was torment to watch. The worst of it all was when Jooheon calmly made it too his feet and walked passed everyone to get to Minhyuk. He was silent when he pulled the blonde into his arms. As if it was a hug of acceptance.

            How could someone accept something like that?

            Kihyun gives up on the idea of sleep, it’s completely pointless.

            “Wanna spoon?” Wonho asks from the top of the bunk and Kihyun really does.

            “Y-Yes.” His voice is a broken whimper.

            He immediately turns on his side when Wonho jumps from the top of the beds and makes himself comfortable behind him. Strong arms wrap around the red heads waist and Kihyun notices that one of the many tattoos on Wonho’s arm is a woman’s name.

            “I thought everyone agreed to be strong for Jooheon?”

            He swallows another whine to which instead causes his body to shudder, “Easier said than done.”

            The arms tighten around him.

            “They’re going to be okay.” Wonho tries to relax him.

            Kihyun nods, “I know and you can tell me this all day long, but it won’t stop the hurt I feel for them. You’re around someone in the same place for years and then suddenly you’re ripped apart? Is that some kind of sick joke?” He exhales sharply.

            “We all did this to ourselves.”

            “What?”

            “We’re the criminals after all. We put ourselves in here – why should we have happiness? I mean, they put us in here to punish us. This is just another kind of punishment that karma hands out, I guess.”

            Kihyun doesn’t want to admit how true that was so he won’t. “There is a difference from punishment and total retribution.”

            “Yeah, you’re right.”

            Kihyun is surprised and he turns some of his body and his head to the side to look at Wonho. The man is raised up a bit and looking right in Kihyun’s face. He takes in Wonho: His true beauty, because Wonho was a very handsome guy. Parted lips that are a slightly darker pink from being licked too much. Dark and heavy lashes.

            It felt like an eternity before Kihyun was able to blink again.

            Their faces are so close together – he can feel Wonho’s breath and it sends goosebumps all over. “What exactly does the definition of comforting mean?” His voice is more profound and it sounds so nice.

            Kihyun doesn’t even have to ponder, “To ease someone’s feelings of grief… To console them.”

            The noirette licks his lips, “Are you grieving?” Long fingers press against the back of Kihyun’s neck, all he can do is nod. He slowly turns his body so that it is now facing Wonho fully, he feels like his eyes are wider than usual.

            “Then I’ll comfort you.”

            The kiss is innocent and kind and Kihyun’s body visibly relaxes. He’s never felt so much relief from a kiss that seemed so insignificant. But it wasn’t. The kiss wasn’t as unimportant as Kihyun had thought it would be… It was everything he needed right now. And he presses even further.

            They move their mouths together, slowly and at a pace that they can subtly enjoy. Wonho slides his hand down Kihyun’s side, he squeezes gently. His lips are wet but Kihyun had always expected that from him – they’re so soft.

            Kihyun enjoys it while not wasting anymore time he slowly opens his mouth. Wonho seems to get it at once and slides his tongue inside. Their tongues swirl around and the kiss becomes more and more heated. Kihyun feels the bed shift under him as Wonho puts his weight on it, now hovering over the red head.

            Wonho slowly pulls from the kiss, “Open your legs.” He demands and Kihyun shivers. He opens them and Wonho presses their hips together. The fabric between them is so rough and feels so good that Kihyun gasps. He presses his hips even more, grinding up into him.

            “Your eyes are still wet from crying,” Wonho says out of nowhere, Kihyun looks at him again. “I think I like your crying face the most.”

            For no reason at all a few more tears fall from Kihyun’s eyes and Wonho smirks.

            “Now you’re just teasing me.” He finishes. He grinds once again against Kihyun, after a few moments they find the perfect pace and rock together.   

            Kihyun is nothing but a moaning mess, he’s trying his best to stay quiet, trying to keep his voice muffled from behind his hand, which is hard to do since Wonho is one needy kisser.

            Kihyun starts feeling close soon after, he can’t help but feel embarrassment for not being able to last long, but it seems Wonho is on the verge as well.

            Wonho is grunting while pressing up against him very roughly. His teeth are grit and the whole scene hypnotizes Kihyun completely. He feels a moan escape, he knows it’s going to be loud, though he is immediately saved by Wonoh’s needy lips. He kisses him again. He feels his orgasm pool deep within his stomach, he cries out into Wonho’s mouth as he feels his boxers become soaked.

            Kihyun turns his head to the side to pull from the kiss and his pants are the only thing that can be heard throughout the darkness.

            He doesn’t realize that more tears have fallen until Wonho’s voice breaks through. “Crying again?” He asks and his voice is shaky, breathy.

            Kihyun can’t answer – he’s already become too tired and humiliated from being so tired from a single climax.

 

 

 

            “You better make sure to take care of yourself out there.” Changkyun says while tapping Minhyuk on his chest.

            “I will.”

            “Make sure to eat properly.” Hyungwon tells him a little too quickly.

            “I’ll eat so much. I might get so fat that you guys won’t even recognized me.”

            Everyone is smiling, only smiling because they’re happier for Minhyuk’s freedom than saddened by losing him.

            “I’ll visit as often as I can.” The blonde promises but his face turns serious when his eyes land on Jooheon, “And you!” He points.

            Jooheon’s eyes widen in fear and curiosity.

“I’m more than sure you’ll get a new cellmate.” He begins, “If you even think about looking at him, I’ll neuter you.” He threatens.

Everyone snickers.

Jooheon licks his lips and leans back on his heals with a playful look that makes it seem like he’s thinking about it.

“Jooheoniie!” The blonde shouts out and starts after him.

Kihyun watches the bright red headed man step back while putting his hands up to protect himself.

“Hey, hey, hey!” He quickly defends. “I’m joking. I’m joking.” He smiles, dimples deep. “You know you’re the only one for me.”

The tense atmosphere softens. Sadness still lingers but they know everything is going to be okay. They’ll survive this.

“I love you.” Minhyuk grins and the two embrace. No one says anything, they let them have their moment. They truly need it.

Everyone understands how Jooheon is, his exterior, but it seems like he lets go himself. “I love you too.”

They spend as much time together laughing, talking, anything they can before the day’s end. Once the sun rises, things will shift.

 

 

 

“I’m only suggesting– wishing, no– demanding,” Jooheon is looking at everyone at the table. “I think you guys should stop having sex.”

“Excuse me?” Changkyun sounds so offended at the request and Kihyun doesn’t know if he understands or agrees with Jooheon about it.

“What?”

“You realize that is close to impossible, right?” Hyungwon is giving a way too sassy face. “You have no idea that his guy over here has an insatiable appetite.” He points to Changkyun before quickly withdrawing his hand and looking away. “…not that I mind…” He admits in a whisper.  

Kihyun can’t hide his laugh.

“I mind.” Jooheon continues, “Do you guys not realize that I’ve been suffering since Minhyuk was released?”

Wonho smacks the back of Jooheon’s head and laughs, “It’s only been a month.”

“Ah!” He yelps and rubs the back of his head and gives a whiny look towards the black haired man, “What? Just because you haven’t had any in three years. Don’t compare me with you.”

Kihyun blinks, “Is sex the only thing you guys think about?”

The whole table goes silent; every eye is on him. He freezes.

“Uh… On second thought, I did NOT just ask that.” He grabs his tray of food and goes to leave.

Jooheon stops him.

“That kind of question… It usually comes from someone who hasn’t got laid in a while.”

His jaw drops.

“Wh – No – I,” He is scatterbrained, his voice betrays him to the fullest.

“When _was_ the last time you got laid?”

“Awh-Awhile… Okay?”

“How long exactly? Hyungwon asks.

How did this turn into an interrogation? Why was his sex life suddenly so important?

“Well - ,” He’s cut off once more by Jooheon. “Why haven’t you tapped that yet, Wonho?”

The table is in a fit of giggles. Kihyun quickly pulls away – he dumps his tray and tries his best to stop his face from turning anymore red.


	9. Grey from now on

             Nails tap against the wise book thanks to aggravated hands – fidget, fidget says the annoyed atmosphere. Soft sighs escape from pink plump lips – fidget, fidget says the irritated gentleman. The silence is broken into tiny pieces of infuriated comprehensive understandings. Hands shake, his leg bounces to create an earthquake of his undeniable needs. Page after page he flips and the snapping sound of aggressive paper is another acknowledgment of what has not yet come –  

            “You realize I just wrote a free-style poem about you just now? And how you haven’t gotten laid in a couple of weeks, right?”

            The library is stuffy and seemed moribund – as if no one graced through the doors in years. But the books gave off a sense of home for Kihyun and he wanted to immerse himself deeply into the nostalgia.

            Instead of using up their free time in the courtyard as per usual they had agreed to go to the library together to read and write and express and let things go. Kihyun had decided to use his free time to write down a few thoughts that were lingering around in his head. He was considering checking out a few books if any of them piqued his interest. Hyungwon had wanted to do the same thing, but it seemed he was too preoccupied over something else.

Hyungwon’s sharp eyes cut a crossed the table and land on Kihyun with a force of perilous. Kihyun can tell that the model is not in the mood, in fact, he’s noticed that the blonde has been in a very much bothered mood for a while now. Kihyun had been reduced to walking on eggshells. He chooses to keep the paper to himself and Hyungwon pushes the book he was fiddling with towards the table’s edge.

“What’s the point in reading these books? They’re mostly topic books, scholastic books. As if we inmates are ignorant – as if just because we’re locked up here that means we don’t have an education.” Hyungwon finally uses his finger to eagerly shove the book further and off the table completely. “What if I want to read a book about a scullery maid, Mi Jin, who does nothing but work in her dirty clothes, cleaning floors – who is rescued by Dong Woo, her knight in all his glory and they ride off into the sunset on his big white bronco.”

Kihyun scrunches his nose up; he is honestly starting to question Hyungwon’s sanity these days. “Is that... really what you want to read?”

“Absolutely not.”

            “Mn.” He lets his eyebrows rise and fall. “Are you really that sexually frustrated?”

            “When you go from being rabbits every night to just a forehead kiss? Yeah, you get pissed.”

Kihyun can’t help but laugh, this situation was turning comical fast. He had always had a feeling that Changkyun was an animal in the bed, so much so that it turned Hyungwon into a deviant as well. But this just confirms things. “And how did this come to be again?”

“Because those two are bro’s – they’re close, like this.” Hyungwon holds his hand up and wraps his first two fingers around one another. “Friends do stupid things for one another.” He says.   

Kihyun ponders this a moment, “Wait,” He glances over at the blonde, brows low, pulled together in question. “I thought Jooheon and Wonho were bro’s? Or was I wrong about that? Because they seemed so close together – the way they joked, pushed one another around playfully.” He waves a hand to signify etcetera.  

Hyungwon raises up, his shoulders rising and falling as he breathes out heavily. “All three of them are just friends in their own little clique that always left me and Minhuyk out in the cold.” He was exaggerating, and Kihyun rolled his eyes.

“Not like we could say the same for you and Wonho.” He comments and Kihyun blinks.

            “Huh?”

            “You both can’t fool me. I can see how less hostile he is these days, how-,” He shakes his head in an attempt to continue, “-how he seems to actually smile more than he used too. Sure he and Jooheon can joke and make fun together, but that’s completely plastic. His smiles are real now. It’s different.”

            Kihyun seems to dismiss that immediately, standing to his feet and heading over to the shelves. He starts sliding his fingers over spines, reading covers to find something interesting. “Don’t overthink things so much.” He mumbles.

            Silence engulfs the room, a single piece of paper is being fiddled with behind him. He peeks over his shoulder to see Hyungwon is now writing down something. He’s pleased that the topic was dropped, he certainly didn’t want to talk about it. His eyes scan to the books on the top shelf and something instantaneously catches his eye. Yes, it was a book, but it was the title of the book that got his attention.

            He reaches up, grabbing the way too dusty hardcover tale and pulls it out, He stares at the brown leather cover, it reads: TRESPASS. For some eerie reason the word spoke volumes to him, trying to tell him something. But what? A wave of chills shoots through him. The book was pulling him in, urging him to open it. He knew without a doubt that he _had_ to check this book out, and he did.

 

 

 

 

            “He called me last night, says he’s doing well.” Jooheon is nodding along while he talks, “He’s living in a one room apartment right now, that’s all he can afford. He actually has a job and he’s doing real good…”

“Then why are you acting like that’s the worst news you could ever receive from him?” Wonho takes a bite of mystery stew.

“It’s not, I just… really miss him. That’s all. I actually smiled when I heard his voice.” He stops talking and looks around a moment, “I’m going to get my ass beat one day if I keep talking like this.” He jokes and resumes eating with the others.

It’s a sweet sentiment but Kihyun can’t concentrate on the group right now. He can’t even concentrate on the horrible food that is sitting right in front of him. Hyungwon’s words are swirling in his mind, nagging at him in annoyance. He couldn’t stop asking himself questions: _Was it true? Did Wonho look at him differently? Does he really act different when around me?_ He keeps his head down but glances up to peek at Wonho through dark lashes.

Someone at the table makes a job, and he laughs. Mouth open, teeth exposed that cause adorable wrinkles to appear beside of his eyes. Yes, he can admit to himself that Wonho was cute, attractive, anything he wanted to think. But there really was no denying it. He looks down at the white, grease spotted table he is sitting at. He wants to stand, take his tray to the dumping area and disappear with these thoughts. He needs time to think things over before he worries himself to death over some trivial thing that Hyungwon said.

He glances up again, this time they both make eye contact.

Kihyun does _not_ stop himself from getting lost in those deep eyes, he does _not_ realize his mouth is hanging open a bit from staring to hard, and he absolutely does _not_ wish Wonho would look away so the spell can be broken. So he decides to do that himself. Kihyun won’t let this get to him, get under his skin, he won’t…  It’s nothing. But nothing is the absence of something, which means he’s thinking about something and that something is…

“I’m leaving first…” He announces, trying to escape as quickly as he can.

It was sudden, out of nowhere since Kihyun wasn’t paying any attention in the first place. He was too busy paying attention to the changeable Wonho – to busy staring at the deep dark pools of his eyes to notice the presence of someone in front of him.

            The contact was hard, like running face first into a marble column. His tray of mystery gruel instinctively fell from his hand as his and the stranger’s body crashed together. Somewhat of an _‘umf’_ sound escaped his lips as his chin hit a rock hard chest. He couldn’t steady himself, and stumbled backwards from the impact.

            Kihyun’s breath was held when his eyes landed on whom he had just run into. A man – a million times more intimidating than Changkyun could ever be. And even though he wasn’t up close and personal with him, it seemed as though he could have easily looked down on Hyungwon with his height. His head was shaved and his arms were massive and incredibly scary.

            _‘Oh man…’_ He gulped.

            Kihyun couldn’t bring himself to look the bloke in the eyes. He sensed alpha like waves emitting from him, in menacing tidal waves. In a way that let his pray _know_ that he meant business. 

            Before anything else Kihyun had a sudden remembrance to what had happened with Jooheon months ago. He remembered Jooheon bumping into some innocent person – taking his frustrations out on him – and a fight following suit. He shudders.

            “You plan on apologizing?” A deep, thriving voice asks from above his head.

            “Y-Yes-,” Kihyun begins, he tries.

            A hand grabs Kihyun’s collar, knuckles white from clenching too hard, and roughly yanks him forward. The swift forcefulness was unexpected; it made Kihyun feel helpless, like a ragdoll being thrown around. 

            “You think I’d accept an apology from a pathetic twink like you?”

            The word makes him freeze, _Wait, a pathetic… what?_ But Kihyun doesn’t have time to be confused, his mind is too preoccupied to try and decipher the meaning of the word. He shrinks back a bit.

            “HEY!” A familiar voice shouts from behind him, so easily and wantonly familiar. After that, the scene seems to go in slow motion. Wonho was somehow already up in the strangers face. Kihyun didn’t even realize he’d been released from the angry hold until a hand shoved him back, and behind his protector.

            “What do you have to do with this situation, punk?”

            Wonho’s teeth are bared, grit together as if he were a snarling wolf. A wolf coming to protect what belonged to him. He had the stance of a guardian, a defender. He looked almost like an avenging angel, a dark, fearless warrior. Kihyun couldn’t help but feel touched from behind his fear.

            And his cellmate sticking up for him, so willing to come when he needed help the most.  To think Wonho was putting his neck on the line – ready to take a stance, throw a swing or two. It seemed so gallant, so chivalrous. So exceptionally and undeniably sexy.

            Kihyun couldn’t believe he was actually, mentally egging this on. He didn’t fear the safety of Wonho; he knew that Wonho was able to take care of himself. He sensed it. He was put in lock up for a reason after all. Wonho, the dark avenging angel.

            Kihyun could see from Wonho’s back that he was inhaling, he could feel he was about to say something extraordinary.

            “That’s. My. Bitch.” He growls through grit teeth.

            ……… _Excuse me?_

            Kihuyn was expecting everyone in the whole building to erupt into laughter, he was expecting everyone to catch onto some joke that he wasn’t put in on - but nothing happened. The situation was still dire. Kihyun had thought Wonho had said something that was comedic tension relief. He half expected the big brute to chuckle and nod in understanding. But no.

            Kihyun couldn’t even be angry at what Wonho said about him - what he just called him. In everyone's eyes that statement seemed true. In this new world, that phrase was not passed off as a joke, it was not something you could become angry over. It was just fact.

            “I hate guys like you,” Wonho says with venom. “Guys who think they can just push around anyone they want just because they’re bigger.” It was as if Wonho was spitting acid. This side of him was scary - a side of him that Kihyun hadn’t seen before. He seemed so bitter about something, something secretive that no one knew about. Something that seemed to hit home.

            “What the hell are you talking about? That punk was the one who ran into me first.” The guy with the shaved head said defending himself.

            Wonho seemed to be pushing harder. “And he apologized. But that didn’t seem to be good enough for you, was it? No, I don’t think so. Because you grabbed him and started acting like you could just run over him all you wanted too.”

            A crowd had already begun to circling around them, which wasn’t good. If the guards notice, if they come over and interfere, if they began pointing fingers at someone….

The hole.

Kihyun acts fast, he gathers up the strength in his legs and whips around to face Wonho, to break his hardcore concentration with the big guy. He needs to end this before something worse is created from it. “Wonho, stop, it’s not worth it.”

It’s as if Wonho doesn’t hear him, doesn’t see him. Of all the times Kihyun has hated being so short and quiet, this was one of those times. Wonho is gnashing his teeth in rage, sharp eyes that have been taken with umbrage. Things have become personal.

“Hey, what’s going on over there?” A guard calls out and Kihyun is already grabbing at Wonho’s face. He places his palms, flat against the noirettes cheeks. He tilts his head, forcing Wonho to downcast - somehow the spell is broken and their eyes meet. The dark eyes are fathomless, they aren’t his own eyes anymore. They’re the eyes of someone who has temporarily disconnected himself from reality. Letting reaction take over instead of using sense.

“Please,” Kihyun begs this time. “Don’t make him any angrier than he already is.”

“You always say that!” Wonho shouts out in his face. It seemed he had come back as quickly as left. “Why do you always do that? Why are you protecting him?”

Kihyun pulls his brows together, he didn’t understand anything after that. _I absolutely wasn’t protecting that guy, if anything I was protecting you_ , he was telling himself.

“Hey! Break it up!” A few more guards start down the stairs from the inside balcony they were stationed at. Everyone that was circling the situation seemed to scatter to the winds. Jooheon appears from around the chaos and is pushing Wonho towards the double doors, heading to the court yard.

“Come on, hurry.” He rushes, the rest of the group following behind them. Like a protective cocoon, keeping Wonho hidden from whatever the guards was planning to do. All the inmates are outside now, everyone either forgotten or uninterested in the first place about what had just happened. But Kihyun wasn’t.

What was all the about? What did Wonho mean just now? The group makes it to the usual spot, the back of the court yard where the single shade resides. Wonho has a hand placed over his eyes, he seems to be thinking way too hard about something. Kihyun wants to help him, but can’t find the ability to approach him the way he did back in the cafeteria. He wonders if things would have turned out differently if Minhuyk was still here.

The silence is to be expected. Kihyun guesses this is the first time everyone has seen Wonho react like this. It makes him wonder how Wonho was before, before the friendships started. He looks at Hyungwon, his usual sparkling eyes with the hint of playful mischief are dull. He seems to be either down or confused as well, you could never tell with expressions what the model was thinking though. Changkyun was with him, of course he was, they were the single unit after all.

Kihyun looks over at Wonho again, and Jooheon is with him this time.

“Yo, yo, yo, yo, dude, come on. Just talk with me a moment.” The redhead tries, but Wonho is resisting. He shrugs Jooheon’s arm from around his shoulder, and he’s shaking his head.

“No… Look, I just-,” Wonho sighs through plump lips. He waves them off, he doesn’t say anything else. He takes long strides as he heads back inside, probably back to the cell.

“Wonho.” Jooheon starts after him, but Kihyun moves this time. He places hands on Jooheon’s chest to stop him, he stands still, unmoving. “Look,” Kihyun begins, trying to keep his voice from cracking. “There’s nothing you can do for him.” He says, and immediately wishes he could take it back. It came out wrong, it sounded harsh, but Kihyun needs to voice himself more.

“I get it, Joohoen.” He lets his hands fall to his sides, Jooheon is watching him closely, he seems ready to protest if he has too. “You’re his friend, but right now he doesn’t need a friend…” He thinks things over a moment, and decides that it’s okay. “He needs me.” _He needs me._

“I know he does.”

 

 

 

  


Wonho is lying on the top bunk bed, his arm is slung over his face so Kihyun can’t see him. Kihyun makes his way over to the beds, he places his foot on the bottom railing, hoisting himself up. He doesn’t have anything planned, he came in here to just wing it. He hopes more than anything he doesn’t make things worse.

“Wonho-,”

“Save it.” His voice is chilling, but Kihyun is determined.

“Look, I just want to talk with you… about what happened before, in the cafeteria.”

Wonho moves his arm so fast that Kihyun thought he was about to be hit. He recoils but nothing connects. Instead, Wonho is now rising up, turning on his side a bit. His hand reaches out, and grabs Kihyun’s cheeks, almost squeezing them so his mouth makes an ‘O’ shape. Kihyun watches Wonho lean forward, so close to him.

“Let it go.” He states warningly.

Kihyun yanks backwards, pulling his jaws out of the noirettes hold. The suddenness causes his foot to lose balance, and he lands on his feet. He glares up at Wonho with deadly heat. “You’re such a coward!” Kihyun barks. “All you do is lock yourself away from everyone else. Maybe not Jooheon, I wouldn’t know. But keeping things locked away isn’t good for you. It makes you go crazy. I should know, I saw how you acted just now in the cafeteria. That wasn’t you…”

There is a grunt from the top beds, and then an orange suit lands on his feet right in front of Kihyun. The tension in the room builds, Wonho is looming over Kihyun intimidatingly. It’s working, but Kihyun is going to be stronger. He straightens his back, and holds his head high.

“What do you know? You come in this cell so willingly, so sure of yourself. So trusting in me.” Wonho flashes a disturbing smile. “You don’t know what I’ve done to be put in here, remember? You trust me so easily, but you don’t know what I’m capable of.”

Kihyun shivers but he hides it, he won’t let Wonho see that what he’s saying is getting to him. But so what? Kihyun has met true criminals. He’s met kleptos, he’s met a con artist, he’s met a killer. What could Wonho have done that could surpass any of those? Nothing, because Kihyun has already seen, and met the worst.

“I bet I can guess what you’re thinking right now.” Kihyun doesn’t falter at his words this time, he stays silent and prepared. “I bet you’re thinking, ‘ _So what? I’ve met Changkyun. He’s a killer, what’s so scary about you?_ ’ Am I right?” Kihyun doesn’t even blink. “You think every killer in here is like him? So good to get along with? So nice when you get to know him? You think killers are nice and sweet like him? Wrong. They’re monsters, they kill for the thrill of killing. Sometimes they do it for the sexual thrill. There are more than enough reasons. But you think everyone is like him.”

Kihyun didn’t factor that at all.

He breaks eye contact with Wonho, something in his eyes shifted. Something deadly, something that said he meant business. He looks at the ground, Wonho was right. He didn’t think about the fact that everyone here had a reason to kill, those of them who were killers. He didn’t think about everyone not being like Changkyun. He didn’t think, he never thinks....

“Yeah, I knew it.” The cell doors shut with a _clank_. It was that time of the day, the time where everyone would be back in their room, back in their cells to get ready for bed. Wonho is speaking again, and his words echo in Kihyun’s ears. “Maybe I should show you what happens when you trust someone like me too easily.”

Immediately, Kihyun is grabbed by the open flaps of his suit, and thrown onto the bottom bed. He halfway rolls towards the wall, his arm taking some of the impact before landing on his back. His brain doesn’t have time to process anything, he just knows he needs to get off the bed, and fast. He scrabbles to get up but he is pushed back - this time however, Wonho is quick to pin him down.

“W-Wonho, Wonho, please,” Kihyun gasps. The man with the plethora of tattoo’s isn’t listening, instead, he’s too busy forcing their lips together. Usually, Wonho’s kisses are so soft and gentle and wet, but right now his kisses are dictated and hostile. He can feel Wonho trying to forcibly pry his lips open, but Kihyun is refusing the best he can.

He puts all his force into his arms to try and shove Wonho off. It’s in vain - trying to push against hard muscle was like trying to use a stick to break a rock for someone as small and weak as Kihyun.

A noise of protest is mumbled out in favor of force. Somehow Wonho has positioned himself between Kihyun’s legs - remembrance of the encounter they had week’s prior pop into his mind. He remembers how gentle Wonho’s voice was, leading him into it, giving him slow and burning pleasure from outside of clothes. Nothing like this.

Wonho presses himself into Kihyun’s midsection, the friction is too much for Kihyun to pretend he doesn’t feel anything amazing. He gasps, his mouth opening momentarily, just enough time for Wonho to slide his tongue in. Kihyun whimpers, and that seems to excite Wonho even more.

Kihyun quickly turns his head to the side, breaking the kiss completely. “S-Stop!” Why was Wonho acting like this? When did he change from then to now? What happened to the nice and beautiful soul that he had roomed with?

Wonho is rising up while Kihyun is drifting away with these thoughts. With the top of his orange suit already pulled down, and tied around his waist, Wonho reaches and grips the bottom of his shirt. He lifts, pulling it over his head and off completely.

Whoa....

Kihyun is stunned into paralysis. The colors, the contrast, the swirls, the shapes, the calligraphy, the designs, everything. It was everything Kihyun had expected it to be, and more. At the top of his chest bone, was the first tattoo that caught his eye. It was written in beautiful script, and it read: He who keeps company with wolves, with learn to howl. Down both arms were imprinted designs of colorful, and perfectly executed shapes and swirls. At the center of his chest, down to the top of his belly button was a cross.

There were so many hues, tones, shades, and tints etched on him that it truly shown how pale Wonho was in comparison. Kihyun could only stare in awe.

“Wonho… Those tattoo’s…” He then remembered something. The tattoo he had seen on Wonho’s right on that night he was comforted by him when he was crying over Minhyuk leaving. The tattoo that was a girl’s name. He darts his eyes, finding the tattoo at once. He wasn’t able to tell exactly what the name said before, but now he was able to see it properly.

Iseul.

Wonho yanks open the top of Kihyun’s suit, pulling it down, jerking it over his hips. His mouth attacks Kihyun’s neck and he is finally able to voice himself.

“Wonho - stop! Please!” Teeth sink into his skin. Another wave of shiver from Kihyun, he hates that his sweet spot is his neck. He places a hand on the back of Wonho’s neck, seeming to urge him on. He needs to be afraid, he should be afraid, but this is Wonho.

And he remembers how Wonho was before, how much he was drawn to him, how enticing he was when they’d first met. _Exactly_ , he thought dazedly, _this is just Wonho. He’s doing it again, he’s trying to scare me to keep away from him. Just like last time._ But it wasn’t going to work like last time. It backfired.

Kihyun places both hands on Wonho’s back, lightly digging his nails in the skin, dragging them down. This seems to shock Wonho, as the noirette is raising his head from Kihyun’s neck. They make eye contact for a mere second - but that second was a flash of want and understanding in both of them. Then they’re kissing softly and gently like they used too.

Everything was simple, and familiar after that. They didn’t take things slow, but everything was breathtaking, and it seemed like they were old lovers. The way they undressed one another so casually, like they had done it times before.

“Be gentle.” Kihyun whimpers against Wonho’s lips.

“I won’t feel good unless you do.” Is Wonho’s reply, and Kihyun feels overwhelmed with an emotion he dare not speak. It seemed as though his dark angel had returned.

Kihyun is rocking back on Wonho’s fingers when he is being prepared. Wonho know exactly where to thrust, he knows where the right angles are, and most importantly he knows how to curl his fingers just the right way, and cause Kihyun to make gasping purrs. Kihyun’s feeling it so much he keeps rocking his hips, having some fun on his own.

“And here I was afraid you would be too shy or too innocent with this kind of thing.” Wonho says playfully, sounding like himself again.

Kihyun opens his eyes to look up at him. He looks so beautiful, his crescent eyes, his toothy smile, his everything, him. “Not like you’d think,” he fires back with a smirk.

Kihyun turns over, and is now on his hands and knees. He couldn’t admit to himself that staring at Wonho while having sex was too much for his heart to bare, but it was. He can’t help but become flush with the sudden situation. His head resting on a pillow, his bum high up in the air just waiting to be dominated. But he was ready, he had been ready for so long. Too long.

Hands grip his hips tightly as Wonho slowly slides into him. The heat Kihyun feels is raw and real and he can admit without question that Wonho was bigger than anyone he had ever been with. And Kihyun lets out a hiss as Wonho fills him up completely. He hears him give a single grunt before stilling himself altogether. Without even looking Kihyun knows Wonho’s eyes are screwed shut, and is biting his lip from not being able to move right away. It only takes a few seconds for Kihyun to become adjusted; he isn’t one for vulgarities, so he tries his best to sound enticing as he whispers, “Take me.”  

Wonho doesn’t waste time, the hands on Kihyun’s hips holds tighter, and Wonho pulls halfway out before burying himself inside of Kihyun. They both gasp out. The thrusting is rhythmic, and deep, but it seems to not be enough for Wonho as Kihyun is flipped over onto his back in a matter of seconds.

“Look at me,” he demands. Kihyun is hesitant but does. Pure lust is the only thing he is able to detect in those dark eyes. Wonho is between his legs, thrusting into him again and again. Kihyun can only gasps out whimpers and mews, he has always been a quiet one in bed.

Wonho on the other hands was a different story. His occasional praises and questions ranged differently and unexpectedly. “God, you’re so hot, Kihyun.” Was what he would say when he gave slow, teasing thrusts that made Kihyun beg for more. His questions would go from innocent to dirty real quick. “Are you okay?” To, “You like that, don’t ya?”

It’s blistering with so much desire, again everything feels familiar, and wonderful. The pleasure is undeniable - Kihyun is a moaning mess when Wonho finds his spot.

“Wonho… Wonho, please- Ah~!” Kihyun can’t even beg properly at this point. He feels a hand wrap around his neck, he looks up to see Wonho steadying himself. Hair has clung to Wonho’s forehead from all the sweat, his teeth grip together as soft grunts escape.

The dirty talk seems to die down once both of them start to become close to their release. Wonho leans down, and kisses Kihyun deeply, He grunts and moans into his mouth with each thrust. Kihyun reaches down, stroking himself messily, and it’s only seconds later before he’s coming, and crying out into Wonho’s mouth.

Wonho comes a few thrusts later, and Kihyun is being filled up to the point of some spilling out with Wonho still inside.   
            “Fuck…” Wonho pants heavily, still holding Kihyun’s neck. Kihyun feels like he can’t breathe, the way it feels when he’s giving Wonho a blow job, and the noirette is rapidly thrusting into his throat. He likes the feeling.

Kihyun is shaking, something is different, and something has changed, shifted. He can feel it, sense it deep within him. His pants finally die down, he looks into Wonho’s face - they stare at one another in silence. Electric currents rush between them, a shock or spark coming from the soul, from the heart. And that’s when Kihyun realizes the real danger had suddenly begun.

He remembers his nails are still dug deep into Wonho’s back, but he’s afraid to move them. He’s afraid to let Wonho go - he’s afraid he’ll disappear somehow.

All of Kihyun’s previous questions from before had disappeared or at least had hidden themselves deep into his subconscious. What happened in the cafeteria today? Why did you yell at Kihyun when he tried to help you? Who is Iseul? Why do you have her name tattooed on you? ... Why did you try to scare him away just now?

But all of those things seemed to slip his mind completely - only one thing was resting on his tongue. Something big, something important, something that would change everything forever.

They don’t break eye contact when Wonho pulls out of him. But their noses do bump against one another while doing so. Kihyun is lost, hypnotized - scared.

“I love you.”

Wonho’s eyes widen.


	10. Grey from now on

Uncertainty was laced in dark, wide eyes. 

Doubt, with the most subtle hint of disbelief, and something else that Kihyun couldn’t decipher. 

Wonho breaks eye contact with him, turning his head sharply to the side. The silence is deafening, and Wonho is grabbing for his clothes with shaky hands. Kihyun raises up, he follows by example, dressing himself as fast as he could to break whatever awkward post after sex tension he could. 

What the hell was wrong with him? Blurting his feelings out like that… But they were true feelings that he couldn’t keep hidden any longer. He wouldn’t deny them, he would embrace them, make them known. Let Wonho know of them…

Kihyun is still feeling tremors from the pleasure just moments before, he hates that he’ll have to wait until morning to be able to take a shower. He already feels the back of his underwear become soaked from Wonho coming deep inside of him. He can only shiver once more - he was glad no one was able to know. 

“What are you saying after coming down from a euphoric sex high?” Wonho tries to hide the quiver in his voice but Kihyun notices. He slides his black shirt back on, he’s smoothing it down like his life depended on it. “Do you do that with everyone you have sex with?” 

He’s become defensive, but Kihyun refuses to take it personally. He’s just stunned, he doesn't know how to react to something like this. Kihyun doesn't falter, “I only say it when I truly care about someone.” 

Wonho’s expression is bizarre astonishment. He shakes his head, his wet bangs sway from side to side, no longer plastered to his forehead. He looks like a someone who had just won a lot of money before a trickster popped out to tell him it was all a sick joke. He looks dejected. Why did he act as though it was the worst thing in the world to learn that someone was in love with him?

“Prison love,” Wonho expresses with unit comprehension - Kihyun seemed lost. “That’s what this is. You aren’t  _ in _ love with me, you’re just conveniently in love with me. Remember the deal we made? I get sex and you just want comfort. I get it. This is just another way for you to get more of what you want. You want me closer, you want me to protect you better. Maybe you really want the sex since you seemed to like just now. Maybe-,” 

Kihyun can only watch as Wonho attempts to spit out more and more excuses, any reason in the world to dismiss the fact that Kihyun really did love him. It was painful to watch. His voice would waver, he was using his hands rapidly while he spoke… he wouldn’t look at Kihyun at all. 

_ Wonho thinks i’m lying… He thinks I don’t truly care for him like I say I do - he thinks this is simple prison love…  _

Kihyun cups Wonho’s cheeks in his hands, the same way he did when they were in the cafeteria hours ago. When Wonho was stuck, and Kihyun had to break the spell that had him locked onto the shaved head guy. Wonho stops talking, he stops moving - this seems to continuously happen whenever Kihyun touches him. As if Kihyun is Wonho’s kryptonite. 

He dips Wonho’s head down, forcing their faces to be mere inches apart. He needed to be close, to let him know he wasn’t using him, he wasn’t lying to him. Wonho’s eyes are dark but surprised. Kihyun uses his thumb to stroke over the soft pale skin of Wonho’s cheek, he seems so vulnerable right now. 

“Wonho,” His voice couldn’t even venture above a whisper. “I love you.” He can hear Wonho suck in a quick breath through his teeth. “I’m so in love with you…” 

And the electric currents take way once more. The spark that flowed like waves between them, huge waves of burning, galvanizing shocks that pierce the skin. That urge you on. It was tingling at his fingertips, the pinpricks of enticement. As if everything that he felt for Wonho was ripped from his heart, and instead was coursing through his veins, erupting into the atmosphere. 

And more than anything he could tell that Wonho was feeling it too. 

Once again they were locked in a stare that seemed to freeze time. Everything around them was irrelevant. Nothing mattered but what was happening between them - whatever this was. Love. 

“You love me…?” Wonho asks. 

“More than anything,” Kihyun answers truthfully, without fear of rejection but that’s unfortunately what follows suit. Wonho rips his gaze away from Kihyun, his heart being ripped away with him. He pushes himself off the bed, heading over to the sink, resting his palms against it. 

Kihyun feels betrayed, he feels like every feeling he has ever had has been pulled from his soul, stomped on, and put back for Kihyun to pick up the pieces. It’s a crushing feeling, a punch to the gut. He’s had rejection before, but not like this. But something is being replaced over that feeling of rejection, something hot, and angry. Scorching. He feels he needs to blame something, or someone for it. 

And he remembers the name. Iseul. Kihyun’s rage builds. He bets it’s because of her, because she must be Wonho’s girlfriend. She’s probably at her warm house, under her warm blankets patiently waiting for him to come home to her. He’ll go to bed with her at night, and wake up to her face in the morning. She’s probably really beautiful. They probably have a stupid cat together. He can only glare as he makes it to his feet, facing Wonho with fire. 

“It’s because of Iseul, right?” He spits. But it doesn’t seem as though Wonho is shocked that Kihyun knows about her. He had in fact put his tattoo’s out on display, it was apparent that Kihyun would notice it. 

Wonho turns around to face him again, his expression is somewhat of sadness at the mention of the name. “Yeah, it is.” And the burning passion that built Kihyun up, to hide the rejection in his heart, had crumbled. As if his worst fear had finally came true. 

He feels his head start to fall, to look at the grey, mocking floors but he is stopped and looking at the noirette again once he speaks. “But not for the reasons you may think. Iseul is my sister.” 

Kihyun can only laugh, as if he hadn’t heard that one before. “Yeah, okay.” He’s shaking his head. He’s heard them all:  _ She’s only my sister, she’s no one. I’m into guys, believe me. _ And of course, _ I was only curious, stop acting like this meant something.  _

How cruel of you, he couldn’t say it out loud. Tears threatening to spill from the corners of his eyes. “She really is my sister. Believe it or not.” He watches Wonho strut over to the desk that was molded into the wall of the cell. It held a small cardboard box that Kihyun had never been interested in. He watches Wonho push objects out of the way before retrieving a picture. 

It’s a polaroid that he thrusts into Kihyun’s hands. He doesn’t want too, but decides to look at Wonoh’s paper memory. A picture of, what seems like, teenage Wonho. He’s wearing a black Metallica t-shirt, and the biggest smile on his face, teeth showing. Kihyun’s favorite smile. Beside of him is a girl, so much shorter but with the same cresent eyes, plump pink lips, and dark hair as him. They could somehow pass for twins if you weren’t paying attention. And Kihyun now believes him.  _ Well, she is pretty _ , he mentally notes his accuracy. 

“This is Iseul?” He asks to make sure. 

“Yeah, she’s five years younger than I am. She should be…” Wonho seems to drift off in thought before returning, a reasoning smile. “She should be graduating college about now.” 

Kihyun finds himself smiling too, “What is she majoring in?” 

“She’s going to become a Therapist for abuse victims.” 

The smiles fades a bit, “Oh.” Something about that rubbed Kihyun the wrong way. He couldn’t help but think that was the reason why Wonho didn’t like the idea of love so much. Maybe the idea of what his sister wants to be scares him out of the idea of relationships. Knowing there are monsters that would abuse, verbally and mentally abuse, the ones they say they love the most. Kihyun would understand, but you just can’t have that kind of fear without trusting the other partner. It was just a job after all. 

“Yeah, she wants to help others, to let them know that it wasn’t there fault, the way she realized that it wasn’t hers.” Kihyun pulls his eyebrows together. Wait. “It took her forever to get over her own trauma. But it gave her the courage to move on, and the want to help anyone else that she could. I’m really happy for her.” 

“Yeah… you should be.” 

For some reason the memory of the shaved head guy from the cafeteria pops into his mind. The hatred on Wonho’s face when Kihyun was grabbed, the bitter taste of his words as he barked at the man. The way he wouldn’t leave it alone, how he continued to push and push, even when Kihyun had begged him to stop, to let it go. His words:  _ I hate guys like you! Guys who think they can just push around anyone they want just because they’re bigger. He even apologized. But that didn’t seem to be good enough for you, was it? No, I don’t think so. Because you grabbed him  _ and  _ started acting like you could just run over him all you wanted too. _

Kihyun looks passed Wonho.  _ Please… Don’t make him any angrier than he already is. _ His first mistake when he opened his mouth. Wonho shoves his anger into Kihyun. _ You always say that! Why do you always do that? Why are you protecting him? _

He wasn’t talking about me, Kihyun realizes. Wonho was having a memory in that moment, he was sent back to a bad time. Which explained the temporary disconnection  from reality. He was metaphorically trying to get through to his sister again. Everything made sense. 

“Your sister… She went through the same thing, right?” He finds himself asking, no filter. “So… What happened to that guy?” 

“I killed that bastard.” Wonho declares, no hint of emotion in his voice. 

And Kihyun doesn’t believe that answer for one second. He knows Wonho, he knows his heart - he isn’t the kind of person to do that. He puts on a facade to look mean, to act tough, but he is vulnerable. 

“Try again.” Kihyun crosses his arms, giving him another chance. The pain in his heart pauses long enough for him to gain the perseverance to find the truth. The lies Wonho is forcing onto him aren’t working. 

“It’s true.” 

“It’s not.” 

Wonho scoffs, heading over to the beds again, “And how can you be so sure of yourself? You don’t know anything about me, not beyond these bars.” The scoff causes wrinkles beside of the noirettes crescent eyes, but Kihyun doesn’t pay any attention to the adorableness of them. 

“Wonho, i’m in love with you, I pay attention. Just like you saw I was innocent when you knew nothing about me - I see that in you. You killed no one, you aren’t a murderer. Now, are you ready to tell me the real story? Or are you going to hang onto that pathetic two dollar tale?” He puts sass behind his words. 

Wonho’s eyes harden - he isn’t angry, he isn’t trying to be threatening. He’s contemplating. Is he worried that he can’t trust me? Kihyun asks himself. 

“It’s the truth.” 

Hm. Kihyun rolls his eyes with the ridiculousness he has been presented with. It’s already so late, his mind is tired and wearing down. He glances at the bed, it looks so tempting right now. He wants to just fall on the noisy mattress, and succumb to sleep - but he can’t. He can only leer at the most gorgeous tattooed up man in the world, he would rather be sleeping next to him. Spooning like nights before. 

Kihyun grips the picture still in his hand, he goes over to the box, and drops it in. “Fine, don’t tell me. I’ll just figure it out on my own.” He says with confidence. Moving back to the bed and sits down as the mattress squeaks loudly beneath him. 

“Deal stills stands though,” he motions for Wonho to hurry up behind him. “If you want my ass again then get over here and hold me.” 

Everything remains the same, Wonho still holds Kihyun too tightly, he can hear Wonho’s even breathes, every beat of his heart. Hands are wrapped around his waist with Kihyun just staring into the darkness that his eyes can’t adjust too anymore. The sorrow that was hiding beneath anger and confidence is resurfacing. His heart tearing open for the second time that night. Wonho doesn’t want him. 

Kihyun sobs into the pillow all night.

  
  
  
  


Kihyun had a visitor the next day. 

Heading into the white room, with the single white table in the center, Shownu was already sitting with some files in his hands. Kihyun took his seat across from his faithful lawyer, but simply stares down at the table. He tries his best to forget about last night, _ some _ of last night.

He doesn't pay attention when Shownu speaks, his ears are filled with white noise. He fiddles with his fingers, the hickey on his neck burning for attention. He refuses to cry, he won’t fall apart like that again. 

“... he woke up.” He catches the end of what Shownu was saying, he perks up. 

“Wait… What?” He looks up from the table, eyes wide. (He knows they’re still red and puffy, he saw that from the sink mirror this morning.)

“I said, the guy woke up from his coma. He’s awake, he remembers what happened, he remembers the shooter's face - he remembers your face.” Kihyun wavers, he doesn’t know if that’s a good or bad thing. “It’s like he just went to sleep and woke up, he remembers everything.” 

Don’t you dare think about hoping, his thoughts growl at him. Hope is what made you think you could just confess your feelings to Wonho, and see where that left you? His eyes downcast, he can’t get his hopes up. They’ll just be crushed, because his life was nothing but bad luck. Bad timing got him in here, bad ideas got him stuck is horrible situations, bad feelings got him hurt. 

“Oh.” Is all he can muster up. 

“Now, listen,” Shownu pulls out a few legal papers, pointing to something that Kihyun can’t see from the distance between them. “I’m going to have a talk with that guy, tell him what you told me. How you thought he was the thief and how you were just trying to do the right thing. Maybe I can convince him to,-”

“I don’t care…” Kihyun says. He looks from the papers to his lawyer, his face is priceless with confusion. “I just… don’t care anymore. I don’t care if I get out, I don’t care if I don’t get out. I just don’t. All I care about is getting some sleep as last night was awful for me.”

“Kihyun…” 

“And I hate to say it but i’m actually starting to like the breakfast that they serve here. After awhile you start to believe the bacon is real.” He tries to remember the taste and grimaces. 

“Don’t do this.”

“Don’t do what?” He half yells, he stands to his feet, and sighs. “I’m over it, alright? It’s been six months since i’ve been in here. Six months. I’m used to this. I have my nice little schedule wrote out for me by these guards. Three meals a day, free to visit the library anytime I want too. It’s heaven here.” 

As soon as he speaks about the library, he remembers the book he checked out. He had hidden it under his mattress, he completely forgot about it yesterday. But now it’s the only thing on his mind, he wants, no, he needs to read it. He needs to know it’s story. 

“Guard!” He shouts out to get the man’s attention. 

“Kihyun,” Shownu is on his feet in matter of seconds. “Listen to me, don’t give up, alright? We can do this together. Don’t give up on this yet.” 

The guard is patting down Kihyun’s sides to make sure no contraband was slipped in. He finishes, and Kihyun leaves without looking back. The words echo through the halls like bells with promises that reverberate off the walls and into Kihyun’s ears. “I’m not going to give up on you! Just you wait and see!” 

But Kihyun has already given up. 

  
  
  
  


The corridor that Kihyun was walking down was foreign to him. 

The old fashioned phones that covered the walls were much more intimidating than he thought they would be. He maneuvered his way around the inmates already in deep conversations with their loved ones - he made his way to phone booth number seven. It was off the hook, sitting face down on the wooden bench beneath it. The guard said he had a phone call… But who was it? 

He picked it up, and placed it to his ear, “Hello?”

There was silence before the brightest, and most amazing laugh you could ever imagine began to ring calmness into his ears. Minhyuk. 

“Why do you sound so uncertain about something when you picked up the phone?” His light, airy aura was leaking from the receiver, and wrapping itself around Kihyun. He was starting to feel better already. He would always feel better when around the white haired man, like his own personal happiness crafted into a person, just for him.

“You have no idea how happy I am to hear your voice,” Kihyun admits, and he finds himself laughing too. He sounds so sappy. 

“Eh? Am I talking too Jooheonnie? I thought I was speaking with Kihyun!” He jokes, and Kihyun’s face is starting to hurt from smiling. And this is exactly what he needed to fix a broken, horrible day. He needed smiles and laughter and dare he say someone who actually cared for him. More than anything he wished Minhyuk was here to hug him to death. 

“How are you?” Kihyun asks with genuine curiosity. “Jooheon says you’ve got a job and a place to stay? Are you really living all on your own? Where exactly do you work? And please, please tell me you aren’t picking anymore pockets.” 

He can feel the warm smile spread even without seeing it, “I work at this gas station slash food store. I somehow got the manager's position, so I have a lot of responsibility. Which means I don’t have time to even consider sneaking money from others pockets. Uhm… It’s decent money, enough to pay the rent and utilities, I even have enough to buy food and necessities. Though, i’ve been thinking about taking up a second job, to be honest. My apartment is soooooo small though!” He sounded so whiny, Kihyun couldn’t stop himself from thinking how cute it was. “It’s smaller than the cell I was in! Oh, it’s kind of cool though because my bed pulls down from the wall! I’m not aloud to have pets in the apartment. If I do, I have to put down a two hundred dollar deposit. My landlady is so grumpy too, so I make sure to be quiet most of the time, so she doesn’t notice me.” 

And Kihyun almost forgot how much Minhyuk could talk. He’s the type of person that could hold a conversation with a lamp, and still have a good time. But Kihyun is more than okay to just listen for now. He talked about how he didn’t realize how much he hated being in jail until he finally got out. He told Kihyun about the friend he made at the gas station, some guy that was really amazing with computers but was fired from being an IT guy because he would continuously hack others for fun. He talked about Jooheon, how much he missed him, and all the sappy and loving things he would whisper to him when they spoke on the phone. Kihyun made a mental note to make fun of Jooheon later for it. 

Minhyuk sounded so grown as he spoke. As if getting out of jail caused him to become a true member of society. He didn’t sound like a criminal that just did two years for perpetual theft - he sounded like the average working joe that you would make small talk with at the bus stop. It was impressive, considering. 

“AND I was hit on the other day!” He shouts, not with excitement but in surprise. “It was this really short and beautiful girl. She had such a cute smile, too. She said that I had a very exotic face. Can you believe that?” There was another light hearted chuckle, “My face exotic? Hardly. But, I was really flattered.”

Kihyun pulls his brows together, “Wait, was she an admirer, or something? I mean, did she only come in to tell you that?”

There was shuddering sound before Minhyuk spoke, crappy prison phones. “No, she got gas and, oh, yeah, it was really weird actually. She got some gas for her really nice car - but she also bought an orange, and a little container of day old curry.” 

Perhaps this was new for Kihyun, but he didn’t understand the bizarre nature of what Minhyuk thought oddity was.  “What’s so weird about that?”

“She has this really awesome, metallic colored car that looks like it could fly. Super expensive looking! And she comes into a gas station to buy her food? You don’t think that seems odd the least little bit?”

He ponders this a moment, “Well, I mean… She sounds like someone who enjoys the simple things? Mm. Maybe she wasn’t born into money - maybe she came into money. But she still values all the things she didn’t have before, so the money doesn’t affect her the way it does to most?” 

Kihyun can hear a distant snorting sound from the other line of the phone, “You’re so deep sometimes. It’s what I really like about you.” 

He somehow feels comfort from that, “Thank you.” 

Kihyun leans against the wall beside of the phone booth, he relaxes with this kind of mindless talk. He enjoys it. He looks down the hallway, and realizes he’s the only one still talking on the phone. The others had already gone. He doesn’t know how long he has left to talk with Minhyuk, he hates to think about it. He wishes they could talk for hours. 

“I wasn’t going to bring this up…” Minhyuk’s voice becomes disheartened, an emotion that isn’t like him at all. Kihyun pays closer attention. “... but you sound so… down. I mean, you’re laughing and everything, but something's up. Something different.” 

And of course Minhyuk would catch onto him even through his ruse. He isn’t even going to try and lie his way out of it, or try to cover it up. Minhyuk will be able to tell. 

“I messed up…” He makes sure he doesn’t show emotion, feel any emotion as he explains. “I told Wonho that I was in love with him… and I was rejected.” 

“Of course you were, I could have warned you that you would be.” 

Any idea of Minhyuk being this aura of pure light, of comforting, sparkling energy that could bring your feelings and hopes up, immediately crashed into a black ocean in Kihyun’s mind. 

“But don’t you worry, Jooheon was the exact same way with me.” He continues, Kihyun is hesitant to listen. “We were just sex buddies at first, I confessed to him, and he thought it was some joke.” His voice is so casual, so matter of fact. “But, i’m one persistent guy. I  _ made _ him understand that my feelings were real. And somewhere in the middle he fell in love with me too.” 

“I need that confidence. How in the world do you have so much? You’re dripping in it.” 

“Mm,” The sounds of overthinking hanging on his tongue. “I don’t know. I’m just a determined person. I made it my mission to make him mine. I’d like to think of myself as charismatic, in an amateur way. But I know for a fact that Wonho likes you, he’s probably just worried. Oh, let me guess: ‘Prison love’?”

“Yeah, ‘prison love’.” 

“They always use that as an excuse, it seems.”

“Yeah, I’m noticing that more and more these days…” 

Kihyun and Minhyuk soon bring their conversation to an end, they only have a few minutes left of the phone call. Minhyuk throws words of encouragement his way, letting him know that everything was going to be alright. But Kihyun’s feelings tell him otherwise. 

Helpful words and supportive wishes won’t take his pain away. It can only hide the suffering for so long, distract him in the moment. Until his mind wanders back to that night, to that memory, and the agony begins again. 


	11. Grey from now on

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have decided that from now on, I will only write what's important to the story. I used to write a bunch of filler stuff in this story to make it longer, but i'm just going to throw that stuff out and just stick to the story line in general!
> 
> IMPORTANT NOTE: Now that I HAVE discarded the filler stuff EVERY SENTENCE IN THIS STORY NOW MEANS SOMETHING. From chapter 8 to future chapters EVERYTHING MEANS SOMETHING. Even if it seems like the simplest or the dumbest of things, it MEANS SOMETHING! I truly can not stress that enough xD Okay, done, enjoy the chapter~

Kihyun hasn’t looked Wonho in the eyes for days now - even when he could feel the noirettes gaze burning through him.

He’s too worried of what his reaction would be. Would he break down and start sobbing again like nights before? Would be stab daggered glares into his very soul, wishing to breathe fire at his stupid, beautiful face? … Would be act like nothing was bothering him in an attempt to be strong? He didn’t know, and he didn’t know if he should chance it.

The past couple of nights have been an awkward mess.

Even though the deal they had agreed upon was still hanging around in the air, Kihyun just couldn’t bring himself to use it as an excuse to be close to Wonho. Even on the nights be felt his most vulnerable - he just couldn’t pull his voice from his throat and ask to be comforted. Which was odd torment for him. Wonho, it seemed, didn’t mind one way or the other.

The tattooed man didn’t seem to have much of a sexual appetite for him after what had went down. It kind of shocked Kihyun.

“You’re just going to bed?” Kihyun had asked one night when they left the cafeteria. He was still feeling the agony in his chest, the hurt in his heart, but his curiosity got the better of him. He watched the orange suit jump to the top of the bunk and relax himself.

“Just not feeling it.” He remembered a rough voice answering back.

Kihyun couldn’t deny feeling a little bit insecure. They only had sex once, then all of a sudden Wonho wasn’t interested. He wondered if maybe Wonho saying that was out of pity for rejecting Kihyun, he felt bad, and thought he would be taking advantage of him if he were to ask for another go. _Or he was truly uninterested in you_ , he says to torture himself once more.

But something else shocked him within’ the days that he couldn’t bring himself to acknowledge his love. “So, you’ll probably be getting out soon, huh?” Was what he had asked Kihyun when the dull red headed man was nose deep in his book - reading to distract himself.

“I mean… I always knew you would be getting out sooner than you expected you would. It was always floating around in my mind.” _But i’m not getting out..._

Had Wonho somehow found out about Kihyun’s meeting with his lawyer the other day? Had he heard that the victim had woken up from his coma?

“You never believed it, but I did. Because I know that innocent people, good people like you… they have good things come their way. But not for the bad people.”

But you aren’t a bad person, he didn’t say out loud at the time.

He also rolled his eyes and made a few tedious comments in his head about Wonho sounding so philosophically drunk. Maybe he was half asleep. Kihyun recalled the time he tried to sooth Wonho back to sleep, stroking his cheek, and humming softly under his breath. The memory made him smile brokenly before making him blush when he also recalled when Wonho starting licking and biting at his fingers before passing back out.

“You deserve to get out of here.”

And so do you. And Kihyun said nothing that whole night. Only thought to himself in answers that were meant to restore everything. Meant to.   

After being in here for some time, Kihyun had finally made friends with one of the guards. He was a tall, lanky man with pouty lips. He didn’t seem like the kind of person that should be here. His expression was always sweet, but nervous in a way. He was rather new, and had just been promoted to watching the floor that Kihyun’s cell was on.

Kihyun was given permission to call him by his name, Seokwon. And this little friendship had worked out in Kihyun’s favor as now he was able to pick and choose the times he wanted to leave the cell. If he didn’t feel like going out to the courtyard one day, then Seokwon would let him stay in. The guard was rather pleasant, and only acted tough when he needed to keep up appearances.

“Are you okay?” Hyungwon asks one day out in the courtyard.

Kihyun turns his head to look at him, he closes his book, tucking it away within his suit. Outside the sky is a moody grey that mocks Kihyun with derisive cruelty. He only hums as a response. His eyes cut to the side of Hyungwon, and Changkyun is nowhere to be seen.

“... the hole?”

Hyungwon nods, sighing softly. “That idiot got hot headed because someone made a disgusting gesture at me.” Kihyun thinks he sees the model shudder.

“I’m not surprised,” Kihyun admits in a mumble. “He seems like the jealous type - or overly jealous type.”

“Moronic, you mean.” Hyungwon corrects him, and Kihyun agrees. And Kihyun has the sudden urge to want to speak with Changkyun when he gets out. However long that will be.

“Just a day or two...” Hyungwon answers as if he was reading Kihyun’s mind.

The week was isolating but chaotic.

But there was one thing he did know out of this crazy mess. His and Minhuyk’s talk the other day was still swimming in his mind. He and Jooheon were in the same situation as Kihyun was right now. Jooheon didn’t return the white haired mans feelings in the beginning. He thought he was teasing, joking. He didn’t believe him. The same way Wonho didn’t believe Kihyun. It was a repeat in history, it seemed.

And Minhyuk had said something about being persistent, about not giving up until he _made_ Jooheon see that his feelings were real. But what had he done to accomplish that?

Kihyun didn’t know, but wished he had asked at the time. Something else was peeking out from beneath his overwhelming thoughts. If Minhyuk had already experienced this, then what was his reaction when he was first rejected by Jooheon? Did he cry like Kihyun had done that night. Did he break down? Kihyun couldn’t picture seeing the smiling man so broken like that. He’d seen enough dismay when Minhyuk was up for parole. He couldn’t imagine anything more devastating.

And also, if Minhyuk had already convinced Jooheon that his love was real, why did the dimpled cheek man continuously blame prison love when Minhyuk was getting out? Was he so worried about being rejected himself that he used that as a scapegoat?

_Oh…_

The realization came to Kihyun like a bolt of lightning. Wonho’s voice rang in his ears:    _I always knew you would be getting out sooner than you expected you would. It was always floating around in my mind._

History really does repeat itself when you aren’t looking. Wonho is worried he’ll fall in too deep, he’ll fall in love and Kihyun will be ripped away right before his eyes. Just like Jooheon was worried Minhyuk would give up on him, Wonho was thinking the exact same thing. Kihyun understands everything now - or, at least he really hopes he does.

The next day Kihyun had devised a plan. He had decided he wasn’t going to give up, he was going with Minhyuk’s confidence and make Wonho realize his words are true. He would stop mopping around, pitying himself. And show him that love - though it can be scary - is kind and worth fighting for. And show him that when Kihyun falls for someone it’s not out of convenience, it’s because he wants and needs the person more than anything.

I’m all in, he tells himself.

In the cafeteria, Kihyun makes it his mission to sit beside Wonho. He sits a little too close, smiling at the tattooed up man when he puts his tray down. Wonho seems reluctant to smile back, but he does. Kihyun understands though, almost a week of ignoring him, then out of nowhere he smiles like everything was fine and dandy - Kihyun would have been skeptical too.

The rest of the group is giving Kihyun befuddled looks. They had only seen Kihyun at his worst all those days, he would barely eat, barely speak. They were worried, and now everything was fine again.

“Kihyun, you’re… okay?” Hyungwon’s voice is uncertain. The group doesn’t know about the situation between him and Wonho, though he has a small suspicion that Jooheon knows because of Minhyuk. But Kihyun trusts that the red headed man didn’t say anything.

“Yeah.” Kihyun brushes the question off as if it was a silly thing to ask. “I was feeling down for a bit. But I feel… better..” It’s the best he could come up with because truthfully he felt empty, with a glint of determination hidden beneath false hope.

“Well, what the hell happened to you?” Changkyun asks, and Kihyun is more than surprised. He didn’t think Changkyun payed any attention to him, let alone ask about him out of concern. But he _was_ concerned. Kihyun felt a swell of emotion in his chest. “You act like a total zombie all week, and now you’re just suddenly… fine?”

“You sound like you were worried about me?” Kihyun teases, and in return receives a deep growl. But it isn’t intimidating in the least. Confused tension.

“He’s fine - if he says he’s fine, then he’s fine,” Jooheon intervenes, and Kihyun immediately knows he knows. “I was the same way when I first got here. I was fine then all of a sudden, boom, depression. Don’t worry, it hurts, but you learn to cope.” His eyes stare right into Kihyun’s. “You just have to keep going, keep _trying_.”

Kihyun smiles, he reaches over the table towards the bright red headed man. They smack hands, their shoulders purposely bumping against one another, “I got you.”

He sits back down, and starts eating the food. He’s slowly becoming accustomed to the fact that he’ll never have a proper, tasty meal ever again. So the food here is starting to become more and more appealing.

He feels air against his ear before a voice starts whispering into it, “So… you’re really okay?” It’s Wonho’s deep voice, it sends a shiver down his spine. He jerks his head to the side, as he recoils from the teasing sensation. Damn, why did his ears have to be so sensitive?

“Aigoo!” Kihyun whimpers softly, rubbing over his ear fiercely to calm himself. He wanted to bask in the ambiance of Wonho’s voice being concerned and caring, but was too preoccupied with embarrassment.

“Sorry.” Wonho chuckles out.  
“Ah, you did that on purpose,” Kihyun accuses with fake anger. His ear is burning a bit from rubbing too hard, he can guess it’s red with irritation.

“No, i’m genuinely sorry.” Something about Wonho’s apology made Kihyun think he wasn’t talking about the ear incident. Kihyun hopes he’s overthinking it. So he brings in some comic relief for the moment.

“If you’re truly sorry, then make it up too me” He smiles.

Wonho pulls black brows together, “How?”

Kihyun throws caution to the wind and goes right in for a kiss. He uses the table as leverage to hoist himself up from his seat. He closes his eyes, lips parted just faintly. A hand suddenly clamps over Kihyun’s mouth before he is able to connect lips with Wonho.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing!?” He opens his eyes to see Wonho panic faced. It’s so amusing, that Kihyun laughs from behind the hand. All eyes around the table land on them, but Kihyun can’t stop snickering.

“Oh my god, your face, Wonho.” He says in between gasps. Some confused chuckles come from the others but mainly this was still between Kihyun and Wonho. Kihyun finally calms down and rubs over his stomach. There’s some pain from laughing too hard, maybe he has abs now.

“What the hell were you thinking just now?” The noirette asks with a hiss.

_I was thinking about kissing you, of course_ . Kihyun shrugs, “It was a joke. I would never do something seriously in here. Come on, we’d both have our asses kicked.” He doesn't close his mouth as he thinks of something else quickly. “But… If under different circumstances… I _was_ trying to kiss you, and it _wasn’t_ a joke, it would have been because I love you.”

Wonho freezes quickly - a dark blush coating his ears. “What are you saying suddenly?”

“I’m saying, I love you.” Kihyun answers as a matter of fact.

Wonho seems to groan, “Please stop talking, Kihyun.” His voice is a whisper, as his eyes glance around to make sure no one is listening.

“Make me stop talking.” Kihyun smirks, leaning just the least little bit closer. He can not deny how much fun he is having at this moment, he feels so devious. As if he has the perfect hold over Wonho right now. Teasing him so mercilessly in this kind of place was dangerous, and Kihyun was beginning to feel a little bit of a rush.

Wonho’s ears are still red as he turns back to his tray. Kihyun notices Jooheon smirking at the end of the table.

Out in the courtyard, Kihyun overheard Changkyun saying something to Wonho about heading over to the work out area. The powerhouse man wanted to bench press, and had asked Wonho to spot him. Kihyun pulls his bottom lip between his teeth, deep in thought. He can’t stop himself from watching Changkyun pull his shirt off, exposing the most delicious body Kihyun has ever seen. Abs upon abs upon what has to be tumors because there is no way this perfection is normal.

“Whoa…” He gapes.  

He turns his head to the left of him, looking at Hyungwon. The blonde isn’t paying him any mind, he is merely smirking as he stares at the book in his hands. “I know.” His voice is proud with concealed enthusiasm. _Hell yeah he knows._

Changkyun takes his turn on the bench before switching spots with Wonho.

“How many are you planning on doing?” He overhears Changkyun’s deep voice, a bit out of breath as he takes a break.

“I don’t know, as many as I can get in before we have to head back inside.” The noirette answers back.

Wonho’s arms are everything as he lifts the weights, they’re so toned and defined and Kihyun wishes they were wrapped around him right now. The sweat drops sliding down his arms are glistening in the sun, causing the tattoo’s to look polished.

Oh man.

Kihyun’s legs are moving on their own. He doesn’t even realize he’s made it to the bench until Changkyun gives him a look. His brow rose but his face emotionless. Wonho’s eyes are squeezed shut as he lifts the weight, exhaling deeply with each drop. Kihyun places a finger to his lips, signaling for Changkyun to be quiet.

He crouches down, pressing his mouth to Wonoh’s ear. He’s going to get payback.

“ _Oppa~_ ” He blows the childish word out slowly. The hot air enveloping the skin tauntingly.

Wonho’s eyes snap open immediately at the sound of the word, his arms giving out from the suddenness of the situation. The weight sits on his chest and he struggles a moment, gasps for air. Kihyun raises back up, as Changkyun lifts the weight off of him, and places it back on the bar. _Oops._

“Kihyun!” He yells as he raises up, rubbing his chest. But Kihyun is already sprinting back to Hyungwon, and Jooheon in an attempt to be protected. He tries not to laugh, tries to stop smiling at the hilarity of it all, but he can’t.

“Did you just try to kill Wonho?” Hyungwon asks.

Kihyun is shaking his head, “Nah, I was only trying to cheer him on.” He lies through his teeth.

  
  


“What the hell was that about?” Wonho asks, and his voice is like an explosion of sound when bouncing off the walls of their tiny cell. He sounds very much annoyed, not so much angry like Kihyun had expected.

Kihyun turns around to explain himself, but is shocked to find that Wonho is right behind him. It causes him to take a step backwards, his back connecting with the wall as he realizes he’s just been cornered. Wonho slams his hand on the wall right beside of Kihyun’s head, and he flinches. “You’ve been making a fool out of me all day.”   
“Well… That … wasn’t exactly my intention.” He admits, biting at his lip. Desire fills Kihyun’s senses, he’s trying to stay calm - but Wonho being so close is making him melt so easily.

“Wasn’t it?” Wonho bites, and the hair on Kihyun’s arms stand up. He wants to admit to himself that the angry and aggressive side to Wonho is his favorite but he recalls the moments where Wonho is at his most vulnerable and he has to suppress the smile threatening to spread. “If not then what were you trying to do?”

“All I can say is that I wasn’t making fun of you.” He answers truthfully.

“What kind of answer is that?” Wonho counters.

“An honest one,” Kihyun fires back with retort.

Wonho makes a quizzical expression but seems to drop the matter all together. He let’s his hand fall from the wall and hang at his side once more. Kihyun speaks up again, “Wonho, what kind of life did you have back home?”

Wonho makes his way over to his bed, “Why does it matter?” He asks while climbing up before sitting. Kihyun stays leaned up against the wall.

“I’m just curious about it. I mean.. My life was so simple back home. I had this boring little desk job. I was an, uhm,” Kihyun hates admitting his line of work, but does to be more open with him. But he wanted to explain it in the simplest of terms as to not have to go into great detail. “My job required me to punch in numbers all day… I was forced to wear a suit and tie. We _weren’t_ aloud to have casual friday’s at all. I had my own little cubicle… The guy beside of me was a huge dick. The biggest butt kisser you will ever meet.”

Kihyun frowns at the memory. He can still smell the office atmosphere, the nauseating odor of burnt plastic, the wafting fragrance of the every few minutes an hour smokers. He remembers the awful area where he was stationed, right beside the break room, and the entrance that lead down the hall and to the bathrooms. So many hours of hearing the maddening flushing noise.

“Okay, my life wasn’t so simple. My life was just a box of boring, irritating misery.” He realizes. Maybe being in prison wasn’t such a bad fate after all - it sure beats the life he had been living. “But there were also good times, I guess.”

He pushes himself off the wall, he climbs the bed, dumping himself on the top bunk. “So, what about you? Where did you work?”

Wonho raises up quickly, with uncertain and wide eyes. “Hey, hey, who said you could just come up here?”

“Don’t ignore my question,” Kihyun whines, turning his body to face him. “I’m being serious here. I want to learn more about who you were before… Especially since you won’t tell me the kind of person you are now.”

Wonho sighs under his breath, he lays back down, putting his hands behind his head. “Hm.” He closes his eyes, his expression is softened. He could pass for being asleep. “I was a tattoo artist.” He finally says.

Oh yeah, that was obvious, Kihyun smiles to himself.

“Oh, I could have guessed that. I _should_ have guessed that.” He corrects himself.

Wonho’s lips perk up a bit, a meek smile appears, it’s only visible if you stared hard enough, which Kihyun did on a daily basis. “I built that place up with my own two hands.” He’s sounding like he’s getting lost in the memory. “I had to work for hours everyday when I wasn’t in school to save up enough money to rent this little building. The rent was cheap, reason being was because the location was in a bad part of town. But I knew that, and did that on purpose. I mean, you wouldn’t ever see a lawyer or a businessman shopping around for tattoo’s. So, I made sure to pick a place I knew would make good business.”

Kihyun closes his eyes to try and envision the story Wonho is telling him.

He sees a small but quaint little building, a brick, red type of building with low roofing. He can see young Wonho ripping down the For Sale sign with a huge smile on his face. He sees a couple of faceless people there to support and help him with this new journey. He thinks he can see Iseul there too.

“I had my best friends working there right along with me. They were the baddest dudes you would have ever met. My childhood friend Kwangji, and my cousin Yoonho. You know those guys you see in movies, in those mafia movies, the ones that are always trying to cut someone?” He says in amusement, and Kihyun hums to answer yes. “Like that. They don’t look the part at all, but mess with one of them, and they’ll kick your ass.”

The nature of the story is aesthetically pleasing to Kihyun as he imagines everything that Wonho is saying.

“I had customers come in left and right, it was amazing.” He doesn't have to open his eyes to know that Wonho is smiling. He can feel it. It’s like the sun that comes out to greet you early in the morning. “But I made sure that my shop wasn’t the usual kind of shop. I didn’t want it to look all badass and scary. I didn’t want to intimidate anyone - I made it so everyone was welcomed. I made it casual, but not clinical. I even had giveaways. You know? I would give people chances to win free tattoo’s, and stuff. I even gave donations.”

Kihyun opens his eyes this time, “You mean for charities?”

Wonho nods, “Yeah. The business was doing so good, and I didn’t want to keep all my wealth to myself. That’s greedy…” He paused for a bit, Kihyun had thought he was finished. “... nine years… “ He mumbles almost soundlessly.

And Kihyun has no words of encouragement for him, there’s nothing he can say to make the moment okay. Wonho spent his childhood on something that meant the world to him, only to have it ripped right out of his hands. Something he loved, and can never get back.

Kihyun can feel the hurt, he knows it’s there, just lurking in the shadows long enough to give you a sense of emptiness. To remind you of the things you wanted to forget. But Wonho seemed to want to speak about it so freely. Kihyun had opened up a fresh wound for him, he sees that now. But he doesn't regret it.

Kihyun peeks at Wonho, “What’s your favorite color?”

Wonho gives a full blown smile at the question, “Are we really doing this?”

“Yes, we really are.”

“Cyan.”

Kihyun makes an awed sound, “My favorite is red.” He says with gaiety.

“Well, it seems like we’re complimentary for one another.” And Kihyun couldn't agree more.

  
  


“Changkyun, can we talk for a second?”

The sharp eyes that cast over Kihyun are hard and menacing.  “Uhm… Two seconds, please?” He attempts a second time. The eyes soften as they take a walk across the courtyard together. The atmosphere has always been tense with them, but even more so the usual today. The clouds gather, dark and dreary as it seems like it’ll rain soon. Maybe it’s a sign of how this conversation will go, he tells himself.

“So, what did you want to talk about?” The silence is broken with deep echoing monotony.  

There had always been something about Changkyun that Kihyun couldn’t put his finger on. Something that was hiding beneath his dominant facade. An energy that was cool and serene, trying to escape.

“I wanted to ask you something about your past… Well, about… Why you killed that guy…”

“Why do you think you have the right to ask about that?” He asks almost immediately. And Kihyun is quick to answer, “I don’t. Trust me, I don’t feel that way at all.”

Changkyun looks away from him, glancing around the area as they stop walking. “What are you even wanting to know?” His attitude has somehow changed. His expression is now unreadable but his eyes are doleful.

“Why did you do it?” Kihyun licks his lips, “What I mean is… I get it. The whole, ‘I love you enough to kill someone for you’ thing. But how were you even capable of doing something like that?” He sets his mouth in a straight line, he considers his words. He knows what he wants to say, but is too worried what Changkyun’s reaction would be. He contemplates a moment that maybe, possibly being hit would be worth it.

He decides yes.

“Look, you can drop that whole big and bad front, you aren’t fooling me with it anymore. I mean, okay, yeah, maybe it’s not fake now. But back then, something tells me you wouldn’t have acted that way at all. That you were someone different. And I know, I don’t know anything about you. And I know I don’t know what it’s like. But hear me out.” There is silence from the other party so Kihyun continues.

“You act like nothing bothers you, unless it comes to Hyungwon. And he is probably the only and most important person in your life. But… don’t you feel … any kind of remorse at all for what you’ve done?”

Thunder rolls from behind him, and Kihyun glances up at the even more darkened sky. The clouds seem irate. He looks back at Changkyun who looks back at Kihyun, and his eyes are now laced with self-condemnation, it seems to be rolling in as fast as the shadowy clouds.

“You don’t think I feel horrible for what i’ve done?” His voice is barely above a whisper, and that scares Kihyun more than it would if he had been yelling. “I have to live with what i’ve done, day in and day out. It’s there when I close my eyes, in my dreams. That guy's face haunts me. When I pass a mirror, if the light is too low or if I walk too fast, there it is. His face. For only a split second, but it’s there.”

Kihyun can’t help but start rubbing up and down his arms from the cold, the winds pick up as the temperature drops.

“The guilt eats me up from the inside out… You don’t think I wish I could take it back? Take everything back? I would. I wouldn’t think twice about it, I _would._ ” He can see Changkyun’s eyes strain as they become red rimmed. “I’m an awful person for what i’ve done.”

“Then why did you do it?” Kihyun demands.

“Because love makes you do stupid things!” He shouts but it’s in perfect synchronization with a clap of thunder. Everyone around them are slowly making their way back inside before the rain begins. “Because Hyungwon asked me too…” His voice is low once again, “Because I was stupid back then… But it doesn’t matter.” He shakes his head. “Hyungwon and I already asked for forgiveness from one another. Even from the families.”

Kihyun pulls his brows together, “What do you mean? You mean during sentencing?”

He nods, “Yeah… When we made our pleas. We asked to be forgiven… Shockingly enough, we were. But that doesn’t dismiss the fact that I killed…” The tears that were threatening to spill have subsided from Changkyun’s culpable eyes.

“You don’t think that maybe you and Hyungwon are too dependent on one another?”

“Of course we are. We’re sick.” A sad smile appears, Kihyun has to tear his gaze away. “We need one another too much to be torn apart now. And… even though I wish I could take it back. I can’t, so I can easily say that having Hyungwon right here, right now was worth it.”

Changkyun doesn’t say anymore. He merely leaves Kihyun standing with his own thoughts. He goes over to a waiting Hyungwon, a delighted smile appears on the models face as they enter the building together.

Kihyun rubs over his shoulder while reflecting. Changkyun was sorry for what he had done, that was apparent. It was genuine, and raw, and the most real Kihyun had ever seen him. He had always known there was more to him then this angry brute that stomped around, and on everyone. He was someone that loved hard. Someone that would do anything for the person they loved the most. It was to be admired to some extent.

And Kihyun can, unfortunately, understand. When someone is worth it- all your common sense is flown out the window.

Kihyun leisurely makes it back to his cell, Wonho is resting on the top bed in silence. He smiles gently, hauling himself up to the top bunk. Before Wonho can even open his eyes, Kihyun is kissing him, bashfulness and confidence pouring out at once.

“What was that for?” Wonho asks while licking over his lips.

“Because you’re worth it.” It’s completely vague to the noirette, but Kihyun knows.


	12. Grey from now on

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Caution: Trigger ahead.

“Do you have any idea what you’re asking of me?” Seokwon’s voice is unsure as he looks out into the ocean that is other inmates down below. He walks passed Kihyun’s cell, making it seem as though they aren’t speaking at all. They keep their voices as silence as peace. Kihyun is leaning against the bars on the far side of the cell doors. His face is pressed up against them, resting against them.

“I know. But I wouldn’t ask this if it wasn’t important.” He says.

“If I get caught, i’m losing my job instantly. You realize. I’m taking a big risk doing this for you.” He passes Kihyun’s cell again, walking halfway down the hall before turning, and making his way back.

“I know you are, and I really appreciate it.” He pushes himself off the bars, he turns and leans his back against them instead. He isn’t facing Seokwon at all now.

“I’ll see what I can do.” He finally says, resuming his work.

Kihyun smiles to himself. He pulls the book from under his blankets, reading from where he last left off. It’s taking him longer than it usually would if he were engrossed in a story. There were so many interruptions that caused him to put the book down, so many interjecting thoughts that caused his mind to wander away from the story. It was nerve racking, but he was halfway done, and he was determined to finish.

Lady luck was not on his side when it came to the same resolve.

Wonho walks into the cell, dripping from head to toe. His hair soaked, bangs hanging over his eyes. Kihyun cocks a brow as he glances over his tall form. He can’t help but feel bad. “Still raining I see.”

Wonho unzips his suit, pulling the top down, and letting it hang down his waist as per usual. “Yeah.”

“So, what are you, the only person in this whole prison that went out to the courtyard today?” He turns the page as he finishes reading chapter twenty-eight, marks his place, and hides the book from the rest of the world once more. His full attention is on Wonho now.

“I like the rain, when I was little I would always play in it.” He answers in a soft tone. It was as if Wonho was speaking out his memories he wouldn’t normally admit too, as if his mind was at ease and vulnerable at the moment. Kihyun mulls over using that as an attack strategy.  

He smiles though, “And how old are you now? Because you’re clearly not little anymore.” He slides off his bed, grabbing his towel from the edge of the sink. (The piece of rag that he used to dry off his face every morning.) Wonho reaches out to retrieve it from him, already breathing out a thank you, but Kihyun keeps it out of the noirettes reach.

“I’ll do it.” He offers, and before Wonho can object he’s already rubbing the towel through and around his soaked hair. “I wonder when the rain is going to stop… It’s been like a week already.” He sighs exasperatedly.

Wonho stays still as his hair is being dried, “My mom used to tell me the weather was affected by the emotions of others.” He began, and Kihyun stopped his movement momentarily. “She would say if someone's heart was mutilated to an awful extent then it could flood.”

Kihyun hushed the ironic sirens singing in his head, “Your mother sounds seriously wise.” He resumes the drying, “It sounds like something my mother would say. Though, it would be less insightful and more of a warning,” he teases.

Wonho chuckles at that. “I wonder who’s heart is hurting?”

Kihyun is quick to push the blame to someone else, “It’s either Jooheon or Minhyuk. I mean, they’ve been separated for months, their only contact with one another is a phone call every so often. If it’s anyone I would say them.” But Wonho only hums as a response.

“I wonder how he’s doing?” The noirette mumbles to himself.

“Oh, he’s doing fine.” Wonho’s head leans up to look at Kihyun fully, a questioning look on his face. “Right, I forgot to tell you.” He forces Wonho’s head back down, he can’t bring himself to look into those dark, hypnotizing eyes. “He called me a while back, I guess it slipped my mind. But, he’s doing great. Much better than I thought he would. He’s got a job, a house, and an exotic face.” He has to snicker at his own words.

“An exotic face?”

“One of his customers told him that. I wish you could have heard his tone when he told me. He was so shocked, like he didn’t know how gorgeous he was or something. Like it was some big unveiling for him to find out.”

“Make sure you don’t tell Jooheon that, he might get jealous.” Wonho says extending a mindful thought. Kihyun couldn’t deny agreeing with him.

“I know. Jooheon is kind of insecure when it comes to him, I would _never_ tell him about that.” Wonho’s hair is starting to become soft, and bouncy with life once more. Kihyun doesn’t want to stop touching it to be honest.

“We’re criminals locked up in prison for, god knows how long, and we’re too worried about insecurities around the guys we’re fucking?” Wonho’s voice is innocently mocking. But there’s truth behind it.

“What? You have insecurities?” Kihyun challenges, with a smirk on his face that Wonho wouldn’t have been able to see due to the towel covering his view.  He’s half hoping the tattooed man will confess something to him without thinking.

But Wonho is quick to fire back, “Nah, not really. But almost everyone has something they’re insecure about. Whether they admit it or not.” He smirks.

Kihyun rolls his eyes at that, “Oh, and you know this as fact?”

“Maybe, maybe not. There is one thing I know as fact.” Wonho raises his head once more, their eyes clash together with wondrous intent. Kihyun’s fingers freeze, intertwining with a few locks of dark hair.

“And what’s that?” Kihyun expels the words with avidity.

“You’ve been drying my hair for twenty minutes now.” Wonho deadpans, and even though the moment was thoroughly ruined Kihyun can’t stop himself from laughing out loud.

He slides the towel off of Wonho’s head, down to the back of his neck, yanking him downward. Their lips connect in a sudden, fervent kiss. Wonho is quick to deepen it, pushing forward as Kihyun’s back presses into the railing pole that secures the bunk beds in place. Hands place on either side of Kihyun’s head, gripping the sides of said railing.

Their mouths move together, and Wonho’s lips taste like moonlight and being home. They break, their noses bumping against one another, before their lips lock once more. A shiver runs through Kihyun’s whole body as Wonho nips at his bottom lip. Kihyun’s hands release from the towel that’s keeping Wonho so close, the noirette pulls back a bit.

“Why are you always kissing me in the daylight?” His hot breath ghosts over Kihyun’s lips. And neither of them move away.

 

Kihyun can admit when he’s wrong.

He  had woken up in a bad mood that day, he didn’t have a particular reason why, but he was annoyed beyond recognition. The saying, ‘I woke up on the wrong side of the bed’ was wholly relevant to him. And in hindsight, he was churlish for taking his attitude out on Hyungwon. It was wrong, he was wrong, and he knows it.

They were in the library together - Hyungwon was engrossed in writing something he refused to let Kihyun see. Which fueled his aggravation even more. But he tried to distract himself from his irritated feelings by doodling on a piece of paper. Random words, random objects - nothing in particular.

He suddenly remembered what Wonho said about everyone having insecurities, he began to wonder what the models would be. He was a model right? So he was perfect. His hair was perfect, his face was perfect, his complexion, his smile, his glances, his body, his stance, his poses. Everything. Which was why he would have been able to be deemed a model right from the start.  Kihyun rolled his eyes at his paper. _Whatever._

“Wonho said everyone has insecurities. What’s yours?” He blurts out, using Wonho as an excuse to ask the question in the first place. Hyungwon’s eyes rise from the paper - for the first time since they sat down together - to look at Kihyun with confused, puppy dog eyes. Kihyun feels unimpressed.

“I… don’t know.” He answers, speaking softly. The pencil is clenched tightly in his pale hand. He seemed to be taken aback from the question, but Kihyun is full force with agitation.

“Oh come on. Don’t play dumb, i’m sure you - more than anyone - has already figured that out.” He rises off the table, his head previously resting against his arm as he doodled, to look at Hyungwon properly. “You were a model, everyone was looking for flaws in you. But you would have found them faster than others.”

“Kihyun-,” His quiet voice attempts but isn’t quick enough to the draw.

“Just think about it for one second,” Kihyun hooks each of his fingers at every statement he makes. “Some guy is so into you that he would do anything for you. You use that as an advantage to set him up to be the killer so you wouldn’t be framed for anything. They figure out you were in charge of the whole thing, and you get charged with premeditated murder. So you get screwed either way. You turn the guy you _used_ into a monster. Damn, that’s really something to think about, huh? You turn a dude so insane that he’s now only driven to get revenge on you.” A mirthless laugh escapes due to the audacity of his words, “He forces the prison guards to let him room with you so he could ra-,”  

Kihyun could have easily continued but at a glance he notices the blonde is shaking beside of him. The anger that was building throughout the day disintegrates into solicitous shrapnel. A quivering plump, bottom lip is pulled between teeth, eyes boring holes into the table. Kihyun realizes at that moment that he had sincerely crossed a line. He was too harsh, his words, his tone, everything about him was abusive. In realizing he had no right to say anything.

Hyungwon had been nothing but a quintessential friend to him since their first meeting. He had always been supportive and kind, even if he was sometimes so mischievous that you couldn’t trust a single word he said. He was still there to lend an ear, and a shoulder.

Kihyun should be hit for how he acted. Right in his stupid face…     

But he has gone this far, even though he isn’t mad or doesn’t have any intent on taunting Hyungwon any further, he is way too curious to let things go.

He decides to approach things in a more benevolent, less accusing way.

“... if it were me. I would be afraid that maybe - even though he was obsessed with me in the beginning - i’d be so afraid that he would get tired of me eventually.” Hyungwon shifts in his seat, a small snivel escaping. “I would be afraid that… he would finally realize that I wasn’t worth it. I wasn’t worth killing for. I wasn’t worth earning a life sentence for. I wasn’t worth anything to him anymore…”

Hyungwon’s knees are pulled up to his chest, his face now hidden. Kihyun feels worse than he’s ever had in his whole life at this moment. He feels like he had just crushed the last hope Hyungwon was carrying. He feels as bad as when Wonho rejected him. It was the worst feeling, a feeling he wished he never had to experience again. But instead… he had passed that feeling onto someone else violently.

Hyungwon looks like a kicked puppy, he looks like someone who has just been torn into pieces and put back together lethargically. He seems pitiful.

There’s a shuffle from beside of him, blonde hair swaying as Hyungwon looks at Kihyun.

“You have no idea what it was like, Kihyun… The pressure of having to pretend to be something you’re not… “ There was a choked breath that slipped passed pink lips. “Walk perfect, talk perfect, a smile that was perfect… Everything h-had to be perfect. There was no if’s, and's, or but’s. Everything had to be p-perfect. And if you weren’t perfect, then people wouldn’t pay attention… “

Kihyun digs his nail into his hand to distract him from the pain he was feeling in his chest.

“Th-They wanted to replace me… Replace me because I-I wasn’t good enough. They said no one cared, that the fans only wanted drama… publicity.” There was a glint in Hyungwon’s eyes, not the usual wicked glint that lingered around. But in the sense that he was remembering something he didn’t want to.

“They brought that guy in… They lied to me, they said… ‘ _Don’t worry, he’s not going to replace you, he’s just here to make you bigger… You’re the true star, kid._ ’ But I knew the truth.”

Kihyun leans his head down to look at the model further, “The truth?” He asks.

“They were going to get rid of me… That, they were actually u-using me, to make him look better. They said it was just for fun. That it was like a little competition. But it wasn’t. It was a-an… unveiling and a termination all in one.”

Oh my god…

“Hyungwon-,”

“... I never thought I would hate you… I thought you were someone who would understand. Someone I could trust. A brother… But at this moment, I really hate you, Kihyun…”

Kihyun knows he deserves that, but it still hurts to hear it.

“I hate you for being able to see right through others…” The smile on the blondes face is broken, “We don’t even have to say anything, but you already seem to just know…”  

Kihyun realizes Hyungwon is referring to his previous statements about Changkyun and he puts his hands up in defense.

“N-No, I shouldn’t have said anything… I’m so sorry, Hyungwon. I don’t know what got into me,” He tries to apologize, but it seems to be in vain.

“Why are you sorry for being right?” He asks, his eyes are full of shocking tenderness. “You hit the nail on the head. I worry… every day. I worry that he _is_ going to realize he’s too good for me. That I wasn’t worth killing for, going to prison for, living this life forever for…” The tenderness is subsided with tears. “... because i’m _not_ worth it. I _know_ i’m not…”

The tears stain the models beautiful face, they don’t seem as though they will stop anytime soon. They cascade like a clear, clean waterfall down his pale cheeks. It’s arresting, and sorrowful all at once.

“All that matters,” Kihyun starts, placing his hand on Hyungwon’s shoulder. “Is that Changkyun thinks you’re worth it. And trust me, he does.” And Kihyun isn’t lying to spare feelings.

He doesn’t mind the location, he jumps from his seat, pulling the model into the tightest hug he could muster. He holds him close, and still. The shaking form clings to him, he can hear muffled sobs being pushed into his chest. He started this, so he’s taking responsibility in finishing it. He holds Hyungwon as long as the blondes needs it. Keeps his arms wrapped tightly around him, resting his chest against the top of the models head. Soothing him with soft _shhs_ , like his mother would do for him.

“You know, he actually said it himself.” There’s a smothered ‘ _what?_ ’ in asking Kihyun. “Changkyun, a few days ago, he told me how much you were worth it. I never even asked him about it - he just said it too me.”

Hyungwon seems to visibly relax at that. He pulls his face out from hiding in Kihyun’s suit. His face is reddened, eyes red rimmed. His lips pouty, and his bangs seem a mess. “Really?” He mouths.

Kihyun nods at him. “Yeah, promise.” _Does he believe me?_

And it feels like he does.

Hyungwon recovers. He uses his sleeves to clean off his wet face, he composes himself the best he can. His eyes still puffy from the crying are no longer sad - he sighs ever so deeply. He picks up the paper and pencil, shoving them both in his pockets. Kihyun feels that a huge weight has just been lifted off the blondes shoulders. Something that had been bothering him for a really long time. As if he finally had confirmation about a secret thought that he had to bare. His expression is soft, content.

Maybe Kihyun has helped him in some way. In a crude, circuitous kind of way, but a way nonetheless.

“I’m still really sorry though… “ Kihyun can’t help but try to apologize again as he gathers up his items. Hyungwon waves him off.

“Really, it’s okay.” His words sound candid. Real and true, and it’s Kihyun’s turn to relax. But he nibbles on his lip, “Uhm… Hyungwon… You didn’t really mean it when you said you hated me… right?”

Hyungwon heads over to the exit - he turns his head, looking over his shoulder. An impish grin on his pouty lips. “Oh Kihyun, don’t be so insecure.” The model leaves the library with Adonis like grace.

Kihyun is stunned, dazzled, but stunned. Hyungwon seems to be the most vulnerable of them all. He isn’t as strong as Kihyun had assumed he was - he’s strong, in a way, but he is weak to feelings. Kihyun smiles, following after his friend.

  
  


There was always something about rain that could cleanse the mind and wash away the obnoxious, and unnecessary thoughts of one's understanding. The sound of rushing white noise that surrounded you, submerging you, and transfixing you into a stillness that breaks the barriers of the mind - letting your conscious explore into the unknown. Or at least, that’s what Kihyun had always thought when looking out into the torrent.

The rain hadn’t let up for a couple of weeks, causing everyone to be forced into captivity. Even more so than they already were. Tensions run high when you’re shoulder to shoulder with neighbors, the yearning of freedom lingering in the air.

Kihyun is leaned up against the opened doors that lead out into the courtyard. He would have never expected something as trivial as rain to be an obstacle to overcome. Or perhaps it was just something as simple as, no one wanted the annoyance of getting soaked. He could understand, but he still had a desire to run out into the downpour for the hell of it.

“Over thinking?” He hears a familiar voice ask him. He turns his head to see a mop of bright red hair. A huge smile plastered on his face, dimples deep like black crevasses.

“You have no idea,” he admits in a breathy laugh.

Jooheon shrugs, while nodding his head. He moves to stand on Kihyun’s free side, his hands are shoved into his pockets. “What are you thinking about?”

Kihyun doesn’t want to get too deep, he doesn’t want to sound philosophical - he wants to try and make this seem like a simple question. But the question in his mind isn’t a straightforward one, nor an easy one to give an answer too - he doesn’t know how to make anything sound simple for it.

“Why is it… “ he begins with contemplation. “... that.. the bad guys aren’t the bad guys?”

Jooheon hums at the question, looking as if he is lost in thought as well. Thunder cracks just overhead causing Kihyun to flinch at the suddenness.

“Hey,” Jooheon hits him in the shoulder to get his attention, “When you figure out the answer to that one, you let me know. Alright?” Another dimpled smile as he’s disappearing into the building. Kihyun can only blink a few times before turning his attention to the thundershower in front of him. Lost in thought he starts to recall the conversation he and Jooheon had an hour prior in the cafeteria.

_Hey, Jooheon, even if I ask… don’t tell me your story, alright?_

 

_What do you mean? My story?_

 

_You know… The reason why everything turned out this way. Why you became a thief in the first place. Or the cause that made you turn to a life of crime. No offense or anything, but I just don’t think I could take another heartbreaking story._

 

_Why are you so sure it’s heartbreaking? Why can’t it just be because I like the rush of taking things that aren’t mine?_

 

_Because somehow I know that’s not true… Because when I look at you, I don’t see an ordinary thief. I see someone who is caring, someone who wants to give, someone who wants to help. I see Robin Hood when I look at you._

 

_Funny … that’s exactly who I was trying to be._

 

And that’s when he figured out who Jooheon was even when he tried not too.

The world appears once again as he comes back from his thoughts, the rain seems harder. It hits the ground in fast, huge drops that splash up and soak the toe of his shoes with water.

_The bad guys aren’t the bad guys… ?_

Kihyun closes his eyes as he steps out into the rain.

  
  


Wonho’s whimpering in his sleep again.

It’s the first thought that Kihyun has when his eyes snap open and he peers into the darkness. He isn’t grumpy like he was the first time Wonho had woken him up from having nightmares. He isn’t a confused ball of curiosity that must find the location of the soft, fearful chatter. His movements are lazy, and awkward when he untangles himself from the sheets.

His legs feel like jelly as his body won’t wake up. He somehow manages to scramble out of bed successfully, and push himself up to the top bunk.

He tries to focus hard, but the sleep in his eyes refuse to let his vision adjust to the darkness.  The sound of aggravated groans spill out into the night.

Not again, Kihyun thinks to himself.

Being still utterly worn out, Kihyun lays on his side, sharing the pillow Wonho was resting against. His hand searches carefully throughout the darkness until his fingers connect with Wonho’s cheek. His thumb caresses soft, pale skin as he tries to sooth him.

“Shh…” He mumbles. “I’m here…”

Kihyun slides forward, slowly, as their foreheads touch. He imagines calm, gentle breezes, babbling brooks, and soaring birds. He pretends that if he can concentrate hard enough, Wonho will be able to grasp the pure energy of his mental images, and they’ll push away his nightmares.

He feels Wonho turn his head ever so slightly, teeth nipping at Kihyun’s thumb. Kihyun closes his eyes as he tiredly smiles - soft lips press against his skin in a subtle kiss. Once again he falls in love with the fact that Wonho is a romantic sleeper.

Wonho rests against the pillow a few seconds later, Kihyun begins to drift off himself. “I love you.” He says as he faints into a deep sleep. And that night, he has fanciful dreams of Wonho telling him the exact same thing.   

  
  
  


“Does your sister ever call or come to see you?” Kihyun asks one day while throwing a ball against the wall. It bounces, and comes flying back at him. He catches it, flicking it across the room once again.  

He’s sitting on Wonho’s bed as the noirette is lying behind him, an arm slung over his eyes. The dark, beautiful tattoo’s create the illusion that Wonho’s face is even more pale than usual. The contrast is so profound.

The rain is pounding away outside, so loud that it can even be heard from within the cell. Iseul’s name was buzzing in his mind that morning, to the point of having no choice but to say it out loud. He felt as though he needed to know more about her, or more about the relationship that the two shared. If they shared anything at all.

“No,” Wonho answers as he stretches out the word. “I put her on the ‘no call - no see’ list.”  

Kihyun misses the ball when he hears this, it flies passed his head. He turns his body to look at him. “Wait, why? Wouldn’t you want to see her? I mean… she’s your family.”

Kihyun would give anything to have someone - other than Shownu - come and visit him. He feels it would bring up his spirits, put a smile on his face.

“I refuse to let her see me in this place. I won’t let her come anywhere near here. Ever.” He says the last word so loudly that it echos in Kihyun’s mind.

“... what if she really misses you? You still won’t let her come?” He asks with slight melancholy.

Wonho moves his arm off his face to look at Kihyun. His bangs are falling almost in his eyes, they need to be cut soon, he comments. “It doesn’t matter… “ He says almost dolefully. “Even then… I still won’t let her come here. I want her to give up on me and move on with her life. She shouldn’t have to worry about anything anymore…”

“You’re her brother, of course she’s not going to give up on you.”

“She needs too.” He continues, but he is staring up at the ceiling now. “You know some of those guards get so annoyed because she calls and comes by so much. They tell me how she comes by once a day, and calls four times a day. Trying so hard to get a hold of me.”

“That should give you some incentive to go and see her… She’s trying, why aren’t you?” Kihyun can feel the snap in his voice. Wonho sighs out exasperatedly. His chest rising so high, and falling so nicely.

“You should be grateful she even wants to see you.” He can’t help but lace the impudence of his words.

He thinks carefully, “Even though you did something so exemplary _and_ horrible. She still wants to be there for you…” He drifts off.  

Kihyun exhales as he thinks about it…  

Iseul still wants a relationship with Wonho, even though Wonho killed her boyfriend. His mind immediately comes up with two kinds of explanations: Either she didn’t love him, and is thankful for what Wonho had done. Or…

“You always think too hard on things,” Wonho’s voice cuts through his thoughts. The tattooed man raises up, swiftly, without warning. Kihyun can’t even react as their faces almost come into contact. Not even a breath of air could sweep between them.

It was so sudden, it reminded Kihyun of the sit ups scene from the show ‘Secret Garden’ - Kihyun’s guilty obsession. The gaze between the couple, the tension. The nervousness that caused Kihyun to shudder with anticipation. It was as if he was living the scene. He was half expecting, half hoping Wonho would say: _Kihyun, when did you get so pretty? Last year?_

The thoughts Kihyun was pondering over were wiped clean from his mind. In fact it was as if his mind did a complete reboot as he couldn’t concentrate on anything besides what Wonho was doing.

Kihyun freezes as dark eyes bore into his own.

“I’ll give you something to think about,” Wonho’s breath is hot against Kihyun’s skin. “ _I_ can’t stop thinking about it, ya know.”

_Thinking about what?_ He asks himself because his voice is trapped. The static in the air is consistent. A blazing combustion that is refusing to burn out.

“That night, what happened between you and me.” Wonho pulls his bottom lip between his teeth, it slowly slides out as a smirks appears. “Those faces you made, those soft mewls that kept escaping. So perfect.”

He feels a swell in his chest - Wonho _was_ thinking about him all that time after all. Kihyun thought he didn’t care, he thought he couldn’t be bothered. But he was.  

Gooseflesh scurries down both arms.   
“Too bad it ended so suddenly. There was something I really wanted. Wanna know what that was?” Wonho tilts his head to the side, leaning in as if he’s about to kiss Kihyun.

“What?” He asks dazedly. Wonho is so close to his lips now - Kihyun braces himself but Wonho is quick to redirect. He instead leans right into his ear.

“Wanted you to ride me.” He growls. Kihyun forces himself to stay still, his ears still so sensitive but he stays strong. His mind repeating the word _yes_ over and over because he would love nothing more than to fulfill Wonho’s wish.

Teeth nip at his ear, and Kihyun jolts with a tremble. “Let’s do it, yeah? Tonight? I’ll kiss all over your body, i’ll take my sweet time. Torture you with my fingers - mess with your ears so I can get that cute reaction you had that day in cafeteria again. Make your body melt.” He doesn’t even have to see a smirk to know it’s there. “What do you say? Cause, I wanna see those hips in action.”

_God yes._

  


Kihyun hadn’t ever had a problem with using the showers at the prison.

Sure there was glances here and there, but nothing like you would have thought it would be. Kihyun would always use the showers at the very back of the room - even if someone was occupying it, he would wait until they left then take it over. He liked being by the wall when he showered, he liked being able to turn his head to the side and not have to see anyone.

Right now he was in the middle of taking a cold shower - there was still way too many hours separating him and the promise of complete euphoria with Wonho. He was so excited, but needed to calm himself down.

He looks up when he hears a yell - a guard informing them to hurry out as the next group of inmates begin to flood in for their shower time. Kihyun quickly rinses the soap out of his hair, turning the water off. He wraps his towel around his waist.

“Where’s your bodyguard?”

He looks up, and his heart drops to his stomach. The shaved head guy…

Kihyun looks up at him, his face even more menacing and repulsive than last time. He’s towering over Kihyun - looking like he could squish him with one stomp of his foot.

Anger builds, but he doesn’t express it. Of course something like this would happen while Kihyun was having such a great day. He gathers up his strength, he just needs to hurry out of there. “Back off, asshole.” He says a little too quickly, pushing passed the huge guy.

He momentarily thinks everything is going his way, until a hand wraps around his neck. His body is forced backwards, as his spine and head smash into the wall that he was doting on moments before. The impact causes a loud ringing to erupt in his ears, his skull is on fire while the huge brute is barking in his face.

He feels dazed from the pain, he swears he hears the guy yelling something about putting Kihyun in his _place_.

A hand grips the back of Kihyun’s neck, and before he’s even able to process anything his face is shoved roughly into the ground. Falling on his knees, his hands pressed to the wet, slippery floor as he tried to catch himself. He groans.

His eyes widen as a hand grabs the hem, the back of his towel. It finally dawns on him that this guy isn’t interested in just kicking his ass and calling it a day. He makes a stuttered cry as he struggles to get away. _No…No this can’t be happening!_ He panics.

“Stop!”

“Stop squirming, bitch.” The shaved head guy orders, pressing the back of Kihyun’s neck further towards the ground. It hurts, even if he tries to breathe in it hurts from the force. The barbarian yanks at Kihyun’s towel, but before the fabric is ripped from his body the pressure, and the pain that was applied to his neck was suddenly gone.

He takes this opportunity to turn over, he’ll start kicking and punching with all his might if he has too. He can put up a fight when necessary. But he doesn’t have too.

The big guy is now on the ground - a fist swinging, connecting each time with continuous blows to his face. Kihyun is mesmerized by bloody knuckles until he notices the owner of said hand.

Wonho.

He is hovering over the shaved head guy, slamming his fist into his face over and over. The brutes arms are flailing, and failing to protect himself. Wonho’s teeth are grit, his lips pulled back in a snarl. The look in his eyes are so savage that Kihyun doesn’t know if he should interfere or not. The towel around the noirettes waist is loose, but hanging on with him.

_He was in the next group for showering_ , he realizes. And Kihyun is already counting his blessings for being so lucky.

He feels a trail of water slide down the side of his face, he doesn’t pay it any mind. He struggles to his feet, re-wrapping the towel around his waist. The next group of showerers gather around the scene, they’re crying out like wild animals, and Kihyun knows he needs to hurry and stop this.

He has the sudden feeling of deja vu, horrifically worse than before.

“Wonho!” He stumbles forward, hooking arms with the swinging fist. Kihyun stops the punching altogether - he pulls harder, lifting Wonho onto his feet. The shaved head guy immediately turns on his side, grabbing at his bloody face.

“I warned you, you fucker!” Wonho spits out with untamable rage.  

Kihyun’s nails dig deep into Wonho’s arms as he tries his best to rip him away from the scene. “Wonho, come on. Let’s get out of here.”

Wonho turns to him, his pupils blown. He raises his hand, quick, to the side of Kihyun’s face - his fingers barely grazed the skin. “You’re bleeding.” Kihyun raises his own hand, touching what he thought was water. He slides his fingers through it, bringing it down to view. Red. He already knows it was from being slammed into the ground.

“I’ll kill him,” Wonho threatens, Kihyun makes his hold on the tattooed man even stronger. He isn’t going to chance letting Wonho go back over there.  

“It’s fine - i’m fine, let’s go.” He urges towards the exit. “Please?”

Wonho looks at his, his expression has softened - maybe out of pity for Kihyun getting hurt. He doesn’t know.  

A guard stomps his way into the room, his weapon at the ready. And at that moment Kihyun’s knows that it’s all over. They’re going to find the beaten guy, they’ll see Wonho’s bloody hand. They’ll blame it all on him…

A tall, lanky man struts over to Kihyun once his sights are set on him. He can only stare at pouty lips that are set in a line with nervous caution. _Seokwon, thank god_. Kihyun exhales deeply.

“Kihyun, what the hell is going on in there?” He demands, but there is an underline of worry in his words. Kihyun has to swallow heavily - Seokwon notices the blood on his face, his eyes widen a bit.

“Listen to me,” he begins frantically. “You didn’t see us, we weren’t ever here. We left way before any of this happened, okay?” His makes sure his eyes are begging, his expression begging. He needs to let his new friend know that he’s solemn.

Seokwon looks unsure, his eyes downcast until they land on Wonho’s bloody knuckles. “You both did this?” He asks, glancing over to look at the crowd that is still circled around the shaved head guy - who is now clumsily rising to his feet.

“N-No, we didn’t. That bastard did. Seokwon, please.” He uses his hand to shove at the talls man’s shoulder, forcing him to look at Kihyun. “You _didn’t_ see us, okay?”

The tall man is reluctant but nods. “Alright, go. Hurry up. Go!” He shouts before he steps over to the crowd, yelling at everyone to go back to what they were doing or else the consequences would be dire. The usual prison guard threats that never seemed to play out well. But the crowd is dispersing with an instant lack of interest.

Kihyun and Wonho slip out of the room without being seen by anyone else. Kihyun is kicking himself because Wonho has fought yet another one of his battles for him. He feels pretty weak from not being able to hold his own. But in his defence that brute was so much taller and bigger than he was.

But Wonho got hurt because of you, his mind told him. He shakes his head.

They make it back to the cell together - they quickly dress in their usual prison wear. Kihyun grabs the rag that is hanging on the sink. He wets it, and gently starts pressing it to Wonho’s busted, and already bruising hand.

“You beat the shit out of that guy.” Kihyun says with a smile on his face. The rag is suddenly yanked from his hand.

“I would have done worse had you not stopped me.” Wonho voice sounds like someone who had just gotten back from yelling for hours. He presses the rag to the side of Kihyun’s head. He flinches from the contact - he lets out a hiss because man that little cut stings like hell.

He sighs, looking up at the noirette. “We should have stopped off by the infirmary so they could have checked to make sure you didn’t break anything.”

He pats the rag as gently as he could while shaking his head. “No, they would have put two and two together. Then you're begging to that prison guard would be in vain. Which I don’t have any idea how you go away with that.” He holds out his hands, he flexes and squeezes his fingers around a bit. “See? Just fine.”

Kihyun nods, falling silent as his worry dissipates.

“When I came in and saw what he was trying to do to you…” There was a growl that tried to escape but it seemed Wonho swallowed it back down. “... made my blood boil. I wanted to kill him with my own two hands right then and there.”

There was a nefarious chuckle.

“Man, I don’t even want to think about what I would have done if I came in a few minutes late.” Wonho was bouncing a bit with what looked like anticipated anger. Adrenaline that finally surfaced to the top and giving him more reason to be angry. He huffs.

Kihyun yanks the rag back to get Wonoh’s attention. Dark eyes look at him. “I’m fine, he didn’t do anything.” He rinses the blood out of the rag before wrapping, and tying it around Wonho’s hand. “I don’t understand why you’re so pissed off. I mean… just because you had to make sure he didn’t touch your bitch, right? Your prison bitch.”

Yes, Kihyun was poking the bear. But he needed to test something.

Wonho was acting so strange, he wasn’t acting like a friend would if someone got hurt. He was acting possessive. He was acting like if someone even glanced at Kihyun he would go off. So, Kihyun was genuinely curious.

“It’s not even like that, and you know it.”

“I do? What is it then? Don’t like people touching your _things_ ?” Kihyun admitted to himself that _he_ even got angry at bringing that up. Maybe Wonho was just a greedy little kid that didn’t want anyone touching his favorite toy.

“You’re mine.” Wonho half shouts, and Kihyun thinks he said it without realizing it. Kihyun blinks a few times, looking into the noirettes face. “And no, I don’t mean my _thing_ , my _toy_ . You’re _mine_ , Kihyun. You’ve been mine the day you dragged your tiny, scared little ass into my cell. You’ve been mine the day you cried in front of me. When you kissed me. The time you sucked my dick - mine. When I fucked that tight ass, mine. Every smile, every laugh, every anything. Mine.”

There was a pause, the static burning Kihyun’s skin. The angry confidence in Wonho’s face quickly changes to a look that said: ‘what did I just say?’. He looks as though he had just let the biggest secret that world never knew slip. Fear builds in those dark eyes - fear and panic and something else that Kihyun couldn’t quite understand.

Everything about Wonho’s demeanor turns from predator to prey. He looks so vulnerable, like glass. As if you touched him with just the brush of your fingers he would shatter into a millions pieces. “You’re… mine.” He says one last time.    

It’s hard for Kihyun to breathe, he tries to calm the obnoxious butterflies in his stomach. Like before, Kihyun can admit when he’s wrong - and he’s never been so happy to be wrong than in this instance. Wonho _does_ want him…

Wonho dips down, catching Kihyun’s trembling lips in his own. Their mouths mold together with perfect sparks. The kisses are shy and chaste. Kisses that nervous high schoolers would share. They presses their lips together over and over.

“I love you.” Kihyun sighs in happiness when they part.

They don’t have estacitic, euphoric, animalisk sex like they both desired at the beginning of the day. Rather, they just lay together in bed. Everything is quiet in content bliss.

I just feel like holding you tonight, Wonho had told him.

Wonho doesn’t have any nightmares that night - and it finally stopped raining.     


	13. Grey from now on

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was supposed to be a small basketball game, just a small little game. But you can't expect A KNB fan to just write something small - especially if it reminds her of the Aomine and Kise battle. It's impossible, alright?

Kihyun was in a deep sleep when he heard his name being called. 

He was sitting in the floor, back against the wall as he was waiting right beside of the cell door. It was way past midnight when he finally drifted off into a stillness from waiting patiently. It had been a couple of days since he had asked Seokwon for that favor - and the tall, lanky man promised that tonight would be when he would get it.

He decided he would be ready for it. He was going to wait by the door himself. He was going to make it a quick exchange. But… he had fallen asleep from the delay.

“Kihyun… Kihyun.” He heard the harsh whispers in his ear. 

He snaps out of unconsciousness with a jolt. He immediately looks towards the door as he knows that the voice didn’t belong to Wonho. He sees Seokwon, and he makes it to his feet straightaway. 

He’s unsteady for a mere second from the suddenness, but he soon secures his feet to the floor. “Not that I don’t appreciate this, but what took so long?” He groans from tiredness.

“No, you don’t get to ask that.” The guard answers back with a sassy tone. Kihyun brushes it off. He watches as the tall man unzips his jacket, pulling a brown, wrinkled paper bag out of hiding. He grips the top so tightly that his knuckles are turning white. Kihyun slides his hand between the bars to retrieve it. But Seokwon pulls the bag out of his reach. 

Kihyun is puzzled, and glances up to meet his eyes. 

“Look, I have to ask. Why in the world did you ask me to smuggle in  _ this _ ? Out of everything you could have asked for, why  _ this _ ?” The guard's voice never branches above a whisper. “You aren’t normal, Kihyun. Do you know what others would have asked for? They would have said normal things. Like: Drugs, especially drugs. But  _ this _ ? Hell, I don’t even think this is illegal for me to bring in.”

Kihyun sighs, but understands where Seokwon is coming from. He presses his face against the bars of the cell door, extending his arm out just far enough to retrieve the bag from him. He carefully slides it between the bars as to not spill it, holding it close to him.

“Look, I get it. I asked for something really odd-,”

“You’re seriously too pure to be in here, you know.” He adds before disappearing into the darkness from whence he came.

Kihyun heads back over to his bed, pulling the contents from the bag. He turns around to face Wonho’s sleeping form. They had been sharing Kihyun’s bed ever since Wonho had expressed his true feelings to him. It was as if the noirette didn’t want to leave his side. 

Kihyun tries to swallow the butterflies in his stomach from the thought. 

He puts the contents of the bag on the floor - he leans over, gently pushing at Wonho’s shoulder. “Hey, Wonho… Wonho, wake up.”

There is only silence, he tries again only this time to get a hum slash grunt in response. He takes both hands, cupping Wonho’s cheeks to bring him face to face with Kihyun. He whispers more, blowing out annoying air against his face. Wonho crunches up his nose from the sensation.

“Hey, wake up. Or at least, open your mouth.” 

He thinks he sees Wonho’s eyelids flutter a bit, before the tattooed man begins stretching. The kind of hard, amazing stretch one does when they wake up in the morning. “Don’t do anything weird.” Wonho mumbles out a threat as he opens his mouth.

Kihyun picks the bowl off the floor, he uses the chopsticks to swirl the noodles and broth together. He feels the steam on his face, so he blows on the noodles he’s pulled out. He’s careful as the noodles cascade into Wonho’s mouth. 

“I remember how you told me your favorite food was Ramen,” he can’t help but to smile to himself. “You said you couldn’t even remember the last time you had it.”  

Wonho raises up with an uncertain expression. He’s licking his lips after swallowing the bite. “Did you say Ramen?” He asks but doesn’t wait for an answer. He takes the bowl, and chopsticks from Kihyun’s hands. He starts shoveling the food in by the second. He looks like someone who hasn’t eaten anything in days. 

“How in the world did you get this?” He asks in between bites. 

“I asked Seokwon to bring it to me.” He positions himself comfortably on the bed, he leans back against one of the railing poles. His eyelids sag a bit as the tiredness starts to seep in once again. 

“Wait, you asked a guard to sneak in Ramen, just for me?” Kihyun hums to answer yes. 

There’s a slurping noise as Wonho drinks the broth.  _ Wonho is finally done eating, I can get some sleep now _ , he tells himself. 

He pushes himself off the pole he was leaning against, pulling back the blanket and sheets to slide himself in. But soft, warm lips stop his movements altogether. The kiss is so loving and tastes like pork, Kihyun closes his eyes enjoying it. 

“If i’d have known Ramen was the secret to getting into your pants, I would have done this a long time ago.” Kihyun jokes when they part. 

Wonho snickers, and they both settle back into bed together. Kihyun’s back is pressed against Wonho’s chest, his eyes feel so heavy. 

“Hey,” He hears Wonho’s voice from a distance. “I know it sounds stupid to get sentimental over food, but… Thank you.” 

Kihyun is so tired he doesn’t even answer - he feels his body move though. One of Wonho’s hands wrap around Kihyun’s frame, turning him over. He lays his head on Wonho’s chest when they still. 

  
  
  


“W-Wait, wait, tell me one more time!” Kihyun tries to control his tittering so he can hear properly. “What do you call him now?” 

“Joohoney.” The radiant voice rings from the other line. Kihyun leans against the wall, hand pressed hard over his mouth to muffle his laughing. He’s getting strange looks from down the hallway - inmates who are speaking to their friends and loved ones even halt their conversations to get a glimpse of him. 

“Yah! Why is that so funny? I think it’s a great nickname for him. It’s an upgrade from Jooheonnie.” Minhyuk whines trying to defend himself. 

Kihyun rolls his eyes, “And what does Jooheon think about his new nickname?” He couldn’t even imagine the dimpled cheeked man would enjoy the nickname one bit. But then again, Jooheon  _ was _ the one that nicknamed Minhyuk, Minhyukkie in the beginning. Maybe that was just their thing - nicknaming each other until one of them crack. 

“Oh, he loves it. Or that’s what he tells me.” There’s a laugh that is surrounded by static. Kihyun will curse these old phones until the day he dies. “Anyway,” There’s a humorous sigh that’s filled with warm energy. “What’s new with you? Other than being stuffed in a building forever?” 

“Well…” Kihyun bites his lip. 

And Kihyun can’t help but be compelled to tell Minhyuk what happened between him and Wonho. He couldn't wait to tell how Wonho expressed his feelings to him, in a very concupiscent way, but there was true emotion behind it. He guilty, excitedly told Minhyuk how Wonho had called him  _ his _ . But he refused to tell him how all this came into play. 

He didn’t mention anything about the shaved head guy, he said nothing about what almost happened to him in the showers that day. In fact, he lied to the precious white haired man. He told him he got into a small, petty fight, and Wonho had stepped in. Wonho confessed to him in the heat of the moment, and not because of how Kihyun provoked and tricked him into saying his true feelings. He just couldn’t bring himself to tell what truly happened. He wanted to forget about it. 

He was so sure he was going to be caught - Wonho would get into trouble for fighting, and Seokwon would be caught for covering it up.. To his surprise, nothing happened for days. Kihyun could only imagine the other guards just took his word for it. He wondered what the tall man had told them.

Maybe he told them he never saw who had done it. He came in too late and had only saw the shaved head guy on the floor in blood and pain. He wondered how the other guards reacted. Did they simply brush it off? Did they look into it at all? 

_ Obviously not _ , he tells himself,  _ if they cared about the incident at all then they could have easily looked at the security footage to figure out the truth.  _ They didn’t, it was apparent.  

So he brushed away his worry, burning the awful memory from his mind, and moving forward. 

“Wow, good for you. I told you, you could do it as long as you were persistent.” The airy voice is delicate with his words. It causes Kihyun to come out of his thoughts and smile again. 

“That was faster than I thought it would be though. Last time I called was less than a month ago, and now you and Wonho are an item? It took me, like…” He hears Minhyuk trail off as he recalls his past memories. “... at least two months to bewitch Joohoney. I mean, it would have taken less time if he hadn’t still been in love with his old cellmate. I was fighting a losing battle for a while.” There is a bit of jealously laced in his words, and Kihyun freezes.

_ In love with his old cellmate? _ He ask himself. 

“Whoa, wait… His old cellmate? He was in love with someone before you?” Kihyun can’t even believe the words that are spilling from his lips. No one had ever mentioned this before, they hadn’t said anything about Jooheon having a previous cellmate. Kihyun was sure of it… 

“Yes… “ And for the first time Kihyun had heard something in the kind man's voice he had never heard before. Vexation. He wasn’t expecting that. He had always heard happy, beatific sounds and the one time dismal, crestfallen sadness. But never anything close to envy. 

“Gunhee.” He informs him tastelessly. But the name rings familiarity in Kihyun’s ears - as if he’s heard it somewhere before. 

“What happened?” He can’t help but ask. “I mean… Why did they break up?”

“Gunhee got out,” He answers but there seems to be an underline of pride at knowing he’s gone and away from Jooheon. “He wasn’t the type to stay. He was using Jooheon. The entire situation was absolute convenience for him.”

Kihyun wished he hadn’t ever asked. He isn’t ready for the build, he isn’t ready for the friction, or the bad blood that is radiating with the idea of what this story may hold… 

“I was never told how he was locked up in the first place, but, he really got under Jooheon’s skin. He had it bad for Gunhee. Maybe even more than he ever felt about me.” His voice wavered, “They were just… I don’t even know how to describe it. Bonnie and Clyde, maybe? If you didn’t know them personally you would have thought they were twins.” 

But Kihyun couldn’t imagine anyone being any closer to Jooheon’s side than Minhyuk himself. But it  _ was _ possible - which meant this Gunhee was someone very much salient. He was already having harsh feelings towards the man he hadn’t ever met. 

“I don’t know… Everyone liked Gunhee though, everyone. But, after his hearing he got out on parole and,” He could feel Minhyuk shrug while he speaks. “He broke things off with Jooheon and it was over.”  

_ Just like that? _

“He just tossed him aside, like Jooheon meant nothing to him.” There was a sudden beep on Kihyun’s end of the line, then a woman’s automated voice announcing her presence:  _ You have a remaining total of  five minutes to complete your call _ .

Kihyun curses under his breath. “Well, i’m sure you heard that.” He sighs - but his mind is all over the information he was just given. He had made a promise to himself to stay out of other’s people’s stories and pasts. He doesn’t understand how he was always drug back into these situations kicking and screaming.

“Mhm, yeah.” The buoyant energy comes back as quickly as it left. “I’ll call you again, whenever I get the chance!” The ball of enthusiasm promises before they hang up. 

  
  
  


Kihyun realized something new today. 

He found out that he easily succumbs to whatever Wonho wants, whenever Wonho wants it. Whether he voices what he wants or uses a glance, or with a gentle brush of his fingers - Kihyun finds out he submits so easily. Maybe he should have became aware sooner, maybe he should have paid more attention. But it was too late, too late to discover how devious Wonho truly was. 

Jooheon had tried to warn him in the beginning. He gave caution to the noirettes true nature. _He isn’t that scary. He’s just… seriously sexually aggressive_ _._ The dimpled man had told him, but it landed on deaf ears. 

He didn’t listen, and now he had to suffer the consequences. Suffer not even coming close to the word Kihyun wanted to use to define the position he put himself in.

Their first time was sudden and unexpected, with white hot desire that built up only to finish with a precipitous atmosphere. 

The second time was gentle - tender and compassionate. Admittedly vanilla. But mystic in the way that true lovers embrace one another. They kept their voices low, the movements a burning grind at an agonizingly slow pace. Everything you would expect from two people that had finally admitted their love to one another. Farouche torment. 

But all things changed so suddenly. 

Calling Wonho an animal would have been using such an innocent way to describe him.

It was as if he craved Kihyun’s body - he worshipped his skin with amorous fingers and hungry kisses. As if he wouldn’t be satisfied until every part of Kihyun was taken care of. Every part of him marked and adored. Wonho would always drag his tongue, creating a searing trail until finally meeting Kihyun’s lips.

That was always the best and most tormenting part for him - Wonho’s perpetually slow foreplay. Having the noirette prepare him was pure bliss. He knew exactly where to curl his fingers, always leaving Kihyun in a state of eternal mewls and begging.

And god save him if Wonho didn’t love trying all kinds of positions. Wonho was more than creative. Kihyun’s hips burning with constant pleasure. He would end up limping most days from having been split in half the previous night. His ears being repeatedly violated with erotic words of praise and questions that would make even the most perverted of minds blush. 

He sometimes wondered if Hyungwon experienced these kinds of things. Changkyun was such a dominant kind of guy after all. He suddenly sympathized with Hyungwon to the fullest.

But under everything, Kihyun knew this was much more than just rapturous sex. So much more.

“W-Wonho, ah!” Kihyun gasps out as he grips the sheets tightly. 

He’s laying on his side - Wonho in the same position behind him. Wonho has Kihyun’s leg hooked over his arm, his knee practically touching his shoulder. Kihyun’s hips are burning with want as Wonho drives into him with powerful thrusts. 

“You’re so needy for me baby.” He growls into Kihyun’s ear and he shivers, whimpering softly. “You love this so much. Love when i’m deep inside of you like this. Balls deep. Say it, say how much you love it.” He demands with sexual ascendance. 

“I l-love it… s-so much. M-Mm!” Kihyun feels as though he can’t breathe, the pleasure is taking over his senses. He can’t concentrate on anything but the scorching thrusts, the bruising hold Wonho has on him, the lips that are pressed to the back of Kihyun’s neck. 

So many marks will cover his neck in the morning when he goes to wash his face.

He can feel the cindering build pool in his stomach. He tries to muffle his moans to stop himself from crying out. It’s already so late into the night, and the prison is an easy target for echoes. 

“What’s the matter baby? Afraid everyone will hear those slutty noises you make?” Kihyun notes that Wonho is being vocally gentle tonight - his questions and dirty talk at a minimum. 

Wonho’s hips begin to snap upwards, and Kihyun knows the noirette is nearing his own release. 

Kihyun reaches down, gripping his member as he messily strokes himself in time with Wonho’s loutish thrusts. “Won- ah! C-Come inside of me.” He pleads out quickly. Kihyun sees stars behind his eyes as he comes - a massive wave of pleasure rippling through him. His body reacts instantly, clamping around Wonho tightly. 

Teeth clamp onto the back of Kihyun’s neck, grunts after even deeper grunts are huffed out before Wonho is tipped over the edge - spilling deeply inside of Kihyun. He keeps up his thrusts, riding out his orgasm in what feels like smoldering sin. 

He sees nothing but white from behind star gazed eyes, he feels the burning.

Wonho releases his bite from Kihyun’s skin - Kihyun is tired and panting but reaches up to slide his fingers over the marks. He feels the imprints, another black and blue bruise he will have to explain to the others when they take notice. As if he didn’t get enough of Hyungwon’s smug ass on a daily basis for the limping. And of course Jooheon’s continuous whines about having to be abstinent since Minhyuk left. 

Marks were always a necessity in prison, however. It meant you were taken, you belonged to someone, and no one else could do anything about it. Not that Kihyun had any problems with someone trying to come onto him. Being in a clique with Changkyun meant no one was going to even think about approaching you. (Excluding the incident with the shaved head guy.) They feared Changkyun to the fullest. You mess with one, you mess with all.  

But now that Kihyun was being marked frequently, he barely got glanced at or cat called anymore. He was used goods now to everyone else. He was being left alone completely.    

“Does it hurt?” The voice is rough and out of breath. A soft kiss is pressed to the side of Kihyun’s neck, right over the mark that was just created. 

And then there is this side of Wonho. 

The sweet side of him that always comes out afterwards - the cautious and loving part of him that wants to drown Kihyun in saccharine kisses. Comb through his hair with delicate and nimble fingers, and hold him close until Kihyun falls asleep.

There were three sides to Wonho, it seemed. 

There was his usual, sarcastic, intimidating side that he would use to strut around the prison yard, there was his deviant, sexually aggressive side that was slowly melting and killing Kihyun all at once, then finally, his caring, warmhearted side that came out in the dark. 

“It’s alright,” Kihyun assures.

Wonho pulls out of him, and Kihyun has to stifle another gasp while shivers embrace him. Kihyun’s leg is freed - he lays it down and groans because man it was going to be so stiff and sore in the morning from being bent in that kind of position for so long. 

The noirette slides on his boxers, he cleans Kihyun up afterwards. Kihyun gets dressed soon after. 

“You always end up marking me.” Kihyun comments. 

“I got carried away, “Wonho admits, pressing another kiss to the bitemark. “Your fault for driving me so crazy. You always tip me over the edge.” 

“Oh, so it’s my fault you can’t control yourself?” He scoffs in disbelief. The noirette smirks, then they share a kiss. 

“I love you.” Wonho growls and Kihyun shudders because god Wonho telling him he loves him will never get old. It’s his most favorite sound in the world - he sometimes expects to wake up from this wondrous dream. But he doesn’t have to because everything is raw and real.

“Say it again.” 

“I love you, Kihyun.” 

Kihyun cups his cheeks while they deepen the kiss. Wonho’s lips are wet and hot and if Kihyun wasn’t so sore he would consider rocking Wonho’s world with his own round two. The tattooed man's hands slide their way down Kihyun’s back, and over his ass. He grips tightly, causing Kihyun to gasp into the kiss.

Kihyun pulls from the heated lip lock suddenly, pressing his palm flat against Wonho’s face and pushing him back. “Don’t even think about it.” He warns. 

There’s a grumble from behind the pale hand, he can catch the glimpse of teasing eyes. Wonho slides his hot tongue against Kihyun’s palm, the red headed man retracts his hand whilst making a disgusted noise. “You reject me, but you were the one trying to awaken the beast again.” Wonho says matter of factly, a self-satisfied grin on his face. 

Kihyun pulls his brows together, “Did you just call your dick the ‘Beast’?” He puts a hand to his forehead and sighs dramatically. “Why am I interested in this man again?” He asks himself. 

“You say that now, but you don’t say that when i’m kissing you, or sliding my co-,” Wonho is interrupted once again with the same hand clamped over the noirettes mouth. Kihyun is failing to try and hide his smile at the abashment of Wonho’s words. 

There is silence until Kihyun feels a smile grow from behind his hand. He moves it away to discover an affectionate beam on Wonho’s pouty lips. The atmosphere suddenly becomes shy and Kihyun is hyper aware of everything. 

Wonho puts his hands behind his head before laying against the bed. Kihyun moves, throwing his leg over one side of the noirette, sitting in his lap, straddling his waist. He leans until their chests are touching. “Want me to kiss you until you fall asleep?” Wonho asks him lovingly. 

Kihyun nods, closing his eyes as their lips touch. The kisses are open mouthed and ablaze, but just leisurely enough to make Kihyun fall into a comfortable slumber, resting in the crook of Wonho’s neck. 

  
  


Kihyun is very bad at sports. 

He’s always been bad at sports ever since he could remember. Memories of gym class back in his high school days flood his mind and mock him with cruelty. He couldn’t catch, couldn’t throw well, but could kick excellently in the  _ wrong _ direction. He remembers being picked last, being put in the hardest positions just so they can watch and make fun of him for when he failed. Which he always did. And don’t even get him started on the locker room teasing. 

He unalterably, and irrevocably hated sports.

So he was quick to decline Jooheon’s offer of playing a little two on two basketball game. He didn’t want to be at fault for his team losing - but the red headed man was very persistent in wanting to play with Kihyun. He - beyond his better judgment - agreed. 

It was Wonho and Changkyun verses Jooheon and Kihyun. Hyungwon volunteered himself to keep score which meant he was going to read while glancing up and pretending he knew who got how many points.

Even with his lack of talent, Kihyun tries to keep up. He does his best to block Wonho from receiving any passes from Changkyun. Though, it would be easier if he would keep his hands to himself. Every time he backed himself up against Wonho to block the ball, the noirette’s grab-happy hands would come to life. Cupping and pinching Kihyun’s ass to distract him - and the worst part… it always seemed to work just fine.

“Hyungwon, can’t you call interference or something?” Jooheon asks, pausing the game.

The model glances up from his book, his head resting against his palm. His eyes read innocence but that’s a fairy tale. “I’m only the scorekeeper - i’m not a referee. But, just for fun: What exactly are you talking about?”

“Wonho keeps touching my teammate.” He puts the ball under his arm, using his free hand to point at the tattooed up man. “He’s preventing him for paying attention. Kihyun can’t focus on the game, he almost got hit in the face a moment ago. Couldn’t that be counted as a foul or something?” He whines. 

Kihyun bites his lip because, yeah, that ball almost whacked him in the nose had he not been an excellent ducker.

“I’ll let it pass this time, but if it happens again then you’ll get a red card, Wonho.” The model retorts with comical mercy.

“You can’t red card me - you’re a simple scorekeeper, remember?” The noirette smirks, sneakily snatching the ball from Jooheon and shooting it with the utmost accuracy.

“I change my mind and just for that sass,” The model shuts his book with a loud snap of the pages. He puts it down, standing from his seat, and strutting over to Wonho with cat like movements. “I’m going to be a part of this game now. You don’t mind a little three on two, right?” He throws a look over his shoulder, asking Changkyun. 

“You’re going down either way.” The deep voice quipped.

“Is that so?” Hyungwon takes the ball from Wonho as he stations himself at the three point line. Changkyun stands in front of him as they check the ball - both of them willing and ready. 

“Yo, yo, you might want to get out of the way of the storm.” He feels a hand grab his arm and pull him fully off the court. He stumbles a few steps but catches himself, he looks up at Jooheon. 

“What do you mean the storm?” He asks as he pulls his brows together. 

“You’ll see.” His voice drenched with enthusiasm.

Kihyun looks back at the scene before him. Changkyun’s usual bored expression is now full of determination. The look of someone who is ready for a fight, confident within himself that the brawl will take no time at all in ending. His alpha aura dripping with perversity. Though, Hyungwon has the air of aplomb about him. The willingness to prove his dominance if necessary. Self-assurance etched into his personality. 

Time stands still as the two stare at one another - then, it’s so fast that Kihyun almost misses it. 

Hyungwon bends his knees as he springs forward, his face coming into close proximity with Changkyun’s. He tilts his head to the side, while opening his mouth. He says something - Kihyun couldn’t catch what - but something that causes Changkyun’s eyes to widen and halt any opportunity of stopping the blonde. 

Hyungwon brushes past him with the touch of their shoulders and shoots the ball at the hoop. It goes in without fail. “What’s the matter? I thought you were bringing me a challenge? I already got the first point.” The model taunts, passing the ball to the other. 

“You get one of those. Don’t expect that to work a second time.” Changkyun says, his back to the blonde while referring to - what Kihyun assumes is - whatever Hyungwon had whispered into his ear. 

“Oh, you’re so-,” Before the model can say whatever snarky remark he was breathing out, Changkyun tosses the ball behind him, without looking. Kihyun doesn’t follow the ball, however, he had learned his lesson back in school about what happens when you follow the ball and not the person releasing it. Hyungwon makes the mistake of following the ball as he spins his body around to watch.

Kihyun’s eyes stay glued to the alpha emitting brunette. 

Changkyun charges towards the goal at full force - the ball bounces off the backboard, and his feet leave the ground. He jumps, his hands grabbing the ball that is now flying in the other direction from ricocheting. 

Kihyun holds his breath, there is a buzzing in his ears.

Changkyun dunks the ball with vicious exertion. Inmates in the yard yell out ‘ _ oooh’s _ ’ of exhilaration. He’s holding himself on the rim, swinging back and forth before finally landing on his feet. “Don’t take your eyes off of me.” His smirk is deadly and Kihyun can feel Hyungwon’s blood boiling.

Pink plump lips are pouty as the model calms himself. He takes the ball and dribbles it a few times. “You think that little caveman dunk is impressive?” 

“You didn’t see it coming.” Changkyun opines.

“Yeah, well, you won’t see this one coming.” The model guarantees. He fakes left, Changkyun is quick to lean to the right to deflect him. But Hyungwon fakes right, then rushes left. He spins, his body pressed to the brunettes while doing so. It’s as if Kihyun was watching an interpretive dance is slow motion. 

The ball is clamped between long fingers, as Hyungwon finally stops spinning, relaxing against Changkyun’s back. Laying back against the forceful man as if he was nothing more than a prop to him. Hyungwon shoots the ball, he scores.

Changkyun looks over his shoulder, Hyungwon looks over his - their eyes meet with fire.

And the true war begins on the court. The energy surrounding them is authoritative, it was a game of cat and mouse. Crafty, duplicitous cunningness versus duressive brute force.     

Kihyun leans from one foot to the other as the air glides in electric currents filled with sexual tension. He feels a hand place itself on his shoulder, he looks over to find Wonho smiling. “Don’t worry about them. This is honestly like a sexual kink for them in a way.” 

Kihyun feels perplexed at that. “What? A sexual kink? From playing basketball together?”

“Yeah, can’t you feel it?” Wonho asks him. Kihyun looks at him a moment before looking over at the two. Yes, he feels something. He feels… carnal need. Maybe he feels some pent up aggression that the two eminently need to release. A thought popped into Kihyun’s head,  _ hate sex _ , but that wasn’t what this was at all. But something more along the lines of covet, rough love. Yes, that was it. Pugnacious lust.

The battle was drawn-out and fierce, but in the end lout force seemed to conquer. Hyungwon plops down at the table that Kihyun was sitting beside Wonho on. The model was out of breath, gasping and sweating. For the first time since Kihyun has known him, the blonde was seemingly unattractive to him. Which was odd.

Kihyun slides from the top of the table, seating himself beside of Hyungwon. “That was intense.” He twiddles his thumbs a little. “Okay, what in the world did you say to him at the beginning of the game? You literally stopped him in his tracks.” He asks as he can’t hold back his curiosity anymore. 

Hyungwon catches his breath then chuckles, “Oh, that? I used his weakness against him. I called him ‘daddy’.” The model admits with a leer. 

Kihyun smirks to himself, “Changkyun has a daddy kink?” 

“Oh yeah, a bad one.” 

“Can you blame him?” Wonho cuts in, leaning down a bit to catch both of their attention. He gives Kihyun a very alluring look. “Also, I wouldn’t mind it if you wanted to call me ‘daddy’.” 

Kihyun smirks, but chooses to ignore him - not because he hated the idea - but because he refused to show how attracted he was to Wonho at this moment. He looks back to his beautiful friend. “How are you guys so good at basketball?” 

“I played basketball in school, Changkyun learned streetball.” He explains. “We actually went to the same middle school, you know. We didn’t even realize it, I mean, how could we? There were so many students at that school.” He sighs out a laugh.  

“Wait, they taught you all of those sneaky and clever tricks at your middle school?” He asks with complete rapt.

Hyungwon shakes his head, his bangs swaying back and forth along his forehead. “No… someone… taught me those.” He says, his voice drifting off. And after that it seemed as though Hyungwon had wanted to stop talking altogether - so Kihyun dropped it. In fact, the air about him plummeted into low spirits. 

Kihyun suddenly feels warm fingers cup his chin, and turn his head to face them. His eyes lock with dark, charming ones. Wonho tips Kihyun’s face up a bit, “Hey, why don’t you and I play a little one on one? Hm? I think I need to teach you some things.” 

Kihyun knows it’s pointless to even try, but he agrees. 

  
  
  


“Everyone hated Gunhee for what he did to Jooheon.” Wonho explains with tiredness. His eyelids seemed heavy, and drooping, but Kihyun continues to pester him anyway. 

“Was it really that bad for Jooheon? I mean… Was he bad off after that? For how long?”

The questions keep coming, and Kihyun can’t stop himself. It isn’t that he wanted to know so he could help anyone - he just wanted to understand how Jooheon was with this other person. 

Was he different when he was with Gunhee? Was he happier? Was Minhyuk just a convenient rebound? He was just… seriously annoying with curiosity.  

“Mhm.” He nods, worn out. “He was like a robot for while. Just kind of…” He trails off. Kihyun thinking he passed out begins shaking his shoulder. The noirette stirs, continuing. “He was just silent. Then Minhyuk came, and he used him all the time to relieve all of his pent up rage, er, well, not rage, but stress. Or something. But Minhyuk didn’t seem to mind, one thing led to another and boom, they got together.”

Kihyun nods to himself. “Right. Thanks for telling me.” 

He stops as another question popped into his head. A question that had been resting on his tongue for the longest time. He raises up a bit more, with eager, and hopefulness. 

  “Wonho,” he starts while patting the others cheek.” Wonho, about your sister…” He pauses…  

He can’t just outright ask something so important like that. Something that isn’t even your business in the first place, his mind tells him.  

Something that would make Wonho realize what Kihyun was trying to do. He would probably wake up fully, angrily. So he rethinks his question altogether.“Your sister… where was she when the _ incident _ took place?”

“Her face…” He sighs, exhausted. “ … the look on her face afterwards …” His voice is low, jaded and dejected. He didn’t give a direct answer, in fact, he didn’t answer anything close to what Kihyun had asked. 

Her face afterwards. Does that mean she was there when it happened? he asked himself. Was she there when it happened or did she show up when it was over? Either way, she must have been truly horrified to witness that. 

Kihyun shakes his head, lying down beside of Wonho. He turns on his side - Wonho takes the initiative to turn his head to the side, facing Kihyun now. The noirette looks so worn out, his sad, drooping eyes that make him look like one of those saggy dog faces. 

“Wonho, what was your very first tattoo?” Kihyuns asks muttering.

Wonho raises up a bit, pulling his arm out from beneath the blanket. He extends it - exposing the underside. He points to a tattoo that is very close to his armpit. It’s black - in the shape of a compass, but also being expressed as a dream catcher. It looks so sui generis - so Wonhoesque. It just fits.

“Me and my cousin Yoonho have the same one. We wanted to get matching tattoo’s as our first tattoo’s.” He smiles at the memory. 

“I like it a lot,” Kihyun smiles back as his own tiredness begins to take over. “What about us though? What is going to be  _ our _ first tattoo together?”

“ _ Our _ first tattoo together?” Wonho asks repeating the question.

Kihyun hums to answer yes. There is a strong silence that fills the cell room with noiseless peace. He begins to think of the possible couple tattoo’s he’s seen on the internet and on others alike. He draws up a huge blank though. 

“I guess we’ll figure that out when the time comes.” Wonho’s voice is clipped. 

_ When the time comes… When we both get out of here…  _

“Sounds like a good idea to me.”  

  
  
  


The guard escorts Kihyun into the familiar solitary white room that he’s visited many times before. He squints, the mix of fluorescent lighting and luminous, milky walls are too bright for his - already dark adjusted - eyes to handle. He is the only person in the room at the moment. He heads over to the same, small metallic colored table as he takes a seat. His gaze casts over the table to examine the contents. 

A big manila envelope.

Kihyun doesn’t understand why there is a sudden temptation for him to look inside. But he does. He grips the package with nimble fingers - opening the top, and peeking in. He pulls out a few papers with key information about his case stapled together. A stray piece of paper that Kihyun hadn’t ever seen before, and a disc with something written on it in black sharpie. 

He pulls his brows together. Huh?

He puts everything down besides the stray paper - he looks it over. 

_ Character Witness Statement. _

“Wait… There weren’t any witnesses in my case…” He says, remembering. “There weren’t any witnesses and there weren’t any… videos to prove my innocence…” He says slowly as his eyes land on the disc before him.

He looks more closely at the writing:  _ Surveillance Video at Amico Gas Station _ . 

“Wait…-,” 

But he’s cut off when the sound of a door opening and slamming shut shatters his thoughts. He turns quickly - Shownu enters with his head held high, an eruption of anger and confident spills into the room. Kihyun rises from his seat, paper and disc still in hand as he motions it towards his lawyer. 

“What is all this?” He asks but it sounds more like a confused beg.

Shownu struts over to the other side of the table, taking a seat as he picks up the papers with the information about Kihyun’s case. He slowly licks his lips as his eyes scan over the paper - reading something aloud. 

“ ‘We the jury find the defendant, Yoo Kihyun, guilty for second degree murder.’ “ He read out with no emotion to his voice. Kihyun’s gut knots from having to hear that again. “This statement,” his lawyer begins while throwing the papers to the side. “This statement is false. And I have the evidence to prove it.”  

Kihyun’s eyes widen.

“You were wrongfully accused.” He states, grabbing the Witness Statement out of Kihyun’s hands. “This, and that disc, was hidden evidence. Someone was paid off to get rid of it. They were trying to save the other guy's ass - trying to put you away so the focus would be off of him. They tampered with the case.”

“W-Wait, why … would they…?” Kihyun couldn’t think, he couldn’t move, he could hardly breathe. He was only able to listen, listen and wait. 

“This statement is from the cashier - the one working that day. The one that called the police to come. He saw everything. He heard everything. He told the police, but someone got ahold of the report before we could get our hands on it. And the disc. That’s the surveillance video of the entire situation going down. They were able to get their hands on it too, but they weren’t aware that the manager of the gas station makes replicas.”

Kihyun looks at the statement papers in his lawyers hands, he dares to take a look at what exactly the man had said about him. He skims down few lines. 

‘ …  _ The next thing I know, I hear this guy screaming for help like a crazy person. Some dude chasing him. And this red headed guy, he was at the counter paying for his water and candybar. He tried to help when he heard the yelling. I tried to help too, but then the ‘crazy yelling for help guy’ starts shooting _ … ‘ 

Kihyun leans back as he refuses to read the rest of it. He doesn’t want to relive it. He closes his eyes tightly and grimaces. Think of something else, he reminds himself. Don’t think about that. Don’t let it get too you. 

“Kihyun…” Shownu’s voice is gentle, so Kihyun slowly opens his eyes again. “We can use this to fight, show them the evidence that was taken, and I can get you out of here.” 

Kihyun can’t stop the tears from coming, he swallows the lump in his throat. “What are you talking about?” He asks in disbelief. 

He doesn’t know why he’s crying. He didn’t know if they were happy tears. He didn’t know if they were ‘I don’t have it in me to hope anymore’ tears. He didn’t even know if they were angry tears from finding out he was put in prison by the mistakes of others. He just knew he couldn’t hold them in any longer. They were coming, and Kihyun was trying his best to  _ not _ be hopeful.

“Kihyun, i’ve already reopened this case.” Shownu tells him abruptly, saying as fact, Kihyun is in no way objecting to any of it. “The trial… is tomorrow.”  

He stops. 

“Tomorrow?” He blinks the tears away the best he can. How could Shownu spring this on him so suddenly? Was it even possible to have two sets of good news in one day? “What do you mean tomorrow? That’s so sudden.” 

“Look, as soon as we heard about the tampered evidence the case was already up for open to get the truth out to the public. I mean, yes, I reopened it, but it wasn’t my place to set the date for the trail. They want to get you out of here as much as you want to get out. Everyone is on your side with this.” He explains. 

Kihyun jumps from his chair, he rushes around the table, nearly tackling his lawyer to the floor. He holds onto him with all of his might and refuses to let go. “I can’t believe this… I’m getting out. I’m going to get out!” He shouts out in jubilant happiness. 

“I told you I wouldn’t give up on you.” 

Kihyun starts laughing, and crying as they both embrace for what seems like an immense amount of time. It was really happening. Kihyun was getting out, he was finally going to be free. He could walk down a street way, he could go eat at a restaurant, he could go and see Minhyuk. He was going to do everything he used to take for granted - small, simple things like checking the mail, and making coffee early in the morning. Not complaining if someone cut in line at the grocery store. He was going to do it all, with a huge smile. 

This is really happening, he reminds himself for the umpteen time.

“I can’t wait to tell-,” He stops mid sentence. 

_ Wonho…  _

There was suddenly a ripping, a tearing, pulling apart feeling that hurt more than any pain one could think of. A pain that not even the worse of people should even be aloud to experience. A pain that gnawed at you, carved its presence within you to break you down. To devour your very soul. To kill you slowly, but surely.

And that’s when he realized the mind numbing pain was his heart dying. 

  
  
  


Kihyun wasn’t able to tell Wonho about the news he received from his lawyer after he returned to his cell. In fact, he wasn’t able to say anything at all. He was dazed - completely out of it as he sat down on his bed. The air in the room was stifling, he rubbed over his throat. 

He was going to be free…

He was going to be released from prison and leave everyone behind. He was leaving everyone. Hyungwon, Changkyun, Jooheon, and Wonho… 

He couldn’t even think about the man without tears forming in his eyes. How could you just leave someone you love so much? And Wonho gave him his all. Even when he tried so hard to stay away from Kihyun - he tried so hard not to fall in too deep. Lying to him about how he didn’t really love him. But he took a chance, and now Kihyun was going to leave him. He was going to just leave him behind the same way Minhyuk left Jooheon alone and behind. 

He gasps out a choked sob as he pictures Wonho being alone in this cell. No one to kiss him goodnight, no one to kiss him good morning, no one to calm him when he has his nightmares. He would think Kihyun didn’t really care about him, just like Gunhee took Jooheon for granted. He was going to think the worse of him. 

And Kihyun would never be able to see him again. Because Wonho wouldn’t allow anyone to be admitted to the ‘Visitation and Call Receiving’ list. Not even Iseul was allowed to come visit, so of course Kihyun wouldn't be an exception to his rule.

Everything was going so right, and so wrong all at once.

Kihyun wasn’t able to look Wonho in the eyes the whole night - he even came up with a really weak excuse telling Wonho he wasn’t feeling well. Wonho seemed to understand, so he held Kihyun close the whole night long. Kihyun silently sobbed into his pillow, the same way he did when Wonho told him he didn’t love him. Except Wonho does love him, and Kihyun was really leaving him.  

The next morning wasn’t any better either. 

Everyone was sitting at the usual table, idle chatter lingered around the group. Everyone seemed to be in good spirits. Everyone but Kihyun. He still wasn’t able to bring himself to tell Wonho anything. He was acting like a coward. Today was the day of the trial, and he didn’t even have the balls to confess it to Wonho.

What could he do? How could he just bring this up so casually? 

_ Oh, hey, forgot to mention! I’m going to be released in a few hours, just so you know, buddy _ .

There is a gut wrenching feeling that builds in his stomach, and Kihyun puts his face in his hands. The reality of the entire situation seemed so cruel. He was really going to be ripped away from Wonho. They were going to be ripped apart with the possibility of never seeing one another ever again.

He could feel the tears pool behind his eyelids, he tries to force them away. 

“Yoo Kihyun!” He hears an unfamiliar voice call out to him. He already knows without looking that it’s one of the guards - the guard that is going to escort him to a changing room where he’ll change into a suit. Then he’ll be put on a bus and taken to the courthouse for the trial of his releasement.

Everything seemed to be happening faster than Kihyun could even fathom. 

“Wait, didn’t your lawyer just visit you yesterday? Why would he come back today?” He hears the uncertainty in Wonho’s voice, and his heart breaks into smaller insignificant pieces.

Kihyun lifts his head, taking his hands away. He feels the blood drain from his face as he makes eye contact with Wonho. 

He was about to say it, wasn’t he? He was really about to tell him what was going on…

_ Wonho, i’m being released… _

“Dude, you’re so fucking pale…” Jooheon cuts in while rising from his seat a bit. The look on his face is stricken with worry. “Are you feeling alright? Maybe you should go to the infirmary instead…” 

The infirmary? 

And then it hits him. It hits him like a lightening bolt, a thunderous clap that breaks the sound barriers of his mind.

He ignores the numerous calls from the guard that is acrossed the room standing at the entry way. His eyes never leave Wonho as he makes it to his feet. He feels robotic at this moment. He has one thing on his mind - as if he had a single mission he was programmed to do. 

He picks up his tray, gripping it tightly in his hands. His palms felt sweaty, his legs like jelly as he wobbles over to the person of interest. He stands behind Changkyun with determination. All eyes are on him at the table besides the brown haired, dominating man. 

_ I’m really sorry for this… _

Kihyun pulls the metal tray up in the air, before swinging it with all of his might towards the side of Changkyuns head. It connects - the impact so hard, with blunt force that it causes Kihyun to stumble. Changkyun barely shifts in his seat from the hit though. 

Chills run down Kihyun’s spine as he realizes what’s about to happen. The room is silent - everyone in the whole place is in awe and disbelief. Of course they would be, Changkyun was topp dogg around here, he was the someone you didn’t mess with. But Kihyun did.

The brown haired man slowly stands, the aura around him has the sense of pure hatred to it. He turns, the look in his eyes are deadly. 

And this is what Kihyun was hoping for. 

Hands grab at his suit, his body is lifted high in the air. Kihyun gasps from suddenness - than his back collides with the table he was sitting at, being slammed into the hard wood with arduous power. 

He loses his breath from the collision. Pain flaring up from the back of his skull, and the top of his spine. There is an explosion of noise around him. He hears the animal like screaming of encouragement for the fight. He hears the sound of guards calling in backup because they know it’s a fight with Changkyun being involved. But most importantly - he hears the yelling of the guys at the table.

He hears Jooheon’s hysteric voice, he hears Hyungwon begging, trying to calm his lover down, and he hears Wonho calling his name.

Kihyun shuts his eyes tightly as knuckles connect with his face over and over. He doesn’t fight it, but he flails around in an attempt in acting as if he is trying his best to block the hits. The pain he feels is overbearing, not even the rush of adrenaline can dissolve it. He soon tastes blood. 

It was exactly what he wanted. 

He wanted to piss off the beast. He wanted to get his ass kicked to the point of agony.

Even with all of this suffering lingering around him in wild, chaotic noises of distress - he knew he needed more time. He needed more time to talk with Wonho. 

He needed to be sent to the infirmary, he needed another day, but he also needed to be exempt from the hole. He wasn’t leaving yet, he was going to make sure of that. 


	14. The colors that mock

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guest stars: Yoongi and Namjoon, from the lovely Sugamon ship <3

Kihyun hisses when the cold cloth graces his cheek.

He feels the gelid water drops slide down his cheek, he can see the clear and red liquids mix together from his peripherals. 

The annoying sting causes him to grit his teeth, and squeeze his eyes shut - though that pain was nothing compared to the torment he felt when the doctor began cleaning his face with a colorless, odorless liquid that began burning him from the inside out. His nails dig into his palms in an attempt to distract himself. He almost questioned if having to go through being beat, and the now present suffering of medicine was even worth all the dramatics of acquiring another day.

Of course it was. Because it meant another day to spend with Wonho.

He can’t deny the throbbing he feels in his face - Changkyun really did a number on him. But he hadn’t expected anything less. But now the lingering feeling of regret builds in his stomach. More than likely the alpha aura emitting man saw him as nothing but an enemy now. He might be on Changkyun’s bad side. He didn’t want that. He needed to explain himself - he needed to let him know he did it out of impulse. 

He needed to apologize, beg for forgiveness if he had too. After all, he felt bad for attacking someone he thought of as a friend. He could only hope Changkyun would understand. 

“M-Mm!” Kihyun whimpers as he feels another burn blaze at his tender cut. 

He opens his eyes, and they make contact with deep, unamused ones. Eyes that lacerate deep within’ him, with a mouth that curved upwards - everything about his features seemed catlike.

The doctor sighs softly, he removes his pale hand from Kihyun’s cheek. “Stop complaining.” He peeved. “If you can’t handle the after pain, then don’t start fights in the first place.” His voice is deep but nonchalant.

Kihyun stares at the doctors bleach blonde head - there looks to be subtle hints of mint colored hair dye that hadn’t yet washed out. He couldn’t help but think it was a bit dicey for someone of importance to have bright colored hair. Shouldn’t he be worried about being taken seriously? He asks himself. 

“I know…” Is all he can respond with.

Kihyun watches the doctor start fiddling in one of the cabinets, pulling out what he guesses is wraps and bandages, he also sees a little tube of ointment. He’s already silently begging the ointment doesn’t burn like everything else that’s been put on him. 

“This is going to sting too.” He pale doctor informs him, and Kihyun already knows without a doubt that this doctor either hates his guts or is getting revenge on him somehow. “I’m inclined to ask why you thought it was a good idea to pick a fight?” 

Kihyun squeezes his eyes shut, the doc wasn’t lying when he said the ointment would sting too. “How do you know I was the one that started it?” He asks dumbly because of course a doctor would know such effortless information. 

Kihyun sighs, “It was my last day here so I thought I would go out with a bang.”

The doctor motions for Kihyun to lay back on the bed, as he pulls out a cold compress, and places it on his forehead. He closes his eyes as he tries to concentrate on something other than the throbbing pain in his cheeks. He hears the sound of sliding curtains as the doctor cuts him out of reality. Kihyun relaxes his body, and drifts off into nothingness.  

He wakes moments later to a door creaking open. He hears a deep, apathetic voice emerge. “Yoongi-ah.” He listens as the door closes behind the voice. He blinks the sleep out of his eyes. There’s the faint sound of shuffling feet across newly polished floors.

Kihyun slowly turns over on his side - he jolts up from the sudden pain that rushes to his cheeks. He raises up fully, making a face as he tries to calm himself down - getting reused to the pain he forgot when he drifted off to sleep.

“I’m your elder, don’t address me so casually.” He hears a disgruntled voice answer back. 

Kihyun recognizes it as the doctor’s voice. 

He silently makes it to his feet, heading over to the curtain. “Namjoon-ah.” He hears the doctor speak up again, it causes Kihyun’s hand to halt as his fingers meet the curtains edge. “Why are you here… again? What kind of trouble did you get yourself into this time?” 

“No trouble, doc.” He hears more shuffling from beyond the curtain. “I just got a little clumsy.” 

“You’re like the God of Destruction, or something. You come into my office so many times just from clumsiness alone.” He hears the doctor grumble. “Let me guess, you weren’t paying attention, and walked into a door?” 

“Yeah, something like that.” The other answered as silence engulfed the room. 

Then Kihyun heard what sounded like a desk being pushed back. As if it was sliding against the polished floor, suddenly. Then halted as it hit the wall abruptly. Another sound came after. The sound of paper being shoved around the desk - hands unsure of where they should go. The whispering sound of the papers being slung from the table before featherly flowing to the floor. 

Kihyun didn’t understand the cause of all the noise. He wondered, though, if he should make his presence known. It was kind of rude to just be eavesdropping on others conversations. Even if it was doctor and patient conversation of accidents, simple talks of cuts and bruises. It was none of his business - but he didn’t perceive the notion of understanding how to handle the situation himself. 

He makes the decision of staying quiet.

He entertains the idea of going back to the bed the doctor had told him to rest on. Perhaps pretend to be asleep for when the doctor does a quick check on him. But as he turns to reseat himself, he hears another odd noise. 

It was a gasping noise. A sound that Kihyun was all too familiar with. It was an almost perfect doppelganger of Kihyun when his breath was being kissed away. When he would have to turn away from the fervent kiss Wonho burned into his lungs. How he would gasp for the air he was so carnally denied - though he couldn’t deny the pleasure he felt in those moments.

He becomes worried. What if this inmate is doing something he shouldn’t? What if the doctor is in trouble - what if he’s being attacked by said inmate? What he could be trying to do… 

Kihyun grips the edge of the curtain, yanking it to the side. The white shield slides passed his view like images flashing before your eyes, as the scene comes into play.

The doctor is pressed against the desk, his face flushed dark against such pale skin. His lips are being devoured by a man with blue hair that has been cut short. He can only see the back of the guy, but by his having to lean down so much just to reach the doctor's lips, he seems to be rather tall. 

Kihyun can only watch in awe of the sight. 

The doctor clinging to the inmate with everything he had - his knuckles white from gripping the inmates jacket too tightly. Said inmate looming over the smaller, pale man while their mouths move together in desperate neediness. 

Something in the back of Kihyun’s mind is screaming repetition, but he tries so immensely to block it out. He pushes it away, he doesn’t want to think about that right now. 

He brings his attention back to the fated pair. They part from the kiss - the doctor looks at the inmate and there’s something too his eyes. He’s looking at this man as if he is the lifeline that is keeping him going. As if he is the only thing the doctor could ever need to go on. It’s a look that Kihyun perpetually catches himself giving Wonho. 

It’s in a despairing way that makes it seem as though the doctor knows the destiny of how this relationship is going to end. He knows the heartache of what has yet to come. Trying to savor the simple moments before the inevitable rolls his head around to corner to tear you away. 

Kihyun pushes away the feeling once again… 

“J-Joon-ah.” The doctor's voice is panicked when he finally notices Kihyun.

The blue haired man whips his head to the side while raising up, releasing the doctor from being pushed up against the desk. The first thing Kihyun notices are dimples. Jooheon’s face flashes in his mind as a comparison - but there isn’t one, Jooheon’s dimples are his favorite.

The blue haired inmate turns towards Kihyun, seeming to give him the once over. He understands this move and does the very same back. The air about this man screams alpha, but also clumsiness. In fact, Kihyun can only sense a lack of coordination from him.

The man smirks, his dimples deeper than one could imagine. “Nice face.” He comments on Kihyun’s cuts, and bruises. 

“Nice tent.” Kihyun fires back, referring to the blue haired mans tightening pants. 

The man looks down at the sudden realization, he glances back up and gives the doctor a cheeky smile. The doctor frowns and smacks him on the forehead. He pushes the blue haired man away from him as he heads over to Kihyun.

“So, i’m going to leave, and let you guys go back to what you were doing just now.”

The doctor stops, giving Kihyun a skeptical look. “Hold on a moment, you aren’t aloud to leave.” 

“And you aren’t aloud to make out with inmates.” Kihyun tilts his head to the side, not in an innocent way. He raises an eyebrow at the doctor who looks to be deep in thought about something. “I have something I really need to do - so i’m turning a blind eye to this, and you’re turning a blind eye to me. Got it?” 

The doctor is giving him one hell of an angry look, but Kihyun has more important matters than being on someone’s good side. The doctor doesn’t say anything, he seems to be compliant so Kihyun takes the initiative to leave.   

He does take one last glance behind him. He looks from the doctor to the inmate, and smiles. He doesn’t know them, but he can only wish them happiness in the future.  

That height difference was cute, he tells himself before leaving.

  
  
  


Kihyun’s heart won’t stop racing as he takes closer and closer steps to his cell. 

He doesn’t know what to do - what to say. He knew he had a lot of explaining to do with Wonho. He was going to have to explain his attitude for the past couple of days. He would have to explain why he attacked Changkyun in the cafeteria. He would have to explain the tears falling down his cheeks… 

Pull yourself together already, he grills himself. Grow some balls and get on with it. 

_ I can do this _ .   

There is still an underlying throbbing in his cheeks, but he pushes it away. A bigger, more aggressive pain is revealing itself - not a physical pain, but an emotional one.

He stops right outside of his cell, he calms himself, taking slow even breaths. If anything, he needs just a moment to breathe. 

Kihyun enters the cell.

Wonho is sitting on the bottom bunk, his forearms resting against his knees as he seems to be staring at nothing. Kihyun can’t stop thinking of how much Wonho looks like a dark avenging angel. His pale skin contrasting against the heavy tattoo’s drawn all over him. His loving nature he tries to hide from the world. His heart. His smile. Everything about him.

He takes the time to burn the image into his mind. He’ll keep it close forever.  

Wonho turns his head to the side, his eyes widen when they land on Kihyun. More specifically his face. He watches the noirette push himself off the bed, rushing over to him.

Hands fly up to cup Kihyun’s cheeks, he immediately flinches away. But still prepares himself for the pain of skin to cut contact. With eyes shut tightly, he awaits. He feels the hesitation in the air, so he peeks from under dark lashes. 

He realizes Wonho had resisted the urge to touch him - his face however isn’t so inclined. He looks as though his heart had just dropped to his stomach. He just stares at Kihyun’s face, looking so shocked and unsure at the moment. It feels like an eternity before he speaks up. 

“God, look at you… You look terrible. ” His whispers soon turn stern. “Why in the hell would you do something so reckless like that? You fucking know him, he could have killed you if he wanted too.” 

Kihyun’s eyes downcast. 

“I don’t know who I should be more angry at. You for starting this, or him for even thinking about touching you.” There’s a huge sigh. “I might get my ass kicked, but i’m not letting him get away with that. I don’t care if you are the one that started this.” 

Kihyun speaks up this time. A little bit of energy to his words. “What? No. Wonho, stop fighting my battles for me.” He almost growls. But he withdraws his sudden snap as quickly as it came. “I mean.. Please, don’t concern yourself with that…” He mentally kicks himself for speaking so formally. He isn’t acting like himself and Wonho will soon catch on. 

Get your act together, he reminds himself. 

He gives a sudden laughing type of scoff, “It was pretty dumb of me. I know, but…” He trails. He was trying to do the roundabout, stalling for time. Typical. “Wonho, I have something to tell you.” He finally admits.

“Yeah? Well, you can tell me while you lay down. You need to rest, you look like shit.” He feels a warm hand wrap around his own, tugging him towards the bed.

Kihyun follows obediently, it sounds like such a good idea. But he rips his hand away before his mind decides on it. “No.” Wonho turns to him, eyes laced with confusion. “Wonho, this is important. I’m… I’m getting out.” 

He inhales sharply. He tilts his head up, locking eyes with the ceiling to stop the tears that threaten to pool. “It’s a long story, but… When my lawyer came to see me the other day. It was to tell me that… my release date was today. And I was going to tell you… God, I wanted to tell you as soon as I found out. But, I chickened out. I even picked a fight with Changkyun to buy me more time. I-... I’m getting out, Wonho.” He swallows down his feelings. “I-... I’m leaving this place for good…” 

Wonho doesn’t say anything. He only stares at Kihyun. 

Stares for so long that Kihyun half believed that the noirette didn’t exactly hear him. Or perhaps worse - he did hear him and has no idea how to handle the news. But Kihyun’s thoughts shatter when he sees Wonho smile. 

He feels something rip within his chest. 

“Idiot. That’s why you got yourself beaten up today?” Wonho laughs, it’s carefree enough that it could have passed as real and easy going, but Kihyun knows him better than anyone. That laugh was pure abuse. “Then why aren't you gone? Why would you want to be stuck in this place any longer when you can leave? Just go already.“

Wonho heads back over to the bed, leisurely.

The answer causes a few tears to slip down Kihyun’s cheeks. He couldn’t stop them. “W-What do you mean?” He brings his head back down, staring at Wonho’s wide shoulders. “Because of you. That’s the reason why I haven’t left yet… B-Because… I can’t just leave you alone…” But it isn’t the explanation he wanted to give at all. He didn’t want to say that at all. 

A growls rips through Wonho’s throat, Kihyun can hear the words pour through grit teeth. “What? Pitying me? Feel bad that you’re getting out, and i’m staying here all by myself?”

Kihyun flinches at the tone of his voice. 

“Who says I don't want to be alone? I was doing fine long before you even showed up. You  _ can _ leave, take the chance to get out of this damn place already. If I was you I'd have already be long gone. I wouldn’t look back -  _ maybe _ give them the privilege of my spit on the concrete.” 

Kihyun shifts from one foot to the other, his bad habit. “I-,” But he doesn’t know what he wants to say. He licks over his lips, he tastes the salt from the tears. He tries to stay strong. But it’s in vain. “ I couldn't just leave you like that.. Not without a goodbye…”

He laughs, maybe at the stupidity of his words. “This is probably the hardest goodbye I have ever had to say... I-I don't want t-too…” His voice breaks - a sudden, choked sob escapes. He whimpers, “I d-don’t know how to leave… If i’m honest with myself - I d-don’t want too…”

His eyes become clouded with tears. 

He can’t see Wonho, but he can hear the mercilessness in his voice, the unwilling callous in the air. “I don’t want you to stay. You’re a free man now - get out of my sight.” 

Although Kihyun’s whole body is shaking, he stays true to himself. He refuses to let things become like this. “Y-You don’t mean that…” 

“Oh my god, Kihyun. Open your eyes!” He shouts. 

Kihyun quickly rubs the tears out of his eyes, he needs to compose himself. He sees Wonho turn around to face him again, he stomp over to him with brute force. “Can’t you see? I don’t want you! So leave. Leave before I really lose my shit.”

Kihyun has the sudden flashback of laying in his bed. His face pressed into the pillow, tears soaking the fabric. He remembers the pain he felt after Wonho had rejected him. How Wonho didn’t want him. “Don’t… say that.” His voice can’t venture above a whisper. 

He remembers the ache in his chest from that night. How he wanted to give up so easily at times. Because Wonho didn’t want him. “You said… you loved me.” 

A smirks appears, “What? And you believed me?” The sound of a satisfied hum is poured into the room. Kihyun dares himself to look Wonho in his eyes - he’s more than surprised at what he discovers. 

They’re glossy. Glossy with tears just on the brink of flowing forth.

“I was only saying what you wanted to hear. You were always so desperate for me anyway. Might as well use that as an advantage.” 

Kihyun stops breathing. 

He couldn’t believe what he was seeing. A single tear strolls down Wonho’s cheek, it was the most overwhelmingly heartbreaking scene Kihyun has ever witnessed. Because this was the first time ever seeing Wonho’s crying face. He was truly rendered speechless.

“You can be happy… You can be free… So go.” There is the sound of a defeated sigh. “I don't want you here… Not like this… On the outside it would be different - but god knows if I'll ever see freedom - so don't waste your life on someone like me.”

Kihyun quickly takes a step forward. His eyes altruistic, but his feelings aren’t the same. He finds his voice. “I will never be able to quit you.” He beseeches. 

He doesn’t want to be caring, giving. He wants to be selfish. He wants what he wants, and he doesn’t care who stands in the way of that. He wants one thing, one person. 

He wants Wonho. He wouldn’t ever be able to get enough. 

“Kihyun, you don’t belong-,” 

Kihyun cuts him off immediately, he’s more than unwilling to hear such things.

“I b-belong wherever you a-are.. B-Because... “ He curses the tears, and whimpers that continuously pour out with his confessions. “... because no matter what, you’re home for me…”

The rush of movement within the air causes Kihyun to stumble backwards and lean flat against the wall. Wonho’s hand slams beside of his head, he’s being pinned up against the cold grey concrete - and Kihyun closes his eyes from the suddenness. 

Wonho’s mouth presses against Kihyun’s in feathery kisses. The noirette is being cautious of Kihyun’s wounds. Treating him as if he were something precious. The kisses are forlorn, and pitiful. They nearly scream goodbye…

Wonho pulls from the kiss - there isn’t heat, there isn’t passion. There are only icy walls. 

“You wanted a goodbye, now you have one.” He breath ghosts over Kihyun’s lips, the warmth soothes his cuts. “There's no excuse for you to stay anymore… You'll forget about me when you get out… I'm the one that's going to be stuck here with the memory of you choking me every day…” 

“W-Wonho…” He attempts with a beg. 

“No matter how hard I try, I will never be able to let you go… So do what's best for both of us… And leave… Leave before I decide you going isn’t an option…”

But that’s exactly what Kihyun wanted. 

He wanted Wonho to tell him to stay. He wanted to see the passion in his eyes - the emotions of his words imploring Kihyun to stay by his side. He wanted to be told to not go, to be told that he was needed right here. 

They stare into one another’s eyes with vehemence. The urge that flows between them is hellishly tempting. The feeling of being deprived of something you so desperately need is laced over his tongue. It tastes like poison. 

Kihyun reaches up, gripping his suit tightly - right over his heart. The pain he feels pierces so deep. A cold, pale hand places itself over Kihyun’s. Lithe fingers intertwine, and clamp down with lingering hope. The tears never stop spilling as Kihyun holds his breath.

“Kihyun… Kihyun.” His name is being called from down the hall - it echos out in vexatious reverberations. 

Even though he truly doesn’t want to, Kihyun pulls his gaze away from Wonho’s. Seokwon rounds the corner, entering the cell with determination in his steps. He’s sweating the least little bit on his forehead, it seems as though he had been looking around for some time now. 

He glares faintly when his eyes find Kihyun. “I went to the infirmary to make sure you were alright. They sent me to come get you - it’s time for the-,” But he stops when those same monolid eyes see his tears, and the two hands locked together. 

He shuts his tongue instantly. 

It wasn’t any secret that Seokwon knew of Kihyun and Wonho’s relationship. He knew, but he was also the kind of ‘ _ don’t ask, don’t tell _ ’ person. He easily turned away from situations like this. But right now he isn’t turning away at all. He’s staring with almost melancholic notice. He’s looking at the two with what seemed like pity for them. A look that Kihyun immediately despises.

“Kihyun… It’s time to go.” He informs him. 

He feels Wonho unclench from his hand, fingers sliding out from between his own, feeling the cold skin leave him altogether. 

It’s finally setting in:  _ I won’t ever see Wonho again _ . 

The reality is burning his insides - it’s burning and tearing, causing him to experience such an agonizing pain he’d never felt before. 

Wonho steps back and away from him. “Go.” He says without any emotion to his voice. He turns away, he won’t even look at Kihyun at this point. 

Somehow finding the strength in his legs, Kihyun pushes himself off the wall. His pace is slow, but he is reluctantly able to force himself to leave the cell - following Seokwon down the hall.  

Kihyun feels something inside of him break. 

It’s really over. 

  
  
  


The court room was too colorful. 

There were too many colors surrounding him, the light was too bright, and there were too many unfamiliar faces. There was a lack of grey, a lack of orange - the aggravating fluorescent lighting he so easily became adjusted too was replaced with blinding radiance. Kihyun wasn’t used to his at all. 

The room was filled with shouting. Accusations and explanations of misunderstandings coming left and right. Apologies and begs of forgiveness coming from somewhere in the area. He couldn’t pinpoint an exact location. Most of the time Kihyun couldn’t even comprehend if anyone was even talking to him. But he could hear Shownu’s voice above all others. 

The whole ordeal was utter chaos. Everything was overwhelming. 

Kihyun kept his head down the whole time.

His purposefully deafened ears somehow hear a gavel smash against hard wood. He notices that Shownu is smiling in rejoice. Kihyun stands quickly, embracing him tightly, so desperately. He shows thanks because over all else he is, in fact, going to be a free man again. Something he has wanted since day one - even if things have changed, he was finally leaving. 

He exits the courtroom in a blur. Shownu, however, doesn’t escort him to the double doors of freedom like Kihyun had expected him too. Rather, he leads him down a very long, intimidating corridor. He doesn't understand, but he also doesn’t voice his confusion.

He stays silent even as they enter the room.

They sit in front of an older looking man behind a desk. He had an aristocratic air about him. Something noble and authoritative. But Kihyun looks down at his lap once more. 

Words are exchanged between the two, Kihyun tunes them out. He doesn’t have time to listen to unnecessary things. 

So instead, he begins to consider all of the possibilities of what will happen once he’s on the outside. He’s going to have to find a job, he refuses to go back to the hell hole he worked at previously. He’ll have to find a place to stay. He wonders if Minhyuk would be kind enough to let him crash at his place until he got on his feet.

“... We were hoping this little compensation would be enough to… overlook this whole mess.” The regal looking man had explained while passing Shownu a piece of paper. “And perhaps you would could take the whole ‘ _ hushhush _ ’ rule into consideration.” He glanced at Kihyun. 

Kihyun watches his lawyer glance over whatever was written on it and pull his eyebrows together in irritation. “What is this? I thought this story went public once the news of the hidden evidence came out? Are you saying no one knows about this? You’re trying to pay us off?” He asks dumbfounded. 

Kihyun looks at the paper between tan fingers, he wants to take a peek, but doesn’t.

“Is that not enough?” The olden man picks up his black pen once more. “We truly are remorseful for what happened to you, Kihyun. We were thinking how the situation would be in your best interest. You wouldn’t have to fret over all the publicity, and  _ we _ wouldn’t have to agonize over a scandal.”

The man doesn’t pass the paper along to Shownu, instead he reaches it out towards Kihyun. Kihyun’s eyes locks with Shownu’s for a mere moment before he’s leaning forward, retrieving the new piece of paper. 

He sees the number before him, his eyebrows hit the ceiling. He hadn’t ever seen so many zeros in his life. Is this just for use to split? Or each?   

“I’m more than insulted if you think you can just buy us off so easily!” Shownu is on his feet, slamming his hand hard against the old man's desk. 

Kihyun stands, placing a gentle hand on his lawyers arm to calm him. Shownu turns to him, his eyes soften when he sees how serene his client is. “Shownu, you don’t have to do that.” He assures.  

He turns his attention towards the regal man, his eyes automatically squint as he tries to word himself properly. Informative, yet vague. “I… can’t even pretend that what happened to me was something that could so easily be overlooked. It was a failure on your part - you were meant to protect the innocent, protect us from situations like this. But you didn’t. And yet… I can’t even be mad at you for that.” 

He stops, he forces his tears away - he had previously promised himself that he wouldn’t cry anymore over this. He’s going to try with all his might to keep that promise. 

“You won’t ever understand what i’m talking about… But you did something special for me by shoving me in that place.”

The old man’s expression is ambivalent. He doesn’t understand the cryptic meaning behind Kihyun’s words. Of course he didn’t. No one outside those walls would ever be able to understand. But Kihyun can only digress. 

“Then,” The old man places his hands under his chin, propping himself up with them. “Can I presume this offer is to your liking?”

“...Yes.”

  
  
  


“Kihyun, is there someplace you can go? I’ll give you a ride. No matter where it is.” Shownu offers when they leave the courthouse together. 

Kihyun looks up, he stares at the bright blue sky, he watches the white fluffy clouds passing by. He hears sounds he almost forgotten about as he watches the world live on. 

Kihyun is but isn’t impressed.

“Actually… Can you give me a ride to the downtown apartments? There’s someone I really need to see right now.”  

The car ride is nice, and Kihyun holds his arm out the window as the wind whips his hair around. He breaks out into a smile as the sun beats down on his face. He feels so free, so alive. He watches all the familiar buildings fly by, he takes into account every different tree he sees. He even catches himself waving ‘hello’ to strangers.

They soon pull up to a small set of double decker apartments. He suddenly remembers the book he was reading - he left it under his pillow back in the cell. He shakes the thought away as he gets out of the car, making his way around to Shownu’s side. His lawyer exits his car. 

Well, he can’t really be called his lawyer any longer. 

“Are you sure this is the place?” He asks glancing at the building. 

“Yeah, this is it.” He smiles at the old, timeworn housing - then looks to the tall man. “And so is this.” He says referring to the two of them.

Kihyun is out now, so there is no reason the two have to be acquainted any longer. The feeling is bittersweet. 

“Kihyun, this won’t ever be over. You aren’t just a client too me. You’re a friend. A very close and dear friend. Don’t think so low of me that I worked this hard just for the paycheck.” Shownu gives a toothy grin, and Kihyun smiles back at him. 

The two give a small goodbye as Kihyun heads to a specific numbered door. He cautiously knocks. Bringing his hands up, he fiddles with his fingers. He feels nervous for no reason.

The knob jiggles, sending a shiver down Kihyun’s back. The door opens and he sees Minhyuk. He’s greeted with the most brilliant, mesmerizing smile. And Kihyun doesn’t waste time. 

He lunges forward - wrapping arms around the white haired man with everything he had. He presses his face in the crook of Minhyuk’s neck. His arms are so welcoming, so secure. A feeling that Kihyun had needed the moment he left the prison. 

Minhyuk is warm. And being held by him like this is spreading happiness throughout Kihyun’s whole body, given the circumstances. “Kihyun.” The dazzling man breathes out with amiability. Kihyun feels better straightaway. 

“Come on - welcome to my lovely abode.” He ushers Kihyun inside the tiny apartment. It was bigger than a cell room, but not by much. Even from standing in the doorway, Kihyun could see the living room, kitchen, and entrance to the bathroom. He recalled Minhyuk explaining  how the bed came down from the wall, at this moment it was down, exposed. 

Kihyun steps further into the room. It was decorated so topsy-turvy. Items put in places and ways one wouldn’t normally do. But it was okay, because everything was Minhyuk. It just seemed like him.  

“It’s nice.” Kihyun throws him a tender smile.

“Isn’t it? I told you, it’s better than you would expect. Of course, it would be better if I had more room. And if I could paint these walls a different color. My land lady is so strict. She’s so scary! If I wasn’t so afraid of her - and the thought of being sued - I would grab different colors of paint and fling it at the walls. Splatter paint design.” 

Minhyuk puts his hands up towards the walls to express his meaning further. “I can’t even put pictures on the walls. She said ‘I don’t want nail holes all over my life’s work’. Can you believe how dramatic she is?” He scoffs, smiling again. “As if her rules weren’t dictator-y enough. I mean-,” 

The voice dies down when Minhyuk looks Kihyun in the face. 

Kihyun just gives another fake smile. Minhyuk strolls his way back to the red haired man. He places warm hands, carefully to Kihyun’s cheeks. It surprisingly didn’t affect him - there wasn’t any pain. 

“What’s with that gloomy face? Hm?” Another heartwarming smile. “You remind me of myself. You act like that was the very last time you’ll ever see him.” 

Kihyun tries hard to stop his voice from cracking. “Isnt’ it?”

White hair sways back and forth as he shakes his head. “Far from it. You’ll be with him again. Sooner than you think. Just like i’ll be with Jooheon again. We just have to be patient.” He releases Kihyun’s cheeks, heading towards the kitchen. 

It was then that Kihyun noticed the smoke coming from the other side of the room. He follows Minhyuk into the kitchen, he sees udon cooking and his stomach growls very loudly. “Let’s eat while you tell me how you got the that shark attack. Yeah?” 

Kihyun challengingly agrees.

It’s later into the night before the two finish talking. Kihyun tells Minhyuk so many things. He tells him what has happened while he was gone. He told him everything that went on with Jooheon, and Hyungwon, and Changkyun. He told him about Wonho. He told him all about how he befriended a guard, and all the help he received. 

He finds he can’t hold anything back from Minhyuk. He wants to express everything to him. He wants to be closer with him. Minhyuk is all he has right now - and he couldn’t think of anyone else he wanted to be with at the moment. 

“You’re staying here, you know.” Minhyuk says matter of fact as he grabs a blanket from out of nowhere. “You think I forgot? We all made an agreement to live with one another when we got out. Well, you’re out now. So that’s finally two of us. We just have to wait for the others. Slowly, but surely.”

Kihyun smiles at the memory. “You took that seriously?”

“Of course I did.” He smiles, laying the blanket out on one side of the bed. Minhyuk is the first to lay down, getting himself comfortable. “Hey, Do you want to spoon?” 

Kihyun stops abruptly as he swore he heard Wonho’s voice asking him that. He plants himself on the bed, laying down to face Minhyuk on his side. “I… don’t think I can.” He admits sadly. 

“Just pretend i’m him.” It sounded like something cheaters and guilty lovers would say. “I can be anyone you want if it’s dark enough.” But Minhyuk’s words are innocent and caring. Kihyun can feel the concern, he knows the harmless support his friend is trying to offer him. 

He can only agree. 

But Minhyuk’s chest isn’t broad enough, his body isn’t the perfect warmth that lulled him to sleep nights before. His arms aren’t resting around his waist, holding him close and connected. Minhyuk is too thin, too lissome. But when Kihyun closes his eyes, and relaxes himself against the bed - he feels Wonho hold him. 

He feels Wonho’s strong arms - his hot breath. He hears his heartbeat, he awaits the sound of mumbling nightmares. But they never come. He pretends Wonho is here at this moment. He hears him whispering his name in his ear, he feels the love pouring out of his fingertips. He feels Wonho nuzzle his nose into Kihyun’s hair playfully before they drift off into a comfortable slumber. He hears soft, even breaths.  

Because no matter where Kihyun is, no matter where he will go, no matter how long he will have to wait. Wonho will always be home for him.

“I love you, Wonho…” He whispers into the darkness.

_ I love you too, Kihyun…   _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to thank my best friend Kieto-chan for helping with that heartbreaking scene <3


	15. The Familiarity of Strangers

It has been raining for three days straight - and Kihyun is undoubtedly to blame.

The canopy roofing that extends beyond the housing keeps the drops at bay. Kihyun can only witness their existence from the window. He stares in mirrored derision as they fall in unison - cataract esque.

Subtle thunder cracks from the outside. 

Kihyun blinks slowly - the rain is utter background noise to his ears. He relaxes further into the pillow, his fingers slide underneath the fabric and clench tightly into the threads. The pillow smells of detergent and fruit scented shampoo. 

The bed has a temporary indentation due to Kihyun’s stationary form. He hasn’t, and wholeheartedly refuses to be moved from the mattress. He doesn’t have the energy - doesn’t have the will to budge from the spot. He feels so emotionally drained. As if he has the essence of someone who is ailing. He feels void of vitality. The ebullience of his character had been taken from him. Being replaced with wretched dejection. 

Though, regardless of the odds that are stacked against him, there is something that counters the awful dismal emptiness. A bright, golden purity that builds hope, and casts away the desolate shadows in Kihyun’s heart.   

The mattress shifts from behind him, it causes his body to dip down as springs creak from the underneath. Weight presses into his shoulder, a chin resting against him. Kihyun gathers himself, turning his head to the side. “Kihyunnie.” Minhyuk coos out. 

A smile, all too easily, appears.  

“Coffee?” He offers, and Kihyun doesn’t even have to ponder. 

“Yeah.” 

The weight disappears for a split second before returning. “Also, do you plan on getting out of bed today?” Minhyuk scrunches his nose a little bit. “No offence or anything, but… you’re starting to smell. And you should really brush your teeth.” 

Kihyun’s jaw drops from the hits - in turn prompting Minhyuk to grip his nose between his fingers tightly. Exaggerating his words tenfold. Kihyun quickly slaps a hand over his mouth to stop the odor, as initial shock turns into bouts of laughter. 

Kihyun shoves his face into the pillow, as he and Minhyuk chuckle out lightheartedly together. “Fine.” He agrees, shoving Minhyuk off of him, as he gets out of the bed. 

He takes a long, steaming, well deserved shower. Scrubbing every inch of his body to please his roommate. He’d never felt so much peace from taking a shower before. He didn’t have to worry about wondering eyes. He didn’t have to worry about feeling self conscious. He was alone. He was secure, and all to himself for the first time in a year and a half. 

He would never take showering for granted ever again. 

Afterward, Minhyuk lent him some clothes. Admittedly, they were rather long on him, but Kihyun was far from complaining. They both seated themselves as they began to sip their coffee. It didn’t mix well with the mint flavored toothpaste, but it didn’t seem to affect Kihyun. 

“So, do you have any plans for today? And if you say laying back down after I leave for work i’m going to throw this in your face.” Minhyuk threatens, motioning his hot cup towards Kihyun.

He eyes the cup warily - he couldn’t tell if Minhyuk was joking or not. He wouldn’t chance it. “Yeah… I’m going to see what became of my house, and my old job.” 

“Mm.” Minhyuk hums apprehensively. “Are you sure that’s a good idea? I remember you telling me how sucky your job was. Why would you want to go back?”

Kihyun takes another drink - it slides down his throat slowly, burning delightfully. “I just want to make sure they’re still miserable up there.” He teases, but isn’t teasing at all. Then he starts to question whether he should go back  _ there  _ or not. Contemplating if he is able to handle that type of situation, or if he should just stay away altogether. 

“Well, alright. Oh! I called Jooehoney last night. And he told me Changkyun forgives you.” His friend declares out of the blue. 

Kihyun chokes suddenly as the warm liquid goes down the wrong way. “W-Wait, what?” He doesn't want to sound hopeful, but comes out sounding as such. “He… Just like that? He just forgives me? So easily? That doesn’t make sense.” 

“Kihyun, calm down.” Minhyuk pouts his cheeks as he continues. “Wonho told Changkyun what you did…” He begins, as Kihyun feels his chest swell with hearing that considering everything, Wonho was still on his side. Still taking up for him. “... and then Wonho and Changkyun got into a fight.” He finishes, mumbling as to keep Kihyun from hearing the last part.

Kihyun halts all facial expressions, merely nodding to himself. “Why?” Is all he asks. But somehow he already knows. Because, Wonho had told him what he was going to do from the start. 

_ I might get my ass kicked, but i’m not letting him get away with that. I don’t care if you are the one that started this _ . Idiot, Kihyun internally sighs. But he’s also kind of happy.

“Because Changkyun hurt you… They’re in the hole now.” Minhyuk gets off the bed, heading to the kitchen to clean his empty glass. “He’ll be out in a couple of days. And they’re still okay with each other. Still friends.” He ends on that note with a smile.

Kihyun gets up from the bed, mimicking Minhyuk’s movements to the kitchen. He cleans his own cup. “Did Jooheon say anything else? Maybe… about Wonho?” He tries with hidden longing. “Or maybe…”

Minhyuk snags the cup from Kihyun’s grasp, it causes the red headed man to look up at him. The look on his face tells him everything he needs to know. A hint of pity swirling in sparkling eyes. “No, i’m sorry.” He finally answers. But Kihyun was prepared for it. He made sure to always be ready for the worst, and not hope for the best when it came to Wonho. 

It’s not that he didn’t have faith in the man he loved - more so, he was already au fait to the noirettes intentions. He wouldn’t even let his own sister come to see him, to let her know that he was alright. So, why would Kihyun be an exception? 

Kihyun smiles at his friend. “I wonder if his face looks like mine now?” He jokes, but his already healing wounds throb from previous pain. No, it wasn’t physical pain. “Anyway, i’m gonna come by and see you in action today.”

“Ah. Good, Come see me act all boss like.” A beautiful simper appears. “Make sure you come around ten or eleven, that’s the slowest periods.” 

“Got it.” 

Minhyuk leaves the apartment thirty minutes later, leaving Kihyun with his solitude. He glances over at the bed, it looks so tempting. He truly considers laying back down and refusing to move for hours as he’s done days before. But, he know he has things to do. Something's knowingly harder than others.

Slipping his shoes on, he commandeers the umbrella that’s hidden beneath a jacket and a pair of slippers in the corner of the room. He leaves the tiny apartment with delicate liveliness.

From where he is currently residing - his old home is relatively far. He doesn’t have money to take the bus or call a taxi. The old, aristocratic man he had made a deal with informed him it would take a few days before the money would be wired to a private account. So, until then, he would be impecunious and forced to use his own two legs as transportation. 

But Kihyun didn’t mind. Though, he did wish the rain would give him a break. 

Taking longer than anticipated - all the while his legs feeling like jelly - Kihyun makes it to his old home. And it was as if time stood still, awaiting his return. Nostalgia brings a grin to his lips. It had been so long, but not forgotten.  

The diminutive dwelling was still everything Kihyun had remembered it too be. Granted he had lived in somewhat of a housing complex himself. Unlike Minhyuk’s one room apartment that you have to take stairs to reach - Kihyun lived in a ground floor unit with adjoining walls. The second window that had the large split near the edge of the wooden sill looked back at him. 

The small steps next to the driveway that he always tripped over when making it to the bottom step seemed to tease him. Kihyun just blinks as he continues to stare, pulling his brows together. He then remembered his mail box that wouldn’t ever lock as it was broken. And how the mailman would sometimes not close the lid properly, his mail being exposed to any and every person to just look at and take. 

Kihyun scoffs at nothing. 

He hadn’t realized just how horrible this place used to be. How drafty it was, how loud the neighbors were. Especially the newly married couple in room 4C - they were up all hours of the night having  _ fun _ . The room's walls being thinner than paper. Then that annoying cat that would pee on Kihyun’s newspaper every morning. That brat neighbor kid that would kick his soccer ball against Kihyun’s front door. How his useless mother would do absolutely nothing to punish him for it!

Kihyun swallows hard. 

Now looking back on it, his true memories burst into his mind like a raging white waterfall. It was as if he were wearing beer goggles for so long. The reminiscence of what he thought he missed and what truly was clouded his judgement while he was locked away. 

The recalling truth was, Kihyun hated living here. It was utter hell for him. 

It suddenly makes him consider what else he was blind about for so long. Back in the cell, he had described to Wonho how awful his job was. The horrid space he was assigned, how the guy next to him was a complete brownnoser. No casual friday’s… What if his old job was indeed worse than what he had previously thought. 

Only one way to find out, he told himself and set off on foot once more. 

No one was at the receptionist desk when Kihyun entered the building. Of course there wouldn’t be, Ji Hee and Sung Min always were awful at their jobs. Anyone would be able to walk in with them on the clock. Unsurprising as it was, it gave Kihyun the advantage he needed to slide in without being questioned. 

He got looks from his attire, but Kihyun didn’t pay them any mind. He took the elevator up to the ninth floor. As soon as the doors opened the scent of burning plastic wafted right into his nose. It stung, making his eyes water from not being adjusted to the smell anymore. It was worse than he thought it had been.

He strides down the aisles of endless cubicles calculatedly. He hated how he knew this floor like a book. So many faces he recognized, all their eyes glued to screens with countless numbers flashing by. He feels pity for them, then again, it is their choice to work here. 

Kihyun finally makes it to his old cubicle. He doubts his belongings are still stationed in the side, bottom drawer of the desk. When he peeks inside, he notices someone already seated at his old computer. Fingers flying over the keyboard expeditiously. Someone who looked drained and robotic. The conscious control one has over their body being ripped away, now programmed to do one thing. Merely functioning for labor. 

Kihyun takes a step away from the overwhelming scene.

The man hadn’t even noticed Kihyun’s existence. In fact, no one on this whole floor had noticed him at all. It was as if they were mindless zombies walking around with besmirching endeavors.

_ Was I like this too _ ? He asked himself fearfully.  _ Walking around with a doltish expression. Working as if it was my only reason to get out of bed in the morning _ . He presses his lips together, they feel cold and chapped.  _ I wasn’t living, I was just existing _ …

 Kihyun’s throat feels as though it’s beginning to close up. His breathing becomes shallow, he feels awfully aware of his surroundings. An anxious tightening inkling that takes away Kihyun’s capability of staying calm. It feels as though the walls are starting to close in on him. The corpses walking around the office area are drawing near - they don’t see him, yet their presence creates a spine-chilling supremacy over Kihyun. 

He steps back, he steps away. The room slowly burns with crimson, and umber. They surround him, they’re now laughing at him. Tittering with mockery. Their joker like smiles stretched over dead faces. Kihyun’s breath hinders. 

With raised hands they begin pointing at him - they chant judgingly. They tell him he doesn’t belong here. They tell him he needs to leave. Wait… 

Kihyun closes his eyes tightly, but when he reopens them, everything is as it was. The room was back to it’s monotonous beige color. The employees were in their cubicles, no one was surrounding him. They weren’t pointing, they were not laughing at him, mocking him. Even so, Kihyun realizes this is how he truly felt when entering this place. 

He always felt trapped - surmised. He always felt he was being confined, and choked within these wall. As if his life had no meaning, as if he was just another sad, lonely person being slaved away for corporate gain. His finger pointing, ridiculing delusions were right. He  _ didn’t _ belong here - he  _ should _ leave.  

 So he runs.

He runs out blindingly into the downpour. He needed to distance himself from the building as fast as he could. He ignores the sting on his cheeks from the pelting drops. He doesn’t know where he’s going - the vicinity around him ran together in colored blurs. He sprints until his side aches, then he pushes forward. 

He stumbles when he rounds the corner of a street a little too quickly. Catching his footing - his eyes land on a massive luminous sign scintillating atop a familiar building. 

Kihyun’s eyelids flutter with cognizance as he reads said sign.  

Amico.

Kihyun’s eyes widen. The gas station that had started it all. He was standing right in front of it - right before his eyes. He unconsciously returned to the scene that caused his downfall. The place that began his descent into being locked away from his old life. It just seemed so surreal.

“Hey! Hey, you. Idiot boy.” 

Kihyun tears his gaze away from the shining remembrance to locate the voice that’s calling out to him. He sees a middle aged gentleman standing in the doorway of the gas station. He’s wearing the signature blue work vest, with glasses perched upon his nose. He’s also giving Kihyun one hell of a stupefied look.  

“Get out of the rain, dumbass!” He calls out the hostile sounding, but perfectly reasonable advice, then he’s returning to his position behind the counter.

It was then that Kihyun realized he was soaked from head to toe - he had forgotten the umbrella back at his old workplace. His clothes felt heavier, and were now hanging lower than before. The raindrops slide down the side of his face, leaving him in a heap of shivers.

Kihyun feels it’s wise to take the older man's advice - he dashes through the storm. Pushing the glass doors open, he trudges inside, leaving the torrent behind. 

It takes a moment for Kihyun’s body to become adjusted to the heat as he’s welcomed into the store with a grunt from the worker. It doesn’t stop the gooseflesh that spreads all over his arms, and down his back. Kihyun shakes his head quickly, from side to side, as if he were a drenched dog trying to dry its fur.

Inside the gas station was everything short of impressive. It was hushed all the way through the building - excluding the buzzing coming from the old lighting on the ceiling. Said fluorescent lighting was concedingly worse than it had been in the white visitation room at the prison. The lighting was dimmer, yet the contrast it gave to Kihyun’s skin intensified, making it look as though he were grey.

It made him grimace. 

“You’re making a mess on my floor.” The same grumpy, hostile voice informed. 

Kihyun looks down at his feet after being told. He watches the drops of water falling from the bottom of his shirt, and splashing onto the tiled ground. Truthfully there is nothing he can do to stop it - he can only stare as he gradually floods the floor.

“Sorry.” He mumbles. 

“Here, put this beside ya’.” A wet floor sign is literally thrown at his head. It’s sudden, and without warning so Kihyun is forced to half grab half dodge it. But he surely doesn’t catch it. 

After his self-embarrassment had died down, he sets the sign up beside of him. Somehow it suited him. He didn’t know if it was because of all the self pity, or because it represented his current state - but it worked. He felt proud and fatuous all at once. 

”What in the world were you doing just standing out there?” The worker asks as he fiddles with something that Kihyun is too indolent to take into account. 

Where should he begin?

He was forced to get out of bed that morning, so he decided to see what became of his old life. How his old home was a living nightmare. His old job was hell on earth, and caused him to have a panic attack the moment he stepped foot inside the building. How he ran through the rain in a frenzy only to go back to the crime scene where his whole world was turned upside down forever. What could he say? 

“I was… torturing myself.” He answers with recognition. The man merely laughs at him. 

Kihyun has a sudden thought. He remembered when he was inspecting the hidden evidence that Shownu presented to him. On one of the white papers it had talked about an eyewitness to his case. It was the cashier of this establishment that was able to prove Kihyun’s innocence. But was it this man? 

He wondered as this cashier didn’t seem to acknowledge him. Or perhaps he did, but wasn’t going to make it known. Either way, Kihyun wouldn’t be able to figure it out - so, he wouldn’t be able to thank him properly. 

“Well, you can stay here until the rain lets up. But, you have to buy something while you wait.” He puts the object he was fiddling with away. 

Kihyun bites the inside of his cheek. “Uh… I don’t have any money though.” 

“Hey,” The cashier raises from his rolling chair as he changes the subject completely. “What’s with the gloomy face? You’ve been wearing it ever since I caught you out there.” 

From up close he could tell that this man had a pretty poor complexion. (And not due to the lighting that was affecting Kihyun so greatly.) Pock-marks covering the edges of his jaws, trying to be hidden beneath a becoming five o’clock shadow. Though, among everything else, the man was rather handsome. 

“Well, it’s just difficult trying to…” His eyes glance over the wall of cigarette options. Kihyun can’t confess the true cause to his sadness - it was just pity. He didn't want to admit that. “... trying to figure out what the word ‘ _ evil _ ’ actually means. That’s why my face is like this…”  

The cashier hums. “Aren’t you a bit young to be thinking so seriously?” The man sits back down, “ _ Evil is in the eye of the beholder _ .” Something doesn’t seem right about that. Kihyun feels as though he’s heard that phrase before - but it was referring to beauty, not evil.  

But it sounds as though this man is quoting something salient, Kihyun’s ears perk up a bit. “What you think is bad, and what others think is bad are not always alike. Being evil is subjective. Whatever you do, good or bad, others will always have something negative to say. Just look at Robin Hood.” 

Kihyun mind immediately pulls up an image of Jooheon - the real life Robin Hood.

“That guy stole from the rich and gave to the poor. Some called him a hero, some called him a low down thief. But, it’s your call to decide who the true hero’s are.” The cashier leaves from behind the counter. He opens the door to one of the coolers that contain the soft-drinks. He takes out a particular brand that Kihyun likes. “ Is a man evil because of his past, or are others evil for reminding him of it?” 

Kihyun shivers when the man hands him the drink. He returns to his seat. “Being good and evil is a conclusion that you and I make everyday with infinite importance.” He pulls out a few bills from his own pocket, resting them in the cash register. “If someone is sorry - can they truly be considered evil?” 

Kihyun was silent, he didn’t know what to say to that. This man was so wise. So wise and sagacious of the world around him. It was as if this man was someone who experienced his life through fresh eyes. Centuries and possibilities splayed in phenomenal curves and edges of his character. He seemed as though he was someone who belonged on a lecturing stage - not stuck in this run down gas station selling booze and cancer sticks. 

Kihyun doesn’t know him, doesn’t know anything about him - but he is going to repay this man one day for his intelligence, and kindness. “Thank you…” He whispers referring to the free drink and advice. The rain is still pounding away outside, but Kihyun feels adamant to leave regardless of the weather. 

“Hey, kid!” The man calls out, and Kihyun glances from over his shoulder, a hand pressed flat upon the glass. “It always rains the hardest on people who deserve the sun.” He finishes with credence.

  
  
  


Minhyuk comes home yelling at him. 

Kihyun is in the kitchen, washing up the dishes from last night’s supper when the air in the room shifts, and the front door slams. Minhyuk marches in with irritation, glaring as beautiful eyes fill with wrath. His friend drops the keys on the table, turning towards Kihyun with indignation - a hand on his hip. A coat caught between clenched fingers.

“You didn’t stop by like you said you would. So, I can only assume you stayed home, in bed, again.” He accuses with vice. “Kihyun, do you know how unhealthy this is for you? I understand that you’re sad. Okay? I was sad too. I was sad for a long time. But, I faced reality. I couldn’t just lay around, groveling, and feeling sorry for myself. I got up and went on with life, because I know that’s what Jooheon would have wanted. He wouldn’t want to see me wasting away in a bed like you’re doing. Do you think Wonho would want to see you like this?” 

Minhyuk was an incredible friend. He was always so sweet, and caring. He would do anything for anyone he loved without a second thought because of his soft hearted nature. But, there was also this side to him. The side that will sass the hell out of you. The side that wasn’t afraid to tell you what he thought if you pushed him hard enough. Kihyun was unfortunate enough to have pushed the envelope, even though he hadn’t. 

“Minhyuk, I just got home maybe twenty minutes ago…” Kihyun rubs the back of his neck, trying not to smile. “I’ve been out of the house all day.” 

He watches the white haired man press his tongue against the inside of his cheek, protruding the skin as he looks at anything that isn’t Kihyun himself. “Hm, yes well…” He seems to be a bit shocked. A worried expression appears - a look that one could tell meant he immediately regretted what had just came out of his mouth. 

“Th-That was simply a warning in case you  _ did _ stay in bed all day.” He answers, quickly rewording himself. “And now that I know you in fact  _ didn’t _ , i’m going to order a pizza.” He finishes, slipping away to the living room. 

Kihyun smiles as he begins rinsing, and stacking. 

Once the food arrives, Kihyun and Minhyuk seat themselves on the bed. 

“So, you were really out all day?” His friend asks while taking another slice. 

Kihyun nods, swallowing the bite he was chewing. “Yeah. I lost track of time, and the rain kind of held me up too.” He doesn’t tell Minhyuk how miserable his day was. He didn’t talk about his little break down at the office. Nor had he brought up the enlightening older man he spoke with at the gas station. He was going to keep that to himself.  

“By the time I finished everything I needed to do it was past four. So, I knew I was too late in coming to see you at work.” He tosses his crust back in the emptying pizza box. 

“So how was revisiting your past?” Minhyuk finishes off his own slice. 

Kihyun contemplates hard. How would he ever explain to others that being falsely accused and put in prison was actually a miracle for him. That it had changed his life for the better. He marvels at the thought of no one believing him, how they would laugh it off, and assume that he was joking. But he would be more than serious.

“Did you get misty-eyed looking at everything - feeling all nostalgic and sentimental?”  

“Dude, all I can say is… Fuck that.”  They laugh. 

  
  
  
  


Kihyun keeps to his promise of visiting Minhyuk at work.

It was immaculate compared to the dilapidated gas station he was standing in days prior. It was lively with cars and customers overflowing the area. Kihyun never expected to be impressed over a job as elementary as this - but he was so proud of Minhyuk getting back on his feet that it was patently overlooked.

Walking through the sliding doors, the aroma of food fills his nose. It smells appetizing, considering it’s greasy gas station grub. 

Kihyun notices a scrawny, short guy behind the counter. He looked so young, and the air about him seemed so innocent. He’s bagging some individually wrapped donuts for a customer as he gives a toothy smile. He guesses Minhyuk is in the back office since little guy is up front.

“Can I help you?” He offers once the customer walks off. 

Kihyun strolls over to the counter, resting his hands against it. “Well, I came to see Minhyuk. I’m his roommate, Kihyun.” 

Little guy nods knowingly, “Ah, you’re Kihyun. Minhyuk talks about you all the time. I honestly can’t get him to shut up about you.” He smiles, but it’s inconsistent with his words. “I’m Minkyun.” 

Kihyun cocks his ear towards the little guy a moment as he thought he heard wrong. “I’m sorry, did you say your name was Minhyuk, too?” 

The guy seems less than amused. He’s giving an antagonized look - a look that says ‘I will kill you if you say that again’. Kihyun admittedly feels threatened. “Mi-NK-yun.” He answers once more, emphasizing his name.

Kihyun honestly doesn’t want to deal with this hyper angry, highschooler look alike. So he decides to take a stroll around the junk food aisles of the store. There were so many things he used to eat, so many things he suddenly craved. Especially when Kihyun passes the delectable, multitude of colors from the slush machines. Man, what a time to be poor.

Kihyun picks up a few things. Maybe Minhyuk would buys these for him with his discount card. 

“Kihyun!” He hears a delighted voice ring in his ears. He steps from the junk food, and makes his way over to the other side of the counter, opposite from the little guy up front. His eyes land on Minhyuk’s work attire, he smiles. His friend is wearing glasses. 

He can’t help but find that adorable. 

“Sorry, I was busy with a call to one of the other employees.” He explains, sliding a hand through his white hair. “This work is so easy, but tiresome at the same time.” His sigh being overly exaggerated.

“Stop whining, princess.” Kihyun mocks, flicking Minhyuk’s forehead. “Do you know how simple your job truly is?”

“Oh, do you want to work here then?” His friend asks with a leer. He turn towards the scrawny boy at the front of the store - placing a hand beside of his mouth to echo out his words. “Minkyun, you’re fired. Kihyun’s taking your place.” 

Kihyun’s eyes widen, panic sets in. “M-Minhyuk.” He reaches quickly over the counter, grabbing the white haired mans arm tightly, pulling it away from his face. “What the hell? Don’t fire him. I don’t want to work here.” He hisses. 

“Why not? Do you know how fun it would be for us to work together?” 

Kihyun opens his mouth to respond with another snippy comment, but his attention is dragged away by an obnoxious little beeping noise coming from his pocket. He releases his hold on his friend - sliding his hand down his front pocket, retrieving his phone.

When they had returned his possessions before he left the prison, he was shocked to find that his plan was still up and running. His phone being able to call and text even after the prolonged time of not paying the monthly bill. However, looking back, he recalled why that was, why he didn’t have to pay the bills himself. He refused to rekindle the memory. 

Bringing his attention to the screen, Kihyun notices a little warning sign flashing red. The words  **VIRUS** are in big bold letters.

“What?” He rasps.

How in the world could he have gotten a virus out of the blue? Kihyun didn’t even use the internet access, nor did he ever download anything while using the phone. Even when he was living his old, boring life he would use only texting and calling. Nothing more.

“What’s wrong?” Minhyuk asks, leaning his body over the counter, trying to take a peek. 

“I have no idea… My phone just popped up an alert. It says I have a virus.” Kihyun pulls his brows together in confusion. But soon there is another little ding, and the screen changes.

The red warning had vanished, being replaced with a blue box with an  _ open _ button. Kihyun is skeptical, but slides his thumb over the instructing square. The phone  _ chimes _ as the message opens up. 

It read: ‘ _ First you screw up my name, then you take my job? Fine. I’ll ruin, and run up your phone bill to the max _ .’ 

Wait, what? 

“What kind of joke…?” He sputters. All signs immediately pointed to the little guy behind the front counter. The message was hardly cryptic - it was clear as water. But, being able to send a message to someone who didn’t even have your number? And what about that random virus alert? There was no way possible… 

He trails off, Kihyun’s head snaps up, eyes crashing with his friends. Minhyuk’s expression is puzzled, clueless - as it should be. He shoves the phone into Minhyuk’s hands, urging him to read it. “What is this? Spam? A joke?”

He carefully watches as Minhyuk’s sparkling eyes glance over the screen, reading the message for himself. His thin, perfect cotton candy colored lips pull back in a smile. “Yah! Minkyun.” Minhyuk calls after the shorter, disappearing to the front of the counter. 

Kihyun isn’t far behind on the opposite side of the counter, making his way to the head of the store.

As he makes it to the front he notices some kind of odd, black object in the guy’s hands. His fingers are purposely covering the device - Kihyun is unable to distinguish it. He peels his gaze away from unknown item, and pays close attention to the guys interactions with Minhyuk. 

“What did I tell you about doing the hacking thing?” The white haired man scolds, but there is a sense of enliven on the tip of his tongue. “Dude, there was a reason you got fired from your job, and came to this dump. The same thing can happen here.” He warns.

The hacking thing? He asks himself. 

“Yeah, yeah. I know…” The shorted seemed disheartened by the advisory. 

“Wait, wait…” Kihyun says suddenly, bringing both of their attentions to him. “Why are you acting so casual? What exactly did he do just now?” 

Minhyuk hums softly, “Remember when I told you I worked with a guy that got fired as an IT worker because he wouldn’t stop hacking others?” 

Kihyun nods. He remembered Minhyuk explaining to him that the guy he was working with was a presumptuous little nuisance that would hack his phone, and office computer. How he would get annoyed with Minhyuk’s way of arranging the work schedules, so he would deliberately hack the system, rearranging them. Why Minhyuk put up with the little headache Kihyun will never understand.

“Yeah, well, this is the guy. I know, he’s not much too look at-,” He begins, and is rewarded with a scowl from the shorter, “- but the dudes a total genius.”

The scowl disappears from the shorters face, and eyebrows raise with self-assurance. As if he is silently, and secretly praising himself. Patting himself on the back, figuratively. 

Kihyun is making a very odd, unbelieving expression. He’s more than glad he wasn’t able to see his reflection at this moment. “You’re telling me you were able to hack my phone, send out a fake virus alert, search the information from my sim card to retrieve my number, and send me a text message in the time it took Minhyuk to fake fire you?” He ends in disbelief. 

No, that wasn’t possible - that was Hollywood spy movie hoaxing. That kind of thing just doesn’t exist in this simple kind of world. Or so he thought.

“Yeah, that’s pretty much it.” Minkyun grins. His demeanor turns smug. Seemingly so complacent with himself that he actually does  _ the _ shrug. The conceited, condescending shrug someone does to make it seem as though what they had achieved wasn’t as difficult as everyone thought it was. 

Kihyun’s fist was just begging to great this kids face. But he was too astonished to introduce them to one another. 

“How the hell did you do that?” He breathes in interest. 

Minkyun rests his elbows on the counter, relaxing himself as he explains. “It’s all thanks to this software I developed a few years ago. I created a new type of coding modus operandi that overrides password only accessible systems. Plus, the transmissions I dispatch are impregnable, there isn’t anything they can’t break through. Not even firewalls are able to block it. My frequencies are undetectable, and my location is unobtrusive. Which means even if there was this miniscule possibility that someone would be able to break my frequency - my system is initially programed to send a location detection to an unknown, and vague area to throw them off my trail.” He smirks, but it turns down. “I, unfortunately, let it slip one night at a mixer. My coworkers put two and two together, badaboom, badabang, i’m fired…”   

Kihyun is quick to interject. “You created your own software? A simple hacking software? Undetectable? What are you some silent computer ninja?” He snickers, but in actuality Kihyun doesn’t understand any of this. In fact, everything sounds down right impressive.   

“Make jokes all you want, but just know I haven’t had to pay taxes in four years.” Minkyun reaches from behind the flat-topped fixture, pulling out a wet rag as he wipes down the counter. The smudges from his elbows resting upon the surface are cleaned away. “She’s my baby. I named her L.238.G.Z. But her preferred name is, Grey Zinc.”

And Kihyun expected nothing less as the color stalks him so mercilessly. Even so, this little guy behind the counter was exactly what Minhyuk had called him. A genius. Those idiots in the IT industry were ignorant to throw someone like him away. 

“Minkyun, you’re either the coolest or weirdest person I have ever had the privilege of meeting.” He offers a friendly smile. 

“As long as you’re aware that it  _ was _ a privilege getting to meet me.”

Or maybe they were smart for giving him the boot in the end.

  
  
  


The passing days are easy enough for Kihyun to pull through - it’s the nights that take a toll on him.

During the day, Kihyun is able to distract himself. He can clean the house, or leave, and take a long walk. He can visit Minhyuk at work, chat it up with Minkyun who merely talks obsessively about his ‘baby’. There were infinite possibilities that he was able to undertake when the sun was high in the sky. 

But when the shadows take over, it was an entirely different situation altogether.

The sun was gone. It was too dangerous to take a long walk at night. Minhyuk was sleeping, Minkyun was home and not speed talking with him. There wasn’t much for him to do but sleep. Which didn’t come easy as it used to. 

The pure loneliness creeps in when the lights go down. 

Kihyun perpetually finds himself looking out into the darkness from the window. He stares only at the moon. The room behind him is silent, quiet as peace. 

Kihyun himself isn’t. 

He tries to stop it, tries to force it away. But it’s inefficacious. Kihyun whimpers, and his tears spill over. Minhyuk told him everything was going to be okay. Waiting was the easy part - he said with a smile. But, nothing was easy about this. He didn’t understand how someone could consistently splay a bright, cheerful smile so effortlessly. 

Kihyun wasn’t optimistic as his friend was. Kihyun couldn’t pretend that Wonho would strut through the door one day while he was cooking breakfast. He felt broken. He felt as though his heart was being torn out of his chest whenever he would turn over in the middle of the night and see his friends face beside of him. Hiding emotions wasn’t healthy. 

How could Minhyuk deal with the separation?  

He quietly sobs into the darkness. 

With shaky hands he grabs for his phone - dialing the prison’s extension number for the specific floor he wanted to contact. He feels nervous, he feels nauseous.

He hadn’t attempted to call Wonho at all since he was released. He knew the noirette would be too angry to answer him so soon, if he planned to answer at all. He feels idiotic for calling so late, but the pain he felt was overlapping his senses. If only - for a moment- he could hear Wonho’s voice. That deep, husky voice that called out to him, expressed love to him, groaned out in pleasure with him. 

If anything, he just needed to hear his voice… 

But there’s no answer. They must not allow calls this late into the night. It makes sense, but it doesn’t help Kihyun with his pain. 

He puts his phone away once more. He sniffles as a few more tears escape. Maybe his cowardice would disappear, and he would truly call when daybreaks. Maybe… 

Shame chokes him. 

  
  
  


 “Kihyun, do me a favor.” Minhyuk calls from the kitchen, fiddling with his wallet. 

Kihyun looks up from the magazine he was reading - he had been skimming over an article: ‘ _ Ways To Spice Things up in the Bedroom _ ,’ wholly for entertainment. As if Kihyun needed help in that department.

He pushes himself off the bed as Minhyuk pulls out some money. 

“Can you run to the gas station and grab a few oranges and large container of curry?” concentration etched into his features. He drops a few coins into his hand, as if he was giving him the exact amount. As if he’s bought this many times before. “I have a friend coming over, she seriously only eats that, everyday.” Kihyun couldn't tell if he was joking or not. 

Kihyun wavers. 

Why did that sound so familiar? He asks himself. Then it hit him hard.

‘ _I was hit on the other day!_ _It was this really short and beautiful girl. She had such a cute smile, too. She said that I had a very exotic face. Can you believe that_? _Oh, also, it was really weird. She got some gas for her really nice car - but she also bought an orange, and a little container of day old curry._ ’

What was so weird about that again? He can’t help but ask the memory.

‘ _ She has this really awesome, metallic colored car that looks like it could fly. Super expensive looking _ ! _ And she comes into a gas station to buy her food _ ? _ You don’t think that seems odd the least little bit _ ?’

The girl from the gas station that Minhyuk had told him about months ago. He was hit on by her, she told him he had a beautiful, unique look. She was a returning customer at the store, but apparently now she was considered a friend.  

Kihyun wasn’t anywhere close to surprised. He’s also unsure if he should bring it up that he knows who Minhyuk is referring too.

“Sure. Uhm…” He shoves the money into his pocket. “Do you want me to make myself scarce so you and your friend can hang out. Or?” 

Pale hands wave around in the air, “No, no, no. I want you to be here so you can meet her. She’s amazing - I know you’re going to love her.” Minhyuk smiles. 

The timer in the kitchen goes off, and the smell of sweet stuff fills the air. His friend rushes back into the other room. “I guess I should hurry then.” Kihyun concludes as he slides his shoes on, and leaves to get the items requested.

Kihyun’s trip to the gas station is quick and clean - as is the walk back. The cold wraps around his arms, he feels the new season commence. He always did enjoy the frosty presentiment of winter approaching. He relished in watching the snow fall from the grey sky. 

Grey… 

He will never be free of that color it seemed.

He clutches the bag tighter in his hand as he returns to the apartment complexes. There is a foreign car in the specific zone of the parking lot that’s reserved for Minhyuk. It was metallic, shiny, and expensive looking. Something from the future. 

Kihyun places the bag on the table once inside. He glances around - but he sees no one. 

“I saw the car outside. Is she here?” 

Minhyuk licks the spoon he was frosting a cake with. A bit of the chocolate is smeared on his cheek. How innocently drole. “Yeah, she’s in the bathroom. I told her you both are meeting today.”  

Kihyun nods, finding his smile for the first time that day. It seems like it would be good for him to meet someone new. Perhaps make a new friend today. 

“So, she’s eating curry, and we’re eating cake?” Kihyun cocks a brow. 

“Mm.” Minhyuk takes the spoon from his mouth - Kihyun is contemplating on taking it away from him. “I made us some ramen.” He waves it off, devouring on the frosting once more.

Kihyun has to roll his eyes playfully. 

He hears the releasing  _ click _ of the lock from the bathroom door. He beams, his smile bright and valiant. He’s going to be on his best behavior. He isn’t going to parade around with his usual somber attitude. 

“Ah, Minhyukiie~ Your bathroom is too small.” A bubbling voice whines, but it’s in good humor. “I feel awful for you - maybe i’ll move you in with me.” 

“Nya, that sounds like a perfect idea. Mm~” Minhyuk, and the girl embrace with effervescent ambience. The hug is short lived as Minhyuk ushers her closer to Kihyun. “This is my roommate, Kihyun.”    

His eyes draw to the familiarity of what he was forced to leave behind. Dark, crescent eyes. Plump, pink lips. And jet black hair. 

_ They could somehow pass for twins if you weren’t paying attention _ …

Kihyun couldn’t breathe.  This wasn’t real, this was a dream. Another one of his anxiety induced delusions. He wasn’t truly seeing with his eyes. 

“Kihyun, this is-,” Minhyuk is cut off by Kihyun’s unsettled voice.

“... Iseul.”  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys know I was BS'ing my way through that whole hacking conversation. I do not know the first thing about hacking - I just tried to make it sound as though I did xD Haha.


	16. Overriding the want to abandon them

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I HATE this chapter. I don't like the way I wrote it - or the way it came out. I'm honestly ashamed at my fingers for presenting this half-assed work to you lovely readers. I'm so sorry.

“Ah. You knew her name already, Kihyunnie? Oh! Maybe you two have met before?” Minhyuk asks as a smile blooms, the room somehow becomes brighter. 

Kihyun curses himself to the bottom of the depths. How could he have spouted her name out so suddenly?  

He purposely side tracks himself - he feigned enthusiasm. He was going to have to ‘play it cool.’ He couldn’t act so carelessly. Shouting out names neurotically will only build fear into a stranger. He would undoubtedly frighten Iseul away. He didn’t want that, but he also didn’t want to just blatantly voice out his knowledge of her, and Wonho, and of the incident.

And what of Minhyuk? 

What did he know about her situation? Did Iseul tell him she was Wonho’s sister? Did she speak about anything regarding her past to him? Or were they perhaps not that close as friends yet? 

“No…” He answers a little too quickly. The tension is thick, he cuts through it with his words. “... You’ve told me her name before. Don’t you remember?” 

Minhyuk cocks his head to the side, a move that made him look as though he were a confused little puppy. “I did?” He seems to question himself. 

“Yes. It was when you called that last time. Right before I was released.” He lies through his teeth, but it was the best he could come up with on the spot. However, he bites his tongue. Did Minhyuk inform Iseul that she was introduced to criminals? Had Kihyun just blown some secret his friend was trying to keep up? 

By the look on the woman’s face, it didn’t seem so. She just continued to smile, and look so sweet and carefree.

_ They have the same smile _ … Kihyun noted to himself with low spirits.

He turns his attention back to his friend. The white haired man looks so deep in thought. As if he is trying exceptionally hard to recall the conversation that never took place. As long as he believes Kihyun, as long as he lets it go… 

“I guess I did.” He sighs out a chagrin laugh. “My bad. Anyway, Kihyun this is Iseul. My best, gas station, friend.” He sounds teasing. 

The winsome woman turns to face Minhyuk, looking overly, yet fakely hurt by what he had said. “Gas station friend, who do you think I am? A convenient friend?”

“More like a convenience store friend.” He quips, turning her words around on her. 

“Oh, you are going to pay for that.” She retorts, poking a finger into his chest. They laugh together, and she finally makes Kihyun’s presence known in mentioning. She holds her hand out - Kihyun takes it without hesitation as they shake. 

“It’s very nice to meet you, Kihyun. From what Minhyuk has told me, I feel like i’ve known you for awhile now.” Her voice is airy and light, like a cloud drifting along the sky. Far opposite from Wonho’s deep, husky voice that sends shivers down Kihyun’s back. 

“I could easily say the same.” He whispers, because he truly has known her for awhile. He gives his best affable grin, motioning towards the table. “Well, shall we sit down and eat up? I’m starving.” He graciously pulls a chair out for Iseul to sit in.

He would put up this little facade for awhile - just for awhile.

 

The entire evening was wholly uneventful for Kihyun. 

Iseul spoke nothing about her past during the course of the meal. Neither had Minhyuk. In fact, they hadn’t spoke about anything truly important besides how Iseul’s work was going. She gave a brief explanation of her graduating from college almost five months ago. How she successfully completed the course of her study, and training with the highest GPA honor designation of Maxima Cum Laude. 

Which was sincerely impressive.

Having such a rare honor on her transcript presented her at the top of the list in the area of her goal work. She was hired immediately in the sector of her choosing. She told them how much she loved her job, but she was vague in details due to the doctor patient confidentiality law. Her expression when she was talking about all the good she was hoping to do for the poor victims put a knot in Kihyun’s stomach.

She looked as though she was joyous, beautific. But something seemed off. It was the way she was presenting herself, in her words, as in contrast to what she wanted to express. As if she was acting so… blithe. Something hidden so deep. 

Other than speaking of her work, they hadn’t brought up anything of significant importance. They were solely cracking jokes, laughing at one another, and telling facetious stories. Playing simply as little children would. And Kihyun would be lying if he said he hadn’t engaged in the merriment. 

“... I jumped out from behind the door, with a hairy wolf mask on that always scared the life out of him. He screams, and pees his pants right then and there. Can you imagine? A nine year old peeing his pants over a cheesy Halloween mask.” Iseul tells breathlessly. A hand over her mouth to conceal her sputters. Minhyuk is doubling over in pain, and in a fit of snickering.

Kihyun smiles wholeheartedly to himself - she was speaking about Wonho. 

“Oh my. If he knew I told you both about that, my brother would kill me.” Iseul takes a sip of her water to calm herself. 

Kihyun couldn’t help but stare into her face. 

There were numerous similarities between Iseul and Wonho - but there seemed to be even more differences that separated the two. Wonho’s nose was straight, downward, and came to a point when he smiled wide. Eyes nearly closing while doing so. Ears that stuck out farther than an average persons would. Iseul’s nose didn’t come to a point when she smiled, but her nose was straight down as well. Her eyes, though crescent, didn’t squint into disappearance as Wonho’s would. 

It seemed to be subtle, little things that could only be pointed out if one was looking close enough. They both shared the profound tear bag look. As well as a tiny mole that was just gracing the skin above the collarbone. Rationalizing over it, perhaps Kihyun paid too close attention to Wonho for such details. (As if saying that was a bad thing.) 

Even so, those faint details were giving Kihyun the chance to look at Iseul in a disparate way. Reminding him of, but the entirety it gave off was contradictory.

“You’ve never spoken about having a brother before?” Minhyuk’s question cuts through Kihyun’s thoughts. His ears perk up, but he keeps his expression neutral as a whole. He could always count on Minhyuk being nosey when appropriate. 

“A-Ah. Well, I guess he just never seemed to come up in conversation…” Iseul pulls a smile, but it’s completely missed.

Kihyun licks his lips. 

So, Minhyuk hadn’t known anything about Iseul having a brother. Which meant he doesn’t know that Iseul’s older brother is Wonho. It also seemed to irk Kihyun that she hadn’t spoken about him, or voiced his name. Was she ashamed of him because of what he had done? Was it because she was upset that he had completely shut her out of his life? A sort of revenge? 

“Why wouldn’t he come up? He is your brother after all.” Kihyun asks, poking the bear with a very short stick.

Iseul is silent, but smiling. Seemingly unable to answer the question, she quickly holds her cup in the air. “Actually, I would like to make a toast.” Disregarding Kihyun’s question, she gestures for them to follow. 

Kihyun has to force the little bit of disappointed he feels down. He and Minhyuk follow suit, holding their own glasses up, and towards one another. 

“A toast, to new and old friends.” She says - looking rather chic, and tasteful with her back straight, and her head held high. The glasses clink together - though plastic hitting against plastic isn’t an all too appealing noise to toast with. Kihyun decides then, and there that he is going to buy Minhyuk the most expensive things when he receives that money.  

“Such a great toast. Friends really are true to have, huh.” Minhyuk ask, but it sounds more rhetorical. 

“Yes, but you know what they say. ‘Blood is thicker than water.’ “ Kihyun gives a fictitiously innocent smile, sipping at his cup. He began to ponder if he was making everything too deliberate. Wondering if someone will catch on to what he was hinting at so fiercely. The situation would have been admittedly easier if Minhyuk was in on it with him. 

“That’s so true...” Iseul agrees, but her smile has changed. It wasn’t pleasant anymore, rather, it seemed to have reverted back to the smile she had given them while explaining her job. Indifferent. “If only everyone took that saying as serious as others…” 

An opening? He asks himself. 

“Ah, don’t get so down. Kihyun didn’t mean anything deep by it.” Minhyuk interjects. “Let’s have cake now!” His bubbly personality was bouncing off the walls, and hitting Kihyun upside the head. His opening now closed once more, shut down. 

It must be hit or miss opportunities with Minhyuk, he concludes. 

The cake is sliced and served, and Kihyun is becoming antsy. He wants Iseul to talk about Wonho. He wants her to talk about the incident that happened all those years ago that caused Wonho to be put away. Their chance meeting was a one in a million moment - and here he was, instead of making the most of the time he had, he was purely sampling chocolate frosting.

He feels as though he might spiel out something soon. He tries to hold back, but it seems to be impossible as the table is being filled with such trivial conversation starters. 

“This cake is gorgeous.” Iseul apprised. “You actually made this or perhaps it’s store bought?” She teases. 

“Yah! I made this from scratch, of course. How could you accuse me of cheating?” Minhyuk whines. 

Something in Kihyun’s stomach builds with trepidation. He places his fork on the plate in front of him as the two friends on the far side of the table become lost in meaningless chit-chattery. He feels as though he’s emotionally bloated. 

“Do have work early in the morning?” Minhyuk’s voice. 

“No, I don’t have to go in until later.” Iseul’s voice. 

The feeling travels up from Kihyun’s stomach, lingering in his throat. The feeling of something that is begging to come out is taunting him. All he has to do is ignore it, hope it goes away. But all of this simple minded talk is getting too him. 

“We should go out for drinks soon since you don’t go into work early.” Minhyuk.

“Oh, that sounds like a wonderful idea.” Iseul. 

Then Kihyun feels it without a doubt. He understands the choking feeling that was persistent in his throat. The feeling of something threatening to spill out. Word Vomit. 

“Why haven’t you said one word about Wonho!” Kihyun’s voice rises, half shouting. 

He holds his breath. He stares only at his plate, he can’t bare to look into her eyes. He knows he’ll see the confusion within them, the muddled bewilderment over her past being brought to the light. But Kihyun couldn’t help it. It wasn’t right - wasn’t fair to keep Wonho in the dark like that. As if he was nothing to her. Or as if, she wasn’t ever going to mention him again. It wasn’t Kihyun’s place, but he made it so.

No one says a word and that worries Kihyun. He glances up as both of the friends across from him are looking back. Minhyuk is gaping with puzzled alarm - while Iseul is bemused, jaw clenched, and tight lipped.

Minhyuk is the first to speak up. “Kihyun, why would you suddenly bring Wonho up?” 

Kihyun is slack jawed, unsure of what to say or do. His eyes leave the white haired mans face, and land on Iseul’s. She swallows hard, eyes darting to look at Minhyuk then back at him. He hoped more than anything he wouldn’t have to explain any further on the matter of why.

At first she seems reluctant, but defeat smears her features. “...How do you know about my brother?” Her voice is weak sounding.

The look Minhyuk throws at Iseul is everything but serene. His character - ordinarily tranquil with composed assuage - is currently showing irresolute. An unwavering sense but the feeling of indignation slipping on the edge. “Wait…” His voice is low, but steady. “What do you mean your brother? And… And Wonho?” His eyes dart to Kihyun. 

Kihyun has that sudden choking feeling of word vomit about to erupt once again. 

“You too?” Iseul accuses as Minhyuk says the name in question. “Does everyone in this room know of my brother?” Hands placed upon the wooden table, Iseul pushes, and lifts herself from her seat. “Minhyuk when… when you said you were in prison for petty thievery. You never mentioned which prison it was…” She seemed to drift off as if lost in thought. 

It was Kihyun’s turn to stand - slamming his hands against the hardwood as he makes it to his feet. “Does that really matter? Why won’t you speak about him? You and Minhyuk are so close, but not close enough that you could talk about your family? Why won’t you talk about him? He did such a major thing to keep you safe… ” Kihyun’s voice now trailing off into a questioning undertone.

“He… It was wrong - I can even admit to that. But, he basically saved your life. And you’re strutting around with a smile, and a lack of acknowledgment for him?”

Iseul appears taken aback by Kihyun’s words. Rage building in dark, irate eyes. “Excuse me?” The question and tone of her voice sound deadly. “Who are you to just presume such things? What do you even know about the situation?” 

“I know because I was his cellmate - I’m his-,” 

“Regardless of what you may think you know.” She intervenes, cutting off whatever Kihyun was about to spew out. What was he about to say? He thinks of taking a step back, and scrutinizing over his intentions. Though, being honest with himself - he wanted to say  _ that _ more than anything to her. 

“You don’t know the whole story, you wouldn’t. And i’m not going to stand here being criticized, or denounced by some third-rate criminal.” She hisses, grabbing for her coat and purse. 

Minhyuk stands, sputtering some sort of heartening purpose for staying, for not letting things ends this way. Kihyun doesn’t waste time with words. He tramps around the table, blocking any path that leads to the door from her. Though determined, he doesn’t make his actions hostile or fearsome in any way. Iseul had already been through so much from one scary, horrible man - she didn’t need to go through it again simply because he wanted answers. 

He places his hands out in front of himself, motioning for her to stay at bay from the outside. He doesn’t bother to touch her, or threaten too. “Listen, I know the truth. I know the whole story. Wonho told me first hand what happened to you.” He continues with quietude speech.

Iseul falters, seemingly unsteady with Kihyun’s softened demeanor.

“He told me… Everything.” He makes positive to use emphasis on the word. “He told me about the guy that hurt you. How he beat you… Wonho was so pissed, he wasn’t going to let him hurt you anymore. God, if you’d have seen his face when he told me that… He was livid.” Kihyun recounts the expression Wonho made, it gave him shivers. “So, he killed him. And that bastard got what was coming to him…” 

He drops his hands to his sides, he knows Iseul won’t try to leave at this point. She’s too busy trying to hold back the tears that are on the brink of escape. It’s to be expected. Some stranger bringing up her grisly past after she had gone so far to leave it behind. Kihyun feels low for doing so, but he’s adamant about Wonho. 

“Why?” She asks suddenly, out of nowhere. 

Kihyun hadn’t expected that. Out of everything she could have retorted with. “Wh… What do you mean, why?” 

“Why would he tell you those things?” A soft forlorn whine is breathed out, the tears streaming slowly. 

Kihyun hesitates. 

Because Wonho spilt his guts to Kihyun in a moment of panic? Because once he started talking about his sister he couldn’t stop due to the rage building behind his words? Because Kihyun kept asking, and wouldn’t stop antagonizing over it? Because Wonho and Kihyun were close… Closer than she would think… 

What could he say? 

“Wonho and I… We’re…” Uncertainty lingers between the two. Kihyun wasn’t ashamed of what happened between him and Wonho. Of how close they were, of how they felt about one another. He would scream it to the world if he could. However, this was Wonho’s little sister. He wasn’t sure how to address the situation. “We were… close. Very close.” 

But something seems to click in Iseul’s dark eyes. As if she had put two and two together with little to no detail’s from Kihyun. “O-Oh…” She blinks with realization - a few more tears falling out of pooling relex.  

Kihyun licks his lips - imploring his burning cheeks to calm.

He shakes his head, “I also know that Wonho is purposefully keeping you away from him. He put you on the ‘No Call, No see’ list. He told me he did it so you wouldn’t have to see him in that place. Not because he doesn't want to see you - but because he doesn't want you to see him in such a state. And no matter how many times I tried to convince him to let you in, he just wouldn’t budge on the subject.” 

“You tried to convince him to see me?” She sounds perplexed by the notion.

Kihyun nods. “Yeah. Just… I know it doesn’t make sense. I’m a total stranger to you, saying all this stuff I shouldn’t know… But, you have to believe me when I say Wonho misses you. He really does. And just… please don’t ever give up on him.” He exhales slowly. “He’s already lost so much… Don’t let him lose you too.”

The rancorous atmosphere had ceased. Tensions calm, but cautiousness dawdles. Minhyuk is silent, uncomprehending. Something way out of character for him - Kihyun understands. But Minhyuk was always smart when reading the atmosphere. He wasn’t bombarding Iseul with questions of her past that Kihyun had suddenly brought up. He wasn’t asking if she was alright, he wasn’t interfering at all. 

“He’s my brother, of course i’m never giving up on him.” She vows, loosening her grip on the strap of her purse. “No matter how much he tries to push me away - I always push back.” 

“I’m glad…” Kihyun sighs, relieved. 

Iseul drops her items on the kitchen table. “Did he tell you everything? Did he even tell you how it happened?” She sounds unconvinced. She takes a step forward, challenging Kihyun. “Did he tell you what he did? How he did it? Did he say anything at all about the incident?” Her eyes wide with worry. 

Kihyun didn’t understand that part. Why was she acting that way?

“I… Well, he only told me that he killed him.” He recalls the conversation as clear as day. 

_ I killed that bastard _ . He could hear Wonho’s deep, apathetic voice. Not with the eyes of a killer, nor with the presence of one. Merely expressed with too much care. 

“It was such an awful day…” She breaks through his thoughts with a shaky voice. “Getting that call… Being told to come to the hospital… Finding out Wonho was arrested on the spot…” She presses her palms together, dragging her feet as she stepped around the bed to look out the window. “You can imagine my sadness… My heartbreak…” 

Kihyun pulls his brows together, becoming flummoxed. His eyes land on her black heels - realizing how they contract with the white concrete floor. Like dark tattoos against pale skin. 

“Wonho was put in the hospital before being arrested?” 

“No,” Kihyun can see her expressionless face from the reflection of the glass. “I was told to come down and… and identify the body. They wanted c-confirmation that it was infact m-my husband on that autopsy table…” Her voice and explanation seemed faux. She didn’t sound genuine in any way as she spoke. 

“You weren’t able to see Wonho that whole day?” He bites back his growl as it builds - his memories begging to erupt behind his eyes, but he keeps them at bay. Not yet.  

“N-No… “ More false sorrow. “I was never able to see him… Wasn’t able to ask him why he did it… Things would have been different if i’d have known that was the last time I was going to see him… The very last t-time… ” She places a hand over her eyes, shadowing her face. 

“You’re lying.” Wonho says matter of factly. 

Two sets of eyes land on him - wide with uncertainty, and perplexity. They looked shocked that Kihyun had said something so discourteous. As if saying Iseul’s overwhelming distress was nothing more than a simple fabrication from the start. 

“Kihyun!” Minhyuk shouts in disapproval. A sound so incongruous that Kihyun jolts with fear at the sudden change in character. Undoubtedly surprised, but undaunted with his previous statement Kihyun composes himself. 

“She’s lying.” He says again.

“Why would you say that?” Iseul turns her whole body around to face Kihyun. No tears in sight, no sadness in tow. Nothing to trick the eyes into thinking she was in emotional pain.  

The memories refuse to subside any longer. They burst through his barriers - rushing in with perpetuate force. In sudden whiteness, the husky voice rings in his ears.  _ Her face _ …  _ The look on her face afterwards _ … The man he loved had expressed tiredly. Kihyun knows more than anyone that you speak truths when weary. Your mind is open, and vulnerable.

“Wonho told me himself. He said the look on your face after it happened… He was tired, but he mumbled it out to me. I don’t think he realized what he was saying.” He tries to recall what kind of expression Wonho was giving at the time. He remembered his voice sounding dejected, jaded. But he looked… relieved somehow. 

“What are you talking about? You said he only told you that he killed him..?” Iseul asks.

“I just remembered.” Kihyun defends himself.

Wait, maybe he wasn’t relieved himself, more so, he was conveying how Iseul felt. Or portraying her actions. Her  _ own  _ actions. Iseul was present during the incident - she was  _ there _ .  

Realization hits Kihyun with cognizance. “Wonho didn’t do it…” 

Iseul is wide eyed, edgy and jittery as Kihyun stares at her. Her whole body tense, and unmoving. 

“Kihyun, what are you saying?” Minhyuk stipulates. 

“I’m saying… Wonho didn’t kill anyone.” He never takes his eyes off of her. “She did…” 

  
  


 

The prison was different when on the outside. 

It looked menacing - bully esque. A place that’s main goal was to burn fear into those that entered the door. It was meant to lock you away, and tear at your very soul. The cage like fences, rust covered bars, and armored guards were statements in it’s own. But Kihyun wasn’t afraid. 

He was strong willed, and steely. 

He stomped through the double doors - pushing his way passed anyone and anything that tried to stand in between. He’s blinded by determination, unsure if the twists and turns he’s taking are the correct directions into the visitation room. The white sign over a battered door confirms his query, but he’s stopped before he can even place a hand on the knob. 

“Excuse me, can I help you with something?” A guard asks, towering over Kihyun with an alpha like presence. Hard eyed and broad shouldered. 

But Kihyun is far from in the mood to have to deal with this kind of man. A man that is asserting his dominance when the situation doesn’t call for it. He squints his eyes just a bit. “I’m here to see Wo-,” He shuts his mouth  immediately. 

He shouldn’t blatantly call out Wonho’s name - all the guards would see he was on the  _ list _ . They’d tell Kihyun to leave as he isn’t aloud to see him. No one is aloud to see him. So, he reconsiders.  

“I’m here to see Officer Choi.” 

Kihyun is pacing by the time Seokwon steps into the room, exiting the visitation area. His lanky form, and pouty lips are comforting familiarity that settles the disconcerting ache in his stomach. He makes it too the man in just three long strides. He must look a mess. 

“Seokwon… I need a favor.” 

“Don’t you always when you’re around me?” The guard piques - the resentment strong in his stance. Kihyun falters, feeling smaller than he already was. 

“I… I know. Okay? I ask for a lot, I always do. But, this is important.” He begins, vindicating his words. “I need to see Wonho.”

Seokwon’s eyes seem to soften at the mention of the name. He crosses his arms over his chest, but not in acrimony. “He’s not on the list.” 

Kihyun wants to scream, wants to clench his fists, grit his teeth in frustration at the sound of the inane word. “I know…” He merely sighs. “I know he’s not on the list. But I need to talk with him anyway. It’s about his sister - it’s serious that I speak with him.” 

“Why do you think he’ll just easily submit? He put himself on that list for a reason.” Seokwon says pragmatically. “What do you want me to do? Pull out my gun and force him out of the cell?” 

Kihyun raises his eyebrows. “Honestly, yeah.” 

  
  


Kihyun is seated in a blue, ancient chair that is far from comfort. 

He looks through the transparent barrier that’s keeping him at bay from the rest of the inmate world. An empty chair gazes back. 

The wait is an eternity in it’s own. Guards pulling faceless inmates into the room, seating them - allowing them to reconnect with their loved ones. Kihyun feels the obnoxious butterflies in his stomach. He hadn’t seen Wonho, in what seemed like, so long. Though, in reality, it had only been a month or two. Why hadn’t he come to see him sooner… 

The door at the back of the room opens up. A tall, lanky man presents himself - courting a dark haired, dark eyed, tattooed up warrior. 

Kihyun stops breathing. But that doesn’t dissolve the rage building within him. He loved him - but he was mad as hell.  

Wonho looked somewhat different than the last time he had saw him. He was more toned - powerful. His posture, and attitude rigorous. Arduous. In the sense that, he was presentably meticulous. Something had changed - but Kihyun couldn’t decide if it was for the better or not. 

Wonho plops down in the seat opposite of Kihyun, and the clear barricade. He eyes Kihyun warily, though there is something swirling deep behind it. The noirette picks up the receiver, gingerly placing it to his ear. Kihyun follows suit.

“You lying son of a bitch!” Kihyun spits, eyes blazing with fire. His voice so loud even from the phone that it echo’s on the other side of the room. The guards turn towards the sound in curiosity. 

Kihyun bites his tongue. Though vexed with the feeling of being betrayed, he didn’t want to let anyone else know. “I met Iseul last night.”

Wonho jerks forward with the sudden knowledge. “You what?” He rasps. 

“It’s a long story, too long, actually. Here’s your cliff notes: Minhyuk and Iseul are besties. He brought her over for dinner, I found out the truth behind the incident.” He makes sure to keep his voice even. He wants everything to be vague in case anyone were listening in. 

“She... “ The noirette licks over his lips. “She told you the truth?” 

“After I figured it out first, yes. She spilt her guts.” He moves closer to the glass. “Why in hell didn’t you just tell me? Did you think I wouldn’t understand? You were just protecting her, Wonho. I could understand that. She was going through hell, she set herself free from the depths. But, you didn’t want her life ruined by this… So you took the fall…” He whispers. 

Wonho isn’t looking at him, his eyes are glued to the desk he’s seated at. His knuckles white as he’s gripping the receiver unyielding. 

“Wonho… I understand, okay?” Kihyun assures. “I just… I just wish you trusted me enough to tell me…” 

“I do trust you, Kihyun…” A pale hand slides through black bangs. “I didn’t want you to be involved. You shouldn’t have to be a part of this. You aren’t. I won’t let you be.” He raises back up, looking Kihyun straight in his eyes. “This isn’t your problem. Forget what you’ve found out. Don’t come back. Leave!” He bites. 

Wonho stands swiftly, chunking the phone at the glass. The sudden clashing noise it makes causes Kihyun to instinctively jump back. His own receiver slipping from his hand. Wonho glares at him from beyond the unharmed covering, a couple of guards swarming to detain him for his action. 

They drag him away - Kihyun stands, slamming his fist against the glass. “Wonho! Wonho!” He shouts, calling out to him. 

  
  
  
  


Kihyun was done.

Everything he thought he knew was a lie - the one person he loved more than anyone else was constantly pushing him away. He was drained, physically drained. The pressure has heavy on his shoulders - bringing him down further and further no matter how hard he fought. He just didn’t see the point in fighting any longer. 

His phone goes off while he’s trudging back to the apartment. He pulls it out, reading the contact name. Minhyuk was calling. Kihyun contemplates ignoring his best friend, but decides to press the button and bring the phone to his ear. “Yes?” He sighs out exhausted.

“Kihyunnie? Ah… There are some guys here looking for you…” The voice on the other line sounds apprehensive. “They’re wearing black suits - they look like spies or something.” 

Kihyun pulls his brows together. Someone was looking for him? 

He shivers, “Minhyuk, i’ll be right there.” He promises then hangs up. He breaks into a high speed run back to the apartment. 

Once there it seemed things weren’t as dangerous as he thought they would be. 

The ‘men in black’ that were adamant on seeing Kihyun that day were merely lackies hired by the old, aristocratic man that Kihyun had made the deal with. They handed Kihyun a blank envelope that possessed the card, and password to the secret account weidling Kihyun’s money. 

Everything seemed so dreamlike. Such a bright conclusion to an awful day. 

The two guys said nothing during the entire exchange - making things awkward, and weird. They seemed to disappeared without a trace afterwards. 

“Uh… What the heck?” Minhyuk asks, uncomprehending. 

Kihyun pulls the card out of the envelope - it’s black in color, and shiny. The texture felt odd compared to the appearance. In fact, the password for the use of the card was bizarre. The usual four digit pin number for a casual card now replaced with a ten digit code. But, the deal was made with a man of such high savoir faire - Kihyun hadn’t expected anything less. 

“What was all that about?” Minhyuk tries again with puppy like eyes. 

Kihyun smiles at him, “Well… It means I want you to go, freshen up as we’re going out for some real food tonight. On me.” 

Minhyuk yells out his excitement, embracing Kihyun forcibly before running inside to get himself ready. 

Kihyun looks down at the card once more, recalling the amount he was promised.  _ All that money _ . A man could do wonders with it. Could make his wildest dreams come true with such opportunities. Money talks - everyone speaks money. No one turns it down. You would be able to do anything with it…   

Recollection rings in his ears. Quick, and crafty.

_ Being evil is subjective _ .  _ What you think is bad, and what others think is bad are not always alike _ .  _ Is a man evil because of his past, or are others evil for reminding him of it _ ?  _ If someone is sorry - can they truly be considered evil _ ? He remembers the cashiers voice. 

_I feel awful_ … _I shouldn’t have ever let it happen_ … He can see Hyungwon’s tears rolling down his perfect cheeks. _I’m a horrible person for what i’ve done_ … _I’ve never been more sorry about anything in my whole life_ … He exhales a choked sob.

Hyungwon was so devastated when he talked about his past that day. 

Kihyun blinks. 

_ You don’t think I feel horrible for what i’ve done _ ? _ I have to live with what i’ve done, day in and day out _ .  _ It’s there when I close eyes, in my dreams _ .  _ That guy's face haunts me _ .  _ The guilt eats me up from the inside out _ …  _ You don’t think I wish I could take it back _ ?  _ I’m an awful person for what i’ve done _ . Changkyun had the same sorrowful countenance as Hyungwon had. He was sorry - truly sorry as well. 

Jooeheon’s voice is broken in regretful counts.  _ Those kinds of people _ \-  _ they have everything they could ever want or need _ .  _ But, does anyone care about the struggling _ ?  _ The ones that can’t even afford food for the month _ ?  _ That’s why I did it _ …  _ I’m not sorry towards who I did it too _ .  _ But I am sorry for the crimes i’ve committed _ … 

Everyone was sorry for what they had done. They expressed it - had visibly shown remorse for it. All of them. Wonho, he hadn’t a need to be sorry. He was innocent underneath it all. 

“ ‘Being good and evil is a conclusion that you and I make everyday’…” He quotes the wise worker. “So… Now, it’s my choice to choose…” 

Kihyun closes his eyes tightly - keeping the card close to him. 

Money can make anything happen.


	17. All in

“I’m sorry - did you just say you would like to withdraw the entire amount, sir?” The bank teller - with a glint of mischief in her bright eyes - had asked.

“Y-Yes.”

Kihyun glances around the area - he feels self conscious. He feels as though all eyes are on him - eloquent of his true intentions. He’s aware that it’s only his mind playing tricks on him. No one is paying him any attention. They’re all too busy with their own deposits and withdrawals. But that doesn’t deter the immense surmising undertones of being watched.

Numerous people with the same little black card in their hands as Kihyun. So many people with an exorbitant air about them.

For a moment, he wondered if this was what Jooheon had always talked about. Stealing from the people that were considered the hierarchy. The _ones_ that were able to afford anything and everything they could ever want with the money they possess. These kinds of people. The kind standing in lines with straight backs and expensive clothing. With smug faces and egotistical gestures. And now… Kihyun was one of them?  

But Kihyun hadn’t ever lived in _their_ world before - he wouldn’t understand _their_ ways.

“Alright, one moment sir.” She smiled - perfectly white teeth blinding Kihyun - as she disappeared to the vault.

Kihyun picks up the costly briefcase he had bought before arriving - licorice dark in color with a tough faux leather binding on the surface. (He deemed it appropriate for the situation.) He rests it carefully on the desk in front of him. His fingers tap against the material, causing an odd type of sound.

The woman returns, a bag in hand. “Alright. Here we go.” She flashes teeth once more - as she begins counting the money out, and placing the bills within’ the modish case.

But Kihyun can’t pay attention to the numbers coming from her lips, nor can he concentrate on the movements of her hands as she places stack upon stack until the whole bottom is concealed by color. He can only feel the panic build in his chest as he glances up at the camera’s that are resting in the corners of the ceiling. They were capturing him - his face would be flitting through film, being observed by discernible eyes.

What if they become conspicuous of Kihyun’s transaction?

“Hm? I see you’re doing business with Mr. Hyun-wook.” The woman speaks up, placing the final stack of bills in the briefcase. Kihyun feels his stomach drop.

“Oh. Please don’t give that kind of expression, dear.” She slides a finger over Kihyun’s cheek, assuring him. She jerks her chin up towards the card resting between his fingers. “That card. Rather common around here. He’s a very busy man - in so many departments. And he takes very good care of his business associates.” Her eyes cut towards the cameras Kihyun was freaking over seconds before.

“So rest well in knowing those films are never brought out into the public eye.” But that doesn’t compose Kihyun in the least little bit. In fact, everything about this woman makes him even more distraught. She prints out a receipt, handing it to Kihyun. A second copy is printed for Kihyun to sign his name too as she places it somewhere in the desk. “Thank you for banking with us.”

And just like that it was over.

Kihyun had all the money he could ever want in his hands. He wasn’t being judged or mocked by others while requesting it. He wasn’t worried about being caught with the money as it was his. Truly his. He feels rather superior at this moment. He feels he could do anything.

He leaves the bank with his head held high - case in tow. Things were already looking up, and Kihyun hadn’t even truly begun.

But it was times like this that Kihyun wished he had a car. Or some sort of transportation to get him from one destination to the next. Though - even with endless amounts of money - he didn’t have time for buying such greedy, materialistic objects for himself. He’s too committed, too tenacious and his feet are the only source to keep up this feeling. And the money is already spoken for.

He pulls his phone out, dialing up his friend as he puts it to his ear. “Minhyuk. Little nerd isn’t working today, right?”

There is a mess of noise from the other end, sounding as if he is bagging items for someone. “No, he isn’t. Why?”

“I need his address. Text it too me when you get a moment's rest.”  He hangs up.

 

 _This place is a dump_.

Was Kihyun’s first thought when looking at the run down shack. Looking seemingly like a building one would have behind their home to store their belongings in. The white paint chipping, peeling without displaying sympathy for being neglected. Noticeable slack patch work on the roofing, and… was the side fencing broken? Was that the neighbor's dog peeking at him through the massive hole in said fencing?   

He pulled out his phone to recheck the message that Minhyuk had sent him. But it was correct. He half thought that maybe Minhyuk had made a mistake and sent the wrong address. He had such wishful anticipation. But all hope flew out the window when he knocked and the familiar, short hacker he had met countless times at the gas station opened the door.

Nope, this was definitely the place.

“It’s my day off, go away.” He grumbled with the appearance of bed head.

But Kihyun was far from being in the mood to screw around. He pushes passed the shorter, entering his home without granted access.

“Hey. Hey!” Minkyun shouts in protest, shutting the door behind him.

Kihyun doesn’t pay the yelling any mind as he enters the living area. He stops, he stares, he doesn’t breathe. Everything metallic in color, as if coming out of a sci fi movie - Kihyun can only oggle in breathless awe. Three sets of computers resting upon a dark oak desk, multiple wires and antennas protruding throughout the background as if the computers were coming to life. Multiple transmitters sending out subtle but annoying static like signals left and right. It was all overwhelming. What kind of mad scientist like laboratory had he just walked into?

“Holy shit, dude.” He finally sighs out. He can’t take his eyes off the equipment. “What in the world is all of this?”

“My workplace.” Minkyun mumbles, rubbing the back of his head. He moves passed Kihyun, heading over to the rollaway chair, planting himself in it. “This is where all the magic happens.” His fingers begin flying over his many keyboards. Looking so expert, so impressive in his own environment.

But Kihyun doesn’t comprehend what is flashing on the screens - lines and lines of numbers, symbols, and letters that he’s more than positive means something salient, but admittedly looks as though nothing more than coded gibberish.

“Wait, you have all this amazing stuff, but you live in this trash heap?” Kihyun quirks his lip up a bit. Preparing himself for an explanation about how going from a high paying IT job, and falling to a gas station cashier was hard on him. How he had to move from his great home to this little hut as he couldn’t afford the rent anymore. How he’s been struggling since then. His fingers gripped tighter on the case in his hand.

“Because it’s unostentatious. It’s so run down no one would even let their eyes grace it when they pass.” There’s a smirk on his small mouth, eyes glued to his screen still. “People would never suspect this place.”

 _He’s talking about his little hacking life again_ , Kihyun concludes - but since the subject was already brought up. “Look, are you busy right now? Or, more so, are you busy tonight?”

“I’m busy all the time. But, i’ll humor you. What are you wanting?” His fingers pause as he twists his body, and chair around to face Kihyun. “Shoot.”

Kihyun takes a deep breath. “I want to hire you for something… big tonight. I’ll tell you the details later but - it’s going to require your brilliant hacking skills and your devices. Or at least i’m hoping you have the stuff i’m needing. I just hope i’m not wrong about this. But i’m willing to give you twelve million won if you’ll help me. And if that’s not enough, then i’m willing to give you more.” He falters. “W-Wait, scratch that. You name the price. I’ll pay anything you want. I just really, really need your help.”  He tries to hide the desperation in his voice, _try_ being the key word.

Minkyun isn’t moving. He’s slack jawed, and the expression on his face is that of someone who had just shat their pants. The silence is deafening, but Kihyun is determined. If Minkyun were to refuse - he was ready to put up a very wordy fight.

“D-... Did you just say twelve million won?” The little hacker asks, unbelieving. His eyes dithering, as if trying to decipher if Kihyun was joking or being sincere. “Twelve? Oh my god.” He stands abruptly, pointing a long finger at the case.

“That. Is it in there? Dude, I swear to god, if you’re lying.” Kihyun notices his jaw clenches. “This is _not_ some mafia movie. Show me the proof. Right now.” He insists.

Kihyun nods, carefully resting the case on an exposed piece of the dark, hard wood table. He presses the golden traps, and they release with a swift _click_. He pushes the lid up, revealing the bills to Minkyun. The phrase: Eyes that were bigger than his stomach, seemed to apply at this moment. It was comical with a side order of relief in the midst of it all. Minkyun believed him, and was looking so money hungry. Maybe he wouldn’t be forced with persuasion after all.

“Believe me now? It’s there, all of it. And i’m willing to give you some if you help me.” Kihyun quickly shuts the case back. “But, only if you have everything that I need.”

Minkyun visibly controls himself, seating his bottom in the rolling chair. “Name it. There isn’t anything that I don’t have.” He smirks to himself, self-satisfaction. Dripping with smug complacency - confidence that Kihyun is happy to see for once.

“Where do I begin…?” Kihyun pulls up a little stool that was hidden beneath the desk as he starts explaining everything he will need. Some things were simple to acquire, though some things he named and explained off didn’t even seem true. As if Kihyun was asking for futurists devices that were designed for deep space movies. But nothing seemed impossible to him while having so much money close by.

“What? That’s it? Child’s play.” Minkyun beams. “I’ve got all of that. Ah. Well, some things need fine tooning. But i’ve got a guy that can take care of it.” He mumbles, talking to himself.

“I’m going to need a couple of each, though.” Kihyun interjects. “I’m rounding up two more guys to help out. So, they’ll need one.” He glances around the room once. “This friend of yours. I’ll pay him too if he can jump in. Don’t worry, it won’t be anything big. Just… I’ll need him to drive the van.”

Minkyun squints his eyes as he stares into Kihyun’s face. “A boat load of money, a hired hacker, requesting illicit military grade devices, someone to drive the van…? What exactly are you planning?” He asks in piqued interest.

Kihyun bites his lip, smirking in between.  

 

 

 

Kihyun pushes the glass door inward, and a nettlesome _ding dong_ informs the whole pharmacy of his presence. He’s prepared to be welcomed by the floor staff but the silence is the first to greet him a fine hello. He hadn’t seen any cars parked out front, besides a hateful yellow truck in the reserved spacing. Which, he had assumed belonged to the main worker of the establishment. But business seemed laggy, and dreary, and Kihyun couldn’t deny how perfect that was.  

Kihyun sauntered down aisle after aisle - eyes glancing over items that held no particular interest for him. He picks up a couple of products, reads a few symptoms on the backs of the boxes. Nothing, nothing close to what he needs.

He sighs, and continues on with his leisurely stroll down the condoms and viagra aisle. The melody that is softly emitting throughout the walls sounds like corny elevator music - a sound you can’t tolerate but somehow find yourself bobbing your head too. Annoying yet enjoyable.

His hand commences to ache so Kihyun switches them, moving the briefcase to his other side. He hadn’t realized how tiring it would be toting around a solid box that was heavier than you were. He flexes his fingers.

He suddenly hears humming coming from the front of the pharmacy. He steps to the edge of the aisle, peeking around the corner only to see the back of a long white coat. A tan hand stacking supplies on the counter behind the checkout flat-top.

Kihyun spins his body the rest of the way from behind the aisle, stomping his feet to the front desk. He notices the little bell that’s used to get the workers attention - he smiles to himself at the hilarity of the situation. Should we be _that_ guy and play with it? He decides no, but the temptations are just too great to bear. He taps the top button of the bell a few times. It startles the man as his shoulders lurch forward swiftly.

He visibly composes himself as he turns with a bright smile. “Hello, how may I help you today?” The worker asks, placing his palms flat together, rubbing them a bit.

Kihyun lifts his brows.

He doesn't even know where to begin. He was going to require something that was eminently illegal - not only as a substance but also for the plan Kihyun had cooked up. Something he wasn’t even a hundred percent positive a pharmaceutical sales person could obtain. Or even want too - no matter how much money Kihyun was willing to give. He was a professional right? Professionals wouldn’t normally go out of their jurisdiction for the sake of a won. Would they?

Kihyun looks the worker in the face, finally.

His eyes automatically land on the man's wide set nose, and high arched eyebrows flying above circle shaped spectacles. His expression was calm, making Kihyun feel as though he was humble in a way. But he also got the sense that there was something hidden underneath. An energy that was suppressed, subdued in concealing his true nature. It caused Kihyun to pull his brows together.

There was an uncommon sensation - and Kihyun couldn’t comprehend what it honestly meant - that made it seem as though this worker was familiar. Not in a _used_ to know fashion, but more of a _should_ know. And Kihyun tries to contemplate - tries to think back to remember. But nothing is sticking. Like he’s wearing blinders.  

As if a hand is reaching for a light switch, but the fingertips are only brushing the surface. On the brink, but not yet ready to jump. Things just wouldn’t click.

“Sir?” The workers voice brings Kihyun back from his deep thoughts. His eyes lock with deep carob colored ones.

“Hm? What?” A fleeting peek is drawn out as Kihyun focuses back into reality, back to the task at hand. “Oh, sorry, sorry. I guess I was out of it just now.” He laughs too break any awkward tension.

“I do that a lot.” He admits willingly. “People tell me I think too much, and don’t speak enough.”

The worker nods, as if understanding perfectly well. “I have the opposite problem. I don’t think enough, and speak too much.”

“Well, opposite or not, you know the struggle, Mr,-” Kihyun looks from the workers face to the chest of his coat, looking around for a name tag. He wanted to get close to the man he was trying to make a deal with. Try and get to know him on a personal level. But when his eyes balance on the white laminated clip-on card, his smiles fades.

Song Gunhee.

And there was the click he had been waiting for.

The reason this man seemed familiar without ever truly knowing him. Because Kihyun was told about him - told by so many people back in prison. Because this man was the reason for Jooheon’s violent heartbreak, for his unwillingness to move on. To ever trust others again. The reason Minhyuk had to work so hard to finally get the man he loved so dearly to love him back.

That very same person was standing right in front of him. This person, no, this bastard left Jooheon without so much as a goodbye, and refused to contact him after he was released.

And here Kihyun thought he was through with pop up surprises for one lifetime.

“Mr. Deserter.” Kihyun bites, a new found anger boiling inside of him.

The worker pulls his brows together, eyes rushing to look at his name tag as if there was a misprint he wasn’t aware of. “E-Excuse me?” He asks after checking. “Deserter?”

“Or I can call you a traitor. Or my personal favorite, asshole.” Kihyun shrugs, “Which one do you prefer?”

The man's expression goes from nonplussed to a flowering rage that he is more than determined to hold back. Most likely for the sake of his job. “Sir, I advise you to calm down. Take a breath.You shouldn’t speak so discourteously in this establishment. Especially to a worker who is nothing but willing to help you.”

Kihyun rolls his eyes. “I would rather go down to the local food market and stock cans than stand here and fake nice with you.” He sets the briefcase down by his feet, resting his elbows on the counter. His eyes burning. “You think I don’t know who you really are, Song Gunhee? I know all about you.”

Gunhee’s eyes widen, but he tries to disguise his frightened gaze by blinking, and looking to the side. “I’m sure I have no idea what you’re talking about.” He keeps his voice level. “Now, if you have no business here, I’m going to have to ask you to please leave.”

“Oh? Am I being too crass for such a high statues place?” Kihyun raises back up. “Can you drop this whole sophisticated facade you’ve got going on already? Trick your dimwitted regulars all you want - but like i’ve said, I know the real you.”

“The real me?”

“I know you’ve been to prison, and I know about Jooheon. Need I say more?” He challenges, but Gunhee seems reluctant to even glance his way at the mention of his ex’s name.

“You were in prison too.” It wasn’t a question.

“I know all of them, Gunhee. I’m even best friends with Changkyun. Do you realize how pissed off he is at you for what you did? I don’t even want to think about what he would do to you if he saw you right now.” Kihyun purses his lips. “I should know, i’ve been on the wrong side of him before. It didn’t end well for me.”

Gunhee lifts a trembling finger, motioning towards Kihyun’s face. “I can tell. They’re disappearing, but still visible. Is that his work?”

“You tell me.” He keeps his voice deep, deeper than usual. He wanted to sound tough - _needed_ to sound domineering. But he couldn’t deny his curiosity. “Why did you do it?”

The man with dark auburn hair licks over his lips. “I… I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Do you want me to spell it out for you? Should I turn to the camera and shout it?” Kihyun tilts his chin up to the corner of the ceiling, exaggerating his actions. He opens his mouth wide, ready to scream the whole story to the world, and whoever will be watching the film later. But he’s stopped abruptly by waving hands.

“Alright, alright.” Guhee hisses under his breath. “S-Stop.. I get it…”

“Then talk.”

“I wasn’t going to end it like that…” He begins, an ungenerous amount of sorrow in his voice. “I was going to call him… Write to him. I even got to the front doors to visit him once. But I panicked and backed out.”

Kihyun suppressed the urge to roll his eyes again, _Coward_.  

“I continued to think it over, you know? But you don’t realize how hard it is to wait for someone… It could take years before Jooheon would be released. How can you just expect me to wait that long for someone?”

And Kihyun feels his sanity break.

“Are you joking?” He scoffs an irritated laugh. “You selfish piece of shit. That’s it, isn’t it? You didn’t want to wait for him. You didn’t want the baggage weighing you down? What was it? The thought of being tied down to someone turn you off? Or perhaps you’re the type who likes to play the field, and couldn’t bare the guilt of knowingly cheating on someone you so call ‘love’?” He clenches his fists tightly. He tries desperately to calm himself down.

“Do you know how fucking lucky you were to have him in the first place? Do you?” Kihyun smirks. “Well, you know what? You missed out. Big time. Because he’s moved on from you. He’s got someone who is so fucking head over heels in love with him, that he doesn’t even remember your name.” Okay, maybe Kihyun was lying about the forgetting his name bit, but he wanted this guy to suffer the same way he made Jooheon and Minhyuk suffer.

“And you know what else? It _is_ easy to wait for someone. Because when you love them, truly love them, time is irrelevant. You’d wait a million years if you had too just to be in their arms again. But, no. It was just too hard to think about? Fuck you.” Kihyun keeps his hands at his sides, if he hadn’t he feared he would be giving Gunhee the finger double time. Or cracking him in the jaw. Either would be good.

Gunhee looked dejected, as if someone had just ripped his soul from his chest. “You… What do you even know…?” But his question isn’t derogatory, it’s pure absorption.

“I know because i’m standing in the shoes you were to cowardice to fill.” And Kihyun’s voice seems to soften at the sudden subject of Wonho. “Because, i’m waiting. _I’m_ the one that got out, and i’m going to be the one that will greet the person I love at the chain linked fence when _they_ get out.”

Gunhee gives him a look, “You aren’t talking about Jooheon, are you?”

He shakes his head. “No, i’m not. But it’s none of your business who i’m talking about. In fact, I’m done speaking with you about it. You lost your chance, and it’s not like you deserve to hear anything else concerning it.” He leans down, picking up the briefcase he had been toting all morning. He slams it on the counter. “Going back to your previous questions. Yes, I _do_ have business with you.”  

Even with the anger that is bubbling up within’ him, Kihyun can’t oppose the notion of gleeful luck with having an ex criminal to negotiate with.

“What is it then?” Gunhee’s prior sophisticate, and upbeat attitude had vanished. Kihyun was relieved.

“There is no doubt in my mind that you were able to acquire this working position through your ‘connections’ so, I want you to use those to get me something.” He takes the man's pen and post it notes - writing down a number, and the exact substance that was mandatory. The amount of money he was willing to give was significantly lower than the amount he had promised to Minkyun. He needed the help, but, he still hated this man immensely.

Gunhee takes the tiny piece of paper, reading it over. He’s silent for a moment, but the look on his face didn’t show signs of unability. He hums, “And why should I help you out?”

His eyes cut towards the case, and Gunhee’s gaze follows suit. “Because, you know very well what’s inside of this case. Because of the thrill you’ll get from this is too great to refuse. And… Because, no matter what, you were a criminal first.”

 _And not the good guy_ , Kihyun tells himself. Because, from now on, it’s was Kihyun’s choice to make when involving the scenario of good and evil. And right now it was decided within himself. Gunhee hadn’t changed like the others. Even if Kihyun didn’t know his story, he felt it.

This man was someone who could cut ties unhesitantly - without feeling or emotion. Someone who would run away when times got tough - someone who looked out for themselves. Numero uno. Someone who was numb to resolutions. Taking the easy way out. Kihyun vaguely began to wonder just how many lives had been ruined or taken from living such a reckless lifestyle. And that’s just who he was.

 _Not the good guy_ , he reminds himself.

“I know you’re going to accept his offer, Gunhee.” Kihyun answers matter of factly.

They stare at one another - eyes that are shadowy with indifference. As if there was an internal battle dwelling mercilessly inside of him from wanting to accept the deal. Kihyun gives his best poker face, but he’s internally encouraging him.

 _You’re a professiona_ l, _Gunhee_ . _You know this isn’t some trick_ . _You know this isn’t some cop and wire routine to get you into trouble_ . _I know you can feel it_ . _You can sense it_ . _I know you can because I feel it in you_.

“What time will you need it?” He asks after a quiet moment - slipping the tiny paper into his white coat pocket.

“Tonight. Around eight, and not a minute later. I’ll give you the money then. ” Kihyun picks up the briefcase, assurance rushes through his veins. “Not that I don’t trust you - but, you have no reason not to trust me.”

Gunhee turns back around to his previous labor of stacking items on the counter behind his desk. Kihyun understands that their transaction is over and done - set in stone. Nothing about this will ever be mentioned again. But it’s the malice tone of the workers voice that slices through Kihyun’s throat as he tries to exit the building.

“When you see Jooheon, tell him i’m sorry.”

But Kihyun hadn’t told him of his true intentions with the substance he was requesting, yet, somehow, Gunhee had figured it out.

Kihyun slams his hands against the bar of the door, forcing it open with violent exertion. He stomps through the threshold, the all too bright sun greeting him with mockery. _How dare he_. Kihyun growls under his breath. A solid white vail blinding his vision from pure outrage. Feeling so mentally vexed that he very nearly runs into an assumed customer. A customer with a lanky form, and full lips.

“Wh-Whoa, Kihyun?” The soft voice asks.

Kihyun throws his head back to look up at the tall man's face. “Seokwon?” He had to question a moment. But it was so.

Seokwon was standing before him, not in his usual prison attire, but in tan khakis, and a nice white pressed polo. It gave off one of those awkward vibes a student would often have when noticing one of their teachers out in public rather than in a classroom. You almost forget that they're a real person who walks and talks the same as you - the job does not make them.

“This is twice that i’ve seen you in street clothes, and it’s kind of weird. No orange in sight.” The guard teases with a cheeky smile, eyes bright, and for a moment he seems younger as the sun contrasts against his skin.

“Ah, that’s a low blow.” Kihyun isn’t truly effected - he brushes it off. “So, what are you doing here?”

“Getting my prescriptions. I have a very annoying allergy that costs me way too much.” And that’s when Kihyun notices the little pink piece of paper resting his long, tan fingers.

Kihyun throws a thumb over his shoulder in pointing. “Oh. Do you go to this place a lot?” He wondered just how long Gunhee had this job. Maybe he obtained the position as soon as he got out of prison.

“For awhile. Years, actually.”

Years? Kihyun slides the top of his teeth over his bottom lip. If Seokwon was going to the same pharmaceutical place for years, that meant he had to have lived here for some time now, right? He could only hope.

“Hey, Seokwon. I was wondering if you could help me out with an address i’m having trouble finding.” Kihyun squints his eyes, making it seems as though he is trying hard to think back, and concentrate. “This… This tattoo parlor downtown… It was called… _Saaghan_ _Ink_. Do you know it?”

“Hm.” A look of embarrassing misery graces his features. A look Kihyun hadn’t ever seen from him before, maybe from anyone else in his lifetime. “Yeah… I know that place.”

 _Wait_ , _really_ ? _Great_. Kihyun smiles, “Can you take me there?”

Seokwon pulls his brows together, he seems more than unwilling. “Kihyun… Don’t make me go back there…” His voice sounds like a whimpered beg.

Kihyun is immediately concerned. “Why? Is there something wrong?”

The tall man sighs, reaching for the edge of his shirt. “I’m not going to give you the whole story, but, “ He pulls the fabric up, while simultaneously pushing the side of his pants down a bit. Kihyun was bemused, disgusted, and absorbed all in one. Right above the man’s pointed hipbone was a cartoon like tattoo of an iguana and a pig kissing. It was possibly one of the ugliest, but oddest tattoo’s he had ever seen.

“Oh…” Was all he could say.

“Like I said… I’m not telling you the story, it happened so long ago, but… The moral is: Don’t get shit-faced, then think going out to get a tattoo is a good idea. Because, you will end up with this monstrosity. And… you will end up in bed with the artist the next morning.”

Kihyun’s eyes widen and his jaw drops. Holy-

“Oh my god.” He bursts out laughing. He never expected something like this from Seokwon. While in prison he had always assumed the guard was a prude. He always suspected he was someone who didn’t speak about sex lightly. Oh, Kihyun was so wrong.  

Though it made Kihyun think. Who exactly was the artist that inked him? Who’s bed had he woken up in that morning? … Did he sleep with Wonho? Kihyun’s tittering dies down - as he stares into the officer's face. “Who… was it? The artist?”

Seokwon seems to notice the worry written on the smallers face, he smiles assuringly. “Some baby faced newbie who’s ego was bigger than the brown fedora he wore. He had no jaw line. Really bouncy brown hair.” _And it wasn’t Wonho_ , his eyes seemed to say.

He purses his lips once again, nodding. He was so relieved he had to exhale deeply. “Okay. I understand you might die from embarrassment - but I really need to go there. There are a couple of guys I need to meet.”

Seokwon seems to agree against his better judgement.

  
  


The tattoo parlor was everything Kihyun had envisioned it to be.

Though he was wrong when he guessed the colors - he was right on the building itself. It was small, cemented, with low roofing. Neon signs flashing in the windows, and an arrow pointing inside the opened front door. A deep resonant vibrating in the air that sounded similar to that of electronic music. It was everything you’d expect from a tattoo place.  

This was it, this was Wonho’s baby. His greatest accomplishment. Kihyun felt a swell of pride in his chest.

“You good?” Seokwon asks, placing a hand on Kihyun’s shoulder.

He nods, “Yeah, … Yeah, let’s go.” He guarantees as they enter the shop - Seokwon making grunts and groans of protest while doing so.

Kihyun can only stare in awe at the walls. They’re covered with a plethora of art - of hand draw pictures in pencil and pen and bountiful colors. Pictures that range from images as simple as hearts and stars to more mastering pieces of figure drawings. But one picture stuck out more than the rest of them. It was a framed photo of young Wonho and, who Kihyun guessed was, his friends and family. Though he recognized Iseul straightaway. He really needed to speak with her - he wanted to make sure she was alright, apologize to her for the other night.

Seokwon makes it to his side, placing a finger on the picture, pointing to someone. A guy with a wide smile, and a baby face. “That’s-,”

“Mm, cowgirl~ Never thought i’d see you again.” A voice says, causing the two to whip around to catch a face. It was baby face himself - oh, the baby face that created the tattoo on Seokwon’s hip. The baby face that Seokwon had slept with. And that’s when it hit him. Kihyun’s ex-prison guard had slept with his boyfriend’s cousin. Oh, the awkward hilarity of it all.

The guard clears his throat. “Yoonho…” Kihyun couldn’t recognize the tone he was using though. Something between a mix of hidden arousal and forcing repugnance.

Yoonho is wiping his hands on an old, dirty rag, a crooked smirk splayed on his pink lips. “I’ve missed you.” He purrs, making his way towards the guard slowly. Kihyun instantly feels like a third wheel - feels as though he should leave and let these two have their privacy. But, there was nowhere for him to run, nowhere to hide.

Mr. Babyface slams his hand on the wall beside of Seokwon’s head, meeting one another nose to nose. “Don’t call me that.” Seokwon mumbles, cheeks rosy.

“And why not? It’s your profession after all, isn’t it?” He grins, white teeth brilliant. And yes, Kihyun understood the sexual innuendo at the nickname. Ever since he was put in that prison he was able to catch anything being remotely vulgar. But the guys eyes soon cut towards Kihyun. “And this is? Not your boyfriend, or i’d be on the floor with a bloody nose by now.”

“No, not boyfriend - try close friend.” Kihyun says while winking, stepping away from the whole ordeal all together. “But uh, it seems i’m not as close to Seokwon as you are. So, have at it.”

“K-Kihyun!” Seokwon shouts in a squeak as Kihyun makes his way over to the tattooing area. But he isn’t fooled by Seokwon’s attempt at asking for help - because, he knows more than anything his words are faux. No matter how much he tries to deny it, he wants that guy. Wants him badly. If anything, Kihyun is doing him a favor.  

“Done, and done.” Yoonho growls, and they become nothing more than background noise.

Kihyun brushes passed the desk, peeking around the half privacy cubicles. No one is inside, but he can see the little cups filled with colors, he sees the already cleaned needle, the stool, the bed the customer lays on. He begins to wonder what it’s like to have a needle poke his skin - to know the sensation of being permanently marked. That mark becoming a piece of him - a part of him that will never go away. Just like his love for Wonho…

“Can I help you?”

Kihyun isn’t startled, but he doesn’t feel as though he had just been caught doing something he shouldn’t. He turns, only his head, to look at Kwanji. Wonho’s best friend. This man with even more profound crescent eyes, and hair pushed up. Kihyun wasn’t physic, but he immediately knew from Wonho’s stories.  

 _I had my best friends working there right along with me_ . _They were the baddest dudes you would have ever met_ . _My childhood friend Kwangji, and my cousin Yoonho_ . Y _ou know those guys you see in movies_ , _in those mafia movies_ , _the ones that are always trying to cut someone_ ? _Like that_ . _They don’t look the part at all, but mess with one of them_ , _and they’ll kick your ass_.

And that is what Kihyun was truly hoping for. He was going to need guys who were big and bad and didn’t take shit from anyone. Guys who were close with the situation - guys with a purpose to help him out despite the offering of money. He needed these guys.

“Yes, but I think I can also help you.” Kihyun vows, explaining every last detail to this man he hadn’t even became acquainted with. He explains how he was in jail and how he met Wonho. He didn’t deny being close to Wonho the least. But, he did explain his situation. How he was put in jail under false accusations, how he received the money when they finally released him after the hidden evidence was found. He even explained the plan he was putting together - he brought up his hacker friend, the guy that was going to drive, and how he and Yoonho would be involved. He brought up the payment last, but this man didn’t seem affected at all by it.

“I’m in.” Was all the deep voice answered with truculent eyes.

This guy wasn’t someone who played around, Kihyun could tell.

Everything was coming together even more smoothly than Kihyun had imagined.

  
  


Kihyun sat the briefcase down on the bed when he finally made it back home.

The day wasn’t even half gone, yet Kihyun felt as though it was bedtime. He was already feeling restless, and a bit jittery. But, of course he would. It was nightfall when his plan would come into play and the wait was already tearing him apart. He bounces on the balls of his feet a bit as he shrugs off his jacket.

“Welcome home, Kihyunnie~” He hears the sound of happiness ring from the kitchen, along with the smell of food cooking.

Minhyuk was home early…?

Crap.

“Ah… Why are you home so early?” He asks as he sprints into the kitchen. He notices that Minhyuk is making an american style dish, he also smells something sweet baking in the oven. “And what’s all this?”

Minhyuk stirs, and flips, and pushes around, eyes trained on the food in front of him. “Took the rest of the day off, and… Just got the sudden urge to cook. And cook a lot. You ever get those feelings? Where you want to do something and can only think about that particular thing? It won’t go away. Before you finally become mad with needing to do it so badly that you drop what you’re doing and just… do it?”

Kihyun swallows his heart. “S-Sometimes… Yeah.”

“Mm~” Minhyuk hums as he continues - Kihyun can’t even fathom why his best friend seems so happy today. He looks as though he was just told the best news of his life. Or perhaps, maybe he spoke with Jooheon just before Kihyun had returned home.

Because Minhyuk usually turns jocund after speaking with his love. He won’t stop smiling for literally hours - smiling the same way he did when he was with Jooheon. The golden smile. Kihyun is happy for him nonetheless. He decides to let his friend have his moment - he deserves it.

Kihyun sits down at the table, sighing heavily. He can’t stop thinking about Minhyuk’s smile, no, all of _their_ smiles. Just like that day, right before Minhyuk was released. When they all talked about living together. That perfect home just for them. “You know, i’ve been thinking…” He drifts off.

“Oh? And what have you been thinking about?”

“About that house - about _our_ house.” He smiles at the memory, and he can feel Minhyuk’s smile grow even more. “Remember?”

“Of course I remember. I think about that conversation everyday.” The white haired man admits, getting a good medium on his meal. Making it to a point where he can sit down at the table with Kihyun to let everything really get going. “It’s a fantasy of mine.”

“Mine too… “ He bites his lip. “Wonho and I get the room with the biggest closets…”

“Joohoney and I get the biggest room…”

“Changkyun and Hyungwon want the sunset room…” They say in unison.

Minhyuk’s smile fades, he looks down at his fiddling hands. He looks saddened by the remembrance - his eyes falter. A look of knowing you can’t have what you so desperately want. A look that Kihyun knows all too well. It’s the look he catches himself making when he thinks about Wonho. But seeing Minhyuk look like this - it isn’t right. Sorrow doesn’t suit him. He doesn’t deserve to feel this way. He only deserves happiness.

Kihyun jumps from his seat, grabbing the case off the bed and slamming it down on the kitchen table. He feels the rush of adrenaline. Minhyuk seems shocked, taken aback as he scoots away from the table at the suddenness. Kihyun’s hands shake as he snaps the traps open, exposing the money to his best friend.

“What the…?” The white haired man gasps, eyes wide with worry. He stands slowly. And Kihyun already comprehends what’s going through his mind. Is this real? How did you get it? Where did it come from? Did you… steal it? Tell me the truth.

So Kihyun is quick on the draw - he comes up with a lie on the spot.

“M-My savings account had been gridlocked ever since I was released… Everything was finally finalized today - so I was able to take it out…” He inhales deeply. The air between the two is dense, and suffocating. “Ever since I got out of there, out of prison…  all I could think about was getting that house. The house for all of us to live together…”

Minhyuk’s eyes were already pooling with tears at the incredulousness - it was so heartbreaking that Kihyun had to look away to continue his lie. “Something you wanted to do so badly, that you couldn’t take it anymore, right?” He asks, quoting.

Then begins to wonder how some truths and the lie he was creating were swirling around one another. Where exactly the lie had ended and where these hidden truths began. He wouldn't, couldn't have been able to lie to beautifly like this.  

Minhyuk’s adam's apple bobs from the hard swallow, he nods slowly.

Kihyun grabs a fist full of bills, shoving them into his best friend's chest. He is finally able to bring himself to look into those diamond eyes. “Minhyuk… Go get our house. Right now. Go find it. You know exactly what you want - as soon as you see it. Make sure it’s far away from here. Make sure it’s everything we _all_ could ever want. Don’t dwell on this, just do it. We need _our_ house… ”

“K-Kihyun-,” The voice cracks.

“Minhyuk!” Kihyun shouts, causing the white haired man to jolt in fear. Nails dig into Kihyun’s fist, Minhyuk gripping him tightly, shakily - unsure if he should take the money being forced onto him. “I’m ready to go _home_.” Kihyun whimpers.

And Minhyuk’s eyes fill with understanding behind the salty water. The tears falling down perfect skin, ever so happy tears.

  
  
  


It was pitch-black outside when Kihyun left the apartment - Minhyuk nowhere to be seen. He wore a snapback under his hood for extra coverage that night. It was time - it was ultimately time. He was advised to take multiple twists and turns down countless back allies before he reached the precise area. The place he told everyone to meet up at.

He rounds a corner brush as his eyes land on three dark figures standing around the van he had privately rented earlier that morning. He spies an arm hanging out the driver window - Minkyun’s friend. The one who was hired to drive the van seemed already prepared. Kihyun admired that.

He sighs out heavily, seeing his breath puffs of smoke from the cold night air. He couldn’t stop the pounding in his chest - the nervousness that was vibrating his thoughts. His mind begging him to go back, but his heart refusing to listen.

A crate is resting to the right of the van, a slatted, old wooden box that is supplied with the substance Kihyun bought from the criminal hidden pharmacist. He assumes the devices he requested from the little hacker were stashed away within’ the van already, awaiting his presence. Shadowy faces turn towards him.

Kihyun steps up onto the timeworn crate - looking down at his hired hands. Minkyun seems tense, and anxious but silently prepared. Yoonho’s expression is hard, and willing. Kwanji is adamant, looking dominantly aggressive - ready for a fight. The faceless driver blows out smoke, but his fist his tight, and ascendant.

Kihyun feels superiority from the height - he feels as though he can move mountains at this moment. All of these men were looking up to him, figuratively speaking. Waiting for his orders - ready to make a move at the snap of his fingers. This rush - this kind of feeling - it was something he knew was reserved for times like this. For crimes like this.

“Listen up, and listen good. Because i’m going to say this once.” He breathes out slowly, all eyes locked on him with absorbed perceptiveness. The rush builds - it takes over his senses. He feels feral, wild.

“We’re going in after four men - and we aren’t leaving here without them.”   


	18. Trespass

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I put trespass lyircs and BTS Run lyrics in this xD Haha.

Kihyun jumps down from the crate - bouncing on his heels with definitive adrenaline. 

The air is turning cooler, breaths are more profound in clouds of smoke as the group exhales in tension and nervousness. But Kihyun is unwavering in his decision. He will  _ not _ back down.

He motions everyone towards the van door, sliding it open. They fall in one by one as if they were a force of prepared unison. Kihyun doesn’t catch the face of who, but someone brings the crate of liquids on board as well. The door slides to a locking close, and Kihyun notices that Minkyun’s equipment is already set up. 

Though, he wonders if this is a little too excessive or not. 

Before him are three laptops resting side by side one another with blue screens, piles of cords twisting together left and right, all the while he can hear the vexatious static noises of the transmitters. The encumbrance of the expedition made things feel a tad snug as it seemed technology was taking them over. He doesn’t have the understanding or insight to question subjects that aren’t in his jurisdiction - so, for all he knows, or is willing to learn about, this is perfect if not then close to what thought Minkyun was capable of.

“Damn, tech. You got us hooked up.” Yoonho mumbles, eyes glancing around the entirety of the van. They all seem to crouch or take a knee around the impedimenta - as Minkyun takes a seat in front of the sanctity of his computers. His fingers fly over each individual keyboard, his expression concentrating.

“Well, Kihyun asked for such elementary things, so I thought I would take it upon myself to go that extra mile for  _ this _ .” He explains, eyes never moving from the screens.

“Elementary my ass.” Kihyun mutters. “But, since you brought it up. Did you get everything I asked for?”

“Of course I did - i’m no amatuer.” Minkyun reaches behind him, grabbing a rather large school bag. He expresses no signs of temporizing as he unzips the bag, and pulls out - what looked like - little black stringed cloths. “V.M.M’s.” He says while passing each person one.

“V.M.M’s?” Kihyun finds himself asking while examining the item. It wasn’t the cotton type of fabric he had expected it to be, rather it was dark, soft plastic that was rectangular in shape, with ear hooks at each end. He slides fingers over the center of the rectangular inside, and feels something hard and compressing hidden beneath the plastic. 

“Voice modification masks.” Minkyun begins messing with something on Kwangji’s mask while he elaborates. “They’ll hide your identity, and alter your voice to a lower or higher pitch depending on your current tone. If you’re voice is naturally deep, it will higher the pitch, and vice versa.” He leans over, placing the mask on Kwangji himself. 

Kihyun realizes that the little mask was almost identical in appearances as the masks he would wear around the office when he was feeling under the weather. Though the mask that was resting in his palms had a bright red X on the front area that would be covering the mouth. He pondered what it could mean, but he presumed it was just a design plan for Minkyun’s pleasure. 

Kihyun couldn’t deny that he thoroughly enjoyed the design - it suited the situation ideally. 

He places the mask over his mouth, hooking the hoops around his ears. It fit him all too well. “So, how do these things wor-,” He pauses, as his eyes widen. That wasn’t his voice. The voice that came from the mask was deep, and gravely, perhaps dark - he didn’t recognize it at all.  

“Just like that.” Minkyun answers with contentment as Kwangji and Yoonho prepare their masks, talking to try it out for themselves. 

Kihyun takes his own mask off, placing it in his lap. “Alright, so, what’s next?” 

“These.” He reaches into the side pocket of the backpack to retrieve something else. Kihyun can feel his heart begin to race with each passing second. Minkyun opens his hand, revealing bijou skin colored bud-shaped trinkets. “These are mini noise receivers. They fit inside the ear - it’s a microphone.” 

Minkyun looks towards Yoonho. “You, come here.” 

Yoonho crawls over to where the little hacker is stationed at his request. The shorter man picks up an individual little bud, carefully pushing it inside of the tattoo artists ear. “It’s wireless, and hands free.” He continues to fiddle with Yoonho’s ear as he explains. “They ensure complete covert reception, they deliver the voice of the other person on the opposite ends of the starship transmitter’s.”

“Starship? Sounds like some crappy space movie.” Kwangji jest’s, taking an earpiece from Minkyun’s hand. 

“It’s the code name I created for my transferal communication receivers.” He finishes fumbling with the piece as he leans back, his eyes searching - trying to find it himself. Making it seem as though his priority was for the buds to be undetectable. “You’ll be able to hear me, and talk back to me with these.”

Kihyun takes the last mini microphone, gently placing it within his ear. It’s comfier than he expected it to be. He looks to the others while adjusting the piece better. Kwangji’s expression is hard as he sits in fixed silence, Yoonho looks rather animated considering the circumstances of it all, while Minkyun is looking as though this is the chance he had always been waiting for. Unsure of what that chance may be, Kihyun is beginning to understand the severity of the affairs.

“Good.” Kihyun finally speaks, “This way you can direct us clearly.” 

“You mean little dude over here is going to lead us through the prison from the van with these ear buds?” Yoonho asks in a slight whined voice due to the mask he’s still wearing. 

“Little dude can hear you.” Minkyun’s bites, rather annoyed. “I’m going to hack the surveillance systems and override them. Once inside i’ll be able to freeze the network images, the… the compressed extracted information while simultaneously continuing the timing countdown. I.E. None of you will be caught on video while inside the prison while the monitoring remains ongoing.” 

The van rests in puzzled silence from the explanation - what in the hell was he even talking about? 

Minkyun sighs softly. He begins slowly, as if speaking to children. “I will  _ stop _ the video footage. The time while recording will  _ not _ stop to make it seem like the video footage is fine. You can sneak in, and the cameras will  _ not _ catch you on them.” 

Everything became painfully clear, although the clarification was degrading.

“Yo, wait.” Kwangji leans forward. “What about the guards inside? Won’t it look seriously conspicuous if the video is normal but the guards aren’t ever recorded while walking around?” 

“He’s right.” Kihyun nips at his lip. 

“That’s the tricky part. You see, I will be able to take a quick snapshot of the guards walking back and forth in their stations, right? And then I can loop the video.” Minkyun says while moving his hands around to emphasize himself.

“That way it seems like they are doing their jobs while the video is temporarily tampered with.” Yoonho jumps in as if he understands. 

“Exactly, however…” Minkyun licks his lips, looking at his lap as if trying to word himself correctly. “We still have the problem of the guards being present… The video will be frozen, but they won’t. There is no way for me to stop them while you guys are inside.”

“I’ve already taken care of that part.” Kihyun informs, and all eyes land on him. Even the driver turns around in his seat to look his way. 

Kihyun reaches towards the back of the van, extending, and grabbing the old wooden crate that everyone had obviously forgotten about. He places it in front of himself, opening the box to reveal diminutive, tawny colored bottles. He pulls a few out, handing Kwangji and Yoonho one. 

“I… know a guy who knows a guy. I had a feeling we would be needing this- No!” He yelps, placing a hand over Yoonho’s nose and mouth as quickly as he could as the man removed the lid and placed the bottle under his nose. 

“Be careful!” Kihyun hisses, making it in time. “Don’t smell it. It’s chloroform. It will knock you out cold, idiot.” 

“Dude, what the fuck? Why the hell did you bring chloroform?” Kwangji asks, growling under his breath. 

“Because, I knew the guards would be around - and I can assure you nothing is going to get in my way tonight.” He answers, not recognizing his own voice, and the strangest part… he wasn’t even wearing one of the masks. “Even if that means drugging countless guards just to make sure we don’t get caught... Somethings are absolutely necessary.”

There was an air of understanding throughout the others. They knew just how important this was, this was of equal significance to both Kwangji and Yoonho, and of course to Kihyun. 

“Maybe it doesn’t sound so crazy after all.” Minkyun winks at them, before typing away once more. “It’s sounds more like you guys really have something worth fighting for.”

“My family is worth fighting for.” Yoonho easily admits. 

“Friendship is worth fighting for.” Kwangji doesn’t deny. 

“... Wonho is the _everything_ that i’m fighting for.” Kihyun implores with premature chagrin - he’s already doubting himself so harshly. But not entirely.

“Then I say, “ Yoonho lifts his shirt, exposing not only his pale abdomen but three black pistols resting in the front of his jeans. “We rush in there, guns ablaze, and tenacity circling our souls.” He grips the end of the firearm that is peeking from the top of his pants, sliding it out. 

“Where did you get that? N-No. Why did you bring those? This is going to be a clean cut mission - we aren’t shooting up the place.” Kihyun shakes his head, backing up a bit.

“They aren’t loaded.” Kwangji takes one out of his friends pants. “We only brought them for show, just in case.” 

“Just for show?” He asks but something knocks on the door of his brain. Changkyun. He might not be so obliged to take orders from a masked stranger standing in his cell in the middle of the night. The thought hadn’t even crossed his mind until now. What if Changkyun went off? What if he doesn’t catch on so easily, and not realize they would be trying to help him? 

Kihyun sighs absentmindedly. “You might be right. Those might come in handy after all.” He takes one, and it rests heavily in his hand. Out of nowhere he remembers the pain that came with the fake attack on Changkyun in the cafeteria on the day of his release. The rage in the brown haired man’s eyes, the burning anger that was surrounding him. It sent chills down his spine - they would definitely need protection from him. 

He wasn’t someone Kihyun was afraid of, but he was someone that was going to guard himself with perpetual force. They were going to have to be ready for anything after all. 

“Okay, let’s take them.” He ultimately decides, resting the gun an the top of his pants as Yoonho had them. He hides it behind his shirt, reaching into his back pocket. “I also brought these for the drug.” He hands them both a little cloth. 

“So, is that everything?” Kwangji asks, gathering all of his equipment, whilst placing the mask over his face. 

The butterflies in Kihyun’s stomach confirm everything. “Yeah… it’s time.” 

  
  
  


“Kihyun, can you hear me?”

“Loud and clear.” Kihyun answers in that dark, deep voice from the mask, and the three cross the street beyond the prison. The town around him is dead for the night - everything is silent with temperate consideration. And the only thing on Kihyun’s mind was the fear of messing up. Of making a single fumble and ruining the entire plan. He was worried - so very worried as it was all on his shoulders to make this happen. Because if something doesn’t go according to plan, then it would be all on him. It would be his fault, no one else’s. 

“I’ve already gained access into the surveillance systems. I’ve cut the footage, and am looping the video of the guards patrolling as we speak.” There were a few clicks of the keyboard right in Kihyun’s ear. “I was also able to hack into those pesky auto-lock doors as well. I’ll be able to open them for you once, do you understand me?  _ Once _ . After that, it’s over. I’ll have to direct you out of there through a different route.” 

Kihyun inhales sharply, “Dude, I swear I will pay you double for all this work.” He ducks behind the hedges that are surrounding the chain link fence separating them and the prison. “You’ve already exceeded my expectations. I don’t know what I would do without you.” 

“I’m amazing, I know.” Minkyun’s smirk can be felt between the three of them.

Kihyun rests his weight on his knees, he looks over his shoulder. From the moonlight he is able to see Kwangji and Yoonho’s eyes, the masks covering their identities rather well. He nods to himself looking ahead once more - this was it, it’s really happening. 

“Are you absolutely sure about this, Kihyun?” Minkyun asks for the very last time.

Kihyun closes his eyes as he holds his breath. 

He sees Wonho’s smiles. He sees Wonho’s frown. He sees that tired expression that appears right before he falls into a deep sleep. He sees that gummy grin he gives when something is really hilarious. He sees those crescent eyes disappear when he laughs. He hears that cute lisp, he hears that deep sigh, he hears those rough growls. He sees the plethora of tattoos. He feels Wonho’s lips against his own, he shivers at the remembrance of his touch. His embrace. 

There was no way Kihyun would be able to go on without him. The thought of having to wait for him was easy, but the reality of it all was torturous. Kihyun wasn’t strong enough to deal with the pain - so, breaking into a prison didn’t seem as extreme as some might think.  

Wonho was worth it. He was more than worth it.

“I’m doing it to save people, can you really call this a crime?” He smirks to himself. 

There was a shuddering  _ click _ coming from the entrance of the chain link fence, and Kihyun knew Minkyun had just unlocked the entryway for them. He stands from hiding behind the hedges, heading to the door, as the other two follow suit. He glances around a moment - the world is still unknowing of their intentions. The mask hides his carnivorous leer. 

“Besides, it’s their fault for bringing me here in the first place.” Kihyun glares at the chained entrance, patience drained from his eyes. “Knock, knock.” He growls, throwing his leg up as it connects with the door, flinging it open. He runs through the unguarded threshold.  

He hears the stomping sound of shoes behind him. 

Kihyun spots two identical cameras pointing directly at the steel door. He doesn’t panic, he knows Minkyun’s got everything under control. He leans up against the cold steel, hearing keys clicking in his ear. There’s soft buzzing noise before the door is opening up on it’s own.

_ No turning back _ ,  _ i’m going in now _ … 

He struts straight into the darkness of the hallway leading to another door. It opens up automatically, and Kihyun doesn’t even waver as he walks right through.

Inside is a pure inky abyss with the only light of reassurance being the dimmed spot lights that hang above the cameras. The entire floor was foreign to Kihyun. Back when he was first shoved into this hell hole was a completely different notion. He kept his head down - due to the massive surfeit of reporters trying to question him - and his eyes were trained on the floor the entire time. He refused to look up from fear and false shame they were pouring out to him. 

Kihyun knew only four routes. 

From his cell room he was able to travel to the library, cafeteria, courtyard, and the solitary white room where he would meet up with his lawyer, Shownu. (Excluding the time he was escorted to the infirmary - his eyes were overly blurred with blood.) Other than, he knew nothing more.

“Alright, Minkyun, where do we go from here?” Kihyun asks softly, as soft as one could be with a deep voice erupting from him. 

“Go straight.” 

Kihyun’s feet move before his brain even processes the direction he’s given. The feeble lighting just weak enough to cause him to squint. 

“I honestly feel so badass right now.” Yoonho says with elation hidden behind his mask. 

Kihyun can only rolls his eyes - he will never admit to them or himself that he feels wholly the same way.

The silence throughout the building was nerve wracking, the echo’s from their footsteps were persistent and bothersome. Their continuous stomps soon come to a crossroads however, and Kihyun is unsure if he should speak up at this moment in fear of what might lie ahead. 

“Take a left.” Minkyun informs. 

Kihyun whips to the side, disappearing into the sea of darkness once again. He notices something to his right. It’s a glass window with a perfectly center half cut resting towards the bottom, where cold steel would meet transparency. He blinks slowly while passing it. He remembers receiving clothes from a faceless person from the opposite side of the glass. When he was brought here… 

They pass another familiar door.

“Take another left through the door with the bolts around the frame.”

He then remembers being stripped down and searched, feeling mortified and degraded while the guards behind him were snickering with malice. Taunting him with wicked words of Kihyun being targeted, and weak. Whispering to one another about how Kihyun wouldn’t last a minute in such a place. But, they couldn’t have been more wrong.

The bolted door opens for them and their journey through the prison continues. But he is feeling nervousness within himself. This was a maximum security prison, after all, so… Where were all the guards? Were they not stationed at these entrances? Was their main objective the cells as a whole? 

“Stop.” Minkyun warns them. Kihyun’s questions thrown out. 

He has the sudden temptation to flatten his back against the wall, and be as silent as a mouse. He gives in, as the other two follow the leader. 

Kihyun closes his eyes - listening carefully. 

He hears them. The light tapping of boots walking down a corridor. They were swift, and purposive, and coming right for them. Kihyun’s hands begin to shake as he grabs for his rag, and the tiny, orange-brown bottle from his back pocket. He cautiously pours the liquid onto the rag, steadying his hand for the impact. He’s ready for this - he’s more than ready. 

But he isn’t. 

The guard turns the corner sharply, eyes immediately landing on the trio. Kihyun freezes into paralysis, he’s stunned. The guard was so tall, he was so stout looking, with a more than handy gun in his grasp. A fully loaded gun - a gun with actual bullets in them. Nothing like the fake out’s Kihyun and the others were packing. But, he towered over Kihyun, making him feel small. 

He doesn’t understand his own hesitancy. Why was he wide eyed, and fearful in the midst of adrenaline, and vitality? Why wasn’t he lunging at this guy, taking him down? 

The guard seems perplexed when he sees the intruders, but recovers as quickly as he falters. He promptly raises his gun in the air, specifically at Kihyun. “Don’t move!” He forewarns. 

Kihyun drops the rag, ready to raise his hands high in the air in surrender. But as he turns his body towards the armed guard, he feels a weight press into his shoulder. It’s firm, heavy, and knocks Kihyun down to his knee in a crouching stance. 

He hears a startled mumble from above. 

Though still forced to the ground, he glances up to find Yoonho as the culprit for his falling. The tattoo artist had taken custody of Kihyun’s prepared rag, now holding it firmly against the guards mouth. The guard struggles a mere moment, before his eyelids begin to flutter. Kwangji pushes passed everyone to get behind the guard - holding him upright, carefully leaning him against the wall.

Kihyun swallows hard. 

The weight soon lifts, freeing Kihyun from the floor. He stands slowly, ashamed for his vacillating decisions. He can’t meet his members eyes. 

“Kihyun…” He hears Minkyun’s uncertain voice call to him. “What was with the hesitation?” He asks. 

Kihyun places a hand over his ear, he doesn’t know how to answer that question. 

Though, he doesn’t have too, as Kwangji is in front of him in seconds, shoving his mask away from his face. “What the hell was that?” He barks. “Why did you hesitate? Do you know how many people get hurt when you hesitate like that? He could have fired five fucking rounds into your skull just now!”

Kihyun winces from the bellowing anger. 

“Kihyun, either you’re all in, or out. You can’t be both. You came into this situation cheeky, and determined. Why all of a sudden did you act as if you were without a doubt ready to give up at the sight of the first guard?” He demands. 

Kihyun shutters, lips pressed together tightly with unwillingness. Feeling as though he was suddenly reverted back to that first day of his sentence. When Wonho was speaking with him, trying to get him to talk back, then threatening him if he wouldn’t open his mouth. It was the same, the exact same. 

“What changed?” He urged. “Did you forget the whole reason why we're here in this smelly, dank prison in the first place? Did you forget about Wonho?”

And suddenly Kihyun snaps - teeth baring. 

“Don’t you ever say that again!” He snarls from behind his mask, the voice deep and violent. “He is my life! My light! He is the only reason we’re standing in this god forsaken place! Risking my neck, and my freedom to be with him! Paying off strangers, making deals with strangers for shit I can’t even pronounce, drugging officials so I can…” He strays. 

Kwangji was smirking at him. Looking at him as if he had just found the gold at the end of the rainbow. And Kihyun was now sighing with understanding. 

“There. Looks like you finally came back.” The taller breathes out. “Thought we lost you for a moment.” 

“Be that sassy bastard that was dripping in self-confidence back in the van. Don’t let sudden trepidation stop you from getting what you want.” Yoonho chips in, placing a hand on the same shoulder he forced down moments before. 

“What  _ do _ you want?” Kwangji asks, straightening his mask back up.

Kihyun doesn’t even have to ponder, he smiles from behind his own mask. “I want my family.” 

_ I want my family _ …

Kihyun recovers - he leans his head from side to side, popping his neck. He retrieves his rag from Yoonho’s hands, shoving it in his back pocket once more. He bounces a few times to get his boiling blood flowing. 

_ Just wait for me, guys… I’m coming…  _

And from behind closed lids, Kihyun can see Hyungwon’s adonis like grace, his innocent but perfect smile. He sees Changkyun’s brute demeanor, but also his hidden warm heartedness. He sees Jooheon’s adorable dimples, his childlike incredulous. And he sees Wonho. He can vividly see everything that brought him to fall in love with these guys. What made them who they are, that caused him to want to be with them. To need them. 

_ I’m coming _ , he exhales deeply.

The adrenaline takes over his senses, he vaguely sees white beyond the darkness. 

“Kihyun, are you good now?” Minkyun asks him while typing away at the keyboard. 

“Just watch.” Kihyun sprints forward, rushing down the corridor calculatively. His blood is rushing into his ears, he can only hope the other two are following close behind him. He isn’t playing around anymore. He was going to need to redeem himself. He was going to need to prove to everyone how strong he really was - how certain he truly was about this. How this moment meant everything to him. 

“Guard two, just around the corner.” 

Kihyun merely nods to himself - but soon sees a flash of fabric run right passed him. Kwangji slides to a drop on his knees in front of Kihyun. The taller turns his body around, cupping his hands together. Kihyun is bewildered by the scene altogether. What was this guy doing? 

But Kihyun notices that Kwangji wasn’t looking at him, rather, his eyes were trained on the ceiling. His momentum never stalls as he runs forward, but he glances towards the roofing. He sees slated rows of railing above them. Rustic metal bars that hang just beyond the ceiling. He doesn’t know why it struck him so fervently, but he understands immediately. 

“Shit. Hurry up.” Minkyun growls. “He’s close.” 

Kihyun times it incomparably.

He places his foot right into Kwangji’s cupped hands. He can feel the strength from below him, as the tattoo artist grips the bottom of his shoe, launching him high towards the bars. With both hands, Kihyun grabs them. He pulls himself up - placing his feet flat at the top, but he remains crouched. He grabs the rag from his back pocket. 

“Guys, fall back so he doesn’t see you.” He tells them, and they disappear into the darkness.

Kihyun squints into the dim litted darkness, his heart racing with readiness. He hadn’t tried anything like this in his whole life, he was openly chancing it. But he soon sees the guard round the corner, and his instincts surface with deadly intent. Before the guard is directly under him, Kihyun jumps down. 

He lands on his heels behind the guard - fortunately for him this guard was relatively shorter than the last. The guard doesn’t even have time to react as Kihyun reaches around him, placing the rag over his mouth, while simultaneously wrapping wrapping his free arm around the armed man's neck. The gun falls from the man's hands. There’s a slight struggle, Kihyun being slammed up against the wall in an attempt to be released. But Kihyun refuses to give. 

He hardens his grip further. 

Soon the guard wobbles on his feet, becoming faint quickly. Kihyun releases his hold, resting the man up against the wall. He pants softly from behind the mask as he was worn out from the fight. Kwangji and Yoonho emerge from the darkness.

“Hell yeah!” Yoonho barks, reaching for Kihyun’s hands. They clamped down, bumping shoulders roughly in victory. “Damn, Kihyun. Looks like you aren’t playing anymore. Total badass, if you ask me.”

Kihyun smirks. 

And one after the other the guards falls with ease gliding throughout the air. The trio make twists and turns as they’re directed through the prison, taking down anyone that go in their way. Admittedly making a game out of it. Seeing who was able to take down the most guards. Unsurprisingly, Kwangji getting more than anyone else could.

The surroundings soon shine bright with familiarity as Kihyun commences to recognize where they are.  _ Just around the corner will be a guard, and a flight of stairs that will lead up to the cells floors. _ He recalls.

“Kihyun,-” Minkyun starts, but is quickly cut off.

“I’m on it.” Kihyun takes the guard down, but falls back. He turns towards his teammates, they both seem invigorated given the setting. But this is different - things are about to change. They are going to have to split up, and he doesn’t know how well it will work out. 

“Okay, this is the moment of truth…” He mumbles to himself. He removes his mask so he will be able to whisper to them without the deep, gravely echo of his modified voice. They press together in a circle, but keep a vigilant eye on their surroundings. 

“Yoonho, you will be retrieving Jooheon. He’s on cell block five. Room ten. He’s got bright ass red hair and deep dimples.” He cuts his eyes towards the other. “Kwangji, you’ll get Hyungwon and Changkyun. They’re a single until - you can’t leave without the other. They’re on cell block twelve, room twenty-four. Listen to me… You’re going to have to explain yourself seriously well with Changkyun. He’s an animal, he will go off on you. But, you’re strong and I know you can do this.” He assures.

The two nod, and they all three part ways. Kihyun was going to be on his own, he wasn’t going to have the help he relied on so dearly from the start of this. He was now a lone wolf on the prowl. Cell block one, room eight.

It’s more of a blur then anything else as Kihyun makes it to the barred door. His back is pressed to the wall as he leans to the side, peering into the room. The unconscious guard lie at his feet, the typing in his ears satisfying. He hears a rigorous click from the door, it was louder than Kihyun had thought it would be. Though, he wasn’t worried since he had already taken down the guard that was patrolling the area. 

He cautiously slides the door open, stealthily slinking into the room. His heart beating a million miles a minute. Racing, and causing his hands to shake.   

His eyes find the top bunk, but Wonho is nowhere to be seen. He panics for only a second before his eyes land on the bottom bunk to find a lump of blankets. 

Wonho was sleeping in his bed… 

Kihyun silently steps forward, his eyes adjusting to the darkness. He crouches down. He was able to make out Wonho’s features - he was able to see those pink lips, and perfect ears. His lips were slightly parted as he breathes in and out softly. Kihyun begs his movements to halt, but he can’t stop himself from placing a hand to Wonho’s cheek. He strokes gently, carefully. His chest swells.

He notices the bruises under Wonho’s eye, and on his cheek. It must have been from when he got into a fight with Changkyun over Kihyun getting hurt. Minhyuk was telling the truth - Wonho fought over him. He beat up his own best friend, just to get revenge for Kihyun. 

Oh…

He slides his thumb over the dark bruise - god, he loved this man more than anything. There wasn’t any doubt, there was zero cynicism. Kihyun knew more than anything that Wonho was the person he was going to love and cherish for all eternity. No one else. No one else ever… 

“Kihyun!” 

The voice rings out suddenly, so abruptly that it had caught Kihyun off guard. Even if the voice belonged to Minkyun, it caused a fright to build up within him, startling him into a noisy sputter. “What?” His mask booms out with intense depth. 

The thunderous racket causes Wonho’s eyes to snap open, looking straight at Kihyun. 

Crap. 

Kihyun removes his hand from Wonho’s cheek - he reacts quickly. He stands hastily, sliding the front of his shirt up as he takes hold of the empty gun. He pulls it out, flicking the switch to the spotlight embedded into it on. The light pours into the darkness, causing Wonho to recoil questioningly. “What the-,” He groans, shielding his eyes. 

“Get up.” Kihyun demands, pointing the gun straight at Wonho. He hated it, but he needed to keep up false pretenses. “Get out of the fucking bed, and get to stepping. Hurry up.” 

“Whoa, whoa. Dude, calm the fuck down… “ Wonho’s voice sounds like music to his ears. It interrupts him, making him want to put the gun down, but he doesn’t. He stands strong. “Is this a random bed check or something?” 

“I said get out of the bed. Now.” 

Wonho puts his hands up chest level, as he gets out of the bed. He leisurely moves away from it, keeping his eyes on Kihyun. He doesn’t make a move. Kihyun on the other hand rushes over to the bed, pushing his hand under his old pillow. He feels around but doesn’t find what he’s looking for. He throws the pillow out of the way, pointing the light to the bed. Nothing. 

_ Where in the world was that book _ ? He asks himself, then points the light at Wonho once more. His eyes are wide in distress.

Kihyun places his hand over his ear, “Guys, are you ready?” 

He hears a grumble or two as he catches the whine of Yoonho’s voice, then the pipe of Kwangji’s voice as they confirm that, yes, they have everything under control and are ready to depart. Kwangji was able to tell Changkyun what was going on, and he was complying so effortlessly. He feels a lump build in his throat as reality is pushing down on him. They have the others, they’re ready to leave. This was really happening, and really coming together. 

“What the fuck is going on?” Wonho has a slight fearful tone this time.

“Put your hands behind your head.” He instructs, the noirette doing as he’s told. Kihyun goes over to him, he has to forget about the book for now. He needs to put his thoughts back to the task at hand. He keeps his gun steady. “Move. Keep your mouth shut.” 

He ushers Wonho out of the room, keeping the muzzle of the gun pressed into the crook of his back. They quietly proceed down the flight of stairs, heading down to the floor area that leads out to the courtyard. He finds Kwangji and Yoonho at the far end of the room, by a colossal black door. He sees the others. His emotions build but he keeps them hidden. Yoonho threatens Jooheon when he tries to speak up, Hyungwon and Changkyun linger in faultless silence with acknowledgement.  

He doesn’t meet eyes with anyone as the door unlocks and they all push through. 

“Shit… Shit.” 

“Minkyun, what’s the matter?” Yoonho asks as the harrow was heard between the three of them clearly. 

“I have no idea what’s going on…” He was pausing between his explanation. “But, a countdown has just popped up on my second screen… I don’t know what’s going on, but you guys have got to get the hell out of there and fast!” 

The three look at one another in horror. 

At the end of the stretched hallway is the noise of the door from the opposite side click to unlock. Then the distant sound of a clicking from beyond the door after that. Minkyun was opening doors this early? Before they were even close to them? Kihyun shivers in nervousness - this meant something really was wrong with that countdown. What if the transmitters weren’t reaching the signals? What if the malware he created was failing? His eyes widen.

“Run…” He whispers. Everyone turns to look at him. 

He hears another echoed sound of a further door unlocking. 

“Run, run, run!” He shouts, placing flat palms against bodies that are ahead of him. Urging them forward roughly. They catch on prevaricating, but everyone breaks into a sprint. Rounding corners, charging through door after door, as they head closer towards their exit. They take out the remaining guards aimlessly - it seemed as though the pressure of it all had heightened their agility and adaptability. 

Kihyun is beginning to pant softly from all of the running, but he can’t give up - he’s close, he’s so close to freedom once more. The final click is heard, and Kihyun’s knees hit grass. He smells the outside air, he feels the humidity on his exposed skin. He was outside, he wasn’t stuck behind bars. Everyone was with him. 

“Hurry it up!” The hackers voice is frantic.

Kihyun jumps up to his feet as they all makes a dash for the chainlink fence. “We’re going to have to take turns climbing over it!” His deep voice tells everyone. 

Kwangji is already stationed by the fence, leaning down and cupping his hands as he had done for Kihyun earlier that day. On the road beyond the fence, Kihyun notices the van is pulling up beside of them. Minkyun slides the door open, his expression distraught. 

Yoonho is the first one over the fence, then the others follow suit. Kihyun makes it his mission to be as close to the last one as possible, but when he is, he realizes something. Kwangji is the only one left on the other side, and no one is there to help him over. He points his fake out gun to the the three escapees. He orders them to get into the van, whereafter he turns back to try and come up with a plan to help Kwangji. 

But he stops. 

Yoonho bolts to the fence, climbing up to top while reaching over. Kwangji grabs hold of his friends hand as he is pulled over the fence. It had been done so gracefully, and naturally that Kihyun had to wonder just how many times had the two jumped fences to become that used to it?

He shakes his head as the trio make it to the van, climbing in cumbersomely. 

“Drive!” Minkyun shouts to the diver as he takes it upon himself to hop into the passenger's seat to make room for everyone. The tires squeal against the hot asphalt when the van propels speedily down the road - carrying them away from the scene completely. 

Kihyun leans on the wall of the van, resting his head back against it. He pants heavily, he can’t properly breathe with the mask on. He reaches up, grabbing the mouth of the mask, and he rips it off his face. He throws it somewhere away from him, as he takes a big gulp of air.

It was a job well done. They were able to break in, grab everyone, and escape without so much as a fingerprint of evidence being left. This was the biggest accomplishment, and most illegal moment of his life. He couldn’t be more proud of himself. 

“Kihyun?” He hears Wonho’s deep voice ask. 

Kihyun moves his head back down, looking over at the tattooed up man. His pulse was picking up once again - for another reason entirely. He wasn’t in the heat of the moment anymore, he wasn’t rushing to get from one place to another. He was stationed, he wasn’t moving. He was in the mists of calming down, or he  _ was _ . He was now able to take a moment and realize what was going on.

Wonho was here. 

He was sitting opposite from him, eyes concerning and uncertain. Almost like a child about to be punished for doing something they shouldn’t have. Kihyun was in arm's length of the man he loved. Yet he was just sitting here with his mouth hanging open like an idiot?

He feels the tears begin to pool, “Wonho…” 

He whimpers, moving forward. He crawls into the noirettes lap, cupping his cheeks tenderly. He was too afraid to touch with passion, he was worried Wonho would disappear, because something as wondrous as this moment couldn’t be real. 

“What…?” Wonho’s breathes out qualm misgivings. Kihyun watches dark eyes search his face, he sees a perfect pink lip quiver. “... I don’t under-?” 

But nevertheless of all the confusion swirling within those dark eyes, Kihyun can see the love they share spill into them. He can see the happiness, the realization of what Kihyun had just done for him. Every emotion that they have both ever experienced, and felt together in that cell was now surrounding them in mystic walls. In electric currents of their devotion, and yearning for one another. Of their adoration and desire. Of their love. 

Kihyun feels a hand press into the back of his neck, and yank him forward. Wonho crashes their lips together in burning euphoria. His tears aren’t threatening any longer - they fall down his cheeks slowly. He closes his eyes as the currents take him away. 

Lips, and teeth, and tongues devour one another - as if ecstasy came solely from kissing. Kihyun tastes the salt in his mouth, and he realizes that he isn’t the only one crying. 

They soon pull away as they both gasp for breath, looking into each other's eyes. 

“If you’re both done sucking face for a moment, i’d like to know just what the hell is going on!” Jooheon yells from the back of the van. 

Kihyun glances over at his redheaded friend, angry or not he was more than happy to see him. He watches Yoonho and Kwangji takes their masks off. 

Wonho raises up, eyes wider than they had been before. “Whoa, wait…” 

“Look, we’re happy to see you just as much as you’re happy to see us,” Yoonho starts, smiling. “But right now, I think you should leave all your attention to him.” He nods towards Kihyun. 

“This was all you?” Wonho asks when he looks to Kihyun again. 

Kihyun feels every eye in the van land on him. “Yeah… Uhm… I just couldn’t do it.” He confesses. “I couldn’t just go on with my life without having you guys in it. Not just you Wonho - all of you. I needed you here with me. And I wasn’t about to stand around, hoping that today would be the day one of you would be released. So I… took charge....”

“In what ways?” Hyungwon asks, speaking for the first time since Kihyun had seen him on the floor sector. 

And Kihyun took the time to tell them everything. About the hush money he received from the aristocratic man for the false arrest, how he used all the money to hire each individual for their specific skills. He never met Jooheon’s eyes when he spoke about Gunhee. But he continued to explain how he planned out his break in, and break out to rescue everyone. Wonho’s fingers grip at his sides as he spoke, unmoving - refusing to let him go. He told them everything, but his friends hadn’t made any indication of awed fascination. 

“Wait… You’re telling me you got a shit ton of money, hired a hacker, and assassins, and broke us out of prison?” Changkyun asks with a dark, deep voice.

“Well, I wouldn’t call them assassins, but, yes.” 

“That’s insane!” Jooheon beams. 

“Kihyun, I forgot to mention my extra surprise.” Minkyun cuts in, turning around in his seat. “After opening up those doors back when you guys were in a hurry. I managed to hack into the computer systems, and I erased every single document that contained any information about these guys. It’s almost as if they never even existed as prisoners.” He smirks with confidence. 

“You did what?!” Kihyun is shocked with immense happiness. 

And everyone begins freaking out together. They talk, and ask Yoonho, Minkyun, and Kwangji questions about the entire situation. They forget all about Kihyun and Wonho in the depths of the moment. But the pair don’t mind. They’re too busy being close to one another. 

“You seriously did all of this just to be with me?” Wonho asks in a whisper, pressing their foreheads together. 

Kihyun keeps his hands pressed to Wonho’s cheeks, sliding his thumb over the bruise once more. “I did this, and I would do anything else if I had to… I love you, Wonho… And I would do it all over again…” 

“I love you too.” They press their lips together a few times. He missed this. 

“So, where are we going…?” 

Kihyun licks over his lips a moment, “Home… We’re going home.” 

  
  
  
  


Everyone rushed into Minhyuk’s tiny apartment. 

Kihyun had paid the driver extra to drop everyone off at their homes, and to take the van back to the rental place for the night. He poured his gratitude out to everyone that helped him that night before leaving, informing them how they should all lay low, and shouldn’t be in contact for awhile. They understood. 

Kihyun had realized it was getting cooler as they all exited the van - making sure no one was around as they creeped up the steps, and into the housing complex. (God help them if the landlady had seen. There would be annoying hell to pay.)

Kihyun locks the door and sighs heavily. They did it, they were finally home.

“Kihyun?” Minhyuk comes into the room as he exits the kitchen. Long pales fingers flick up the switch, and the light exposes all of them. 

Minhyuk stops dead in his tracks, somehow his eyes find Jooheon first. Kihyun swallows hard as he watches. His white haired friend is unmoving - he is only staring. Staring in disbelief. 

“Wh-What is this?” He asks, taking a step back. He’s shaking his head, his bangs flowing from side to side as he does so. 

“Minhyuk…” Kihyun begins but the look on his friends face keeps him from going on. He looks confused, he looks hopeful, with a mix of lunacy. 

“Am… Am I seeing what I think i’m seeing?” A whimper spills from his lips. “K-Kihyun… Please tell me i’m not asleep… Pl-Please tell me i’m wide awake…” He begs as he never takes his gaze away from Jooheon. 

Jooheon carefully steps towards the bed - dimples deep from his nonstop smile. “Minhyukkie.” He says in a deep, and loving voice. 

Minkyuk’s eyes widen. He runs from the kitchen to the living room, jumping on the bed that is separating the two. He launches himself at Jooheon - the red headed man catches his lover in his arms, holding him close. The white haired man wraps his arms and legs around his love, holding onto him as if his life depended on it. 

Kihyun can hear his best friend sobbing as desperate kisses are being given. He hears them whispering sweet nothings to one another, he hears their pleas of eternal love for another other. It truly was a sight to behold. Kihyun couldn’t stop smiling at them. He couldn’t believe how happy he was for Minhyuk. 

Minhyuk was his shoulder, his rock. The person he cried on when times were tough for him. So, to see him break down so easily from being with the person he cherished most was everything. It was beautiful. 

Exuberance filled the crooks and crannies of the apartment. The gaiety, and happiness that was lingering in perfect satisfaction was something that Kihyun dreamed about. Being surrounded by the ones he loved the most was what he truly always wished for. 

Kihyun feels warms fingers intertwine with his own. Wonho brings his hand up to his lips, kissing each knuckle softly. Goosebumps cover his arm, and embarrassment sets in.

If moments like this could last a lifetime - the world would be a peaceful place. 

Tomorrow may hold unknowing misfortunes for their actions - but until then, they still had the love, and strength of one another for today.  


	19. Stuck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did what I said I wouldn't do: Write a filler chapter... This is straight Wonho appreciation because I feel like he deserves it. I hope you enjoy nonetheless.

_ Don’t open your eyes… _

Kihyun can’t contain the fluttering of his lids as they involuntarily try to pry themselves open. But he denies them even a glimpse of the morning before him. He doesn’t let his body move an inch, nor a centimeter more than the space he is currently residing in. He stays stone still - paralyzing his movements altogether. 

He doesn’t want to witness the bright light of reality as it blinds him. He refuses to feel the reflex coil. He doesn’t want to experience the shielding of his eyes from sun shining pain. 

He rejects all notions of coming to terms with himself of the truth - that none of it was real. That it was merely a dream… 

Unknowing where the dark lines of reality, and fantasy cross. The sense of actuality becoming blurred in pools of black and white. That’s what Kihyun despised most about dreaming. The lack of awareness. 

The thought of lucid dreaming makes him want to erupt into manic laughter. How some people were au fait in knowing they were dreaming. Able to distinguish between truth, and false reality. Regrettably, Kihyun was unable to experience such abilities. 

Even so, in the depths of it all - Kihyun hoped more than anything that the warmth radiating beside of him didn’t belong to Minhyuk. The soft even breaths that were being blown in his ear however seemed so familiar - the snores light but tiresome. And that’s when Kihyun’s chest tightens as he recalls that no matter how tired he was, Minhyuk wasn’t ever known to snore. He had always been a silent sleeper. 

_ Don’t do it… It’s just your mind playing tricks on you. _

But Kihyun dares himself. He inhales sharply, and exhales deeply as he slowly opens his eyes. The anxiousness that fills his stomach relaxes as his begging, dauntless eyes are greeted with a mess of inky hair, a long pointed nose, and parted plump lips.

His limbs slacken at the realization - Wonho was right here with him, it was real, everything was real. He holds back the gasp he so desperately wants to release. His once stiff body now loose, though aching from tensed muscles. Kihyun blinks a few times as he notices the blanket has been kicked away from them. 

The sight before him was winsome, captivating.

A still frame of burning coal, and pale purity - with a visual esque rendition of a pop culture collage splayed across a pallid surface. A surfeit of colors, shades, and hues that swirl together in collaborations of oppositions. The script text wolf quote was overpowering among the rainbow of dazzling graffiti. 

Kihyun couldn’t comprehend why that tattoo stood out so profoundly than the others had. It wasn’t a subtle secret as the Iseul tattoo had been - but it was equally vehement in nuance. As if there were a secret meaning, or story hidden beneath it, behind all others that were permanent in covering florescent skin. 

Conceivably, Kihyun thought it was due to the fact that - in his own eyes - Wonho truly was a wolf. A fearless, audacious leader guiding the pack. Teeth bared with glowing golden eyes ready to attack anyone threatening his herd. Or in that of the way Kihyun would sometimes see him as a perennial avenging angel ready to defend. Whether it be a ferocious predator or winged protector Kihyun knew more than anything that Wonho was his shield. In more ways than one.

Suffice it to say, the unknown something about the wolf tattoo provoked itself into becoming Kihyun’s favorite above all others.

Kihyun’s fingers begin to cramp with anticipation. 

He stops himself from wanting to slide his thumb over the softness of Wonho’s cheek. His hand continuously inching forward though he refuses to give into temptation as he recalls what had happened previously when Kihyun’s fingers brushed against Wonho’s skin.

The sudden fright Kihyun was given, the thunderous clap of his voice that seemed to shake the railings of the bed, forcing Wonho’s eyes to snap open. The petrified look on his face as Kihyun pointed the gun at him. He looked so frightened to death - so scared. He vowed to never put that look on Wonho’s face ever again. So, he imprisons his hand from venturing any further, he fights the urge. At a glance Kihyun can see only dark circles under his love’s eyes, and he was going to allow him the rest he so desperately deserved.

They had all the time in the world to hold one another at a later time. 

Kihyun’s eyes slide from wall to wall until they meet with the loveseat that is pushed up against the corner of the divider beyond the windows. Sunlight pours in through the glass, and shines sparkling waterfalls of light against the faux leather. It was such a small furniture piece that Kihyun couldn’t even begin to fathom how Changkyun and Hyungwon were able to sleep together on it.

Changkyun was resting on his back, his legs hanging over the side of the armrest while Hyungwon was perched upon him as if he were a balled up cat napping. How he was able to gather up those long legs to make room for the both of them was foreign to Kihyun. But so was the incredulousness of how the two were able to morph themselves just precisely to be so close - so they wouldn’t have to be apart. The strength, and devotion of their love could easily be legendary. 

Kihyun would have envied them had he not already found his happiness.

There were sounds coming from the kitchen, Kihyun silently raises up from the resting position on the floor. He looks over to find the cause of the noise. Jooheon was slowly pulling a pan out of the cabinet with grit teeth. He seemed so focused on the task of not making much racket that he couldn’t control his expression.

_ He’s trying too hard _ , Kihyun thinks.  _ He’s overthinking it. He’s going to _ ,-

Just as he thought, Jooheon bumps the pan against another metal object when he assumes the coast is clear in his movements. The clank was so loud even Kihyun had to flinch from the impact.

He smiles nonetheless when Minhyuk marches over to his lover, finger pointed and ready to scold him for being so loud. But there is no scolding to be given - in fact, Minhyuk is smiling, showing teeth. It looked as though he were trying his best not to burst into laughter. He gives Jooheon a quick swat on his shoulder as he heads back over to the shove. The bright red headed man comes up behind Minhyuk, arms snaking around to hold him close. 

Kihyun could only stare in merriment. If he were in front of a mirror he feels as though his eyes would be sparkling as he watched his close friends act this way. Acting as though they were the only two people in the house, and that nothing outside these walls mattered. Pale lips press into the side of his best friends neck - Minhyuk leans his head back, lip bitten between his teeth.

And Kihyun would be lying if he said he didn’t feel a slight sense of satisfaction in knowing he was the reason for all of the bliss circulating in the air.

Kihyun snaps from his beaming thoughts when the noise continues. 

Minhyuk is snickering, leaning over as he points towards Jooheon, as if he were making fun of him for something. The other charges at him with a wooden spoon, more and more racket commences.

A groan emerges from the other side of the room, Changkyun is stretching his legs, and arms as he slowly begins to awake. Kihyun hadn’t a clue what type of morning person Changkyun was, he was a tad nervous in finding out. What if he were the bitchy morning type? Or the type that would throw things at the person making said noise? Or perhaps the type that would take care of the noise maker personally? Kihyun didn’t want to find out. 

He instead decides to lay back down on the pallet that he and Wonho had shared on the floor. He rests on his side, facing him. He doesn’t keep true to his word. Kihyun slides his thumb over Wonho’s bottom lip, tracing it cautiously. In some aspects he kind of wanted to accidentally though purposely wake him.

He wanted Wonho to opens his eyes, and immediately see Kihyun lying there with him. He wanted to see his lazy morning smile. Wanted to hear what the first words out of his mouth would be. He wanted to get to know the free Wonho. The Wonho that wasn’t locked up behind bars - the Wonho that would be able to do whatever his heart desired. To see the person that had no limitations, no chains, only liberation. Kihyun wanted it all. 

Maybe if he casually, but not deliberately tried harder…

Kihyun moves again, this time hovering over Wonho, with lips are the verge of connecting. A kiss to wake up sleeping beauty, right? He leans in further. 

“Jooheon, don’t touch that it’s hot!” The warning is thrown onto deaf ears - and the scream that erupts from the kitchen breaks the calm tranquil setting of the room.

“Ow! Fuck!” 

Jooheon lets out a yelp in pain as the crashing of a pan meeting the hard tiled floor echo’s never endingly. The contents spill, and it sounds thick and creamy, almost like porridge.

Everything transitions into slow motion as the noise brings everyone into awareness.

From his peripherals, Kihyun can see the powerhouse emitting energy kick into full force as Changkyun propels himself off the couch into a standing position. His eyes wide with addled preparedness. He looks as though he had just been called into the ring by the baddest, and biggest guy in the room. All the while the haplessness is presented into the form that is Hyungwon.

The unsuspecting sleeper is thrown from the position he was resting in. Once catnapping peacefully on Changkyun’s chest he is now thrown to the floor, rolling a few feet across the surface. He raises casually, though deliriously as he looks around seeming as though he hadn’t even realized he was just thrown to the ground. He rubs his eyes tiredly.

Kihyun is slow on the uptake as he returns his gaze to Wonho. 

Before his eyes can readjust from the fuzzy scene he had just witnessed, a brute forehead crashes into his own. The impact being so great, so forceful that it sent Kihyun backwards on the pallet. His hands fly up to grab at the now numbing spot as his back connects with the surface beneath him. He groans, and bites his lip - then hears a carbon copy of his whines opposite of him. Wonho grabbing at his own forehead, moaning in pain. 

“Here, quick, put your hand under cold water.” Kihyun can hear Minhyuk instruct through blaring pain. 

He raises back up as the discomfort begins to ease. 

“Oh, shit. Baby, i’m sorry.” The voice is deep, but concerned. Changkyun rushes over to Hyungwon’s side, helping him stand from laying on the floor. The model still seems out of it as he’s assisted. As if he himself thinks he’s dreaming. His eyelids heavy, and drooping. 

Kihyun crawls to the other side of the pallet, cupping Wonho’s cheeks. “Are you alright?” He asks softly, his voice full of worry. He pushes black bangs away to reveal an already forming bruise. “Oh yeah, big mark.” He mumbles, placing them back over his forehead. 

“What the actual fuck?” Wonho grinds while raising up.

“Blame them.” Changkyun says motioning towards the kitchen, Hyungwon close in his arms as he tries to wake him fully. Boy, it seemed as though he loved sleeping and was someone who wouldn’t fully wake no matter how hard you tried getting him up. 

Jooheon is focused on the cold water pouring over his hand, while Minhyuk is wide eyed and looking at everyone. “We had an accident.” 

Wonho rolls his eyes. Changkyun and Hyungwon flop down on the loveseat simultaneously. Everyone is looking at each other at this point. Each person making sure to concentrate on everyone else’s expression. Making a quick note of it - creating a mental snapshot as to never forget. Then they begin to glance around the room, as if they are trying to figure out where they are, and why. And it doesn’t take long for the memories to resurface. 

Kihyun can see it in their eyes. 

The realization then slowly the fulfilment bubbles. 

Changkyun breaks into an infectious laugh. Head thrown back against the faux leather, eyes squeezed shut, mouth agape. A sound Kihyun hadn’t ever heard since the moment they met. A full on bellowing of happiness exploding into the room.

So spontaneous, and infectious that Hyungwon follows suit. His lips spread over his brilliant teeth, a soft tittering before he’s guffawing. The kitchen spills in cackles - and everyone in the whole apartment is laughing their hearts out.

“You seriously broke us out of prison.” Changkyun snickers, “and we’re sitting in Minhyuk’s apartment.” 

“And Minhyuk and Jooheon are making breakfast so casually - as if they’d done this many mornings before.” Wonho simpers, gasping between breaths. “He just burnt his hand on a blazing hot pan. H-He dropped the food on the floor.” 

Kihyun has to hold his side from the pain of laughing to hard. 

“That parts not funny! That hurt like hell!” Jooheon whines from behind the sink. 

“Which means yesterday really did happen,” Hyungwon takes note, “we were busted out by Kihyun and hired assassins, with a mini hacker in some conspicuous black van.”

“You took out all of the guards, right?” Wonho is looking directly at Kihyun now, eyes deep and somber. “Which means they’ll be awake, erm… Mindful of what happened to them last night.” 

The laughing begins to die down, slowly burning away any delightedness that once was. Minhyuk makes his way over to the bed, drying off his wet hands. “Which means… they’ll know that a couple of people are missing…” He tries to keep his eyes still as to not look at Jooheon. “And… they’ll inform the higher authorities… “ 

The atmosphere turns gloomy, dispirited. 

Kihyun hates seeing them like this - with the look of ‘ _ all hope is lost _ .’ Understandably so. He had only mentioned to them that he broke them out with the money he was bribed with, he hadn’t given them much more detail other than the others he had hired for the job. He never said a word of what exactly Minkyun had done when he hacked into the software. He hadn’t said anything of how they were able to take down the guards. 

Suddenly something struck him - a memory from last night. 

_ Kihyun, I forgot to mention my extra surprise. I managed to hack into the computer systems, and I was able to erase every single shred of documentation that contained any information about these guys. It’s almost as if they never had existed as prisoners.   _

Ah, that’s right!

Kihyun had almost forgotten about that. 

When the nameless driver had dropped everyone off at Minhyuk’s housing complex last night, Kihyun had momentarily hung back to speak with Minkyun. He rushed over to the open window on the passenger's side of the van. “Hey, did you really mean it, when you said you were able to erase those documents?” He had asked. 

The little hacker was glancing around as he spoke clearly. “Yes, I really was able too. In fact, I was able to send out a reversed ABP to every agencies system to remove all the information: names, backgrounds, hell, ever their eye color if they were so bold. Everything is gone, and it’s untraceable if they were to backtrack.” He sighed deeply when he finally met Kihyun’s eyes. “It’s all taken care of. I made sure of that. I had your back, Kihyun.”

They had stared at one another - a long fixated look with forbearing appreciation for one another. A silent understanding between them.

“I’ve got your back too.” Kihyun had promised as he drove off into the night.

“So… this is just temporary bliss…” Changkyun concludes deeply when Kihyun comes back from his thoughts. He hastily reassembles himself - back straight and head held high. 

“Guys, listen to me.” All eyes land on him. “Everything…  _ is taken care of _ .” He quotes. “There is nothing to worry about,-”

He’s cut off by Changkyun’s dominance. “What about the guards that Wonho had just mentioned? The ones that got their asses knocked out. They will eventually wake up and tell.” 

“No, they won’t. We used a substance to put them to sleep. As soon as the substance is inhaled the person's memory is instantly shut down. They won’t remember anything.” Kihyun half wished the van was still lingering about so he could prove to them with the crate of bottles. But he had paid the nameless driver double to get rid of the entire contents of the van before sending it back to the company. 

There was no such thing as being too careful when dealing with these situations. 

“Why does that sound familiar?” Hyungwon asks, he seemed to be fully awake now. His adonis like grace being overrun with puffiness. “Wait… That’s chloroform. You used that on the prison guards? That doesn’t wipe the memory every time you know…” 

  “I know it doesn’t, but,” Kihyun realizes, but inquires. “Whether it works properly or not the fact remains that the guards will in fact wake up from being fast asleep when the were meant to be on the job.” 

“What does that have to do with anything?” Changkyun asks.

“Well, let me ask you this. If you were a prison guard and you fell asleep on the job wouldn’t you keep it to yourself as to not get in trouble or feel like an idiot for doing so?” 

Changkyun doesn’t answer which means he completely understands male ego’s. Not all the guards will remember being knocked out by the three hidden identities that broke in last night, but for the ones that do, they won’t even whisper a word of it to anyone. They would be fired for negligence - they would be made fun of by their peers. 

“Okay, but the surveillance systems…” Jooheon tries.

“I hired a hacker for that. He edited the video.” He explains. 

“Fine, but what about when they realize we’re gone?” Wonho attempts from beside of him.

“Again, a hacker took care of it. He eradicated all evidence of you guys from the systems.” 

“Kihyun it really can’t be that simple.” Minhyuk’s voice is urgent but hopeful.    

 “But it really is.” He finds his smile once again. “Do you honestly think I would do something so perilous if I wasn’t sure of myself? I mean… Yes, I missed you guys so much that I admittedly dove in there with adrenaline pushing me forward. But, I had every little detail planned out to make sure the plan would work. Everything was thoroughly devised.” He glances at every single face in the apartment.

Optimism hidden behind uncertainty.

“So… We’re  _ really _ free?” Changkyun asks almost silently.

_ The cage doors were opened _ , Kihyun thought to himself.  _ Fly away to your freedom _ .

“Yeah, you guys are free.” Kihyun’s hand inches towards the bed behind him, recalling something. He turns, sliding his arm underneath as he pulls out the costly briefcase he had purchased days before. “You guys are free, and loaded.” He snaps the gold traps open to reveal the money within. 

Eyes widen, jaws drop, expressions shocked beyond compare.

“Wait, don’t you have to pay the people you’ve hired first?” Wonho asks as he slides fingers over the bills. Kihyun wants to laugh at the way everyone is ogling the money so greedily. Almost like someone who hadn’t ate in days while a burger sits in front of them.

“I already paid them - I even paid them double for doing such a great job.” He explains while grabbing a handful of grouped bills that are taped together in a pile. “This is what’s left.” He tosses everyone one.

The room pours in roaring glee - in hounding jubilation as they stare at the money, and at one another. It seemed as though it had finally hit him. They were free from their shackles, they were able to do anything they wished as they weren’t locked away in a hole any longer. Their barriers broken - their restraints dissolved. 

Hyungwon examines the money further. “I used to get buckets of money like this every week for modeling…” He says reminiscing. “But, this seems more ardent than  _ that _ money had.”

“I can’t believe you went so far for mere criminals.” Jooheon says to Kihyun, amazed.

He smiles softly, “I never once thought of you guys as criminals.” 

Changkyun smirks complacently, “As animals, maybe?”

Kihyun can’t hide his own smirk at that. “Absolutely.” 

  
  
  


Kihyun groans softly, tiredly as he enters the grocery store. 

He never understood how he was volunteered so easily to go out, and get everything the guys were wanting. He accepted the fact that they couldn’t leave the house so casually for a couple of days - everyone was a little on edge and paranoid. They didn’t want to chance anything, push their luck. But that didn’t stop the cravings they instantly had.

They weren’t locked up, and forced to eat the disgusting prison food they were served three times a day. They would be able to eat the foods they hadn’t had in years. Unfortunately, only two people were able to leave the apartment with a lack of  paranoia resting on their shoulders. 

Kihyun and Minhyuk. 

He tried though. Kihyun had skillfully attempted to persuade his best friend into going. But Minhyuk created a doleful manner, gave him a pleading look that Kihyun could read so certainly. He didn’t want to be away from Jooheon. Was afraid that something would happen if he weren't around. And Kihyun could understand. 

Because he felt the same way.

But he pushed his feeling aside so his friend could be happy - because truly, Minhyuk had been away from his love longer than Kihyun. Another hour wouldn’t kill him, hopefully. 

He strolls down a random aisle as he pulls out the list he was given. Wonho had requested ramen, no surprise there. Hyungwon wanted homemade cookies, Changkyun wanted rice cakes, Jooheon wanted…

He sighs again - they would have to deal with storebought for now. 

Kihyun buys everything on the list, and perhaps a few more sweets than he should have before heading back home. 

Once inside Kihyun puts the bags on the kitchen table, sorting everything out. The others fall in as they take their items: opening, cooking, eating them happily. They all thank him heavily, appreciatively. But he notices the ingredients for ramen are still untouched, he glances around the room to find Wonho missing.

“He’s taking a shower.” Jooheon informs as he munches on his snack.  

Kihyun steps into the bathroom - it’s utterly consumed with fog and steam. The heat from the shower create droplets of sweat from behind his bangs. His fingers clasp the edge of the shower curtain, pulling it back. Wonho is revealed in an alluring waterfall of divinity. Shoulders broad and glistening, hair drenched with an ambiguous smirk - unknowing of what exactly it meant in this instance. 

An arm wraps around Kihyun’s waist as he is yanked underneath the searing water, fully clothed. He’s pushed up against the wall as his mouth is devoured into submission. He loses his fingers in Wonho’s wet hair, his clothes becoming thoroughly soaked.

Kihyun whines into the kiss - sliding his hands down Wonho’s inked chest. He developes a profusion of shutters, and gooseflesh through him. He feels the hair on the back of his neck stand on end, the static pricks, burning his skin. A deep growl spills into his mouth before the heat disappears. Wonho pulls from the kiss, and it’s the greatest torment Kihyun had ever felt. 

The noirette slides his thumb over Kihyun’s bottom lip - similar in the way Kihyun had done early that morning. His eyes full of desire, and burnt umber. 

_ The eyes of a wolf _ , Kihyun thought.

“Unleashing the monster from his cage,” Wonho’s voice was gravely. “Do you have any idea what you’ve truly done?” He dares. 

Kihyun’s lips move faintly, as if he’s trying desperately to explain himself as he’s done countless times before. As if his true feelings weren’t ever reaching the others in understanding. He wonders, maybe he should splay his undenying love for Wonho out in the open. Or perhaps he should express his neverending want to be near him, to be held by him always, to be with him for all eternity. But how would be be able to convey himself so blatantly?

“You’ve done everything you can just to be with me.” The tattooed man continues through hunger. “Are you prepared to suffer the consequences for being so rapacious?”

“...Yes.” 

Their lips crash together once again, more fervently this time. Difficulty aside they work together to peel the wet clothes off of Kihyun, tossing them aside. Soap in hand, Wonho begins sliding it up and down Kihyun’s sides. Bubbles and nails glide across his skin. He shivers rapidly - how he so easily falls apart from a simple touch of Wonho’s fingers.

Suddenly Kihyun is spun around as his lover presses his chest against his back. The redhead places flat palms against the wet surface of the wall. He stifles the noise trying to escape his throat. He had never questioned Wonho’s sexual drive - but he was always so astounded by the aggressiveness that presented itself. 

“W-Wonho.” He breathed. 

A pale hand slides down Kihyun’s stomach, gripping his member. He inhales sharply. 

And Kihyun begins to hear music. 

He hears dark instrumental music. Steady rhythmic sounds of romantic resonance. Warm ambients of soothing stimulating breathy otherworldliness. Calming yet tantalizing. The pounding of the showerhead is pushed away, distancing itself. It disappears as background noise - Kihyun can only hear the serene sounds. 

Wonho’s hand moves faster. “Th-The walls are thin.” Kihyun warns through stammered moans. 

“Good.” Wonho nips at Kihyun’s ear teasingly. 

Kihyun forces his hands into fists as to not claw down the wall from the pleasure. He feels Wonho’s hardened member rub against him from behind, he blushes sheepishly. 

He shouldn’t feel embarrassed, but he does, because nothing was the same. They weren’t stuck in a tiny cell room together trying to keep quiet to not attract the attention of the guards. They weren’t sneaking glances at one another on the courtyard with secret desire. The danger and passion of having to prowl around was gone. They weren’t hiding anymore. They were now together, and able to do as they wished. 

Which was the reason for all the blushing and embarrassment. They didn’t have to creep around, they didn’t have to pretend it was all a big secret. They were now able to do, and say anything they wished to one another. They didn’t have to wait for moonlight. They were free, and Kihyun was buoyant and mortified all at once. 

Kihyun moans even louder, it seemed as though his voice was betraying his knowledge of having thin walls and roommates. Perhaps the danger, and passion hadn’t yet vanished between them as he thought. People would be listening - it somehow seemed appealing. 

Although the water was burning, steam was circling around them Kihyun could still distinguish between the humidity of the shower, and the irresistible scorch of Wonho’s breath ghosting over his shoulder. The rubbing remains constant from behind him, Kihyun grits his teeth as he becomes close. He cannot contain his voice any longer. 

He cries out Wonho’s name over the pouring waterfall. His legs buckle but he’s held up by a strong arm. A deep gravely groan is heard from behind him as he feels  _ water _ slide down the back of his legs. Sure, water. He pants heavily, hanging his head as the shower douses his nape. He feels lips press against the back of his neck. 

He unclenches his fingers just in time for a pale hand to intertwine their fingers tightly. 

What was Wonho doing to him? It felt as though he were being tainted. As if trying to contaminate him in deep black waves. In dark whirlpools of toxic love - pulling him in, drowning him. Changing him. 

_ For the better _ , his mind tells him. 

  
  
  


“Hair dye?” Hyungwon asks while eyeing the box in his hand. 

Kihyun hands everyone an individual container for themselves - giving them dark, but ultimately different shades of brown and blacks. Though he would be lying if he said he hadn’t picked each color out precisely as he saw his friends should wear. 

For Jooheon he had picked a light brown, he thought it would suit him more naturally than the bright red hair. For Changkyun he picked a slightly darker shade of brown, but with a vague reddish tint to it. Deep down he thought it would make his hair look fuller, fluffier. Maybe it would make him look more approachable, subside the alpha aura he emitted to much. 

For Hyungwon he picked a pure black - from his roots he could tell it was his natural color anyway. For Wonho he had grabbed a neutral brown, nothing flashy - he had picked the same color for himself. And for fun he grabbed a box of white hair dye with a tinted baby blue shade for Minhyuk incase he wanted to jazz it up. 

“Yes, we need to make you guys look less conspicuous.” He explains. “I mean, if you guys go outside with Jooheon and Hyungwon walking with you, eyes will automatically draw to the group. Just too ostentatious.” 

“I guess that makes sense,” Changkyun agrees which startled Kihyun a moment. 

He continues passing out the boxes, getting an amused chuckle from Minhyuk as he’s handed the white and blue container. He hands Wonho the box of anodyne brown but notices that something is off. Wait. He looks closer at the colors and writing of the box, realizing his mistake.

“Oh, I grabbed blonde.” He perceives. 

Kihyun pulls his brows together, glancing at Wonho as he tries to envision the bright color on him. He wore black so well, dark colors complimented his pale complexion. He couldn't imagine what a light color would do for his skin. But he was rather curious in finding out.

His decision was crass - but it seemed as though Wonho was none the wiser.

Kihyun stands behind Minhyuk as he begins to dry his newly dyed hair. The tint from the blue suited him all too well. He hadn’t expected his best friends hair would feel so soft and feathery, he could play with it all day long. 

Everything had patiently taken turns using the kitchen sink - all but Wonho who had stolen all access to the bathroom, and had been holding it hostage for hours now. Kihyun had mixed feelings of going to check on him. Maybe he was held up inside grieving for his black hair? Unmoving of coming to terms with dying it. Or perhaps he wouldn’t dye it at all, and was simply stationing himself on the commitment?

Kihyun purses his lips, continuing with the drying. 

Jooheon was sitting in front of Minkyun on the bed raving about his tawny colored hair, his dimples deep from smiling so hard. He was adoring it far more than Kihyun had expected he would. “You look so sophisticated with this color.” Minhyuk says, parting his lover's hair on the side. “If you were wearing a suit you’d look like a modern day lawyer.”

“A lawyer? Me? How far-fetched.” 

“Lawyers lie, cheat, and steal from rich suckers who get into trouble.” Changkyun tells Jooheon as he looks himself over in the tiny broken mirror they were passing around. If Kihyun didn’t know any better it looked as though the ends of Changkyun’s lips were pointing upwards. Could that be considered a smile? He asks himself.  

“Really? Then i’m already considered a lawyer.” The dimpled man jokes which earns him a smack to the forehead from Minhyuk. The white haired man sighs out an ‘Aigoo’ as he shakes his head. 

“You aren’t that person anymore.” He expresses gently. He slides his hand over Jooheon’s, taking it into his own. “Or… you don’t have to be that person anymore. You were given a second chance. Let’s not take it lightly, yeah?” His voice sounds kind, and good-natured.

The two share a smile. 

Kihyun pushes himself away from their conversation, glancing over to the single unit. 

Hyungwon’s eyes look like sparkling water when the little mirror was pushed into his hands. He observed himself with modesty. The air about him seemed relatively humble considering his previous statues. Kihyun wondered just what kind of person Hyungwon was before being tried and trapped. Was he the typical vain, conceited model that was interested in self-gain? And when did he change? Was it when he crossed Changkyun? When Changkyun got revenge? If he had even done that… 

Kihyun swears he had just seen a shooting star pass by in those dark eyes. He gets the sense that it was better this way - that Hyungwon seems happier than he would be if he were still modeling, and living his old life. And Kihyun could understand that wholeheartedly. 

The model slides his fingers through Chankyun’s hair with ease, mumbling something that Kihyun couldn’t make out from the noise of the hair dryer. “You’re so beautiful.” The deep voice answers back as Hyungwon’s cheeks turn rosy. 

_ If love had a face _ , Kihyun thought.

“There, all dry.” Kihyun declares, shutting off the dryer, and fluffing Minhyuk’s hair out a bit. He wanted to touch it for just a minute more. Perhaps Kihyun could acquire a job as a beautician.  

He hears Jooheon begin the overly cheesy compliments as Kihyun climbs off the head. He heads over to the bathroom door, banging but not aggressively. “Wonho-ah. Come out already. We want to see what it looks like.” 

“And if you screwed up, and are now bald, don’t worry. We’ll go out and buy you a wig.” Changkyun jokes from the loveseat. A few titters fill the room before a slight shuffling noise can be heard from beyond the door. He hears a couple of angry footsteps as the wooden frame is flung open. Kihyun is already prepared as he takes a step back.  

“Dude, don’t even joke about that kind of thing.” Wonho bites. 

Oh. 

Kihyun couldn't even blink. The light from the bathroom gave off mist like swirls around Wonho’s shoulders and back, creating the illusion of dazzling wide spread wings. It was as if Wonho had finally became what Kihyun believed the most. His golden avenger. He stood proud, and pale against the dark contrast of the wood. The tattooes that marked him stood out overpoweringly. In the midst of it all Kihyun had finally realized what Wonho was - the type of beautiful creature that circled his soul. 

A fallen angel. 

The misunderstood beast that was casted away - sent to the depths, and into the arms of another misconstrued epitome.

“What?” Wonho asks as everyone catches themselves staring. “Does it look that bad?” He reaches up, gripping a strand of his bang, twisting the tip between his fingers. There was suddenly a fit of ‘no’s and ‘nah’s from across the room. Everyone was smiling in awe at the sight of Wonho’s brightened hair. It really did make a statement.

“You look… beautiful.” Kihyun catches himself breathing out. 

Wonho’s expression shifts into that of thunderstruck. As if it were the first time someone had told him so. Though Kihyun highly doubted that being the case. Anyone would be insane not to recognize beauty when they saw it. 

Kihyun can’t turn his gaze away from Wonho’s - they lock. 

“Well,” Jooheon jumps from the bed, bouncing when he lands on his feet. He smiles, dimples deeper than ever. “Now that we’ve… renounced our old selves - our old ways. We have a fresh, new start. So, I say…  who’s ready for an orgy?”

A pillow flies at his head, connecting. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, I have a tumblr that is completely dedicated to Kiho if anyone is interested? 
> 
> http://eternally-nocturnally.tumblr.com/
> 
> I think it would be @eternally-nocturnally  
> I'm not sure how linking to tumblr works~


	20. White Sugar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is part one of a two part chapter. 
> 
> I felt so bad that I was taking so long at updating so I decided to just split this chapter into two sections. I hope you guys can forgive me... ♡

A veil of a scarcely hidden facade. Or perhaps, a light that had finally shown through. 

That’s the feeling Kihyun had while the six of them were concealed within the apartment at all hours of the days, and nights. 

In the way that someone would notice when something was dissimilar to what they had expected it to be. His friends, the people he loved more than anything seemed to be changing. No, not changing. They were… showing their true colors.

It was delicate in red strings of seclusion. 

And the closer Kihyun observed them - the more things became clear. 

For the most part, everyone was relatively themselves, the same people Kihyun had fallen in love with at the prison. Although, there were a few things that subtly poked  Kihyun’s ribs urgingly. A few differences that seemed to enhance the charisma, and likeable qualities they already possessed so well. 

The once savage beast known as Changkyun - the one and only that would frighten Kihyun on sight - had seemed to vanish. He was the individual that Kihyun had observed the most. The one that was the easiest to understand the more he was watched. 

It was as though he only presented the overwhelmingly dominant energy when the situation would call for it. In moments of romance, in moments of questioning, sometimes jokingly when hilarity ensured. But when in domesticity the overall feel of the air was carefully disparate. Kihyun had realized that Changkyun would always linger whenever supper was being made. He would volunteer to help out - he was also the first to taste the food before it was served. His voice being low but cautious. He was approachable, he seemed pleasant. The act he presented in prison was, for the most part, a front. 

He was protecting himself, Kihyun thought. He was pushed around in the outside world. He was easily manipulated, he succumbed to requests without thinking of the consequences. So, of course he would act like he was someone you wouldn’t and shouldn’t mess with. 

It was as if he were two people living in one body. The careful, quiet boy that was in love with the model that had used him for personal gain. The boy that hadn’t yet gotten over the torment of committing the heinous crime he regretted. Then there was the brute, the baleful man that wasn’t about to take lip from anyone. The watchdog that was protecting the sweet side of Changkyun - ready to attack anyone that seemed threatening. 

He was the living Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

And somehow Kihyun understood him. 

Kihyun began to initiate the idea of shape-shifters. Humans that were able to transition into an animal for long periods of time. The folklore that was rather interesting but mythical above all else. But something about the story rang bells of truth to him whenever he glanced at Hyungwon. 

The models once cat like movements, and adonis like grace that Kihyun had always witnessed in the courtyard had become shadowed by his perpetual laziness. He was quite literally a sloth in human form. He could lay anywhere - he  _ would _ lay anywhere. The mischievous glint that glittered within’ his dark eyes remained the same, but his body language was rather questionable more times than none.

It caused Kihyun to question how Hyungwon’s modeling career even came to be. Sure, he had a beautiful face, but could they not see the semblance of who he truly was? Were they honestly so jaded as to only care of his appearance? Did they not ever try to get to know him? The real him. The lazy man with a pristine appearance - with misguided thoughts as solutions, but with a soul full of altruistic care.  

Jooheon was a wonder all on his own. 

He was more childlike than Kihyun would have thought. Maybe it was due to the fact that Minhyuk was with him as much as he wanted - Kihyun wasn’t sure. But Jooheon was always smiling. Bright, careful smiles. Smiles like the world was peaceful, and at ease. 

Kihyun often caught himself grinning just from looking at Jooheon.

The dimpled man was like a comedian - he could keep you laughing for hours. You would never tire while he was around. He was naturally charming, just as he had been while in prison, but he was now able to express it more. When he was locked away he would joke and carry on, but he would bring it down and look around as to make sure no one heard what he said. 

He was heedful to his surroundings - would take it upon himself not to attract any unwanted attention. But that had changed so suddenly. He was loud, at times playfully blithe. He - like Minhyuk - had no problem with hanging all over the others in the house. It was as though he was happy. So, so happy. 

Wonho. 

Oh, what could Kihyun say about him? He was still a complete mystery. Someone who kept you guessing - you never knew what they were thinking. Someone who was pure excitement, whose eyes could stun you. Trap you inside of them. Dark eyes surrounded by thick heavy lashes. A complexion so pale, and elegant  - hair so bright, everything about him screamed sinful despite his appearance. 

And Minhyuk… Kihyun smiles to himself. Minhyuk was just Minhyuk. There was nothing that could be said to describe the perfection of what his friend was.

It seemed as though no matter who they were, no matter the charade they guarded themselves with, they were still undeniably and incontrovertibly perfect to Kihyun. 

But, there were still a couple of things that caused his eyebrow to twitch in annoyance. 

“Alright, who keeps hiding stuff under the mattress and the couch cushions?” He asks, hands filled with all sorts of miscellaneous objects he had found underneath them. He takes the time to look at each individual expression before pushing further. “Well?” 

Changkyun is the first to speak up, rolling his shoulders as he mutters out a deep. “Old habits die hard.” His eyes never leaving the television screen. 

Kihyun’s eyebrows hit the ceiling from the indolent attitude.

Changkyun is currently resting against the couch arm, one leg hanging off the side while the other is pulled up. Hyungwon is lying between said legs, his own back pressed against the mahogany haired man’s chest. They’re both all too comfortable, and unmoving. “Do you realize how uncomfortable it makes the bed when you do that?”

Kihyun drops the items on the balled up blanket, “You’re out of prison now, so stop acting like a criminal.” He resists the urge to put his hands on his hips to emphasize himself.

Though he does begin to wonder if he’s being overly harsh on such an inadequate matter. Changkyun had been in prison longer than any of them, of course it would be a challenge to change a lifestyle he was forced into for so long. Maybe Kihyun was just being overly critical over a subject he knew nothing about? Or perhaps that was the problem as a whole… 

Kihyun had only been locked away for a year and a half - he didn’t have to become adjusted into the world of solitude. He didn’t have to hide contraband underneath his bed, he didn’t have the guards looking over his shoulder twenty-four seven just because he was the bully of the yard. He never had to face any of those challenges. So, he wouldn’t be able to understand the true struggle. He wouldn’t be able to understand them fully… 

Kihyun hangs his head -  _ maybe I should tone it down a bit _ .

He shakes his head, shakes his hands a bit. “Look-,” 

“Fine, my bad.” Changkyun cuts in before Kihyun can even gather his voice to apologize. “It’s just a bad habit since those guards would search me so often. They were so set on trapping me in a corner every chance they got.” His tone of voice dejected. “Sometimes I forget that… that i’m not some caged animal they can poke with a stick anymore… That I finally feel like a human again… That i’m free…” 

Oh… 

Kihyun feels a slight pain in his chest from Changkyun’s words. 

It seemed as though the brute was suffering on the inside more than anyone would have thought. He was treated like an animal - felt like an animal from the tortures of it all.

Long, gracefully thin fingers slide over rough palms while their digits intertwine as Hyungwon twists his body around to face his lover. The model leans up connecting their lips in one quick movement. Reassurance pours, and coats over the disparage feeling that sweeps through Changkyun’s features. The newly black haired man inspiriting his lovers self worth in fine lines of intimacy. 

_ You’re worth it _ , it said.  _ You’re everything that is warm, and loving, and you’re more human than anyone else could ever feel.  _ As if Kihyun was reading from a book itself, right in front of his eyes.  _ They were the real monsters, not you.  _

They part, and smiles replace the once dismal frowns of tormenting remembrance. It hits Kihyun how Changkyun was able to keep sain in such horrible conditions. Yes, he was the one at fault and pushed behind bars, but even so, he didn’t deserve the punishment he was granted. He was still human, could still feel. And Hyungwon was the glue keeping his shattered remains attached. Keep his will, his sanity from snapping.

This was fate, Kihyun thought. They were meant to end up this way. To be together this way. They better each other - they were truly soulmates. 

Kihyun gives in as anyone would. 

“Okay, okay. I get it -  I know it’s difficult to break the habit, but if you do feel the urge to hide stuff just make sure it’s nothing pointy.” He begs while leaving the living area, and heading back to the kitchen to continue cooking breakfast. 

Changkyun - 1.

Kihyun - 0.

The steam from the pots ghost over his face, and the heat causes him to exhale deeply. He grabs a wooden spoon as he begins to stir the contents, his mind wandering away from him. Everyone is lain out in the living room: couples snuggled close - Wonho looking as if he were a cat in heat trying to get into a comfortable position. Kihyun can only smile at them. 

But he contemplates what Changkyun had said earlier…

How he was locked away and watched for so long, in such a small cell, by everyone who was against him. By the ones just waiting for him to mess up, in a room with countless limits. In a room where one couldn’t hide, couldn’t truly be oneself. Kihyun looks around the room a moment. A room almost as small as a cell would be… 

Everything seemed to become cramped, closed in. 

It felt as though Kihyun was becoming claustrophobic as he glanced around at pressed together bodies all sitting close to one another. In that way the others had expressed to him - how it felt to be watched, and closeted. As if suddenly there wasn’t enough room for them. The walls were beginning to cave in on them. Almost like they never even left…  

Kihyun nods to himself, a silent acknowledgement. 

He turns the stove off, and pushes the pots to the back burners.  _ They’ve eaten homemade food for three weeks straight, _ he thought to himself.  _ They deserve a treat for once. They deserve a break. They deserve…  _ He takes his apron off, tossing it on the table while strutting towards the door.  

“Where are you going?” Wonho asks while rising from the edge of the bed. His eyes are questioning but sparkling. Kihyun slides his shoes on, struggling with one as the others finally raise up and turn to face him. 

“Going out for breakfast, then going shopping.” He mumbles. He puts his jacket on, zipping it before urging everyone else. “Well? You guys coming?” 

No one says a word, they merely look around at each other. 

“What do you mean ‘are you guys coming’?” Wonho asks. “We can’t just… leave this apartment, you know. We’re escaped convicts.” A few nods, and words of obviousness spill from confused, and conflicted tongues. Then they stare at him, they’re staring as if Kihyun was speaking in a foreign language. As if something were growing, protruding from his ears. 

“Yes, escaped convicts that not one person - not even the systems - know of your absence.” He pushes forth a smile. “We’ve watched the news everyday for a whole month, and nothing has been said about you four. Minkyun eradicated your existence from ever being in prison, and your crimes. I think… I think I can finally admit that everything will be alright.” 

Hyungwon is the first to stand, his sleeves look half length on his long arms. He slides a hand down the back of his neck. “Wait, what if someone… recognizes us…?”

Hyungwon had said ‘us’, but Kihyun understood that the question was meant to only be directed towards him. The tall, elegant man was once a model. Someone who was plastered in magazines, on billboards, in commercials, anywhere one could think of all those years ago. He was the symbol of the fashion world - was the icon of glorified perfection in the eyes of society. It would be almost prophetic that someone would notice him.

Hyungwon’s eyes are wide with worry though he averts them as to not be caught with such panic. Kihyun purses his lips as a light goes off in his mind. “We deny it.” It seemed simplistic but natural. “We brush it off like the person is crazy. Let them know they have the wrong person. And just smile.” 

Hyungwon, and Kihyun’s eyes clash and there is a wisp of colorful cognizance between them. An unspoken vow that is understood - a promise that Kihyun holds high, and dear to himself. He wasn’t going to let anything happen to them. He wasn’t going to let them get taken away. He was going to keep them safe… by any means necessary.

Bright ocher glistens within’ dark eyes as the graceful man undoubtedly understands the silenced undertaking. His eyes are smiling - a happiness so pure, and thoughtful, and… trusting.  

Jooheon rests his chin atop Minhyuk’s head as he interjects. “I mean I think that’ll work. And I  _ doubt _ anyone would recognize us.” He assures.

Kihyun smiles, while taking note of the ex model’s short sleeves once again. “We also need to get you guys some clothes. You can’t keep borrowing mine and Minhyuk’s anymore. Hyungwon looks like he shrunk his clothes in the wash.” 

There is still lingering uncertainty, but smiles are soon spread throughout the room. Wonho slides off the bed, “I’m in. I need to get out of here for a while. I miss the outside.” He steps over to Kihyun, they look into each others eyes a moment. Shy agreement comes, and goes like a bolt of lightning.

“Well?” He looks at the rest of his friends. They jump to their feet.

  
  
  


Kihyun can’t contain his smile. 

He tries to not make it obvious that he is staring - but he fails miserably. He can’t take his eyes off the faces of his four most perfect friends. Can’t look away from the mesmerizing child like incredulousness that is plastered in awe. The look of pure happiness that overwhelms Kihyun into never taking the sun for granted ever again. To never roll his eyes at the bright cerulean of the sky. To never turn his back on the occasional opaque clouds threatening with downpours. 

No, never again will he be unappreciative of the simple things others aren’t able to witness. 

“It’s like i’ve been living in a cave for years - I feel like i’ll burn if I stand in the sun for too long.” Hyungwon mumbles with his face pointed towards the sky, eyes closed as he soaks every last drop in. His steps unwavering as they walk down the main road that leads into town. Changkyun is at his side, looking all around him, their fingers interlocked. 

“We had plenty of sun back in prison.” Minhyuk notes, looking down as he walks.

“Prison sun, and freedom sun are two entirely different things.” The models retorts. He reopens his eyes as he looks ahead once more. The single unit couple’s shoulders bump purposefully multiple times - a teasing fit of merriment. Kihyun can’t take his eyes off their intertwined hands. They seemed so comfortable together: standing close, holding hands, touching shoulders, bright smiles. Endless overflowing love…  

Kihyun feels the fluttering of something nauseating in his stomach, it rushes into his throat. He tastes the jealously. An admiring yet envious flavor that burns on his tongue. It taunts him only for mere seconds before the tang turns into something daring. Something bold, something that causes his hand to inch towards Wonho’s.

His fingers are only able to grace Wonho’s palm before the tattooed up man yanks his hand away. Kihyun feels a sharp pang in his chest. 

He watches as Wonho twists sharply, throwing a look of sheer cluelessness over his shoulder. Perplexity driven by questioning insanity. “What are you doing? You know we can’t do  _ that here _ .” He glances around quickly, like he’s was expecting someone to notice - ready to cause a scene at that instant. But then it makes sense. 

Kihyun holds his hands up, motioning around him. “We can here.” He reminds his lover of where in fact they are, and why they are able to do so. They wouldn’t be judged out here. They wouldn’t be afraid of having their asses kicked for showing affection. They weren’t living in fear anymore. Everything was alright. “We can do anything we want now.” Kihyun explains while speaking softly. 

Wonho’s eyes are wandering - years of isolation causing him to hesitate in truly feeling unrestricted. It makes Kihyun question just how long it had been since Wonho was involved with someone before he was sentenced. 

“I guess you’re right.” He finally speaks. Wonho reaches, lacing their fingers tightly. Kihyun smiles once again as his hand is brought up to his lover's lips. They’re warm, and comforting, and undoubtedly feel like home. Kihyun comprehends that with every little subtle loving gesture Wonho makes he feels himself falling more and more in love with him. 

“1… 2… 3… Go!” A voice shouts that pulls Kihyun from cloud nine. 

Before he is able to process the entirety of the situation, Kihyun witnesses a mess of blonde bouncy hair high in the air. He sees Minhyuk jump up, and land on a crouching Jooheon’s back. The brown haired man hooks his arms around Minhyuk’s legs to keep him up and steady, holding him securely. He stands as Minhyuk wraps his arms around his boyfriend's neck, his smile is bright, and absolute. “Hold on tight.” Jooheon tells him. 

“Hey, you guys try to be careful, okay? I don’t need an accident to happen from clumsy hands.” Kihyun warns, pointing a disappointing finger at the two.

“Yes, mom.” Minhyuk sings out. A few chuckles escape from the group, laughing as if there is a secret between them that Kihyun wasn’t informed of. He pulls his brows together from being called as such. 

“Mom?” He asks, looking at them.

“What? Are you surprised or something?” Changkyun offers up with a troublesome smirk. “You act just like a mom would, and you treat us like children half of the time.” He holds up his fingers with each individual point he makes. “You always cook, you always clean up around us, and you always tell us when to get into the shower and when to get out so we don’t use up all the hot water.” 

“I-... I do that for the sake of the water bill…” He tries to defend himself. He can’t let them know that he naturally lets his motherly instincts kick in when it comes to the four of them. He can’t help but feel as though he were a mother lion taking care of, and protecting his cubs. There was no reason to tell them that. 

“What about a few days ago when you threatened to take away Hyungwon’s napping privileges if he didn’t put his dishes from lunch in the sink?” Minhyuk asks as his body bounces up, and down from Jooheon’s steps. 

Oh, Kihyun almost forgot about that day. 

“I wasn’t  _ really  _ going to do that… I was just trying to motivate him better.” Kihyun keeps his mouth in a straight line to stop himself from pouting as they were ganging up on him. “Okay, look. Just because i’m a little naggy-,” 

“A little?” He hears the deep voice ask from behind him, but he continues onward.

“A  _ little _ naggy, doesn’t mean i’m the mom.” He explains with a precious smile plastered on his lips. He nods seemingly as if he is trying to convince himself as well as the others. 

Jooheon - still holding Minhyuk on his back, and close for dear life - turns around to face them. The usual smiling man is now slackjawed - looking as though he is genuinely concerned. “Wait, so you’re telling me Kihyun isn’t the mom?” He asks facing the group while walking backwards. Kihyun is fearful but already heavily convinced of Jooheon’s careful footing.

Kihyun lets out a breathy growl as the lot of them finally make it to true civilization. They head towards the downtown district for the prefered clothes shops. At a glance there seemed to be a lot of people walking down the streets - exiting, and entering shops more frequently than per usual. But it seemed as though all eyes were downcast, or completely unwilling to make eye contact with any of them. 

For that moment, it began to make Kihyun’s blood boil with rage. 

As if the passerbys were better than they were, as if they hadn’t the time to take note of their existence. He had no reason to blatantly feel as though these irrelevant being’s were silently judging his friends due to their past. Because they weren’t. They had no indication of who they were, and Kihyun’s mind was making up every reason to give them dirty looks. He was overly worried, a worriness that made him feel defensive. But there wasn’t a need to be. 

No one was at fault - but when Kihyun’s motherly instincts kick in, it’s usually nothing of importance.  _ No one is judging them, no one is watching them, calm down, _ he tells himself.    

Kihyun feels chill fingers slide over the back of his shoulders as Wonho wraps an arm around his neck. “It’s fine, babe. You can be the mom,” he starts, smirking. “And i’ll be daddy.”

Oh, there was no way they were going to bring  _ that _ up again. 

“Can we just go inside now?” He points towards the shop with the neon sign that everyone had agreed on prior to leaving the house. He was more than thankful that the boutique appeared out of nowhere - he couldn’t talk about Wonho wanting to be called daddy, his blush wouldn’t ever leave if they started.

The clothing shop was dimlitted, and smelled of an all too common fragrance that Kihyun can’t exactly pinpoint. It was rustic, and heavy - but also something that young teens would wear to school. The noise that was playing in the background sounded like alternative grunge with a vibrating mist of post-victorian era piano. A new age sound with a century feel - a type of blare that Kihyun felt as though he could easily appreciate. 

He marveled at the checkout worker that caught his eye. It was a younger man with bright green hair, and a nose ring that was counting out bills from the cash register. Kihyun couldn’t help but suddenly feel old in comparison. He wasn’t someone that kept up with trends, and he had a feeling he wouldn’t go anywhere near the viridescent look anytime soon. 

“This way.” He hears the gentle voice of Hyungwon instruct as he and Changkyun head towards the Big and Tall section of the store. Kihyun can only hope he takes sleeve lengths into consideration when choosing his outfits. Minhyuk, and Jooheon scurry away to the pastel division of the store that also supplies the blue jean area. 

“Do you have something in mind?” Kihyun asks as they begin their descent into the depths of the clothes.

Wonho hums undecidedly as a response as he looks around, they’re hands never parting. Kihyun makes sure to keep his sights set on anything that looks remotely like something Wonho would wear. Perhaps, tight fitted jeans with rips around the thighs, or maybe graphic tees with up to date slang in striking fonts. Different style flat footed boots, and swallowing sweaters that hang would hang off, exposing his porcelain neck, and shoulders. 

Kihyun has to wipe the metaphorical drool away from his mouth from the thought.

“We need to remember to grab underwear, and socks after we pick out the essential clothing.” Kihyun points out as they come to a halt at the tank top rack. 

“What? You don’t like when I wear your underwear?” Wonho pulls out a black radically huge tank top, examining it closely. “That hurts, babe.” He says through faux pain, putting the shirt back with disinterest. 

“No, wear em’ as much as you want, but it just means we have to do laundry more frequently as I run out of them to wear. And god I hate having to go to the laundry room - that landlady is always on my ass, and i’m sixty-five percent positive she’s suspicious of the amount of clothes I wash.” He mumbles from the memory of the horrid woman's wagging finger, and harsh words. Kihyun remembers grabbing his liquid softener, and hurrying back to the apartment as quick as he could. 

“I’ve never met her but she sounds like a bitch.” 

“She is.” Kihyun laces their fingers together once again when they lose regard for the tedious shirts, and continue their saunter. 

His eyes wander until they land on the smiling couple.

Jooheon is speaking quickly, inaudibly as he holds a pair of jeans up to his waist. Minhyuk is gripping the tip of his chin, looking as if he is deep in thought. He seems to be very considerate about the jeans, and if Jooheon should get them or not. His stare winds around the corner to the single unit couple. Changkyun has his arms full with piles of long sleeved shirts, while Hyungwon uninterruptedly places more and more on top of the other. 

Kihyun snorts out a laugh. Cute. 

But something jumps out at Kihyun from the back of the store. A pale Tiffany blue colored sweater with a delicate black and white book, and coffee mug embroidery. It’s stationed on a male mannequin as it’s being complemented with a dark pair of jeans, and walnut style Oxford shoes. It looked cozy, comfortable, and nothing at all like Wonho would ever wear. 

Kihyun tightens his hold on Wonho’s as he pulls him along, heading over to the sweater he can’t tear his gaze from. Up close he is able to vividly see the stitched in steam flowing from the cup, can see a title that is etched in French on the cover of the book. Kihyun brushes the tips of his fingers over the fabric with his free hand - it’s soft and plush. It feels as though it would be absolutely perfect against the skin.

“Not no, but hell no.” Wonho groans from behind him. 

Kihyun was afraid of that, “Wonho-ah…” He implores taking his hand away from the sweater, turning to face the man he loved so much. 

Wonho’s brows are pulled together, seemingly detached for the idea of ever coming close to wearing something so out of his fashion range. But then, Kihyun still hadn’t any sense of what Wonho wanted or was interested in clothing wise. He had only made assumptions in his mind of what he thought what would look good on him. Though, admittedly, he thought this sweater would look good on him as well. But he was straightaway rejected. 

“Babe, this is not even close to my style.” Wonho gives the top another once over before shaking his head. His dark eyes scintillating with specks of gold around the irises. His usual crescent eyes reduced to simple half moons as a smile cannot be found, but rather a grimace. 

“I just thought it would be a kind of casual wear-,” 

“No.” Wonho’s lips seem to push out a bit as if he is trying to pout. 

“Or maybe something you can wear before bed-,”

“Babe, no.” 

“Wonho, you’ve worn nothing but orange for years now, how can you be so picky over a simple sweater?” Kihyun asks exasperatedly. That’s when he notices that the exact same sweater is resting on a shelf a few feet behind the mannequin. He steps around the figure, going over to the shelving, and pulling out a size bigger than what Wonho initially wore.

“Why am I so picky? Because, I am in fact finally able to wear something other than that horrible orange one piece. And… And, just… Damn, baby it’s just… bad.” He expresses through grit teeth. 

Kihyun turns around, sweater tightly in hand as he folds his arms across his chest. “Are you saying I have no taste?” He challenges with a hidden poignant, but raised brow. He can physically feel the sass begin to build from the bottom of his feet. Wonho’s eyes widen to full circles for the first time since Kihyun had known him.

“NO. No, absolutely not.” He quickly utters, pointing a finger at him. “I was just saying… That uhm… Maybe…” He seemed to be searching or backtracking his statement, and failing at finding a rejoinder. Kihyun suppresses the sass, unfolding his arms to instead hold the sweater up to his chest. 

“Forget it - look, will you at least try it on?” He pushes the sweater into Wonho’s chest. The flaxen haired man looks down at the top before locking eyes with Kihyun once more in ambivalence. “Please, for me?”

He watches as Wonho pulls his bottom lip into his mouth, his teeth grazing against it as his lip slowly slides back out. He seemed completely distorted of interest at the whole proclivity. As if it was tearing him to pieces from just the thought of trying something he hated on. “Fine.” He growls out deeply - not an angry growl, but a… sensual one. His demeanor changing drastically, a smirk slowly forming on his perfect, plump lips. “Why don’t you come help me try this on then, baby?” His voice is gravelly, tempting. But the look on his face read innocence.  _ Innocent trickery if anything _ , Kihyun thinks. Wholly deceitful. A fox in sheep's clothing.   

Wonho takes the sweater in his grasp, gently cupping Kihyun’s palm as he ushers him to the furthest dressing room.  

Kihyun would be lying if he said he felt reluctant to follow - it was completely the opposite, he felt hypnotized, bewitched by those captivating eyes, and carnivorous tone. He had lost control of his movements altogether. Now being smoothly guided by a beautiful fallen angel. 

Wonho pulls the curtain back to shield them from the outside world.

Kihyun seats himself on the hovering bench that is attached to the side of the dividing wall. He leans his back against said wall while resting his head slightly on his shoulder. Kihyun’s eyes are half lidded, but he never takes them off of Wonho. His lover is currently taking the dark grey long sleeved shirt he borrowed from Minhyuk off, tossing it to the floor. Kihyun’s gaze hungrily glides over each individual tattoo that permeated Wonho’s flawless skin. 

His gaze continues down to the abs that Wonho would shamelessly flash back on the courtyard of the prison after a long workout. Kihyun recalls how Wonho’s sweat would gingerly skim the beginning V of his abdomen, then disappear down the front of his pants.

Kihyun bites his lip as he had stared at what could have been described as liquid sin.

“There, what do you think?” Wonho ask when he finishes adjusting the sweater that is hanging just above his knees. And as Kihyun had expected the neck of the top was larger than anticipated, resulting in it hanging just casually off of Wonho’s shoulder. He is just barely able to see the black and white tribal esque tattoo that spikes out and up the the side of his neck. 

Kihyun makes it to his feet, beaming. “It looks great on you, just like I knew it would.” He reaches for Wonho’s sleeve to read over the price tag. The ends of the sleeve devour Wonho’s hands, hanging inches further than they should. He reads over the price, it’s surprisingly moderate considering the high end feeling of the store. 

“I really wanna get this…” Kihuyn silently complains, though at this point he doesn't know if he wants to get it for Wonho or himself. 

The price tag slips from his grasp as Wonho’s big hands grip the sides of Kihyun’s hips. Pressure is applied, and he is pushed up against the mirror that is drilled to the wall behind him. Kihyun leans his head back to look up at his lover. His eyes are deep, and wanton - dirty, desiring as he stares hard at Kihyun. 

“Won-,” He’s cut off as lips are pressed into his roughly. 

Kihyun automatically arches his back against the mirror, involuntarily thrusting their midsections together. A carnal need escapes Wonho’s lips, and pours itself into Kihyun’s mouth - it tastes just like enticing lechery. 

After moments of breathless gasping, Wonho’s lips slip from Kihyun’s, and they begin to travel down his neck. He hears and feels the sucking sensation, marks will be more than apparent afterwards. “Yes.” He can’t help but sigh out as he holds his hand on the back of Wonho’s nape. Being trapped in a small room with five other people, and not given the opportunity to have ‘fun’ with the person you love the most was hell on earth.

“Fuck.” Kihyun’s nails dig into Wonho’s shoulder as he feels teeth sink into his skin. 

“Baby,” Wonho pulls away from him, his hands now tugging at Kihyun’s zipper, yanking his pants down. Kihyun is frozen in place, his cheeks refuse to leave their scarlet state. “I fucking love the noises you make, believe me. But, i’m going to need you to be quiet for a minute.” He smirks devilishly, teasingly. Almost as if he knew undeniably that Kihyun wouldn’t be able to hold his voice in. 

_ Why? _ He can’t bring himself to ask as his voice is becoming bashful. 

Wonho drops to his knees in front of him. A warm palm squeezes into Kihyun’s bare thigh as hot air ghosts over his already hardening member. A shudder courses through his veins shooting straight up his spine. The first few initial licks cause Kihyun to twitch in excitement, he is thoroughly able to keep his voice unheard.

But soon Wonho takes him into his mouth fully, totally engulfing him. 

Kihyun’s mind goes entirely blank from the scorching pleasure. His body bends forward, hovering over Wonho as his knees buckle, and lock into place. His posture is morphed into doing wall sits as he clutches his fingers into the back of the sweater Wonho is still wearing. His free hand is up against his mouth, his teeth sunk deeply into his sleeve to keep himself quiet.

He feels lips slide back and forth as Wonho bobs his head quickly, Kihyun swears to himself that he feels a tongue tease the underneath of his member simultaneously. Hands are still rough, and forcing Kihyun’s hips secure against the mirror. His teeth sink deeper into his covered arm as his moans threaten him more and more for freedom. 

Kihyun doesn’t have time to beg, to moan, to find clarity through the haze of satisfaction. His release pools heavily in his stomach - he wasn’t someone who was able to last long, though he would die from embarrassment later. 

He cries out his muffled moans into the sleeve as he empties himself into Wonho’s mouth. He sees nothing but white behind his lids. He is unable to buck his hips as they are still planted firmly against the mirror. Though that doesn’t halt the nails that are sliding up Wonho’s now exposed back from overly digging into the sweater. 

The blistering heat disappears, and Kihyun is able to face Wonho once again. 

The pale haired man’s adam’s apple bobs up, and down as he swallows, before licking over his reddened lips. “Damn, baby.” He says roguishly. 

Kihyun pulls his mouth off of his sleeve, a drool stain remains behind. He pants heavily, faintly horse from his muffled cries. His body is reduced to shudders, and shakes as he isn’t able to calm himself down. He feels as though he is trapped within’ eternal serendipity. 

“Oh.” He hears Wonho’s knowing voice. 

Kihyun glances down, his eyes searching for whatever Wonho was referring too. A wet stain that is soaking into the front fabric of the pale blue sweater. A stain that Kihyun was at fault for. “I guess we have to buy it now.” The look on the tattooed man’s face is devious, underhanded. 

_ He did all of this on purpose, _ he realizes as the lust finally drains from his mind. 

Kihyun whimpers needfully and slides down the mirror, and too the floor. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> asdfghjkl WHO SAID IT WAS ALRIGHT FOR KIHYUN TO GO PINK!  
> WHO SAID IT WAS ALRIGHT FOR WONHO TO TURN ASH!  
> WHO SAID IT WAS ALRIGHT FOR CHANGKYUN/IM TO GO BLUE/ASH LIKE HIS DADDY!
> 
> I was not prepared for any of this!


	21. White Sugar P2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part two of the BEST DAY EVER FOR OUR PERFECT BABIES! ♡

They hurry. 

Escaping the bijou leeway of the dressing room with infused energized concupiscence from the before. The aura of secrecy trailing slowly behind them - but lingering with risque excitement. The feeling of being alive, of doing something one wouldn’t normally do. Of feeling as if others knew, but dare not speak of it. Thrilling. Wholly and ecstatic in being unknown. 

Galvanizing. 

Looks are exchanged between them. 

Wonho’s eyes are lascivious as gold flecks sparkle bright yellow in fervent doppelganger of a wolves. Insatiable, neverending in his need to touch, to taste, to burn his mark deep into Kihyun. It causes chills to run down Kihyun’s spine. 

His grip tightens on the sweater in his hand, the one he tainted. The precise one they would have to take to the cashier to purchase, internally imploring the kid doesn’t pay close enough attention to said article of clothing. Kihyun’s heart is beating all too quickly as they head back into the center of the boutique. It’s merely the simple thought of embarrassment… 

“Here, give it to me.” Wonho quickly pulls the sweater out of Kihyun’s hands, fiddling with it. A snapping sound can be heard, and Kihyun blinks a few times. Gentle pale hands fold the garment into a tight square - in the same fashion all inmates were instructed to do while on laundry duty, Kihyun remembers. A force of habit, as it currently seemed to be for Changkyun with hiding items in fear of them being taken away. 

The price tag was pressed between the man’s fingers tightly. “Wait, why did you rip that off?” Kihyun asks glancing around. In some witless aspect Kihyun’s mind fumbles over his thoughts, and land on a mental picture of Minhyuk. Some correlation between the price tag being torn away, and the past of his best friend giving him foolish aim to what Wonho was planning to do next. Take it…    

_ Why would you even think that? _ His mind stipulates, aggression clear as day. 

“I have an idea.” The flaxen haired man suggests.

Kihyun is directly hesitant, though any impudent thoughts are whisked away as he puts all his faith into Wonho, and whatever moronic idea he has planned. The guilt rests in his throat, but he isn’t affected by it as he believes in Wonho entirely, and his skittish thoughts were simply giving him reasons to worry. His mind was too headstrong to let that happen. 

The jade haired cashier is already focused on them as they make it to the front. He doesn’t give off the casual worker smile that is faked as most employees would, in fact, he seems downright bored as they place the sweater on the counter. Up close Kihyun can see the nose ring he is sporting has a jewel embedded into it, the same color as his hair. 

Rather plump fingers reach for the attire. Kihyun’s stomach suddenly becomes upset, but Wonho is quick to place his hand over the clothing to stop the worker. “Ah, the tag fell off. Here.” He carefully hands the teen the tag he had ripped off seconds ago. Kihyun notices the barcode is printed on the back of the tag, and everything clicks in his mind. 

However, he wonders if the teen would fall for such a simplistic ploy - overlooking everything with a moody attitude or if he would instinctively catch on, catching them right in the act of it all. Again, embarrassment sweeps through Kihyun with cold sheepish waves. 

At the last second, the teen redirects his hand. 

Dodging away from the sweater, and towards the tag in between Wonho’s fingers. He takes it quickly, scanning it, and placing the square into a licensed bag for them. His features unmoving from his current unenthusiastic expression. He calls out the price, and Kihyun is the first to reach for his wallet. He pulls out a bill only to find that Wonho had already paid and was retrieving his change.          

Kihyun lets loose the smile that is beyond his control, realizing that Wonho was going to get him the sweater since the beginning of it all. Something so small, and sweet causing his heart to flutter. He shoves the money back into the leather bound holder. “Thank you.” 

He waves off the worker as Wonho grabs the bag holding his purchase. The worker mumbles something like ‘ _ Don’t come again _ ’ or ‘ _ Please go away _ ’ or something to that effect with Kihyun’s preoccupied ears, leaving with Wonho close by his side. 

It’s not until the doors close behind them, and they fall back into the sense of the real world when it finally hits them. They burst into bouts of laughter, clutching their stomachs, nearly tumbling over from the hilarity. Kihyun bumps, and rests against Wonho’s shoulder as his erupting laughter throws him sideways. 

“Oh, shit. That was the dumbest but most pressure inducing moment ever.” Wonho snickers harder causing his eyes to crinkle into crescent moons. Though Kihyun is obliged to disagree as he can evocatively feel the adrenaline pumping, and heart racing memory of breaking into, and breaking out four men from a maximum security prison. In comparison, a cum stained sweater was literal child's play in pressure wise. 

“It was all your fault, you know.” Kihyun shoves at Wonho’s shoulder, his eyebrows lifting. “If you had any control of your libido we wouldn’t have been in that position.” 

“What can I say? I like putting you in all kinds of positions.” Wonho quips leaning in a little too close. Kihyun’s legs react quickly, taking a step back, his spine connecting with the wall to the boutique from behind. He’s trapped, he has nowhere to run. But then again, he wouldn’t have that any other way. 

“You do?” He asks, making it seem as though he was surprised. His eyes light up as he tilts his head back to bring their gazes together. He admits to himself that he feels the heat from Wonho’s body. “I never would have guessed - I thought my body naturally bent that way when you fucked me.” 

A smirk appears on plump lips, satisfied, and shiny. “Baby, that body of yours is truly something else. Sometimes I expect you to break from the things I do, then you exceed my expectations. And it makes me want to really do bad things too you.” 

“Mm~” Kihyun unintentionally mewls softly, absolutely falling for Wonho’s sweet nothings. “No one is stopping you from doing what you want. I swear.” He sighs out slowly - sounding so desperate, so hypnotized. He honestly felt as if he was being pulled into the pure carnal need that was Wonho. The effervescent pheromones that made his body tingle, and his legs shaky. 

If Kihyun was being honest with himself - and if anyone had ever decided to ask him up front and personal - he would answer with his back straight, and his head held high. He would admit that he felt like an unadulterated  _ whore _ for Wonho. 

Wonho places a hand on the wall beside of Kihyun’s head, locking him in closer. “Baby, I would love too. God, I would.” His demeanor suddenly changes. Turning from sexually aggressive to wholly gentle in a matter of seconds. It was in the way his eyes went from squinting to improper half moons, so quick Kihyun had almost missed it. Wonho reaches up, carefully tucking an all too long side piece of hair behind Kihyun’s ear - his fingers feel hot. “Can’t do that while everyone is all stuffed in that shitty apartment together.” 

Kihyun blinks calming, but he can’t deny that fact.

“We need to get out of there. Get our own place or something.” He recommends, sliding his fingers down the side of Kihyun’s jaw. It’s the only distraction to keep Kihyun from shaking his head in protest to Wonho’s suggestion. 

He wouldn’t mind one bit in having a home with Wonho, creating an amazing life with him. Possibly in another universe, an alternative one. But he couldn’t in this one. He had the others to think about - promises to keep with them. They were all going to live together, and that wasn’t going to change any time soon.

He hums, “Don’t worry. We’ll get a house soon. A big one.” He promises. “Then i’ll make you ramyun everyday.” 

Wonho clears his throat, sounding as if he almost choked. “E-Everyday?”

Kihyun nods, leaning into the brush of Wonho’s fingers. He smiles, his lids falling. “Mhm. Yeah, everyday. Whenever you want.” It’s unexpected - especially since they’re out in the open - but that doesn’t stop Wonho from dipping down and capturing Kihyun’s lips into his own. Kissing him deeply, audaciously drowning him in delicate bliss.

Kihyun is more than eager to comply. 

And he doesn't care. He doesn’t care if others are passing by, and seeing them. He doesn’t care if they gape with judging eyes, or if they avoid the scene altogether. Or if they point, or if their jaws drop from what they’re looking at.  

_ Let them look _ , his mind urges.  _ Don’t worry about anyone else _ .

And he doesn’t, because all he cares about is Wonho being with him, being near him. Being so close to him, touching him, kissing him. Spending the rest of his time with him - with the love of his life. With Wonho, forever. His one and only. 

“Kihyunnie! Wonho-ah!” A familiar voice calls out to them. 

They break away quickly, almost like quilty lovers being caught. 

Wonho’s eyes are wide with panic but soon steadily die back down when he  _ once again _ realizes just where they are, and why everything is alright. Kihyun leans to the side to look around Wonho to locate the owner of said voice. 

Minhyuk is looking right at the pair, urging them over with a hasten look in his eyes. Kihyun finally notices that he, and the others are waiting across the road by the benches near the bus stop. A cluster of bags in their hands, and by their feet. He rolls his eyes to a close as he leans back against the wall of the store once again. 

“The others are waiting for us.” He informs as his gaze falls on the tattoo permeated on the left side of Wonho’s neck. It’s a date set in roman numerals, indistinct as Kihyun hadn’t even detected it’s existence up until now. A sudden desire urges him to reach up, and slide his thumb over the tattoo. (Something he does more times than none, but he knows deep down that Wonho is already heavily used to his actions.) 

Kihyun makes a mute vow that he will one day strip Wonho of his clothing, and take into account every tattoo that is etched into his pale skin. He will examine it closely, earnestly - and ask Wonho what each and every one mean. Ask the significance of them, and they it was so salient that he cover his skin with such a meaning. 

Which, in a flash, causes Kihyun to remember the conversation he and Wonho had had back in the cell months ago. When Wonho had promised they would talk about getting a tattoo together when the time came. They hadn’t agreed on what - but he was intent on them having one. Kihyun was going to have to remember to bring that topic up when they had a moments rest. Of course, he hadn’t any idea how well he took to needle pain… 

“Yeah, I realize.” Wonho acknowledges defeatedly. 

Kihyun notices the dejection resting on Wonho’s brows, and in his eyes, but he smiles nonetheless. He reaches up, resting his palms against the pale haired man's cheeks. Bringing Wonho’s face down, as he lifts himself up on his tiptoes, Kihyun dives in for one last kiss. 

The kiss is quick, and admittedly chaste, but just enough to pour his emotions into it.

An effortless  _ I love you _ in the form of necessitous lips. 

When they part - they look both ways before crossing the street together.        

Each individual’s hands are filled with the familiar licensed bags from the store, and large clear containers of what Kihyun can only guess is bubble tea as he can unmistakably spot the pearls resting at the bottom of the cups. 

He sensed how happy they were, fulfilled at themselves with the proclivity that shopping together had brought them. Minhyuk’s face was lit up, smiling with red cheeks. Beside of him is Jooheon with squinted eyes of interest as he skims over the receipt in his grasp. So immersed that is jaw had become slack, and his dimples were nowhere to be seen. The single unit couple were, as always, in their own little world. They were speaking with one another inaudibly, though paramountly.

Kihyun puts his own purchase on the bench beside of Changkyun. He begins to kick himself over, and over when he sees the dark contrast between all six of them. The others had walked out with at least ten bags, while he had walked out with only one. Not only had he completely overlooked the real reason for going shopping in the first place, but he knew the others would catch on to the palpable obviousness. 

He looks away to the side as he prays his friends aren’t perceptive enough to notice. 

_ Wonho was too picky _ …  _ Nothing was his style _ …  _ He wants to go somewhere else to shop _ … A few excuses pop into his mind in case someone were to ask.   

Minhyuk fumbles with something on the bench, turning towards Kihyun. “Here, aren’t you guys thirsty from all that shopping?” He hands over a clear cup with bright purple liquid - one for Kihyun and one for Wonho. 

Wonho makes a noise that instantly grabs Kihyun’s attention. 

His expression once joyous, now dark, and lustful. He retrieves the cup from the white haired man’s hand, causing the other to look at him with total absorption. Kihyun watches as Wonho bites his lip in interest, sliding his tongue out only to attack the tip of his straw provocatively. It was evident that the lecherous action was directed towards Kihyun. 

He snaps away from the sight. 

The remembering noises, and sculps of muscle cause him to blush - the heat pools in his cheeks at the memory of what they had done about an hour prior. 

“Oh… Uh.” Kihyun clasps the plastic container in his grasp. “I’m fine. But, you better believe Wonho is thirsty as fuck.” He mumbles from behind the cup. He takes a swig of the colored liquid - the taste was almost too sweet for him to enjoy. He wasn’t someone who enjoyed saccharine too much, he prefered salty to sugar.  

The taller shrugs, pursing his lips while doing so. “Can’t blame that all on me.” He responds promptly, then takes a gulp of the milk tea. His adam's apple bobbing the same way it had back in the dressing room. Slowly, and vividly. 

“Yes, I can.”  _ But, I really can’t _ . Kihyun takes another drink to calm himself. He wasn’t - but  _ was  _ all too easily- going to fall for Wonho’s prurient games. No matter how fun they were becoming, and not matter how much his body would respond with yes. He wasn’t going to fall under Wonho’s spell… at least not until they were able to be alone.

But then again, Kihyun couldn’t trust himself to even wait that long.

“Did you guys get enough clothes?” He turns his eyes towards them, sipping his drink more because maybe he judged the sweetness too soon, and maybe this is actually the best drink he’s ever had in his entire life. “Because if you didn’t we can always go to another shop.” 

“We got plenty,” Minhyuk speaks up, nudging towards his bags with his foot. “Actually, we got so much that Joohoney is a little pissed off. He keeps looking over the receipts - he thinks we spent way too much.”

Kihyun pulls off the straw, “We could literally burn cash for days, and still not make a dent in the pile, yet he’s worried about spending too much? That’s not possible.” Multiple zeros appear before Kihyun’s eyes as he remembered the precise amount of money the old aristocratic man had bribed him with in order for Kihyun to keep quiet. If he had that much money to simply give away, it made Kihyun ponder just how much money that old man had in his savings. 

And what exactly was his job in order for him to obtain such an amount? 

Kihyun can only think of back alley dealings, offshore trading, and good cop, bad cop exchanges as a conclusion. 

“Well, at least he’s conservative.” Kihyun has to hand it to him. Someone who was once a thief could underneath it all also be frugal wasn’t the easiest or most common of attitudes. Though Jooheon wasn’t exactly the general normality as opposed to the others. “I like that he worries over little things like that though.” 

“He’s cheap.” Minhyuk deadpans. 

“Going from poverty, to wealth, and deciding to be resourceful with the money you now have isn’t being cheap. It’s being smart.” Kihyun states matter of factly. He steps around his pale haired friend, now standing in front of his other manic friend. Jooheon makes a noise of protest when Kihyun steals the little paper from his fingertips. 

He only skims down the list of purchases until he finds what he’s looking for. 

“Ah, the jeans were two for one, and the pastel sweaters were buy three get the fourth one free.” He smiles while handing the paper back. “Very savvy.” He encourages, taking yet another drink. He throws a look over his shoulder, “Wouldn’t you agree, Minhyukkie?” 

Eyes turn soft from empathy, immediately understanding. “Absolutely.” 

They sit together, smiling, as Minhyuk encourages his other half with praise of his ability to spend so well, and so wise. A few pets names are cooed at one another, then come the soft touches, and unavoidably the loving kisses with shy smiles.         

“Can you guys flirt later?” Changkyun asks with pumped discomposure, peeking at the others. Hyungwon is nestled beside of him, seeming cozy, and satisfied. A pleased smile is pressed into his pale lips as his hand is resting on the inner thigh of Changkyun’s leg. “We have somewhere we’d like to go next.”  

And Kihyun is immediately astounded by the fact that the brute - who is actually his perfect child that needs to always be protected by everyone and everything - is asking, and hadn’t demanded. Kihyun is unable to ask where the two would like to venture next as he is in the middle of chewing up a few pearls in his mouth form the bubble tea. Though Wonho is there to solicitate. 

“What is it?”

“Well, we want to go… Uhm.” The mahogany haired man’s cheeks redden from what Kihyun can only describe as angered embarrassment. “... We’d like to go and get  _ some  _ bikes.” 

A sharp elbow jabs into his ribs roughly, irritatingly. Hyungwon’s brows push together while he purses his lips, digging his elbow in even further. Changkyun hisses, jolting to the side a bit to ease the pain. “Okay, okay.” He howls giving in. “We want a… tandem bike…” 

Hyungwon’s elbow is removed then replaced with a light kiss to Changkyun’s cheek. Approvable, and happiness are swirling within’ his caring eyes.

Jooheon is the first to question everything about that sentence. His eyes shooting upwards, and away from the receipt, and Minhyuk as a whole. His eyes are wide with curiosity, and uncertainty. “Wait, a tandem bike? You mean that bike that has two seats, and two sets of handlebars? The bike that two people ride together?”

“Yes… Yes,  _ that  _ bike.” 

_ Wait, was he… pouting _ ? Kihyun asks himself, tilting his head to the side as he stares.

A stale silence is brought up between them - the only irritating sound is coming from behind. The noise of the city is awake, and blaring, enjoin to let them know they aren’t alone. The clacking noise of heels, and expensive saddle shoes step into a quick rhythm with hurriedness. Jabber is indefinable as the words, and syllables fuse together into a foreign language.  _ Street talk _ , Kihyun thinks. 

“I don’t know what’s more adorable.” Minhyuk speaks up before all others. Everyone’s gaze fall on him. “You guys wanting to go on bike rides together, or Changkyun embarrassed about it.” A light laugh is poured out into the busy streets.

Natural but manic laughter erupts from the group causing a few passersby to step far around them with disapproving noises. The chortling isn’t mocking - it’s light, and gleeful. In the way close friends would smile, and elate in playful gaiety at one another. Frolicsome jabs, and jokes. 

Changkyun’s cheeks are fire, “Would you guys shut it? We want to go biking, so what?”

“It sounds fun too me,” Kihyun encourages, “I say go for it.” 

Changkyun glances over at him, eyes lighting up as if something inside of him suddenly rejoices in the fact that someone agrees as opposed to cracking jokes at his expense. Kihyun notices the hand on Changkyun’s thigh squeeze lightly with motivation.   

“Mom’s always support their children so it makes sense that you would agree.” Minhyuk retorts snarkily, cheekily. A few more snickers cause Kihyun to strut right over to his best friend, fingers pressed, and ready to strike at his covered forehead. 

“You know what? Mother’s also discipline naughty children,” He threatens as the white haired man timorously cowers behind his lover. Jooheon is laughing in delight but it makes Kihyun wonder if he can convince the brunette to give Minhyuk a good  _ spanking _ for his childishness later.   

“Babe, you’re so feisty when you get annoyed.” Wonho smirks, coming up from behind him. A hand slides down his side sending him shivers. “I really enjoy this side of you.” 

Kihyun raises a brow in question, “... don’t even think about purposefully getting me annoyed now.” 

“Hm. Guess you’ll  just have to wait, and see then.” 

“Wonho, I swear-,” Kihyun is ready to give him a good tongue lashing, but he is soon cut off by a sudden yelp from beyond the others. Minhyuk twists his body away from the group, sprinting off down the road. 

Alarms go off in Kihyun’s head as he is already thinking the worst. He pushes passed Wonho in an attempt to run after the other. 

“Someone is giving away free samples over there!” The bright smile, and shining hair calls out bringing Kihyun to a halt. He watches as Minhyuk sprints down the walkway, dodging people rather gracefully, and skillfully. He skids to a stop on the balls of his feet - he bows at the worker, politely taking the costless strip of beef he was offered.

“Wait, did he just say free food?” Wonho asks.

“Wonh-,” Kihyun starts but his mouth is instantly forced into a straight line as the flaxen haired man rushes off as well towards the rolling cart. Kihyun leans his head back a little as his eyes remain glued to Wonho’s backside. He recalls Wonho asking to borrow a pair of his jeans that morning, and - although Wonho was rather slim hipped - they were a relatively tight squeeze to fit into. Making everything,  _ everything _ become ardent in blue faded outlines.  

_ If those jeans could cheer I bet they would _ , Kihyun believes wholeheartedly. How unalloyed trousers were able to grab hold, and clutch tightly  _ one _ of the more perfect parts of Wonho’s body that Kihyun himself wanted to smack was absolutely desired. And it was at that moment Kihyun momentarily became jealous of denim. How humiliatingly insipid. 

Changkyun, and Hyungwon seemed to be downright unable to look away from the others. 

They stare longingly as Wonho, and Minhyuk take turns in obtaining different delicacies. The models foot bounces in anticipation, as the other nibbles his thumb nail apprehensively. 

Kihyun has to roll his eyes, “Guys, if you want to go just go.” 

Hand in hand they jump from their positions on the bench, hightailing it to the food. 

He smiles nevertheless. 

With their single bag shoved aside, and out of mind Kihyun plops himself down beside of the dimpled brunette with a heaving, and possibly overdramatic sigh. Jooheon is looking over at his love, watching him with kind eyes, watching him as if he were everything he could ever need or want or was even thankful to have. 

Kihyun understands that look - it’s the same look he gives when Wonho wasn’t looking. 

“So, where would you like to go? Or… what would you like to buy next?” Kihyun asks him, finishing off what few pearls were left at the bottom of his plastic cup. He then tosses it away into the trash bin that is reposed next to the seat. “We have to stop at a few more clothing stores, then the bike shop, then the next destination is all yours.” He smiles. 

Jooheon pulls his mouth to the side, lips pushed together. He appeared deep in thought - his expression outwardly unreadable. “Ah… I’m not sure.” He mumbles.

But something inside of Kihyun tells him that that isn’t true at all. “Oh, come on. I’m sure there’s something that you’ve always wanted that you couldn't have before?” He offers a friendly grin. “Anything, and I mean anything you want you can now have.” He assures. 

Jooheon rubs his palms together restively as if he were holding something back. His dimples soon appear pushing away Kihyun’s questioning thoughts. “Yeah, okay. There is something. I … kinda want a car.” 

Kihyun neither blinks nor falters. “A car? What kind of car?”

“A bright red one. One that goes seriously fast - one you can lay the hood down.” Jooheon nods before his eyes cloud with memories. “I… Even before I had started, you know, stealing, and shit. I had dreams of owning the most badass car on my block. Because, I needed something really flashy - something showy. Just so I could watch the luckier neighbor kids stare with envy, you know? I… “ Jooheon motions his hand back and forth as if he was trying to put his story into simpler terms. 

“My family didn’t have many means…” He admitted almost shamefully. And Kihyun has to grimace uncomprehendingly. Although he couldn’t exactly brag about having the most extravagant life while growing up, he also never had to want for anything. He was blessed with hardworking, and caring parents to take care of him very well. So to know someone close to him who was stricken with penurious was foreign.    

“So, I had always dreamed of owning something that would make me known, so that when I drove passed a group of people they would point and say, ‘ _ That’s Jooheon _ .’ Smiles on their faces, and everything. They would come up to me, tell me how awesome my car was, ask me for rides. Ask if they could hang out with me.” 

Jooheon licks over his lips, “I wanted to be looked up too, wanted people to know my name… I wanted to  _ be _ somebody.” 

Kihyun groans softly because could relate to being alone. He didn’t have friends all through his years of high school. Yes, he had plenty of boyfriends - but those were stories best left untold. The only time Kihyun felt wanted was during lunch time when a seat would be available for him, and the other students would finally acknowledge his existence. 

But Kihyun had already moved on from that point in time - he hadn’t concerned himself with the unpleasant memories since. 

_ And Jooheon shouldn’t either _ , he fathoms.

He considers for a moment if Jooheon and Hyungwon should…  _ talk _ together one day. Keeping in mind they seemed to be polar opposites - as different as night and day. Hyungwon a former top model who’s life was always plastered in the limelight of society. Someone whose name was just dripping off the tip of everyone else's tongue. Everyone knew him, everyone looked up too him. He  _ was _ somebody. 

Then there was Jooheon. The poor kid from the bad part of town. The guy that had to fend for himself while growing up. He didn’t have many friends, didn’t have much of a future ahead of him. Someone who was forced to take what he wanted or couldn’t possess. Someone who wasn’t given a chance in this big mean world. 

So perhaps - Kihyun believed - they would be able to comfort one another in a sort of brotherly bonding way. Until then…

Kihyun stands, suddenly. He shoves a hand into his pocket to count just how much he had brought with him that day. He had snatched up a wad of bills from the briefcase as everyone else had before leaving the house to go shopping. He hadn’t thought about the amount at the time, but right now he hoped more than anything he had grabbed enough. 

“What are you doing?” Jooheon asked but hadn’t gazed up to even peep at Kihyun’s action. The other was diligently stuffing his receipt away in the bag that had contained the pale sweaters, and ripped jeans. 

Kihyun mumbles as he ceaselessly counts the bills, and few coins in his hand. He lifts his head only to survey the area for a specific sign. If his memory served him correctly at that moment, then just beyond the titanium colored law firm building should be it. He beams, before he’s giving Jooheon’s hand a death grip. Urging him to stand from the bench, and to follow him promptly. The other studders with dubiety. 

“K-Kihyun! Wait, the bags!” 

“Leave ‘em.” He insists - not because Kihyun was already set on throwing money away - but because he had caught a glimpse in his peripherals of Hyungwon and Changkyun leisurely returning, hands filled with free samples. The single unit couple would make it back to the bags on the benches before any of the passersby would get the wandering eye.

“Come on!” Kihyun laughs, tugging him along. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


It doesn’t take Jooheon long to realize ‘ _ money talks _ ’.

Even if the salesman at the dealership’s hair had been slicked back, and his cheshire cat grin was movie perfect when he was describing the black and silver styles of the most desired cars on the lot. Though Jooheon’s eyes went wide, and sparkled with interested attraction for them, that still hadn’t caused him to waver his decision. 

Kihyun had vowed to stay silent as they dawdled around each car respectively. This was Jooheon’s dream they were trying to find, and Kihyun’s input wasn't anywhere needed. And he would be lying if he had denied any notions of tearing up when Jooheon’s hundred watt smile shined brighter than any star as he sprinted off towards the back of the lot, spotting the car of his dreams.

The car was a candy apple red Bentley Continental GTC. It wasn’t exactly a car that others craved, nor was it - to put blunty - a good vehicle for the most part. It had rather neutral reviews, and it wasn’t a fast car. But, it was flashy, and it was absolutely something to show off. Possibly to a penniless child living in the rejected side of town the car would be categorized as fast, and impressive.

Kihyun paid, not informing Jooheon until the dimpled man had asked about the price. A stunned expression was stalled in surprised doubt, but Kihyun received the biggest and most perfect hug that day. A thousand  _ thank you _ s never leave Kihyun’s ears. The happiness radiating in Jooheon’s features was something Kihyun would never forget.

“I don’t have a license though.” Jooheon bites his lip as they lock in their seat belts. His long, nimble fingers wrap around the steering wheel anxiously, his knuckles turning white. It was almost as if the brunette feared the worst. If he didn’t hold onto the car tight enough it might disappear. 

Kihyun smiles, shaking his head. “So what? As long as you don’t go over the speed limit there won’t be a problem.” And maybe Kihyun wasn’t exactly being a good example at the moment, but he didn’t care. All he cared about was Jooheon, and his smile. 

And the emptiness he now felt in his pockets. 

“Let’s go pick up everyone else, and just… drive.” Kihyun suggests as the hood silently retreats behind the back seats. He was impressed by the magnificent wanderlust feel of the car. 

_ It was meant to take you places _ , Kihyun thought magically. No, it was meant to take  _ them _ places. Together.

Jooheon’s crescent eyes stare ahead unmoving as they make a u-turn back to the bus stop bench where they left the rest of the group. The ride was smooth, and faultless. As if years of petty thievery had enhanced Jooheon’s capabilities behind the wheel. Having to make a quick dash from the police with precise decision making, and tight skids across burning asphalt. It was no wonder as to why Jooheon was able to drive as a pro through busy streets. 

Kihyun had clichely wished he had a pair of sunglasses to sport.

“Yah!” Minhyuk’s mouth is in the shape of a perfect oval as he gawks at the car captivatingly. He steps over to the driver's side, sliding his fingers over the vivid cerise. His eyes were filled with awe-inspiring delight. “You… Jooheon, you bought a car?” 

“No, it-,” 

But Kihyun steps from the passenger's side, slamming the door to attract everyone’s attention. “Doesn’t he have great taste? As soon as he saw it he said it reminded him of  _ you _ , and he just had to get it. He said it was just too beautiful to pass up - just like you.” Kihyun’s eyes lock with Jooheon’s even as he walks around to take his place beside of Wonho. 

He feels a kiss press into the side of his neck, causing him to shudder in subtle bliss. Wonho’s nose loses itself up Kihyun’s neck, and into his hair. The burning breath from Wonho’s lips ghost over the back of Kihyun’s ear, he has to suppress the needy noise that tries to escape.

“... Really?” Minhyuk asks after what seemed like an eternity of red-faced caprice.

“That’s so romantic.” Hyungwon says absentmindedly, fiddling with a piece of trash in his hand.

“Ah, yeah. I guess it is.” Jooheon agrees, dimples deep from his playful simper. 

Minhyuk attacks Jooheon’s lips with pure adoration. 

“Everyone in!” Kihyun shouts as he begins shoving their bags into the trunk with excitement. 

  
  
  


Kihyun had always loved the feeling of being free. 

He was resting in one of the backseats - the wind was whipping his hair in all sorts of unavoidable tangled directions. He was lieing the back of his head against the lay down top of the roof, his eyes closed in deep breathed relaxation. The sounds of melodic chill trap music fill his ears as the idle chatter that lingers immerse him into unwinding tranquility.

His fingers interlocked with Wonho’s as he lets the world around him crumble while the serenity takes him over. His limbs become paralyzed - he feels as though he is falling. 

A warm earthy but sweet smell spreads through his lungs as the city seeps into the background of their lives. The road, and sun are their new haven with limitless elation. He wants to throw his hands in the air, and yell out in merriment but can’t bring himself to move from this moment. The heat that resides beside of him will never vanish - it’s a slow burn that will scorch the very essence of who Kihyun truly is. It will take hold of his body, his mind, his spirit with smoldering forbearance. 

It will swallow him whole. 

But then again - it already has. 

Kihyun cracks open his lids with a squint. His head falls to the side, his gaze fixed on Wonho’s side profile. The forehead hidden beneath soft bangs, the pointed nose, the plump lips, the sharp jawline. The imperfections: the wide nostrils, the small eyes, his massive ears, the lisp that make a few syllables questionable. His kindness, his hidden shyness, the anger that erupts when he becomes passionate. His aggressive love, his dominant nature to control in moments of white hot yearning. 

His quirks, his tics, his expressions, the single movements he made that made him, him. The little things he did that would make Kihyun smile, or laugh, or annoy him beyond comprehension, and the rest that Kihyun had not yet discovered, but soon would. He was beautiful, invincible, protective, inconceivable - everything about Wonho was absolute perfection in every sense of the word.

And Wonho was  _ his _ . 

“Stop the car.” Hyungwon mumbles beside of Kihyun. 

The shorter raises his head up from resting, he looks over to his left at the ex model. His adonis like expression is featureless, but the appearance doesn’t quite reach his eyes. His dark eyes were swirling with stars, and longing. His fingers were fidgety, and clinging onto the hem of the sweater he wore. Pistachio fuzz balls were resting on Hyungwon’s legs from being pulled off the knitted garment.  _ He’s eager _ , Kihyun perceives. 

It’s when Jooheon comes to a plodding stop - and when Hyungwon jumps over Changkyun to exit the car - that Kihyun realized where they were. The black road was a one way only route, they were surrounded by neverending pale wheat fields on either side. Somewhere in between the wishing seclusion, and icey beats of music they had found themselves forgotten in the countryside. They sky opaque, and welcoming. 

Kihyun grips the passenger seat to lift himself up as he watches Hyungwon intently. 

The ex model blindly rushes out into the wheatfield. His long legs propelling him through lavish, untouched territory. The beautiful man throws his arms out as he runs, and Kihyun has to hold his breath. 

Wings spread out wide in swirls of mist, and grain dust. His heart pounding away in his chest as he can somehow feel what Hyungwon was feeling at that moment. Liberated, uninhibited, weightless in exhilaration. He was feeling what they all should be feeling, what they all are. Free…  

_ He’s free _ … 

And Kihyun couldn’t imagine anything more remarkable.  

The others watch in uninterrupted awe, then one by one they depart from the car in a mad dash. They each receive their own pair of alluring wings when they spread their arms out in exuberance. Running to the light, to the unshackled life they had always dreamed of having, to the future. 

Kihyun was far behind but running with purpose.

The world before him glitches between bright paradise, and dark nightmare. 

The scene switches from pale wheat rows to cold, dank walls closing in on him. From shouts of jubilee to hushed voices, and splashing footsteps through the pitch black hallways. Kihyun gasps when he lucidly sees Yoonho pass him as he runs through the wheat wearing a black mask. Another glitch, and Yoonho transforms into Changkyun whose eyes are closed with a wide smile. 

Kihyun swallows hard when the colorless clouds turn into the dimmed spot lights that hung just above the cameras in the prison. His breathing becomes ragged as panic sets in - around him are the unabashed memories of his trespass through the prison. The people he loved the most dissolve, as the group he hired to help him were slowly appearing in horrid spreads of jittery, shadowed lines.

The overwhelming voice of Minkyun scream directioned demands at him as a guard was just around the corner. Just around the corner, and in the midst of being caught, he remembered. His view becomes distorted once more as the wheat field returns in calm breezes. The laughing is heard from the smiling couple that allow Kihyun to recognize this as the present. As the  _ now _ . 

Ahead of him Wonho had slowed himself down with a turn of his body. He’s facing Kihyun head on with wide arms. Instead, however, he sees Kwangi slide to a drop on his knees in front of Kihyun. He cups his gloved hands together, as his eyes glance up towards the sky, or rather, he glances up at the railing bars that hung just beyond the ceiling.

Kihyun shakes his head quickly to elude his misleading vision. 

Wonho returns with urging hands, and a dazzling smile. He is showered in golden light, and flowing wheat rows as Kihyun continues to speed up to meet him. But Kwangji once again appears on his knees ready for Kihyun to take action. 

_ Jump Kihyun _ , his mind tells him.  _ You have to jump or the guard will find you, and catch you _ .  _ If he catches you then Wonho will be gone forever _ . 

No…

Kihyun hesitates from the dark voice that is speaking to him.  _ Wonho isn’t locked away _ , he assures the voice.  _ He’s free. He’s free, and so are the others. They’re here with me… _

The sound of Minkyun hurrying him sends a sharp pain through Kihyun’s mind. He hears the echoed steps of Yoonho falling back, retreating to hide from the oncoming guard.  

_ No! _ The voice was becoming deeper.  _ They aren’t out! You didn’t save them! But you have to hurry! You have to get them out! Jump! _

Kihyun tears up as he was now becoming unable to distinguish between memory, and reality. The scene turns bright once again, Wonho was now closer than before. So close to Kihyun’s touch though the problem now was unknowing if Kihyun were truly seeing this. How could it not be real? All those weeks spent holding one another in bed, cooking together, kissing in late night showers. Was it all a lie…? 

_ Jump _ ! The voice insists. 

And Kihyun began to experience the close up of his throat. The anxious tightening inkling that broke his calm nature. The feeling of walls closing in as the ridiculing fingers point in mockery, and rejection. The carbon copy torment Kihyun had encountered when he had made the decision to return to his old workplace in nostalgia.

Everything was an insecure induced delusion.

_ Just like now _ , a light voice whispers.

Kihyun’s world dies into silence. Just like… now?

Kwangji laces his fingers together, locking his elbows in place awaiting Kihyun’s foot to throw him up. Wonho was standing behind him with openness, and acceptance, expecting nothing from him besides his love. The contract between them was profound, but not so much that Kihyun was confused any further. 

Wonho  _ was here _ . He wasn’t locked away behind the gloomy bars of society, he wasn’t alone, and waiting for Kihyun to break him out. He was here. He was here with Kihyun - but more than anything, Kihyun, himself,  _ wasn’t  _ alone anymore… 

_ Jump! _

Kihyun runs straight through the apparition as the vision of Kwangji dematerialized like colored fog. The commanding screams leave his ears in echoed hate, and the insistent voice disappears as the world emerges back into the pellucid life it once was. Between the evaporating misconceptions of Kihyun’s fears, and the factual life that he and Wonho were trying to conquer, he realizes more than anything that it was time to stop running. 

Figuratively, and metaphorically. He had already won, they had already made it.   

Though Kihyun does jump. 

He jumps right into the arms of the man he loved more than anyone or anything. He wraps his arms around Wonho’s neck, and legs around his waist as he refused to never let go. Hands place on his ass as Wonho lifts him up, spinning him around, and around as laughter takes the two over.

They kiss with vehement flavored tongues. 

_ Wonho will never be fake _ .

  
  
  


“What if she hates me…?” Wonho questioned as they rang the doorbell to the most prestigious looking house Kihyun had ever witnessed. They had traveled to the high standing part of town in an attempt to rekindle old mends. Stories upon stories of floors lifted themselves into the clouds when they walked passed each house. Bright green yards, and expensive cars came off as pretentious, and overwhelming.   

Wonho’s pale fingers shook with nervousness, and fretful fidgeting as he shoved his hands into his jacket pockets. He nibbled on his lip, “What if she…” He stopped mid sentence, sighing out heavily. 

Kihyun reaches out, gripping Wonho’s shoulder tightly, reassuringly. He understood the blondes worry, though. After years of pushing his sister away, refusing her visits, and phone calls Kihyun could understand why Wonho would think his sister might have wanted to give up on him. There was only so much rejection a person could take before they caved.

It was the same feeling Kihyun felt when Wonho had rejected him back in the cell.  

“She doesn’t hate you - far from it. As soon as she opens that door, and sees you standing there…” He shakes his head. “She’s going to fucking flip.” 

Kihyun was feeling tense as well. 

This was a sibling matter, a family matter. It wasn’t something he wanted to involve himself with. The last interaction Kihyun had with Iseul had ended rather painfully with Kihyun yelling out profanities at her for letting Wonho take the fall for her actions. She cried out apology after apology as she gathered her belongings, and left the apartment. 

Kihyun hadn’t spoke with her since, and he was a hundred percent positive she didn't want be near him again after that. Or that perhaps she now hated him for calling her out. Then he began to question himself. If Iseul hated him, then she would never accept him. In  _ many  _ ways, in ways that meant the most to Kihyun. … In ways that involved Wonho.

He stares at the ‘ _ Welcome _ ’ mate they’re standing on defeatedly at the thought.    

Kihyun had wanted to decline the offer of coming with Wonho to meet up with his sister - but he knew he couldn’t. Being with someone also meant supporting them at their lowest, or worst. This situation was no different. So, no matter what would go down that day, Kihyun was going to be there for Wonho. 

He turns to the taller, neurotically adjusting the latters jacket collar for him. He inhales deeply, he looks up to take in the tattooed man’s features. So many emotions were hiding behind the gold flecks of Wonho’s eyes. But the little glimmer of hope was the most determined than the others. 

“Thank you for being here with me…” Wonho mumbles with a playful pout. As playful as one could make it considering the high-strung circumstances.  

Kihyun opens his mouth to respond, but the sound of a doorknob twisting silences him. He steps away, taking his place comfortably beside of Wonho once again. He silently wished to lace their fingers together, tightly in reassurance, but hadn’t deemed it appropriate at the moment.

A tiny girl, with crescent eyes, and plumps lips had come into view in the most gorgeous attire Kihyun had ever witnessed. Her dark hair was tied back into a messy bum, while she wore overgrown sweat pants. It seemed as though she was at her most beautiful when she wasn’t trying at all. There was something in her hands, though Kihyun couldn’t exactly tell what. She had dark rings under her now wide eyes. 

That’s when Kihyun noticed she was gawking in broken disbelief, looking straight at the pale haired man. She hadn’t even noticed Kihyun’s existence. 

“Wonho.”

“Iseul.” 

They say at the same time, and rush forward. The object falls from her hands, bouncing back into the house with a loud shattering noise. The two wrap arms around one another, holding onto each other with everything they had. It was in the same way Wonho, and Kihyun had hugged when they were reunited in the get away van on the night of the break out, though the reason behind it wasn’t in correlation.

A warmth spread through Kihyun’s chest as he watched the two of them. He wondered if he should head to the sidewalk, and mind his own business. His ears started to ring as he was unable to make out anything that Wonho and Iseul were saying. Tears fall down their cheeks as they silently blabber between choked sobs. Incoherent speech, and adoring surprise.

Kihyun smiles because he was more than happy for them. He holds back the lump in his throat - his ears clearing. 

“Th-... This isn’t r-real? Can it be? A-Am I aloud to believe you’re h-home?” Iseul asked in shattered breathes with enhanced wishfulness. Her flawless manicured nails reached up, cupping Wonho’s cheeks. In that way someone would stare for hours to take in every detail as to never forget. 

Wonho chuckles to hide another saddened cry, “Y-Yeah… Yeah, i’m home.”   

Kihyun turns away from them, heading down the steps to make himself scarce for their reunion. He knew how to read the air rather well, and at this moment the two needed to be left alone to talk, to hold one another, to bond once again as brother, and sister. But petite arms wrap around his shoulders, clutching onto him unmoving. A sweet whimper is muffled into the back of his jacket. 

“Y-You… “ Iseul clears her throat, “You did this, didn’t you? You br-brought Wonho back to me…” 

He stiffens from her hold, and he pretends that he imagined the tears that were seeping through his jacket. He pretends Wonho’s sister hadn’t just asked him a question that wasn’t related to how he had done it, or judging him for doing it, or threatening him with advances of telling someone. He pretends he doesn’t feel her arms wrap tighter around him. 

“I-... Yes.” He answers simply. 

“H-How? I-, No. No… I don’t want to know how…” 

Kihyun licks over his lips, “Uhm…” 

“Don’t leave…” It sounded almost like a beg, but Kihyun could be too busy listening to his worried heartbeat to tell. He doesn’t turn around to face her, or move at all. He’s stationed in fear of being rejected by her. He stares ahead of him to afraid to meet Wonho’s eyes. 

“You… You loved him enough to do this..?” 

_ What a ridiculous question to ask _ , Kihyun thinks but refuses to say aloud.

“... I did it for  _ myself _ .” There was no going back for him now. “I did it because… because I couldn’t spend one more day without him. Because I knew I would break long before the years of his freedom would come… Because-,” 

“...I’m glad he has you.” He whispers over his shoulder.  

And Kihyun pretends the tears falling down his cheeks were drops of rain.

  
  
  


“Wonho, get off of me.” Kihyun hisses through clenched teeth. 

Wonho pins the shorters hands above his head as he hovered over him. Dark eyes burn with vitality, and a hint of spark while he stands his ground. The bed under Kihyun shifts, dipping down from the elevated weight.  

“Just try and move me.” He taunts with a growl spilling from his throat. He leans forward to nip at Kihyun’s bottom lip. He wishes more than anything he could knot his fingers into Wonho’s shirt, and yank him forward. His hands were confined, and he was too weak to pry them out of Wonho’s hold.  

A sudden urge surges through Kihyun, sending obnoxious butterflies to his stomach. The animalist nature presenting in front of him making him delicate, and fragile - as if he would break from the slightest brush of fingers. But he was far from willing to let the latter win this time. He had an ace in his pocket. He decided he was going to give Wonho was he wished for the most. 

The noises around them cause Kihyun to flinch in awareness that they weren’t alone, and that Wonho was purposefully doing this in the view of others. But Kihyun swears that deep down Wonho was masochistic as fuck, and he wanted to see Kihyun blush, and panic while he dominated him.

“You know I can’t move you…” He answered rather annoyed, turning his head to the side as he looked away from the tattooed up man. His gaze fell on the others who were casually resting about the apartment. The single unit couple were together - Changkyun watching tv while Hyungwon napped on him. Jooheon was all too deep in thought, pen and paper in hand. Minhyuk was looking out the window - he was speaking rapidly on the phone - he stared absentmindedly out the window, though the excitement was clear as day in his subtle movements.

They weren’t paying Kihyun any mind, which meant he was all on his own in this. Though he was suddenly struck with a thought. “But, I also know if I can’t move, I can’t make Ramyun.” He counters, lifting his brows in knowing accomplishment. 

“At this moment,” Wonho licks over his plump lips, “I don’t care.” He dips down, catching the sensitive skin behind Kihyun’s ear between his teeth. An involuntary gasp rips from him in surprise - gooseflesh spread over Kihyun’s arms as he shivers hard almost as if someone had turned down the heat, and ice began covering the walls. He was stupefied in realizing that Wonho’s libido was stronger than his love for his favorite food. He truly was an animal. 

“Shhhh.” He hears Minhyuk utter a shush to silence them. 

Kihyun bites down on his bottom lip to stifle the noise - he makes an attempt to turn his face towards Wonho to push his mouth away. Fingers reach to cup Kihyun’s chin, keeping him in place from moving away. The touch was icy, and chill inducing, but gave Kihyun a deep burn. He holds back a whimper when he feels Wonho begin to suck the skin.

His nails dig into the palm of his hand as he holds his voice back. He squeezes his eyes shut tight because fuck Wonho was playing so dirty attacking his most sensitive of areas, and holding his hands down so he couldn’t do anything but squirm beneath him. 

“M-Mm… Daddy.” The word spills from Kihyun’s lips like liquid fire.

Too lost in the sensational moment to realize what he had just said Kihyun doesn’t notice how Wonho removed his lips from his neck. He raised back up - the fingers cupping Kihyun’s chin grip tighter as he swiftly turns his head, locking their gaze. 

Kihyun’s eyes are half lidded as he inattentively stares up at Wonho - his lips are parted ever so slightly. 

“What did you just say?” The pale haired man’s fingers loosen a bit from the question - as if he was momentarily struck with perplexity. 

Kihyun comes back to his senses, the sides of his mouth knowingly quirking up. His heart is pounding out of his chest, blood rushing in his ears as he can only hear his brisk pulse. Wonho is absolutely carnal, wild as he peers down at Kihyun with vibrant sin. Kihyun takes it upon himself to push him further. 

He leans up - his nose just gracing the bridge of Wonho’s. He teases him with approaching but preventing kisses. “I said… Daddy~.” He mewled, arching his back high. Their chests press together, Kihyun can feel the beats of Wonho’s rapid heartbeat. It makes him quiver in anticipation, though he doesn’t fall from the feeling. 

Kihyun tilts his head to the side, wetting his lips. “Mm, that’s okay, isn’t it daddy?” His voice going a bit higher than usual, he wanted to sound more innocent. 

“Baby,” Wonho’s breathes out, voice cracking slightly. “Baby, that’s perfect.” 

The fingers forcing Kihyun’s hands against the bed ease up fully, allowing him to rip free from the massive grip. He drops his body back on the bed as he slides out from under his lover. Wonho’s eyes were shut in preoccupied preparation for the kiss that Kihyun was fauxly going to bestow to him - so pensive he hadn’t realized Kihyun had ducked under his arm, and was now fumbling out of the bed. 

Making it to his feet Kihyun turns swiftly, pressing his back against the wall near the kitchen. He listened as Wonho made a rapacious noise while rising from the mattress. “Kihyun.” He warned in a deep voice. 

Kihyun swallows hard. 

He now desperately pressed his spine up against the hardwood relatively painfully, trying his best to make as much distance between him, and Wonho as possible. The latter makes it to him in just a few steps, slamming his hand on the wall beside of Kihyun’s head with a  _ bang _ . He flinched from the noise, the impact causing the walls to reverberate.

Kihyun dares himself to look up into his lovers eyes - but they read danger. 

“Yah! Yes! Yeah, thank you!” An excited voice sings from the other side of the room - the frightened, and aggressive attentions broken, and now fully on the white haired man. “Yes, the money will be sent right to you. Yes. Thank you again!” The ball of fluff bows over, and over even though there wasn’t physically anyone he would be thanking in front of him. 

Jooheon drops his pen onto the notebook that is resting in his lap. He closed the book, pushing it aside, almost as if he wanted to keep it out of his mind. He seemed rather exhausted, but attentive to Minhyuk. “Babe, what’s with all the noise?” 

Changkyun presses his mouth to Hyungwon’s ear, whispering something soft, and sweet while the other slowly began to stir from his sleep. “Mm.” The ex model nuzzles against the mahogany haired man’s chest as he makes more whimpered noises.    

Minhyuk’s smiles wide, his teeth brilliantly showing. “That was the realtor. I got the house! Ah- WE got the house!” He rushes over to Jooheon, jumping into his lap. He wraps his arms around the brunette's neck, hanging onto him tightly, celebratory.  

Kihyun jolts forward, pushing himself off the wall. His eyes are wide with shock as he gripped the back of the couch. “Wait, what? House? What house? When-,” He bites his tongue as the memory came to him like a raging waterfall. 

He remembered the tears that were falling down his cheeks - he remembered his begging voice as he pleaded to Minhyuk on the night of the trespass. Beseeching for him to leave the house for a few hours in order for Kihyun to accomplish his illegal duty. It hadn’t occurred to him that Minhyuk might have actually went out to find the dream house they had wanted when he rushed him out of the house that day. It was almost too phenomenal to comprehend. 

Hyungwon is wobbly on his feet, but his excitement overwhelms him into interrogation of Minhyuk for details. His eyes sparkling, his hand clutching onto his shirt. His pouty lips are moving a million miles a minute as he spills ebulliently. Kihyun hadn’t ever seen him so full of energy before now. 

Wonho steps around Kihyun as he takes a seat on the couch the single unit couple are sharing, he begins with his own zealous questions. Everyone in the room were so loud, thunderous in happiness that Kihyun almost missed the ringing coming from his pocket. 

He glanced over the screen, noticing the familiar caller ID in bold. He smiled with homely nostalgia. He decidedly turned his back to the others in an attempt to create a barrier between the phone and the noise. “Hello? Shownu-ah.” He sighs out rapt. “It’s been a while.” He expressed matter of factly. 

The voice on the other line was quiet, almost hesitatingly so. “Kihyun, I…” The usual relaxed, and friendly vibe that his ex-lawyer had was strange. From what Kihyun could remember, the deep voice had always been prepared, ready for anything in steady keenness. Though now it sounded so eccentric. Dubious had never been in Shownu’s vocabulary. 

He laughs out to calm the air, “What is it? Don’t tell me my check bounced?” He joked, his eyes instinctively squinting. But something in his gut twisted in stewing fret. 

“Kihyun…”  _ There was that bizarrely alarming voice again _ , he thought.

He raised a brow as his eyes cut towards the phone, “ … Shownu-ah…?” 

“I… Kihyun, I know they’re there… I know what you’ve done…” 

The room somehow grows silent - the phone slips from Kihyun’s hand, crashing to the floor. 


	22. Blind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just needed to makes this little note to let everyone know how much I love you, and appreciate you guys so much! ♡
> 
> Seriously, your comments give me life. Even if it's a one word comment or a ten paragraph comment it admittedly keeps me going with this story. And don't think I don't recognize some of your user names as some of you comment on every chapter I post. And that makes my heart flutter ♡ I love you guys so much, and I just had to let you know ♡
> 
> OH MY GOD, AND ALSO! The most amazing person created cover art for Grey Walls ♡ Please go check it out on AsianFanfics, under the same name Lirtastsya on the Foreword at the beginning of the story! It's absolutely beautiful and I feel so honored that someone actually liked this story enough to make a design for it! I've never felt so special in my life!!

“Kihyun, do you want me to come with you?” 

Wonho had asked while Kihyun was preoccupied with shoving bills into his jean pockets.

The denim patches were currently overflowing almost comically as he forced them even further down into presently reserved spacing. His phone absolutely disregarded - the screen ultimately shattered, and stationary against the concrete floor of the apartment. His mind so withdrawn he completely missed the gravelly crack of Wonho’s voice slipping from pressed lips.

“No, i’m going alone.” He mumbled with the rushing thoughts of money whirlpooling from ear to ear, and from behind ambivalent eyes. The urge to bite his nails was ticking on high as different scenarios of how the confrontation with Shownu could go down ghost over his prepared thoughts. The possibility of blaring police sirens, and charging officers rests on his heart the heaviest. He could be stepping right into enemy territory - could be walking blindly into a minefield.

They could be waiting for  _ him _ , waiting to take  _ them _ away once more.     

He screws his eyes shut. More than anything Kihyun hopes the money he was prepared to bribe his ex lawyer with would be persuasive enough to keep him quiet as it had worked out in Kihyun’s favor all those times before. But no matter how many positive outcomes play over in his mind with the six of them walking away scot free, it still hadn’t even begun to impede the truth that knocked at the back of Kihyun’s head with dour trepidation.

Shownu was a person of the law. He was someone who took an oath to protect the good, and put away the bad. He believed in what was fair - if someone was wrong or had wronged, then they had to pay the price. It was as simple as that. He was inexorable, stupendous in his work, and that caused Kihyun’s fingers to twitch with panic.

It was ironic to Kihyun how the very person that travailed so hard in proving his innocence, and setting him free could also be the one to force him back into the shadows. 

He wondered if what Shownu had said during the car ride home after the hearing about being close with him was still true. How he cared for Kihyun, and wouldn’t have worked that hard just for the money. If so, then perhaps Shownu would overlook the whole ordeal - would walk away with fists full of thousands, lips sealed with sweared secrecy.

Was he allowed to hope?          

Kihyun felt uncomprehending gazes burn into his back. It prompted him to throw a look over his shoulder and - for the first time since he had fallen so hard - Kihyun notes that Wonho isn’t the first person he glances at. 

It’s Hyungwon.

His adonis like features were utterly misconstrued. His brows were furrowed, wrinkles plastered on unmarked territory where they didn’t belong. His nose pointed towards the floor almost as if he wasn’t able to face Kihyun as the others had been. A type of foreign attribute that didn’t match with Hyungwon’s character at all - everything was thoroughly off.

Kihyun faced the briefcase full of bills once more, pushing the gold traps to a close as he shoved the leather bound case back under the pull down bed. “Hyungwon, what’s the matter?” He asked, lifting himself from his crouching position. He spins around on his heels, turning his full attention on his friend. 

Hyungwon doesn’t say anything at first, seemingly focused on the rise, and fall of his own chest. The shorter noticed that the models nimble fingers were clenched into a tight ball, fisting the hem of Changkyun’s shirt. And their eyes never meet when his fingers visibly tighten their grip in said cotton t. “I-… I don’t want you to go…” He confessed almost breathlessly.

It takes the latter a moment to register the true sadness that was coated over the ex model’s words - somehow it hit home with urgency. It seemed so low, so down, as if he were someone who had finally spoke out about their own personal tragedy they had kept dormant. As if he were ready to break the barriers, and let it go. Kihyun exhaled slowly.

“How come?” He sports softening words to encourage him, while also hoping to cover up his ingenuous curiosity. He vaguely misses the looks the others throw at the fragile man on the couch. 

“Just… Because…” He mumbled as if ‘because’ was answer enough to make everything clear.  

_ Was he that worried about my meeting with Shownu? _ Kihyun asked himself. 

He considered that - excluding the lengthy sentencing Changkyun had to endure - Hyungwon was the one who was the most terrified when it came to the subject of prison, and current freedom. He was second in line of the group when it came to having been locked away the longest. He was a lifer, Kihyun had remembered Changkyun telling him with animosity that fateful day in the cafeteria.  

Though Kihyun hadn’t ever asked why his friend feared a place he had previously resided in for years without harm, he brushed it off as the boredom from living within’ unmovable barriers, or from the simple plight of being surrounded by animals. But, if Kihyun were being honest with himself he would suggest it was the same exact fear that Kihyun had experienced when he first stepped foot into such a place. 

It was because Hyungwon was beautiful.

Or more so, he was so close to looking like a woman with  _ too  _ similar feminine features, and delicate movements. A step into the cell area with a faux swing of the hips had the monsters behind their cages ragging like howler monkeys in heat. And Kihyun lucidly recalled his own experience with the deep voices bellowing out to him through cat calls, and lewd promises.

It was degrading, nauseating to be aware of exactly what they were thinking when they passed you, when they whipped their heads to give you the once over. And it was blatantly obvious in the fact that Kihyun wasn’t even close in comparing himself with Hyungwon in the looks department. The ex model was absolutely breathtaking - stunning in his tenuous agility, and sharp jawline. With rounded lips, and sparkling eyes that pulled you in.

Kihyun believed he himself was a little above average with his soft expressions, and naturally cheery lips, but he knew it was utterly vain to even think of comparing them. So in light of how he felt when he was addressed so vulgarly while in prison it wasn’t anywhere close to the constant harassment, and humiliation Hyungwon went through.

He wondered if Hyungwon was worried about being put back in that abase situation…

“I’m sure he only wants to talk,” Kihyun explains but it comes out sounding as if he were trying to convince himself rather than the others. He nibbled at his bottom lip. 

“Don’t expect it to be  _ that _ easy,” Changkyun cuts in, his own fingers gradually curling around his lovers hand to release the grip from his shirt, he laces their digits together. “Not everyone can be paid off… He could be fucking offended by it.”

“He could get pissed off then… five to the eye.” Jooheon rips haphazardly. 

Kihyun has to roll his eyes at the stale saying, “That is  _ not _ a thing. Okay, when in the hell does the thumb ever come in contact with the eye when you punch?”

Jooheon takes a minute to actually create a fist - silent in awe realization that the thumb was hidden underneath the rest of the digits. Proving Kihyun’s point even further, he rotates his hand, throwing his thumb down to physically ‘ _ boooo _ ’ Kihyun, moaning out the noise. 

“Mhm, that’s what I thought.” He smirked, his chest building with a newfound confidence that he hadn’t felt since he had rushed through the blackened corridors of the prison. “Can you guys just have some faith in me, please?” He asked, refusing to make it sound like a beg or whined plea.

From the corner of his eye, he noticed Wonho shifting from foot to foot. A nervous habit Kihyun had passed down to his lover absentmindedly. His arms were crossed over his chest as if he was standing through piercing establishment. He seemed ready to jump at any notion for justification, or vindicating.   

The air ripples with doleful silence - Kihyun continues. “Guys, I realize i’m not as… emotionally strong as the rest of you are but you have to believe me when I say i’m not going to let this get too me. I mean… I literally assembled an indestructible team of ninja’s to break you four out of prison - no fingerprints left at the scene - and you’re worried that I can’t handle a simple lawyer?”   

“Kihyun, everyone is different.” Minhyuk jumps from Jooheon’s lap, arms stationed at his sides with determined hands. His eyes crinkling into crescent moons, but not from smiling. “Not everyone is so willing to take the money… It’s not that we don’t believe in you-,” 

“Because we do.” Jooheon hurriedly expresses as his lover spoke.

“-it’s just that we can’t easily trust in assumptions right now… Sho- er, your lawyer, no matter how close you two might be, is of the law. Sometimes friendship isn’t  _ enough _ …” The blonde's eyes shoot straight to the concrete floor, unmoving, and ultimately deep in thought. His expression suddenly sullen, something that Kihyun was concerned about.  

Changkyun clears his throat as to bring the attention towards him, and away from bleak Minhyuk. “We’re just really worried about you.” 

“But you shouldn’t be, because i’ve got this under control.”  

And that was when Kihyun realized he wasn’t going to worry, wasn’t going to agonize over the ‘what if’s’ while anticipating his meeting with Shownu. He was merely going to greet his ex lawyer with assertive, and poised steps - he was going to let him know that he wasn’t about to take his family away from him. (Maybe throw the money he was going to use as a bribe into the air, allowing it to rain down in between them.  Something he once saw in a movie, and had wanted to try out in a real life situation.) 

For the first time in his life he felt as though he belonged, finally felt the true love he had craved through all the years of neglect, and no one, not even the justice system, would take that feeling away from him. He would fight tooth, and nail if he had too.

“I’ve got this.” He guarantees.

But, Jooheon’s eyes cut across the room, and meet with Wonho’s dark absent ones. 

They share a look that is ultimately unreadable - of course Kihyun had been used to such looks as he was fully aware that the group of five had their own little technique through glances, and gestures. He wholeheartedly believed it was a type of special sign language they created for the manifest solidarity that was lacked in the prison, using it as a sort of silent system to say, and do as they pleased without notice or repercussion. 

It was rather nebulous when Kihyun had first recognized the frequent movements. He had pushed it off his shoulder as nothing but coincidence ticks. Prison made people easily go mad, and he concluded the constant motions as purely norm. He was mistakenly fallacious, though overtime Kihyun began to comprehend, and was able to decipher some of the more facile, elementary codes.

With a simple curve of the mouth meant they were simultaneously enlightened of a secret between them. A forced twitch of the eye meant ‘ _ don’t you dare _ ’ in a less aggressive manner. Sliding a hand up the neck, and behind the ear meant they had something to tell the group when they had a more private setting to speak in. Placing a hand to the mouth - resting it in a circled shape - whilst forcing a burst of air through it meant ‘ _ they're looking, not now _ ’. An action that Hyungwon, and Changkyun had used more times than none, and a gesture that Kihyun had figured out from the very beginning. 

But there were also the signs that Kihyun couldn’t figure out even if they flat out told him the meanings too. 

The way Jooheon would pull at Minhyuk’s hair, throwing pressed fingers downward as he threatened, whispering the phrase ‘ _ Yellow Card _ ’ at him. How the group would suddenly burst into a fit of giggles, dancing or rather flailing while singing ‘ _ We did everything _ ’. A more vocal action that they only recently fashioned since the escape from prison. And of course, there was the finger movement that caused Kihyun to become puzzled in slack-jaw. They would raise their first finger, chest level, pulling it across the air, and over their broad pecs. Kihyun couldn’t for the life of him understand the action, though he had the tiniest indication that it meant ‘ _ at the start _ ’ or ‘ _ from the beginning _ ’. 

So many more signs, gestures, and twitches were evident in their coding system, but Kihyun was hardly aware of them, and even if he was he wouldn’t be able to understand everything. In some intervals when Kihyun would catch the group noiselessly conversing, he would become aggravated at the fact that not once had they decided to teach him. But he shakes his head, and genuinely smile as he wouldn’t change the special bond they share for anything in the world.              

This particular look, however, was one that Kihyun wasn’t familiar with.

Their expressions were completely wooden, though their eyes read smoky desperation with a finger brushing over the tip of the dimpled mans nose. Jooheon signalling Wonho something of importance, a desperate importance.  

Desperation from what? From keeping Kihyun from leaving? He didn’t know, but it was new, and questionable. Kihyun was praying he was overthinking things - maybe Jooheon had an itch on his nose… Perhaps Wonho was just having a small case of resting bitch face…

Kihyun shakes his head as he shrugs his jacket on, “I’m leaving.” He declares wistfully while the others are engrossed in their mute communication. His instant reaction is to check his pockets for his phone, overlooking the shattered device in a glass heep on the floor.

“Kihyun.” A deep voice calls out to him in low protest.

He as far from ready to listen. 

“Kihyun.” 

His shoes freeze to the cold concrete of the apartment floor as he spins his body around to face the others head on. Why they had no confidence to even fake for him was something that was beginning to agitate him. And Kihyun was ready to give definite reasons why they wouldn’t be able to stop him from walking out that door, but before he could even raise his finger in dissent he feels long, thin arms wrap around his neck. 

They clench, holding him tightly against their chest, and Kihyun smells the scented lilac of the cheap detergent the group used on their clothing. But beyond the store brand cleaner he can make out the lithe feeling of the lissome body giving no indication of pulling away. A hug that felt absolutely needed, entailing and essential with purpose. 

Kihyun slides his hands up the back of the dingy cotton shirt - he didn’t understand why Hyungwon was acting so peculiar about this. It was as if he was feeling the most… hurt in between it all. Kihyun gives the taller gentle pats against his spine, comforting the best he could. “Why are you acting like a spoiled child?” He snickers. 

“I used to be a model, I always get what I want.” There was no bite to the black haired man's words, countering as he blew out air between his naturally plump, and pouty lips.

“Not anymore you don’t. Not while i’m in charge.” Kihyun retorts as fact, because everyone in that tiny apartment knew whatever the shorter declared was immediately law. He was the mother to this wild mess of children after all.  

“Uhm… “ He mumbled against Kihyun’s neck causing the latter to flinch. His arms grip tighter around him, bringing him in even more. The hug now becoming choke inducing rather than a friendly embrace. “This is actually an encouraging hug. No joke.” 

“You’re encouraging me?” 

“Yes… Because I know if anyone can convince someone to shut their mouth, or be on their side, it’s most definitely you Kihyun. I know you’ve got this.” Hyungwon reluctantly pulled from the strong hold to peer down at Kihyun. His black bangs had fallen over his lifeless eyes, intendedly, almost as if he were trying to hide them for a reason. They weren’t sparkling with mischief as they usually did, and the smile was too close to forced.

A jingle from behind causes Kihyun to appear face to face with a set of car keys with the familiar fuzzy ball charm Minhyuk had given his lover a few days prior swinging back and forth. Jooheon unenthusiastically heaved a heavy sigh through his nose, no dimples in sight. “You should take the car.” He insisted, but Kihyun was already waving his hands in total rejection. “Yes, Kihyun. It will get you there faster, then you can make the deal, and hurry back  _ home _ .” 

And Kihyun feels the tiniest flutter of happiness when Jooheon urges him back so insistently. Calling it home as if they had been living together for years already, as if the thought of ever living without each other was simply out of the question for them. It made his chest swell in complete merriment. Even so, he couldn’t. 

“Trust me when I say I  _ need _ this walk… “ His lip twitching cajolingly.   

“Yeah… You probably want time to gather your thoughts before meeting him.” Wonho steps into their orbit, leaning down to deliver Kihyun a chaste kiss at the most. Absolutely glacial, and stiff.  “Be careful, and… I love you.” 

The loving sentiment sounding so dissolving. 

Kihyun took it upon himself to search Wonho’s face for any indication that his lover was rooting for him. That he believed he could achieve this goal - but he saw nothing. A blank canvas of pale designs. And a burst of showering perseverance builds around Kihyun like titanium armor to push, and prove him wrong. To prove them all wrong. 

He raised his brows in attention, cheekily.

“Then love me even more once I get back.” He quips with a smirk, walking away.

The wretched once-overs go unnoticed, but then again, Kihyun hadn’t ever been perceptive enough to realize.   

  
  
  


The walk down the ghost town like street was cold and - although dreadfully apprehensive - Kihyun was beginning to believe his levelheaded offer could end up working faultlessly.   

Still, he does swallow any attempt at creating a rehearsed explanation for his ex lawyer. 

He had previously decided as he rushed out of the apartment that he wasn’t going to practice anything - he wanted the entire conversation to be raw, and real, and something that came from his heart. Nothing was to be planned. He was going out on a whim with this meetup. Kihyun didn’t care if he ended up stuttering out his words, if he became tongue-tied. Even if he were to become rendered speechless from his unprepared thoughts, he would simply recollect himself before trying again. 

At this point Kihyun couldn’t even fathom practicing a simple ‘hello’ to himself.

Kihyun dawdled on the other side of the street when he spots Shownu sitting at the picnic table. His high cheek bones, and crescent eyes are the first inkling that catch Kihyun’s attention. How it seemed time stood still to preserve the man's powerful features was evident. And this was the first time Kihyun had ever witnessed him in street clothing. How the long sleeves clung to his arms, defining the sculpted muscles palpably. Shownu clearly took good care of himself. 

The wind picked up enough to blow Kihyun’s bangs to the side, half ticklishly caressing over his left eye and cheek. Tilting, he glances up towards the sky. It was opaque, and Kihyun was amazed to find the white cotton candy like clouds that floated along with ease rather than the gloomy color that ridiculed him so thoughtlessly. A good sign, perchance? 

But Kihyun hadn’t taken the opportunity to ponder over it - he instead gathered as much confidence he could muster before crossing the street. 

Shownu’s eyes were wide, and dubious as Kihyun stood just beyond the wooden table. His expression, though comical, seemed almost as if he had openly anticipated for Kihyun not to show up. As if he had expected the circumstances to topple over with an alternative denouement. Kihyun was more than positive Shownu had expected them to run. Though he couldn’t have been more wrong - Kihyun refused to run away from this. It was just too important. 

And Kihyun had to suppress the urge to run over to his ex lawyer, and envelope him in a massive hug. Even if he could potentially be the reason they all end up in jail once more, that doesn’t deter the feelings Kihyun had for him. They  _ were  _ friends after all, or so he thought… 

_ No _ , he sighs to himself. Just as Minhyuk had stated at the apartment. ‘ _ Sometimes friendship isn’t enough _ ’. He wouldn’t allow his emotions to get in the way of his family.  

He feigns impassiveness as he holds his head high, keeping his back straight solemnly. The money burns holes in his pockets, yearning to be released. Kihyun wonders if he should just offer up the bribe now, and not even allow Shownu his chance to speak his case. His musing is shattered as Shownu breathes out in a low, kind voice. 

“Kihyun… I-... I honestly didn’t think you’d show…” He confessed. His expression hard, but somehow pitying as he focused on the shorter. Kihyun’s soft eyes were quick as they began searching over the latter’s face. He wanted to grasp Shownu’s true intentions beforehand, but could only find saddened culpability. 

“... Of course I would…” He keeps his voice level, no anger, no emotion, remaining cool. Kihyun pulls his brows together with incomprehension. _ Why exactly was he sad looking for?  _ Kihyun asks himself.  _ Was he sad for finding out? Was he sad about having to turn us in? _

He shakes his head nonetheless, “Shownu, listen.” He reaches down to his pockets as he begins. He inhales sharply, ready to pour his soul out to the man who holds his future in his hands. It was all or nothing. “You know what I did, so i’m prepared to off-,” 

But Kihyun was immediately cut off by a frantic, though breathless declaration. Shownu placing a hand over his heart as if to needfully exaggerate his aim. “I was honestly going to keep it to myself. Because… Because it was only meant to be between  _ us _ , you know? But I… I just couldn’t do it. It was just too hard… ”

The brunette was taken aback. 

Kihyun’s hand slides down his jeans, the same way someone would miss a target. It was almost like his fingers had suddenly froze with iced tips. His digits slipping passed the pocket on his jeans, causing him to miss the chance to pull out the money. He felt like he had been literally knocked stupid from the strange confession. 

Was Kihyun supposed to understand what he meant by that? 

“We were supposed to take it to our graves…” The taller's voice breaks at the notion, and Kihyun has the urge to grimace. “We were all supposed to just…  _ die _ with it.”  

And just as it had been on the phone, Kihyun began to hear that eccentric tone. The bizarrely alarming voice that made the air tense, and caused Kihyun to realize that something was definitely wrong. The prepared Shownu, the steady keenness that aura'd him like a cloak of the finest silk was nowhere to be seen once more. It was overall deja vu for Kihyun - his gut twisted, his awareness heightened. 

Not again, a voice whispers pitifully. 

“It was so painful at times… “ Shownu continues barely audible against the pounding of Kihyun’s edgy heart. The lawyer's voice grew deeper, rougher. “So many fucking restless nights… The guilt I felt kept building, and sometimes I couldn’t even breathe…”

The shorter was shaking, a low vibrating as if he were cold, while he listened. Something was nagging at him, something that piqued his curiosity, the money was a distant memory to him now. “You said… we?” Even if he hadn’t a single clue what the other was confessing, he couldn’t help but wonder who exactly was in on it with him. It really troubled Kihyun to know a lawyer was admitting to something he had done, and too him of all people. 

He thought this was going to be a simple discussion about Wonho, and the others, but perhaps there was more to it than that. And if there was a miniscule chance Kihyun could somehow get dirt on his ex lawyer to use against him… then so be it.  

Shownu visibly swallows, his lips pressed firmly. His question goes unanswered as Shownu rips his gaze away, shoving a hand into his pocket to retrieve his phone. Typing away, as if he had forgotten Kihyun’s entire existence. The air between them disfigures itself from poised mettle to beckon foreboding. Kihyun couldn’t decided if he was thankful or fretful from Shownu’s unanticipated interest in his phone. But it’s soon put back, and Kihyun feels as though there was a single spotlight shining down on him. He was center stage to that piercing look. 

“Kihyun… If I don’t say this now then the guilt is going to eat me alive… ”

Everything was straight to the point. There wasn’t any time for Hello’s, How are you’s, I know what you did last summer's, nothing to that effect. Shownu hadn’t even act as if he was happy to see Kihyun at all, just shocked, and lamentable towards him. Or more so, the vibe Kihyun felt from him was that of someone who wasn’t close to begin with. 

His usual warm eyes were glossy, and dark, his body language was different from before. It was as if Shownu was another person entirely. Someone who was antsy, and distraught, with something weighing heavily on their shoulders. Something unwelcoming…   

Kihyun takes an unconscious step forward, “... What is it, Shownu-ah?”  

There was a heavy silence as they stared at one another - there seemed to be an ‘elephant in the room’ so to speak between them. As if something was so blatantly obvious poking into Kihyun’s chest, but he just didn’t seem to notice. And Shownu was suddenly throwing his arms in the air defeatedly. 

“Shit… I didn't think this was going to be that hard… ” He growls out in frustration. “Why did I ever agree to this? I’m a fucking lawyer - it goes against everything I stand for!” He was talking to himself at this point - not only outwardly arguing with himself, but also internally. His eyebrows were pushed together as he gripped the bridge of his nose.

Kihyun didn’t want to push, nor pry. 

“Kihyun, I-… You have to know-…” The lawyer clenches his hands into tight fists, his knuckles turning white from the pressure. He inhales sharply through his nose, seemingly calming himself. “It wasn’t your fault, okay?” 

Finally he was given a formal sentence, but nothing of an explanation that Kihyun was hoping to get. The agitation that rumbles in his chest is causing him to fidget, he doesn’t like the roundabout way to clarifications. But, he stifles his sigh, narrowing his eyes. “What on earth are you talking about? What wasn’t my fault?” 

“The plan… The one you came up with to break everyone out of prison.” 

But at the very mention of the word  _ prison _ causes Kihyun’s blood to run cold.  _ It _ was finally said, and it makes him recall the bribe resting in his pockets. That was his main goal in the first place - bribe Shownu to keep quiet, and hurry back home as per instructions from Jooheon. 

“It was my fault… It was my fault, and i’m so sorry.” He continues as Kihyun returns from his panicked thoughts. “I should never have put the thought in your head…” 

“Whoa, wait.” The brunette forces his frozen hands up, chest level, as if blocking the other’s words. Was he missing something here? “What? You? No… That was my idea completely. You had no part in that.” Because Kihyun patently remembered how he had stole the idea from the book he had been reading over the withdrawn months while in prison. 

_ Is that what this was about? _ Kihyun asks himself.  _ Shownu feeling guilty in thinking he took a part in me breaking them out?    _

“Oh my god…” Kihyun gives the heaviest sigh in relief - placing a shaky hand to his forehead. He wanted to breathe out the surprised sob that beckoned to escape, but feared he may actually weep like a scolded child.   

He had so many abhorrent outcomes of what this meetup would become in his mind on the walk here. He had envisioned being ripped right out of Wonho’s arms, screaming out his name to call him back as they were put in the back of police cars. He had thought they would all be sent to different prisons to keep them apart. He saw a broken Hyungwon grieving for Changkyun. He saw an innocent Minhyuk being shoved back behind bars from being an accessory to what Kihyun had done.

He even thought of things that he couldn’t speak of - horrible, disgusting things that could happen to them. He sought solace in Shownu’s words, in his misunderstanding, in everything.    

“God, no. It wasn’t your fault. I got the idea from this book that I-,” 

He trails off from his own explanation when Shownu dips his hand inside of his all too tight polyester jacket. His tan fingers pull out the familiar brown leather bound book with the aged bold lettering on the cover that read:  **TRESPASS** . Memories pass by almost too quickly of the times Kihyun would read a few pages from said book, then would stash it away from the world under his pillow. It felt as though he hadn’t seen the covered story in years.

Shownu drops the book on the picnic table, emotionless. 

The last time Kihyun had seen the book was just before his release, he had given it a single glance the night before the incident with Changkyun had occurred. Though, on the night of the break in, he had been determined to grab it from under his pillow, and take it with him. But when he pushed his hand underneath the cushion he found nothing but sheets, and bedding. He considered it had been confiscated when a random bed check was issued. 

But there it was, waving at him as if he were reuniting with a perfect friend.

“Why do you have that?” He questioned, not taking his eyes off the hardcover tale. 

“I told you it was my fault you came up with that plan to break them out…” Shownu’s voice was odd now - it was low, and dismal, he wasn’t frantic anymore. “Kihyun… You found that book on purpose. I planted it there… I knew you would become curious once you saw it.”

He doesn’t even blink. “What are you talking about?” An unknown heat spreads throughout Kihyun’s body - it nips, strings, and pricks at him knowingly.  

“I put the book there because I knew once you started reading it, you wouldn’t put it down. Then once you realized what you were actually reading you… well, you would read it until the end.” The taller opens the cover of the book with a flick of his finger. He smacks the inside where the pages are white, and blank. 

“It’s a fake book. Just look at it. It doesn’t have a description, or time, date, or where in the hell it was even published. It has nothing. It’s just a crappy hundred page notebook of a perfectly well devised plan I came up with.” 

Kihyun feels a little dizzy, his head spinning while Shownu pushes the book around presentationally. “C-... Came up with it?” His own voice was a mere whisper. 

“Yeah, I came up with it. It’s fake - it’s not real.” To emphasize himself, and how crucial it was to make Kihyun understand, the taller tosses it off to the side. It hits the ground with a light thud, as dust swirls around dead grass. 

In some aspects Kihyun felt as though his heart hit the ground along with it.

“That’s-...” He couldn’t finish his sentence, he just couldn’t. He bites his bottom lip hard, hard enough to bring blood. Of course, at first, the book was eerie, and bizarre when Kihyun had checked it out. He found it odd that the book didn’t have any page numbers, only chapter numbers. He knew it was odd that the book only had a title, and a story, but had no indication of what it was about, or who wrote it, or how it didn’t contain the usual ‘I would like to thank…’ pages before the actual story began. 

It had nothing - but that only added to the creepy captivation it possessed. Or more so, that’s what Kihyun felt towards it… 

It hits him then, what Shownu had said. He put the book there to  _ make _ Kihyun find it. To  _ make _ Kihyun read it. His voice, slightly cracking from the pressure of it all, asks a single question. “...Why?” He couldn’t comprehend why Shownu would want him to find a preempted scheme while he was locked away, and when he had no connections or power or anything that was useful for him.   

“To get them out, Kihyun. To get Wonho out, Jooheon out, Changkyun, Hyungwon. To get them  _ all  _ out.  _ We  _ needed you for that.”

_ There it was again _ , a voice told Kihyun.  _ He said  _ we  _ again _ .

Shownu paused as a few passers bys giggled their way to the old oak tree just beyond the picnic table. The tiny dog trailing behind them wagging it’s tail wonderfully carefree. In light of the conversation, Shownu was still someone of respect, as per his lawyer side, and waited patiently to resume the conversation. 

“I honestly wasn’t expecting it to work out like this…” He conveys with a heavy heart, “Because it failed the first time, you see. So, we didn’t expect everything to go according to plan this time around. But it did, it worked.” Shownu breathes out a gruff laugh. “Wonho, didn’t expect it to work… ” 

“Wonho?” Kihyun finds himself half shouting out in disbelief.

Shownu’s eyes go sober in that instant, turning to gaze at Kihyun as if he had just lost a family member, or a best friend. He was looking at him with deep remorse - again pitying Kihyun with impressions. “Wonho… was in on it.” 

Kihyun could feel his heart drop to his stomach, but he rejects that element straightaway.  

“You’re lying. He wouldn’t-,” 

“They were  _ all in _ on it, Kihyun…” Shownu cuts him off matter of fact. “God, I never wanted to tell you this… But, it was a plan they had came up with on their own. I was a part of it, unfortunately.” 

Kihyun feels a lump in his throat that he wasn’t able to swallow down. He feels the presence of word vomit, as he did the night he met Iseul for the first time. But this time was different - this time he had nothing to say. He could only gawk in unwanted astonishment. 

“They wanted out… Fuck, they wanted out of there so badly, but they didn’t want to be separated from each other. You know? So, they came up with this plan to… to make nice with someone who they knew would be an easy target. Someone they could manipulate for their own self gain. To have someone do all the work for them…” 

Kihyun doesn’t move, he can’t. He watches every little twitch, and flinch Shownu makes, he refuses to take his eyes off of him. He’s waiting for it. He’s waiting for the sudden burst of laughter, the smile that will warm up this old, dreary day, and hear the booming sound of Shownu saying how this was a big prank, and that everything he was saying wasn’t real. 

But it never came.

“So… When they found out a weak little guy was rooming with Wonho… And… And when I told them how you were arrested under false pretenses… They decided you were perfect for it. And… it was Wonho’s job to seduce you.” Kihyun’s eyes widen. “He did everything he could to make you fall for him. To make you  _ need _ him - make it to where you would do  _ anything _ to be close to him. Everyone else? They would charm you into being close with them too. Not in the same way, but, they would tell you their sob stories… Make you feel sorry for them, so you would want them around too.” He pauses. “Kind of like a little  _ family _ , right?” 

The question was rhetorical but it spoke volumes to Kihyun.

There’s a piercing in his chest, it tugs, and pulls, and rips against his skin as he listens to Shownu’s words. The genuity, unfeigned sound of the truth that is pouring from his pouty lips. His hands aren’t tight fits any longer, they’re open, relaxed, and stationed at his sides. He seemed at ease with himself, as if he had finally let go. And here Kihyun was, experiencing this new found pain that maimed his chest, and lacerated his throat from even being able to speak. 

This couldn’t be real - there was absolutely no way. 

They wouldn’t do that to him. Wonho loved him, they all loved him. He knew they did. 

They had been through too much not to care for one another. They had opened up to him, honestly opened up to him. Hyungwon had cried in front of him, Changkyun had sincerely told him the regrets he felt for his actions. Wonho had opened up about his sister, Jooheon had defended himself as doing good for those in need even if it meant he would be to blame. 

They had bonded behind those four walls - they cared for one another. They had to care… 

Shownu glances towards the setting sun, his eyes crinkling into slits.  “I didn’t want to go along with the plan. I really didn’t. But… She begged me too.” 

Kihyun knits his brows together once again in wonder. But something clicks in his mind before he even has time to question. She meaning Iseul. He then couldn’t stop the image of Shownu, and Iseul being close in his mind. He had a feeling deep within his bones that the two were  _ more  _ than close, in fact, he felt like they were  _ together _ .  

Somehow Kihyun speaks in a calm he doesn’t feel, his lips trembling. “... Who else?” 

“What?”

The tears that threaten to spill over burn with anger, and a mix of something that makes Kihyun feel as though he were unrelenting. “... Who else was in on this…?” 

Shownu’s jaw clenches, his jaw line so sharp, so prominent that it could cut whoever thought to touch.  “...Everyone.” 

Then it hit him. 

Like a stab to the chest, a punch to the gut. A recognition that vivaciously caressed his cheeks, kissed his lips, and whispered how wrong he had been in his sensitive ears. 

It was a slow realization as the flood of memories rushed in front of him like one of those old, poorly made home movies. The subtle moments were in black and white as the familiar faces passed by like a jagged, burnt film reel. The ember colored remembrance flourished in blazing coal as Wonho was the very first memory that forced it’s way to the front of betrayal.

He sees Wonho in the cell, witnessing a time when the former noirette showed no interest in Kihyun as he was ‘ _ not his type _ ’. Whereas a few days later Wonho had acted as if he couldn’t take his eyes off of him. Prompting Kihyun to consider them having a physical relationship together - touching him teasingly, caressing him, kissing him with everything he had. To seduce him. With the help of Jooheon’s forward Wonho centric sexual suggestions.

The film like remembrance then skips with a shredding noise. The blotchy figures morph into the faces of his four roommates. 

He remembers how they had accepted Kihyun so warmly, how they pulled him into their little group without hesitation, or deliberation. He recalls Minhyuk being the one that had gotten the closest to him, treating him like a brother. And the angry brute Changkyun hadn’t put him through some sort of prison initiation to assert his dominance in the group. He merely turned his cheek to the situation - making it seem as if it was something so natural. He felt like he belonged.   

Nothing but uncomplicated acceptance.

Which made Kihyun consider the day Minhyuk had been released from prison. How the group - including himself - had been so torn over his leaving. Jooheon was a closed off mess, while Kihyun himself couldn’t even stop the tears that had soaked his cheeks the night before his best friend was gone. That was the day they had discussed living together, getting a pet together. A dog, a Dalmatian. Even Changkyun had smiled in delight. But… was that all fake as well?   

The film reel of memories burns into a pile of hot ash in front of Kihyun’s eyes. He takes in a sharp breath when a more crimson framed reel progressed as the stories started to arise. 

The personal stories each person had openly told Kihyun: the reasons for them being locked away, how they were innocent in a sense, the utter remorse they felt for what they had done. It tugged on Kihyun’s heartstrings, it made him want to help them more than anything. 

But that was all part of the plan… wasn’t it? 

His lids flutter as the pooling of tears begin to blur his vision. 

But the reel burns with smoke as the memories pass by with winding rapidity. Ever so quickly, almost urgently with the aim that Kihyun will descry them, and realize his hidden mistakes. His heart aches almost desperately as the world disappears from under his feet. He pushes his feelings down, and he stares, only stares at how blind he had been. 

The moment Wonho had finally confessed his crime as soon as Kihyun proclaimed his never ending love for him. That being the same night when Kihyun was told about Iseul. How Minhyuk conveniently brought up the subject of some girl the very next morning. Minhyuk purposefully inviting the mystery girl over for dinner, only to reveal it to be Iseul herself. Thinking back now, Kihyun realizes it was far from coincidental. It was solely a side ploy so Kihyun would find out that Iseul was actually to blame for her husband's death. A bonus decoy to bring Kihyun’s feeling straight to the surface in needing Wonho even more. 

The memories smolder - Kihyun can feel the heat from the unsheltered truth graze his cheek. He wraps his arms around his own body in an attempt to hold himself together. He felt as though he were falling apart - a puppet who was losing his strings. 

The film reel morphs unrealistically, skipping ahead to divulge even further. 

His grip on his sleeves tightens when he realizes that Shownu had said…  _ everyone _ . 

The moments in which Seokwon had agreed to whatever bidding Kihyun had begged of him. Sneaking in random contraband during late night meetings, imploring him to turn a blind eye to what he had witnessed during the shower fight with Wonho and the shaved head guy. Covering up for him when Kihyun had escaped from the infirmary to speak with Wonho for what he thought was the very last time. In that instant, he thinks about the blonde doctor with the cat eyes and the blue haired inmate with the dimples that he was having an affair with. 

The shorter had given him a look that read genuine professionalism when he told Kihyun he wasn’t allowed to leave without his permission, before punctually letting him go nonetheless. Somehow… Kihyun felt as though they had no part in it. Something deep down told him they were innocent, perhaps the  _ only  _ innocent ones he had crossed paths with.

The reel bursts into flames - scorching, and flashing before his eyes in electric blue. 

The image of Minkyun speeds through the noir. 

How he possessed the exact equipment Kihyun was in need of for the break in. How he had succumbed to the miniscule amount Kihyun had offered him for his services. Of course, it  _ now  _ seemed far from a surprise that Minhyuk befriended a computer genius who just so happened to work at a worn down, pathetic gas station store. It made sense  _ now _ why his friend wanted Kihyun to meet the man so adamantly. 

Then there was  Kwangji, and Yoonho. The childhood friend, and the dear cousin. The only two of the reckless group Kihyun had assembled that hadn’t even asked, or cared about the price. They had accepted as soon as Kihyun had breathed Wonho’s name. There was no twitch of the eye, no expression that indicated they were shocked, nothing. Because they already knew… Because they were already in on another plan entirely… 

The more prominent hints were what Kihyun had hated to have missed the most. 

How Shownu would always urge him during their short visits in the white room that blinded Kihyun. How the hidden evidence for the false arrest against Kihyun had conveniently came out to the light as soon as Wonho had confessed that he loved Kihyun. It pushed him to wholeheartedly believe that Shownu was hiding the evidence all on his own. Just waiting for the appropriate moment to bring it forth. Just like they had planned… 

The night of the break in had to be the icing on the cake. It never occurred to Kihyun the oddity when Wonho, Jooheon, Hyungwon, and Changkyun hadn't put up a fight that night. They had just been kidnapped from their cells by three masked strangers, yet they followed instructions like it was a simple game of follow the leader. He should have realized something was off when Kwangji was in charge of retrieving Hyungwon and Changkyun. Two against one, and yet the brute hadn’t raised a single hand to the situation. 

Because that was what was already planned for them…

Kihyun had been a pawn in their game - he was a fool, a faux lovesick fool who was expendable. Never feeling so used, or exposed in his life until his very moment. 

“Kihyun.”

The old, burning movie reel fades away into the backdrop of Kihyun’s mind as he was pulled from his remembering thoughts.

Shownu was still stationed before him, looking right through him with a widened, ambivalent gaze. His lips were slightly parted, the cold causing smoke to pour from his mouth. Kihyun noticed how the latter wasn’t looking at him, but looking past him. That’s when it had registered that the voice calling out his name hadn’t belonged to the lawyer. Kihyun held onto his sleeve tighter, throwing a look over his shoulder, twisting his body around while doing so.

Kihyun’s resolve shattered in that instant. 

The tears he had been holding back fall down his cheeks, they freeze over. He gasped out hopelessly - choking on his own sadness as he couldn’t seem to catch his breath. He could faintly hear the breaking of his heart as the pale hair came into view beyond the blurring tears. The pale hair, the dimples, the mischievous eyes, the brutish aura, and the flamboyant energy - he had felt and witnessed it all. They were there, and the epitome of betrayal grows around Kihyun.

_ Wonho _ , he craves to say, but his voice fights against him. 

Placing a hand over his eyes, Kihyun cries out in whimpering broken sounds. He felt lost, he felt hurt, and wholly unwanted. He was currently surrounded by everyone he had come to love, and yet he had never felt so alone. There seemed to be no indications of what he was to do - he could only crumble in lament. He felt weak, he  _ was  _ weak.

“You son of a bitch!”  

The shouting erupts from all around, causing Kihyun to flinch from the wrathful explosion. The anger flurries around them, and he can only stare at the vexation. A threatening rosewood, or currant stain that bolted through the dead grass, striking at Shownu’s throat - as if glares alone could kill. The unforeseen rage reposed Kihyun into surprised incredulity. He felt paralyzed from the outburst - he hadn’t ever seen them so irate. Not when Kihyun had attacked Changkyun in the cafeteria to buy him time - not even when Kihyun was attacked by the shaved head guy in the showers, and Wonho had stepped in to save him. 

Nothing could compare to the rage they pressed forth towards Shownu at that moment. 

It was almost hypnotic. 

“What the fuck, Shownu!” He hears the bite in Wonho’s words. The tattooed up man stepped towards the picnic table in stride, teeth bared, and carnivorous. Like a savage wolf. “You were supposed to keep your fucking mouth shut!” 

“He had the right to know, Wonho!” The lawyer screamed back, slamming a fist onto the wooden table. Kihyun swore he heard a crack from under the aged, timeworn seat. “How can you expect me to keep something like this from him? You guys should have been the ones to say it. You should have stepped up.  _ You _ should have been a  _ man _ !”

Changkyun jolts passed a finger pointing Jooheon - who had also been yelling out profanities - to stand next to Wonho in defense. “Stop spouting bullshit. You had no problem keeping quiet before. Hell, you even said it would be easier for you once Kihyun was released. You said ‘ _ out of sight, out of mind _ ’, remember?” 

“What I said before, and how I feel now are two different things!” 

Minhyuk bounced straight into the middle of the yelling fit to wail out something that never reached Kihyun’s ears, Jooheon coming right to his lovers aid seethingly. Before Kihyun could even blink the tears that were still streaming away, the five of them were in a heated argument with serrated words, and double crossed warnings. But there was something that caught Kihyun’s eye that chilled him to the bone.

Hyungwon had stayed back from the others. His gaze fixed towards the ground as a carbon copy of Kihyun’s tears were cascading down his pale cheeks. It was as if Kihyun were staring at a saddened piece of artwork. Arresting, sorrowful, an exact rendition of how Kihyun was feeling. His chest swells with pain, piercing, mind numbing pain. 

“Why are you crying…?” He whispers brokenly, and it somehow manages to pass through the air of angry howls. 

Hyungwon brings his face up to meet Kihyun’s eyes. The ex model’s lids flutter in question, almost absentmindedly. He looked drunk, lush in crestfallen sorrow. “Because…” 

Kihyun’s heart deteriorates ever further, “... wh-why would you do this…?” He doesn’t comprehend why his question was directed towards Hyungwon personally. Perhaps it was due to the fact that he was the most emotional of the others, acting as if Kihyun hadn’t been the only one hurt from the disaster they had created. It was obvious then why Hyungwon hadn’t wanted Kihyun to leave the apartment that morning, and why Jooheon had told him to hurry back home. 

The noise evaporates from around him at the question. 

Wonho was the first to detach himself from the raving group. He made it to Kihyun’s side in only a few steps. The pale haired man’s face was reddened from his belting, his expression exasperate. The intensity of his dark eyes, and puffy lips as he spoke animatedly about something that Kihyun couldn't hear. An apology? An explanation? He didn’t know. 

“Kihyun, baby. Please listen to me… ” Wonho’s voice was despairing. His cold fingers cup the side of Kihyun’s cheek, and the shorter faintly gasps. He reaches up too quickly, slapping the hand away from him as if he had just been burned. Taking a step back, Kihyun cradled the side of his jaw. 

Everyone went silent, the wind being the only sound to break the grave tension.

There were so many questions swirling around in Kihyun’s mind. So many questions he had wanted to ask regarding why they had done this too him. Why they had used him after everything they went through together. How long they had planned to use him for their own benefit. If they were going to ditch him after they had gotten everything they wanted out of him.

But he didn’t have it in him to ask…

“Did…” He finds his voice under the pain. He frees himself from the lingering questions that stab the back of his neck. He tries his best to dismiss everything he had been informed of today. He studders as the tears spill over once again, but Kihyun can’t feel his heartbeat any longer. “... did you ever love me while we were in prison…?” 

It was physically painful for Kihyun to try and hold his ground against the man he loved more than anything or anyone. If he had one wish, it would be for him to have a sudden case of amnesia. To forget everything, and only know Wonho as the man that loved him, and needed him as much as Kihyun did. But the golden fantasy he had been living in melts into the ugly dark grey truth that shines brighter than any diamond.  

He throws Wonho a pleading look. Quietly begging, a mute beseeching for the other to tell him the truth. “No.” Wonho says dejectedly. 

Icey venom spreads through Kihyun’s veins. The air violently ripped from his lungs, as the numbness began to take him over. The heartache he felt was closing in on him, drowning him. He could only see black inky hearts when he looked at the five people he once called home. They were only faceless figures dripping in blood soaked lies that seemed to taunt and tease him as he stood shredded, beaten, and bruised.

_ They don’t love you _ , the nasty voice told him.  _ No one loves you, no one ever did _ . 

And the voice was right.    

Ever since the first time they had met, Kihyun found himself running  _ to  _ Wonho. 

He ran to him on the first day he had entered the courtyard as he was in need of a friend, and protection. He ran to him during all ghost hours of the night to ease Wonho’s nightmares. He ran to him on the day of his release to give him a goodbye. He ran to him on the night of the trespass to break him out. He ran to him through the pale wheat fields, and into his arms. 

But at that moment, Kihyun wanted nothing more than to run  _ away  _ from Wonho. 

And so he did.


	23. Be Quiet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guest starring: Baekhyun and Chanyeol from the perfect Baekyeol ship! ♡

Kihyun had always believed he knew what being alone had felt like.

He had invariably supposed it was the feeling of absolute isolation. The brooding atrabilious temperament, as if he were collapsing into his own solitary. He deliterabed in the bitter dolorous taste of existing alone. It was the creeping brush of spider legs that crawled along his arms when he found himself sitting solely in the back of classrooms. When the sudden urge to push forward, and make a move to speak with someone rendered him mute, and stricken with an unanticipated sickness of stepping out of his comfort zone. 

The simplistic notions of never being asked to tag along to a party on a school night, or picked for teams during gym classes, never even glanced at during extracurricular school functions. And he inevitably found himself spending countless weekends at home hauled up in his bedroom till Monday morning. Repeating the cycle of unending loneliness throughout his school years, and then some. 

Of course Kihyun had made plenty of relationships along the way. During his college years he began experimenting with his floormates in the coed university he attended. Not long after  _ finding _ himself, and progressed forth with love rather than pursuing towards a dream career. Galavanting through life with impecunious jobs that barely got him by. Becoming lost in the drunken opalescent haze of hands and teeth and tongues. The intoxicating currents pulling him in as he simply went through the motions of what he thought love truly was.  

Looking back now, Kihyun realized just how much of a mistake he had made.

His adolescent thoughts hypnotizing him into believing his life would be for the better if he worried more on finding  _ the one _ rather than creating a stable life for himself.

Kihyun never saw himself as an absolute romantic, he was just someone who purely loved… love. Falling, and catching, and drowning in the essence of feeling wanted, of feeling needed, and of needing someone else as much as any other. But, no matter how hard he tried it was as if every relationship he had been in somehow ended in a travesty. And against him, for that matter. More times than none, Kihyun waded in the moments that had hurt him the most - the failed romances that stung with a baneful pain.

Being with Jonghyun was the least agonizing of all the other memories. 

From the very beginning, Kihyun was dolefully aware that whatever was happening between them was far from real. And Jonghyun had made that crystal clear before the two of them even thought to take it too far. Kihyun had assured the latter that he was only interested in the fun of it all - but, he couldn’t deny the pain he felt in his chest as he was pinned down beneath growls and grunts of someone else's name slipping passed Jonghyun’s lips.

Throughout the duration that Kihyun and Jonghyun had spent together in the nullity that was their  _ relationship _ , he had never once met Kim Kibum, but he supposed that type of person must have been truly special to hold Jonghyun’s heart in their hands. 

Kihyun knew nothing was to ever come of it, and yet he threw himself into the nonetheless expecting the best, and ending with the worst. 

Thinking back, it seemed Jonghyun was mere childsplay to the torment Kihyun had felt when he thought Baekho was the one. 

Unlike Jonghyun, who was erotic in dark lust, and rough movements, Baekho was an absolute sweetheart. Despite his aggressive appearance he was charming, and soft spoken with a smile that melted hearts. His only flaw was the breathtakingly alluring best friend that would always tag along no matter the situation. As much as Baekho insisted Ren was merely a friend, and the ever overacting idea that Kihyun was the only for him - Kihyun knew it wasn’t true.

Kihyun silently accepted it, and had only felt betrayed once he overheard the soft keening drifting from the bedroom as he walked in on the two one night. Kihyun had expected it, and yet it still seemed to hurt more when his eyes had confirmed what his head had been warning him all along. It was as if ignorance was bliss in that situation, and even if he couldn’t bring himself to hate Baekho for the deception, his heart was engulfed in total rejection. 

Then there was Wu Yifan - but, no matter what Kihyun refused to ever think of that bastard again. He was the mistake that Kihyun dismissed as literal dirt under his shoes. Wu Yifan was the definition of agony, in every sense of the word. And why Kihyun presumed to understand the meaning of being alone. 

The feeling of having no one or nothing, the feeling of never being needed or wanted. When Kihyun seemed to become attached too easily, only to find no one cared enough to attach themselves to him. The harrowing feeling of never being able to tell someone about your day, or someone asking what you were thinking about when you momentarily lost yourself in space. Having to fall asleep in a bed as cold and lonely as ice. He believed the desolate friendless life he had been living in was just something he would have to deal with forever. As if it were a punishment - or a curse. Whatever it may be, he was living it. 

But, Kihyun hadn’t realized just how wrong he had been. 

Being alone wasn’t the feeling of having no one, it wasn’t the apprehension of the silence screaming at him. He realized that loneliness, true unalloyed loneliness, was when you had everything you could ever want one moment, only to watch it disappear right before you.  

While he was alone, he hadn’t ever felt the happiness that true love could bring. He was a victim to heartbreak with faux passion from lying fingertips. And as soon as he was able to experience it, he was then able to understand the feeling of having them. The innocent contentment in his life, the unconditional love he had always desired - and it changed everything. 

Waking up in someone’s arms with a lazy smile. A groggy good morning. Creating an enormous meal for the people he cared for as one of them poked their head in to ask if he needed help. Having to say goodnight multiple times before being able to close his eyes. No longer would he be able to relish in shy kisses. Having enjoyment with friendly jabs and jokes were no more. The soft ‘ _ I love you’s _ ’ would be only a memory now. He would be physically aware of the lack of hugs and ‘ _ have good day’s _ ’. Loving the noise that had been reluctantly ripped away… 

… Only to have it all walk away from him. To be pushed back into the shadows of who he used to be, of who he hated to be as the quiet tormented him once more. Flashes of the faces that belonged to the ones he once called home turning their backs to him. Wonho no longer looking at him, but looking passed him as if he were never truly there…  

_ That  _ was pure, unequivocal, loneliness. 

Isolated. Abandoned. Deserted. Unwanted… 

“Uh, excuse me?” 

A deep voice breaks through Kihyun’s beckoning thoughts, and he jolts away the tears that threatened to spill over his already reddened cheeks. They had become wind burnt prior to the cold air, and silent weeps from moments before. He wasn’t even able to touch them with his hand any longer as the contact formed a sharp tingling sensation.

Possessing absolutely zero strength to move his neck, Kihyun shifts his eyes from the glossy, hardwood table he had been staring at for about an hour now to locate the owner of such an intense voice. And the first thing Kihyun notices above all else are the man's massive ears. 

They were - in all honesty - too big for his head, but somehow it had added to the beauty he enthralled. His nose was long and pointed, with a mischievous mole lingering about. His eyes were dark and deep, and swirling with something that Kihyun couldn’t quite fathom. Although he was hunched over in an attempt to meet Kihyun face to face, it was evident that he was relatively tall. Lanky, to be specific. The man was uniquely handsome, unbelievably so. 

He blinks slowly. 

The recurrent green apron hanging around his neck lurches forward, as if it were seducing Kihyun with it’s modesty. And if it truly were, then it had succeeded. 

Kihyun doesn’t answer him, not because he can’t, but because he doesn’t seem to know where his voice is at the moment. Perhaps it had departed alongside the feelings Kihyun once lived with in his now numb, and decaying body. But, the worker doesn’t seem to make note or mind as his long, graceful fingers graze the side of Kihyun’s cup.

“Would you like another?” He asks in wondrous baritones. 

Kihyun is wholly perplexed by the roughness of the barista’s voice. It was mesmerizing as well as charming. A voice so profound it towered over the depth of Changky-

Kihyun disrupts the thought immediately. The pain bubbles almost threateningly - spiking with minatory churns. He couldn’t think about them, he swore to himself he wouldn’t ever think of them again. But Kihyun can’t deny the resemblance the worker holds. The long, pointed nose, the oddly shaped, and massive ears, the dark eyes…

_ No _ .

Kihyun resisted the urge to smack himself.  _ Stop thinking about them _ , he all but begs.

Even still, Kihyun can feel the cold air gnawing at his cheeks, can still hear the swaying of the trees surrounding him, can still see the expressionless look on Wonho’s face as he breathed out a vile, and less than hesitant  _ no _ to him. 

“Dude, you look like shit.” The barista informs in an almost conversational way, causing Kihyun to lift his head in utter disbelief. It was as if any shred of dignity Kihyun held onto had suddenly whisked away with the winds of time. And even if he had just been unintentionally insulted he couldn't deny a single word of it. He wouldn’t need a mirror to notice it: the reddened eyes, the tear stained cheeks, the puffy lips, the hair a mess. He must look a sight to everyone around him. Oh well, he felt like it, why not make an outright appearance of it? 

“Thanks.” He grits his teeth, then blinks muddled. 

_ Did I just speak? _ He couldn’t help but ask himself.

“O-... Oh my god. I didn’t mean-. I mean-,” The baristas demeanor changed in a blink of an eye. His elegant fingers, and mysterious eyes morphed into something out of an awkward high school movie. His eyes going absolutely wide with total dread, his lip twitched as he realized to late what had just slipped out. Almost with childlike fear. “I-I never meant to-,”

“It doesn’t matter.” Kihyun cuts in before the guy had a panic attack. “You’ll still get your tip, plus, I should be thanking you.” He suppressed a mindful sneer, It wasn’t like him to act so internally vicious. He needed to calm himself down, he was just hurt. 

The worker fidgets, uneasy. “… Wait, why?”

“Because if you hadn’t shocked me like that… I probably wouldn’t have found my voice.”  _ And I would have been walking around town like a damaged, befuddled mute _ . He purses his lips - his eyes falling onto the silver plated name tag stationed on the green apron. 

_ Chanyeol _ , it read.

“I don’t follow…” The taller mutters, gripping the handle of the cup far too tightly. 

Kihyun’s eyes shift, meeting Chanyeol’s once more. “... Sometimes the best way to bring you out of a serious shock… is to receive an ever bigger shock…” 

A noise is heard from behind, the sound of cups clattering together. Beyond the noisy demitasses is the tittering of the guests on the other side of the  café, the chiming of the door signalling another customer. As if his senses had been heightened for this particular moment, in moments that Kihyun hated that reminded him he was far from alone when he wished to be. But he had nowhere to go to be alone. He couldn’t go back to the apartment…  _ they  _ were there.

Chanyeol is pondering with a hum. “Oh… You mean like, if a couple announced their engagement, with an unexpected pregnancy on top of that?”

“Exactly.” 

The taller nods to himself, finally lifting the cup he had been so firmly grasping off of the table, with the coffee pot in the other hand. His back finally straightened allowing Kihyun to view the extent of his heigh. He was already overwhelmed by the long, bowed legs. “That kind of reminds me of heat lightning. Unexpected, yet becoming.” 

Kihyun had witnessed heat lightning once before. It wasn’t so much a large bolt of electricity, as it were simple flashes among the darkened clouds. Like distance fireworks. Orbs. He remembered the air being hot on the back of his nape, the orange lights among the blacks as he witnessed the reflective flashes in the sky that autumn night. It was one of the better memories he kept close while living in that damned housing complex with those horrid neighbors.

“But, wait,” Chanyeol’s ears have a dusting of pink at the tips as if he were blushing, though he wasn’t. They appeared to be turning rouge the more he questioned. “What if the first shock is a good one? If it’s good from the start, why would you want to be brought out of it?” He pokes his tongue from his mouth, swiping it over his bottom lip.

Kihyun tastes a bleeding emotion in his mouth. A feeling of having to recall, a feeling of never being able to forget. “Because… No matter the reason, good or bad, the sparks from a shock will always hurt you.” And it was inevitable in such a world as this. To experience a shock so powerful, so deep that it would ensnare your very soul. It would knock the wind from your lungs. It would dig under your skin, and lace around your bones to hold you at will. 

“What does the shock feel like?” Chanyeol asks, staring at Kihyun in such a way that made the shorter want to crawl under a rock and hide. He saw sorrow, compassion…  _ pity _ . Something he never wanted to see from anyone. 

“It…” Kihyun’s fingers begin to shake underneath the table, he clasps them together quickly. “It feels like… screaming.” 

At those words, Chanyeol averts his gaze to the cup in his hand, he begins refilling. “Screaming?”

“Yeah… It’s the only thing you can think of to do when the shock takes over, but… it’s almost like no one can hear it. You feel hopeless. You feel like nothing - and nothing can save you. And after the shock, when the shock is gone, you wish the moments before the shock would come back… just so you can have those few seconds of good again…” Kihyun exhales slowly, his breath icy to the core, as he holds back his tears. He isn’t looking at the barista any longer, but beyond him.

“...What shocked you so badly?” The lanky man beckons with the utmost secrecy but his voice drains into the background as the world around Kihyun melts into arctic, and sapphire fragmented cast pieces. The memory appears in a burst of white noise. Shaky, and split screened, like an old, worn down television set, as Kihyun blinks the memory back into its state of mind.

_ “Did…” He finds his voice under the pain. He frees himself from the lingering questions that stab the back of his neck. He tries his best to dismiss everything he had been informed of today. He studders as the tears spill over once again, but Kihyun can’t feel his heartbeat any longer. “... did you ever love me while we were in prison…?”  _

_ It was physically painful for Kihyun to try and hold his ground against the man he loved more than anything or anyone. If he had one wish, it would be for him to have a sudden case of amnesia. To forget everything, and only know Wonho as the man that loved him, and needed him as much as Kihyun did. But the golden fantasy he had been living in melts into the ugly dark grey truth that shines brighter than any diamond.   _

_ He throws Wonho a pleading look. Quietly begging, a mute beseeching for the other to tell him the truth.  _

_ “No.” Wonho says dejectedly, without hesitation. _

Kihyun feels the darkness creep up his legs once again. He feels the snake bites of torment piercing his shoulder blades - the venom sears with malice. 

The noise from the others who had been screaming at Shownu had died down, swallowed into a silence. As if everyone had been taken aback over the confession. Almost as if they weren’t aware themselves - perhaps the others weren’t a part of everything like Kihyun had expected. They stare, mouths agape, looking at the two of them. The spilled secret evaporates into the frozen air of the park - as if it meant nothing now, as if it wasn’t the most important meaning between them any further. 

Wonho is peering at him, unmoving, but something was being hidden beneath it all, something that Kihyun can’t seem to reach. It was heavy, and tearing. Kihyun clenched his fists at his sides.

_ He just said no… He…  _

“Whoa…” Changkyun is the first to speak up, his voice dropping in sheer confusion as he stares at his prison friend. He seemed bewildered to say the least, stunned into battered stutters. “W-Wait.”

Kihyun somehow finds courage in his legs, knocking shoulders with Wonho as he pushes passed him. He stares ahead at the road, it seemed to be the perfect passage of escape. He couldn't believe his ears. He needed to get away from this. From them. He feels empty - he feels nothing at all. Perhaps… he feels cold, if anything he feels so, so cold. But this cold was intense, and harsh. It was ablaze in pinched yellows and reds. It was growing with severe importance, with an icy burn. Anger… 

Rough fingers wrap around Kihyun’s wrist, tugging, and twisting him around, and away from his route to freedom. His feet jerk awkwardly from the yank, as he somehow steadies himself. But coming face to face with Wonho once again could have easily knocked him backwards. An exquisite mixture of the man he craved unconditionally, and a deformed monster speaking broken promises, and freshly sliced lies.   

“Baby, listen to me.” He implores - his hot breath ghosts over Kihyun’s mouth. His voice shaken, “I didn’t love you then, but I-,”

The anger flares, and he snaps. 

“N-No!” Kihyun presses his palms flat against Wonho’s chest, giving a violent shove. The latter stumbled from the force, before gathering his footing to halt himself. He shoots Kihyun a mystified look, downright stupefied. “Shut up! I don’t care what you have to say. I won’t believe it! I won’t believe anything!” The unexpected outburst was out of character for him, but the only thing Kihyun could figure to do at that moment… was scream.

“Wait, Kihyun-,”

Minhyuk steps forward, arms out in front of him as if he were in defence mode. “If you would just let us expl-,”

“Why? So I can hear more lies?” He bites back tears but they continue to fall with fire. Kihyun feels the adrenaline of rage pulsing, but it was as though the wrath that had reached it’s peak was stalling. He swallows hard - he tilts his head to the side.    

Even with blurred vision, Kihyun can still spot Hyungwon stationed far beyond the group. He hadn’t moved since his arrival, hadn’t stepped out to confront Shownu like the others, hadn’t pressed the matter at all. He solely wrapped arms around his graceful body, submerged in his own quiet snivels. He refused to meet anyone else's gaze, and his hair looked disheveled as if he had been constantly running his fingers through it. 

He appeared pitiful, and that seemed to ignite a spark inside of Kihyun. It fueled the betrayal that was currently poisoning his blood.

Stomping hastily - almost purposefully to express his newfound anger - Kihyun makes his way over to the ex model in stride. His balled up fists slacken as he guides his hand up, having to lift it higher than anticipated. He throws all of his weight behind the slap that connects with Hyungwon’s cheek. In most common situations the sound of a slap was generally louder than the pain when it was received, but Kihyun made sure to reverse the action in this case. For some unknown reason, Kihyun felt as though it was Hyungwon that had hurt him the greatest. 

“Stop crying!” The shorter clamors. “You don’t get to do that. You don’t get to feel sad. You were a part of it!” 

Arms wrap around Kihyun’s small frame, heaving at his waist to draw him back from the ex model who was currently holding the side of his face. The arms clutch tightly - keeping him at bay. Kihyun swears he hears Jooheon’s voice pressed against his ear, bidding him to  _ calm down _ , or  _ stop _ , or something to that effect. But Kihyun is indomitable, he kicks his legs wildly as he is snatched up. His mind spinning fervently. 

“You don’t get to do that! You don’t get to walk into my life, make me need you, make me believe you. Make me think everything was going to be okay. Make me see the world differently. You just take and take from everyone that cares about you. You always end up hurting someone. So, you don’t get to cry! You  _ don’t _ get to cry! You don’t deserve it!” His voice betrays him, it crumbles into choked sobs, and swallowed hiccups.

“Don’t touch me!” He whines between the shattered whimpers - he felt exhausted in that instant. Physically, and emotionally in such a short time. Perhaps it was best that his entire fury restrained itself from being set free. He might not have been able to control himself.   

His head falls back onto Jooheon’s shoulder, and there is inaudible noise all around him. 

Chaos. 

Another strangled cry escapes as he feels himself being ripped out of the dimpled man's arms. He expects it - anticipating it, even. For the familiar calloused knuckles to come in contact with his nose, as they did on that presaged day he provoked a fight out of Changkyun mere hours from of his release. The brute crushes inmates for even whistling in Hyungwon’s direction, and Kihyun can’t fathom the pain he will endure for having smacked his beloved.

The hurt never comes. Changkyun never closes the gap between them. Nothing happens.

It causes Kihyun to instantaneously retract his thought altogether. He wonders - if everything thus far had been nothing but greedy lies, where exactly had the lines crossed? What precisely was the extent to it all? They had deceived him on so many levels, yet where did it come to an end?

Wonho had confessed to loving him. Minhyuk had proclaimed him as his best friend. Hyungwon assured Kihyun of his importance to his life. And yet, it had been furthest from the truth. So… had the rest been a lie as well? Were the single unit couple actually unquestionably in love as they had told? Did the horrific past they shared ever exist? Could it be possible that they were simple criminals that befriended Wonho and created this preempted scheme to tug on Kihyun’s heartstrings? Now that the secret had been revealed did they no longer need to entertain the fake relationship? Was Changkyun’s perpetual jealousy faux? And what of Minhyuk and Jooheon’s supposed love? Was it real…? 

The more questions that surfaced, the more clouded Kihyun’s thoughts became. 

And he could no longer think straight when a pair of soft lips crash against his own, registering then who had just pulled him from Jooheon’s grasp. Wonho places a hand on the back of Kihyun’s nape, fingers lacing into his hair to keep him close. The tattooed up man forces their bodies together, desperately. The kiss is tragic - tragic because Kihyun feels nothing, and everything in it all at once. The usual butterflies don’t flutter, but they do, his cheeks don’t reddened, but he does seem to flush, his heart might have been soaring, but it also breaks. 

The kiss means nothing, yet everything to him. 

Wonho moves his lips against Kihyun’s wantingly, as if to express a last-ditch effort. Pouring out every emotion he contained into such a heartfelt, and consuming liplock. It was energizing - caressing his lips with smoldering vitality. Amethyst, and softening orchids. Electricity was coursing through his veins, urging him forward, and Kihyun finds himself wholeheartedly kissing Wonho back. 

_ If only kisses could heal stab wounds _ , a voice whispers.

Kihyun’s fingers dance up Wonho’s neck, cupping just behind his ears as he feels the chill bumps form rapidly. The kiss turns heated in a matter of seconds, both of them holding onto something that was just a whisper away. Kihyun begins to recall the times he and Wonho would share midnight kisses, and he would piece together their future with the stars. But those dreams were now a million miles away, and a few forgotten bonds too late. 

_ Stop kissing a liar _ , a returning dark voice hisses.

As much as Kihyun wanted to ignore it, he still tasted the sensual, yet vicious affection he craved beyond comprehension. The affection that was bordering on their tongues was drowning Kihyun, pulling him under with it’s tenderness. It was his only desire, he yearned for it, but it was just to ponderous to carry. It had slipped between his fingers even as he tried to catch it. 

“Ah.” Kihyun inhales sharply, dazedly, as their lips detach.

He’s met with a shadowy, pleading gaze as Wonho removes his fingers from Kihyun’s nape. He brings his hands up to Kihyun’s face. Their foreheads are brought together, and the shorter has to suppress another whimper due to the closeness. A shiver runs down his spine as Wonho parts his lips. “I love you.” He breathes out, “I may not have loved you while we were in prison, but I do now. I love you, Kihyun.  _ Please _ .”

Kihyun quickly shuts his eyes - he can’t bring himself to look. 

He can feel the bottom of his heart, it’s thoroughly drained. Even with these perfect words, these declarations that he’s come to survive on, Kihyun had come to realize that there was nothing left for him here. The anger clears away his clouded thoughts to console him of that.  

“I don’t believe you… “ He says dispassionately. He shows no emotion in his words - maybe a little strained, but absolutely emotionless.

_ I don’t want to let you go… It’s too hard… _

“Kihyun!” 

So many voices call out to him at once as he pulls away from the love of his life, he couldn’t even pinpoint exactly who was who, but they were all of fret, and beseeching. Kihyun musters up the nerve to look at them all for what would be the last time. He couldn’t even seem to blink, nor could he breathe.

Hyungwon was a mess of tears, his nimble fingers gracing his scarlet cheek. Changkyun, whom was presently by his side, was looking everywhere but at the scene, though Kihyun swore he noticed hurt written in perfect cursive on his clenched jaw. Minhyuk’s hands were balled up at his sides, tears brimming his eyes. Jooheon looked as if he had just seen a ghost, bemused in pale features of cluelessness. And Shownu was nowhere to be seen, or he was there but Kihyun’s quick glance wasn't able to pick him up in time for a last roll call.

Kihyun doesn’t take the time to look at Wonho. He can’t… 

He turns his back on every single one of them, and begins his descent back into the depths of loneliness from which he came.  

_ “Kihyun!”  _

_ “Please don’t go. Don’t do this!” _

_ “You can’t just leave like this! Listen to us!” _

_ He could hear the leaves crunch under numerous steps, indicating that they had started towards him. He couldn’t let that happen, because in all honestly if they had tried to sway him back at his point, then Kihyun would succumb without a second thought. He throws a look over his shoulder, “If any of you even think of coming near me again, i’ll call the fucking police!”  _

_ His threat is empty, but it stops them nonetheless. _

A beatific singsong voice is what pulls Kihyun from the aching memory, and back into the reality that was the lanky barista, and the java aroma of the cafe. The singing is light, and melodious, and it sounds like something that Kihyun had always needed in his life. It flows like warm honey overtaking the jagged edges of Kihyun’s lacerated feelings. It was beautiful, enchanting, and it causes him to forget his pain momentarily. 

The man was relatively short, and puppy like as he glided through the door, plucking the headphones out of his ears. Hearts were blossomed in his umber eyes as he paraded over to the gangly man who was delicately retrieving a handkerchief from his apron pocket. And it’s when the cloth is pressed against Kihyun’s sensitive cheek does he realize he had been crying yet again.

How pathetic of him. 

“It’s alright,” Chanyeol tells him in a lower, even deeper voice. “It’s none of my business anyway. Just… don’t cry, okay?”

Kihyun finds himself nodding unconsciously at the worker's request. It wasn’t okay, but it seemed crying wouldn’t solve his problems either.   

“Chanyeol.” The man with the melodic voice calls out, “Are you off yet?” He asks as his eyes divert to the cloth that is lingering against Kihyun’s face. A flash of concern washes over the man’s features, but it disappears in the same instance. Kihyun takes it upon himself to take control over the handkerchief, holding it on his own. He wouldn’t want anyone getting the wrong idea from the situation. 

Chanyeol backs up, turning to look at the other, tilting his head down. “Yeah, sorry. I haven’t clocked out yet, I was… busy with a customer.” A smile appears, and Kihyun can only witness a spill of complete adoration from the worker. Teeth shown, and eyes crescenting as he looked at the shorter. It was innocent, and longing. Almost like pure love. And the hearts in the shorter man's eyes were cherishing, as his own grin twinkled. 

Kihyun had always believed he was the king of those smiles before…

“Uhm,” Chanyeol draws his attention back to Kihyun, trying to hide his obvious worry. His lip seemed to twitch anxiously. “Do you  _ need _ anything else before I go?”

Another nod of the head is all Kihyun was willing to give. He didn’t want to chance bursting into another fit of tears from the memory, and Chanyeol’s unending kindness.

“I’ll be right back, Baek.” 

The green apron is removed, as the taller marches behind the counter, and disappears to the back. Kihyun thinks this is the appropriate time for him to arrange his own vanishing act. He wasn’t exactly aware of how long he had been residing in the cafe for. Hours, throughout the entire night, and then some. Long enough to sense a slight pain in his back from sitting for too long. He would be lying if he could give a direct answer. 

Making it to his feet, his neglected overflowing pockets bump against the corner of the table, reminding him then of the money he had planned to bribe Shownu with. Another timorous mnemonic. 

_ Oh, that’s right _ . He reflects.

He had grabbed so much, too much, but he was thankful that he had. He counts his blessings every second for collecting so much money. He couldn’t return home - he didn’t have a home anymore. Yet here he stands with thousands, and thousands in his possession. Even if the offering had backfired on him, his thought to withdraw the money had come in handy anyway.             

“Here.” Kihyun mumbles, fisting the bills. He doesn’t know how much he grabs, he simply hands it over to the shorter. “I… I forgot to tip him. You’ll give it to him for me, yeah?” Up this close, Kihyun can admit to himself that the latter, known as Baek or something, was actually very striking. His subdued tawny hair, and almond eyes were beautiful. His skin perfect. 

Baek’s eyes go wide, and humorous, and Kihyun doesn’t stick around to hear the protests of the amount being too impossible or the sputtering’s of ‘ _ Chanyeol couldn’t possibly accept this _ ’ as he quickly escapes the cafe in a haze.

  
  
  
  


Ethereal. 

That was the only word Kihyun could use to describe the life he had thought to live in.

He had been blind for so long - blind to the truth, blind to the others around him, blind about everything that came into his orbit. The saying ‘ _ Too good to be true _ ’ was now mocking him, lingering around his ears in a hushed whisper, taunting. Kihyun thought he had learned how to handle it. He thought he was stronger than this. Time and time again, an endless cycle of disappointments, and letdowns, and somehow… he still wasn’t able to cope. 

And it felt as if… 

It was almost as if Kihyun was unworthy of being loved. Because, no matter how hard he tried… he was never the  _ one _ . He wasn’t ever anyone's pick - as if he wasn’t ever good enough… 

His chest aches from the thought since he hadn’t anymore of a heart left to break.  

The sun was beginning to set, and the half-light blanketed the city. 

Kihyun had been walking around aimlessly for hours now, and he knew he wouldn’t be able to linger much longer. He wasn’t necessarily a pricky person when it came to derisory things, but he dreaded the thought of having to rent a motel room for the night. However, with nightfall approaching, and the fact that he wouldn’t be physically able to reside in the cafe for countless hours as last time, he realized it was inevitable. Suffice it to say, with all heartbreak aside, Kihyun needed a bath.

Kihyun made a left, rounding a sharp corner of a little antique shop when something caught his eye. He froze. 

Moonstone silver. 

The unceremonious color of the pharmaceutical building that Kihyun recalled standing in front of just months before. It was hauntingly nostalgic to once again witness the blacked out tinted windows, the bright currant  _ Alvom _ company logo, and how could he even think to ignore the hateful yellow truck in the reserved parking space. It was just as he remembered - it was far from a good memory, it was a petulant one.  

But why would he end up back here? Was it subconcious? Was there something he was forgetting? It was as if his mind had some unfinished business to attend too, and his restless feet had led him back to this spot intentionally. Admittedly, Kihyun hadn’t been paying attention to where he was going, but he was certain that particular left turn was the shortcut that would lead him downtown. Apparently not.   

There was a nettlesome twitch in his fingers.

It was one of those feelings a person would get when they knew something was about to happen, whether it be good or bad. The wash of chills down your spine, the quickening pulse of anxiousness, the nervous itch, Kihyun was obtaining every symptom obtusely.

Despite the ugly, churlish chance meeting that they shared, Kihyun wouldn’t know of any other reason why he would need to speak with Song Gunhee. He had made it crystal clear where his feelings stood with the man. The guy was a traitor. He was selfish, and self-obsessed when it came to love. He had given up completely on the person he claimed to love dearly. Averred in his tasteless words of not being strong enough to wait, when in reality, he was nothing but a lying coward. He-,

_ Seokwon, what are you doing here? _

 

_ I’m having my prescription filled. _

 

_ Oh. Do you go to this place a lot? _

 

_ For awhile, years actually _ . 

 

The dusty colloquy swiftly bursts into a tendril of rosewood. The barrage of memory was so sudden, and crass that it caused Kihyun to physically take a step back. It was happening again. The realization memories. The onslaught of memories that were forced to the front of Kihyun’s mind when something seemed peculiar, eccentric. Just like it had done at the park when his repression broke through, and flooded his mind like a split dam. Only this time, the burning colors of an old movie reel were replaced with an uneven, and brutal redwood of obstruction.

It was beginning to make Kihyun sick to his stomach.

 

_ Gunhee got out. He wasn’t the type to stay, he was just using Jooheon. The entire situation was an absolute convenience for him. _

 

_ Everyone liked Gunhee though, everyone. But, after his hearing he got out on parole, and it was over. Like it meant nothing. _

_ Everyone hated Gunhee for what he did to Jooheon. _

 

_ I honestly wasn’t expecting it to work out like this… Because it failed the first time, you see. So, we didn’t expect everything to go according to plan this time around. But it did, it worked _ .

 

“Oh my god…” Kihyun breathes out causing fog to ghost from his lips. Another comber of comprehension crashes, and wraps long fingers around Kihyun’s throat, choking him. He should have noticed it sooner - all the signs were staring him right in the face, again. It didn’t work the first time, Shownu had told him warily. “It failed the first time because… because  _ Gunhee  _ walked away… It was Gunhee.” His voice strained.  

And it  _ clicked  _ once again.


	24. Gone Bad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry that this chapter took two months! This bum author actually got a job and has been busy working. But I love you guys so much so don't think i'm forgetting about you or the perfect Kiho! ♡

The open sign rotates to a close, the door chimes, the keys jingle to a lock, and Kihyun strides across the street unhesitantly. 

His thoughts shudder with perturbation, not from the miserable uneasiness that is crawling along his ribs, but from the fear of how Song Gunhee will react as a whole. A plethora of emotions cross his mind, mixing precariously with the burning fog that pours from Kihyun’s frozen lips. They blend into a putrid array of questions that he bids to keep hidden - though some undoubtedly slip through. 

He wonders, for a moment, what could possibly go wrong in a situation like this.

What does one do when one finds themselves having to retrace their steps from clouded judgements? Do they oh so simply turn back time to rethink thoughts, and actions? Are they given second chances? Do they deserve such forgiveness?

An image of Gunhee appears through the blur.

His high arched eyebrows would be draw in with a wrinkled scowl, his nostrils flared as he dismisses Kihyun coldly. He can see it all very clearly.    

With the illumination of the Alvom sign just overhead, Kihyun registers that the pale trenchcoat from before is nowhere to be seen. Rather, the man’s broad back is covered with a fine pressed garment, surmising to be a casual button down from the flat top collar. His tan kankies were rolled up just enough to hover above his cinnamon colored cap-toe Oxfords. There was definitely an air of sophistication about him. But, it was as if his appearance, and atmosphere was, in every respect, dishonest.  

Kihyun was repeatedly blindsided whenever he had to remind himself that Gunhee was an ex criminal. Although he was far from mindful of what exactly Gunhee went to prison for, he knew that no matter what, it couldn’t have been good. Unless… Unless Gunhee had been a victim to the system just the same as Kihyun? 

He swallows the choking thought almost painfully.     

_ One question at a time _ , he reminds himself, troubled yet calmingly. 

Languidly, though essentially inert, Kihyun makes it to the other side of the street. His steps are silent, and cold as the concrete below him. He notices Gunhee hooking something on the side of his belt loop, figuring it to be nothing more than an arrangement of the many keys he possessed for the store he ran so thoroughly, and pleasantly. To which the subtle thought invites Kihyun back to the memories of when he first met the man before his break in to break out. 

His warm smile, his gentle approach, and soft hearted interest to help as he looked upon Kihyun with utter fondness before Kihyun had judged the other all too quickly. It was cruel, and Kihyun could admit when he was wrong as he had done plenty of times before.

“U-Uhm…” Kihyun’s voice is nothing above a whisper when he places his shaking fingers on the man’s shoulder, requesting for his attention.  

“Oh!” The other jolts forward, twisting his body around while doing so. The reaction so strong it seemed as if he had just received an electric shock to his spine. The bottom of Gunhee’s shoes skid against the concrete causing an awful grinding noise as his back harshly connects with the door. And despite the fact that he was the main cause of the accidental fright, Kihyun finds himself bouncing a few steps back from the suddenness. 

His heart begins to race when Gunhee’s eyes land on him. 

They’re wide, and fearful, and hidden behind round, frameless glasses. His lips parted ever so slightly as he drinks in gulps of the night air, as his arms were braced on either side of him against the glass. His slicked back black hair had gave way to the alarm, a few strands brushing against his forehead exoticly. Though scared, he appeared quite smart. 

“Oh man.” Gunhee exhales scratchily, thankfully as he pushes himself off the door. A smile forms while he moves to straighten his clothes of any wrinkles. “I swear I just felt my soul leave my body… I didn’t hear you coming at all.” He informs in a kind voice. 

It makes Kihyun feel even worse for what he had done and said prior. 

“I-I’m sorry…” He apologizes weakly. He doesn’t want to speak too loudly in fear of the other hearing how strained and frail his voice was from hours of crying. Mourning a love that was broken, and bleeding through his teeth. So he, decidedly, lowered his head, and shoved his hands into his frigid jacket pockets, reserved. “I didn’t mean to scare you at all. I just…  Do you, by chance, remember me?”

The question visibly takes Gunhee aback. 

He blinks questioningly, while his stare diverts towards the building beside of him. “A customer, I suppose.” Pursing his lips, while his fingers dance along the keys on his belt loop, Gunhee, zealously, though insistently throws out his voice. “I’m very sorry, but i’ve already shut down the register, and have locked up the doors for the night. You’ll have to come again during regular hours if you wish to pick up your prescription.” 

It was shocking to see the other acting so intense considering their last confrontation left with Kihyun walking all over him through the talk. His stance was authoritative, and commanding. However, Kihyun has the sudden urge to chuckle through the chaotic swirl of it all, as it was too obvious what the other was thinking about him in that moment. Feasibly deeming Kihyun as a junkie, or a simple criminal ready to attack for his next fix. The regarding laugh morphs into a grimace that begins to churn Kihyun’s stomach. 

“N-No, it’s not that…” He swears, then descends. “M-My name is Kihyun. We’ve met once before - a few months ago actually.” He wanted to phrase this precisely, with true emotion, and sincerity of his wrong doing. He had to make amends in some such way. Kihyun places his chill inducing palm to the back of his neck, rubbing anxiously. “I was… awful too you. I said horrible things that were none of my business to begin with, and I just-,” 

“ … I remember you.” Gunhee slices through his explanation recognizably.

The guilt burns up the back of Kihyun’s neck with a rush of malfeasance. All the blame that had been placed on his shoulders had finally tumbled down the hill of his arms. Though, when Gunhee speaks up again his voice isn’t laced with venom, nor are his words wrapped with hate as Kihyun had believed they would be. “How could I forget the person that called me out, and then bought me off for a case of chloroform?”

The memory lingers from behind Kihyun’s eyes, yet he doesn't allow it to surface. The luminous street lights cast a mocking glow just overhead. It reveals Kihyun’s shadow so presenting, so defined, he realized that even his inky faceless silhouette began to shake pitifully.   

“Your face is unforgettable.” Gunhee snickers, though it sounded as if he were speaking with himself rather than with Kihyun. 

“Y-Yeah… That’s what I wanted to apologize for…” The shorter bites the inside of his jaw, “I was wrong. I was so,  _ so _ wrong. And for the past three days everything I knew, or everything I  _ thought  _ I knew, I’ve been wrong about… And it seems like nothing is ever going to be r-right again-,” Kihyun’s voice cracks like the feeble glass floor he had been standing on. He won’t allow the tears to fall, he had already promised himself to be strong for this. He wasn’t going to breakdown, he couldn’t breakdown - he just couldn’t, but… 

The eggshells he had been walking on crumble, the boundaries he strayed from somehow trip him right over the edge as the balmy tears burn down his cheeks. “I-I don’t know where everything went wrong. I… I never saw it coming…” 

His throat began to tingle. A prowling sensation lingering in depths of the panic that was building within’ Kihyun’s aching stomach. It felt as though he needed to tell Gunhee what happened on one hand, but his thoughts demanded secrecy on the other. He was being torn in two from the opposing sides to a simple decision. He sensed the word vomit on the brink of freedom - his tears seemed to urge it forward.

He tries to keep a straight face despite the tears, but when Gunhee looks at him with the utmost of confusion to his already high arched brows, Kihyun feels the barriers break. 

“A-And I try to push it away… you know? I try not to think about it. I try to mash it down, and ignore it, and I tell myself to just forget their faces. Forget their names. Forget how much they mean too me. Forget  _ him _ entirely. But it feels like the m-most impossible thing in the world… “ Kihyun wants to bite his tongue, but the words continue to pour forth unyieldingly. An image of Wonho’s face appears in his mind: his toothy smile, his crinkled eyes squinting into perfect slits, his head thrown back in happiness. 

The stutters take him over with a slip of his tongue, “He… It’s like he’s inside of me. He’s _ infected _ me… I… He’s like… It’s like he’s a  _ disease _ . A disease that is bruising me, and choking me, and it won’t let me go. And I have to bury the thought of his face, just so I can breathe, because when I close my eyes… I see him…”

Gunhee blinks rapidly as he continues to gape at the rapid vents coming from the shorter. Kihyun’s voice is becoming careworn, drawn. Although he was speaking quite fervidly, he felt the blood drain from his face as his skin ran cold, and he became ultimately lackluster. 

“I just… How do you survive? How do you go on when something so painful has happened to you? And… A-And, why does it hurt so much?” Kihyun’s breath was coming in short gasps through the panting sobs, yet he sniffles back the noisy cries to go on. 

“It h-hurts so bad… A-And they lie to you. You know? They say when something like this happens you feel nothing. You feel nothing at all. You just become numb. And I… A-And they say you become bitter from it. That you yell, and blame, and snap at everyone around you. That you become so angry at the person that was  _ supposed _ to love you the most because they hurt you… But, i’m not angry… I’m in pain!”

Yanking his imprisoned hand from his pocket, Kihyun places both over his face to hide. 

He wanted to run away, he wanted to vanish off the face of the earth. However, he deserved the degrading feeling that was clawing along his hip bones. He deserved the humiliation of feeling utterly exposed, and proving how weak he truly was in front of Gunhee. He was anticipating it. The snickers, and smirks that Gunhee was entitled to throw his way from the payback he was so rightfully entitled too. 

But they never come. 

Instead, a firm hand claps onto Kihyun’s shoulder, and squeezed almost comfortingly. The warm, benign hand chased away the abusing chills that swept through his caged, and controlled veins. And the sinful frost was replaced with a dazzling glow that seemed to radiate from Gunhee’s chest - as if his benevolent heart was on fire. It was the sort of thing that Kihyun had witnessed when he was with Wonho. It was addicting - thirst quenching.  

“Kihyun,” His voice strikes a chord impressively inside of him.

The shorter gathers the strength in his neck to lift his chin enough to catch eyes with the pharmaceutical worker. His expression was soft, and welcoming, and Kihyun realizes that the tears that were pertinacious had, by some means, ceased their escape.

“Uh, just…” Gunhee pulls his eyebrows together completely undecided, or perhaps, skeptical with the entirety of his next words. “Come with me, okay?”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Kihyun didn’t know what to expect when they first crossed the threshold.

A million scenarios had flooded his mind with thoughts of what exactly would happen next, however, being brought to Gunhee’s home wasn’t one of them. But if Kihyun were being  honest with himself he wouldn’t deny that the built up anticipation of entering the home was a major disappointment.

He hadn’t personally envisioned anything definite. Still, he would never have imagined the home being so… ordinary. The dwelling was relatively small, cozy, and assembled with Alaskan white brick. It resided within’ a cul-de-sac like abode -  _ only fifteen minutes from Gunhee’s workplace _ , he mentally noted. And it possessed such simple means that Kihyun hadn’t felt overwhelmed with uneasiness, or intimidation when he stepped inside.

Before they entered the kitchen, Kihyun noticed a few pictures perched atop a hickory style shelf. Polaroid print. Alternet to pictures being framed, as one would typically have, these appeared to be thumbtacked on the brink of the wood. And just from a quick glance Kihyun noticed that the images contained Gunhee, and another male with the same circle shaped glasses as the pharmacist wore. Kihyun doesn’t ponder, but, he can effortlessly predict who the man could be. Withal, there was something spine tinglingly familiar about the man in the image - a sort of manifesting eminent feeling that pricked his temples. 

Gunhee sets a steaming cup in front of Kihyun, and exhales when he sits opposite of him at the kitchen table. Kihyun stares at his cup for a minute until his attention is caught up in the other having an internal struggle with what to do with his hands. After a few awkward motions Gunhee settles for placing his fingers around his own burning cup.

Kihyun takes a sip of the milk tea, and the silence hangs heavy in the air. 

He begins to busy himself by tracing the unique marble patterns on the flattop with the tip of his finger. He would be lying if he said it wasn’t a distraction from the pounding of his heart.

“Have you finally calmed down?” Gunhee asks, disturbing the silence. 

Kihyun blinked a few times from the quiet being broken, though he doesn’t bother to look up from his outlining, “Oh, uhm… yes.” But it’s far from how he faithfully feels, as all the calm he wished he had was actually soaking the surface of Gunhee’s tongue. 

“Well…” Gunhee poses to emit an unusual vibe that Kihyun grasps unceremoniously. It’s a feeling that tells him Gunhee was aware of what was going on. Not specifically, more so, he recognized that there was much more to the talk than a simple apology from Kihyun. He seemed highly insightful to more than just sight, and sound.  

“I know this is hard on you…” Gunhee moves his hand around, swirling for emphasis, “Whatever  _ this _ is. But, start from the beginning. Tell me everything.” 

And so Kihyun does. 

He first explained how he had got himself arrested from the start. How the arrest was a huge misunderstanding, and that he was the innocent party in it. Then he moved on to tell about the simple months of having to adjust to a new life behind bars, and how the group had accepted him so easily. How the situation changed when Kihyun had fallen in love with Wonho, and Wonho had fallen for him… or so he thought. 

He quickly drifted off to when Shownu had found the hidden evidence that Kihyun lacked for his assured freedom. Which entail allowed him the release to the outside world once again. He told Gunhee about when he met Wonho’s sister face to face, when he received the money from the old, aristocratic man to keep quiet, and when he hired a gang to break into the prison, and break the others out. And as much as he didn’t want to, he told Gunhee how every little coincidence abruptly pieced itself into place with betrayal.

How everything was a well crafted, and formulated lie - and Kihyun was the mindless puppet who handled all of the dirty work for them. He told every detail he learned about Wonho, Changkyun, Hyungwon, Minhyuk, and Jooheon. Who they were, what they said, how they acted. He told him about the book, and getting his ass kicked in the cafeteria. Most importantly, he told Gunhee that the day he lost courage at the prison gates was actually a blessing. If he had went back to visit Jooheon he would be in Kihyun’s place hurting, and crying.

Gunhee would discover he wasn’t in the wrong for staying away - but, fortunate for it.

“... That was the last time I saw them, and i’ve been walking the streets for a few days now.” Kihyun gripped the handle of the cup tighter with no intention of taking a sip. “That’s when I saw you locking up… I knew you deserved to know the truth.”

Gunhee looked rather emotionless even after the tale was told. If it wasn’t for the crease between his brows in attentiveness it would have seemed as if he hadn’t been listening at all. Perhaps a tad mesmerized as well. “I can’t believe that actually happened to you. I never would have thought something like that could really happen... I mean, in movies, yes, but not in real life… Heh. To be honest, if it wasn’t for that day you came into my store, I probably wouldn't believe a word of this… ”

“And I wouldn’t blame you,” Kihyun sucked in air through his teeth, dejected.

“I just… “ Gunhee shakes his head, uncomprehendingly. He removes his glasses, and it draws in Kihyun’s attention to understand that the mans squinting eyes are a beautiful pecan brown hidden beneath heavy set brows. He was altogether comely. “ … How could someone actually do that to another person?” 

“I guess when you’re that desperate for freedom you’ll do anything to get it.” Kihyun concluded dismally. 

“You said they were originally going to use me as the bait, right? So… Jooheon was just playing me the whole time too.” The pharmacist pursed his lips in concentration, though he didn’t seem the least bit damaged, or deceived like Kihyun felt. “If I wasn’t happily married I would probably be seriously pissed.” 

The shorters chin jerked up in surprise, “You’re married?”

Gunhee nodded his head before resting it on his fist. “Three years next month.” 

The pictures pinned to the shelf of the man breezed across his mind like the whisper of a butterfly.

Kihyun couldn’t stop the scowl that spread over his skin, and in refusing to stop it commenced a wicked feeling for outwardly expressing himself rudely while congrats were in order for Gunhee. Even though the grimace formed, it wasn’t from the bitter feeling that he sensed smoldering behind the pain, but from the torment above it. Kihyun recalled the hours he would lie around and blissfully daydream how far his and Wonho’s relationship would go. Could go. Living in their dream home, getting married, going on various trips around the world together. His favorite fantasy being the one where he and Wonho grew old together…

_ Such a daydream it was… _

“Oh, wow,” Kihyun hears Gunhee’s silvery voice through his troubled remembrance, and he blinked, momentarily blinded by the rush of memory. Eyes narrowed, staring fixedly with piercing scrutiny, Gunhee placed both hands in his lap, thunderstruck. “Even after all of that… you still love him.” 

“I-... I never said th-,” 

“You didn't have too. I saw the look you gave when I said I was married. You looked like you were about to throw up, and completely break down. It’s written all over your face.” His eyes jump back and forth as he continued to survey Kihyun’s face. “And in your eyes.” 

Kihyun instantly looked to the side, trying to keep an emotional distance from Gunhee, but the sincerity of Gunhee’s character was pulling him into saying things he wished to keep hidden. Just as he had done back at the pharmaceutical building.

Kihyun takes in a deep breath, inhaling pain. “The worst part is knowing he’s gone, but I still catch myself looking for him… “ He throws his head back, casting his eyes heavenward to keep the tears from falling. 

“ … I’m sorry you’re hurting so much, and… i’m sorry this happened to you. I’m sure my empathy doesn’t make the situation any better though… ” Gunhee moved away from the table, gathering up both of their cups, as he fiddled around with something near the sink. Taking that as a sign that their chat was over, Kihyun makes the initiative to stand from his seat, and shrug his jacket back onto his shoulders. 

He felt slightly disheartened that - throughout the whole talk - Gunhee hadn’t shown any sort of forgiveness to the numerous apologizes Kihyun gave him. Then again, he would understand if  he weren’t spared any compassion for his actions. Truthfully, it was toilsome handing over simple mercy when a person was wronged. Kihyun knew that firsthand - so, he wouldn’t put any blame on Gunhee for not excusing him.

“Uhm, thanks for the tea.” 

“Don’t mention it,” Gunhee throws a look over his shoulder, the corners of his mouth quirked up. “You said… You didn’t have anywhere to go now? Because, you lived with all of them in a crappy little apartment? Well, I have a guest room upstairs if you’d like?” 

Kihyun’s entire body tensed up at the end of the sentence. Absolutely thrown for a loop. His mouth moves before his mind had time to catch up, “You aren't going to call the police?” He asked, baffled. But, Kihyun regrets it the moment it leaves his lips. His curiosity getting the better of him while the fear he possessed was pushed to the backburner. 

He felt a sudden distaste of deja vu. 

The same persistent worry he had experienced when he was about to meet Shownu at the park. With the money still in his pocket, he wonders if he will have to bribe Gunhee just the same as the others to secure his current freedom.  

“No offense but, even if I wanted to call the police, do you really think they would believe such a story?” Gunhee turned away from the sink, leaning up against it - a simple cloth in hand to dry his soaked skin. “Computer genius’s, ninja mad men, billions of Won, breaking into a high security prison, deleting all and every trace, document, and video of criminals, etc, etc. Yeah, i’m pretty sure the police would think i’m on angel dust or something. And… you’ve been through  _ enough _ … ” 

Kihyun nibbled on his bottom lip, he couldn’t deny how right he was. The blame pinches at his arms nonetheless. “E-... Even after everything i’ve done too you? After everything i’ve said too you? … Does that not matter?” 

Gunhee sighed a rather irritated laugh. His almond shaped eyes were shimmering in the light. “Would you stop going on about that?” He pushes himself off of the sink, treading over to the table to curl his fingers around the back of the chair. “Do you really think calling me a few names in a moment of anger is more important than you being virtually homeless?” 

Kihyun clenched his jaw - ignoring the question. 

“Okay, yeah. It sounds odd coming from me. We don’t know one another in the slightest, and asking you to move in doesn’t make much sense but,” Gunhee paused, his expression serious, undaunted. “But you telling me what happened… and how you lost  _ everything _ … You lost your life, your freedom, your friends, your family, your trust-,”

“I lost myself,” Kihyun cut in, almost trance like.

Gunhee’s mouth snapped shut. Pushing his hands off of the rear surface of the seat, he whirls around the table. Kihyun watched him closely, feet planted, and unmoving. Gunhee halts in front of the shorter. Up close, Kihyun realized just how straight, and strong Gunhee’s nose truly was. “You haven’t lost yourself. If anything… you’re just  _ hiding _ .” 

It was as if Gunhee had hit the nail on the head, so to speak. 

In truth, he had felt exactly that way. It was as if Kihyun had been intrinsically hiding - but to a greater extent, he felt as though he had been hiding from himself the most. As if a grey, prosaic surfaced mask was placed before him to cover everything he was. A monotonous existence flowering recumbently. It sends shivers of grief down his back.   

“I just feel like you need someone on your side right now,” Gunhee shook his head, as if contemplating precisely what he was trying to express. Digressively, he swipes his tongue over his bottom lip. “And if you think i’m expecting something out of it, think again. Because, I don’t. I don’t even expect you to trust me. After what you’ve been through, asking you to trust me would be cruel.” 

Kihyun feels something burn in the back of his throat. It wasn’t painful, or tedious - it was something warm, and cozy. Like the slow burn of the first drink of coffee in the early morning. It was comforting, and it was something that was flowing to Kihyun’s fingertips. It was as if his body was receiving a hug through sentimental emotion. His lip twitched as a smile begged to show through.

“I don’t want pity.” 

“Who said anything about pity?” Gunhee cocked a half smile, shrugging his shoulders lethargically. “I just feel like my second floor is too empty.” He explained, brushing it off as if it were nil. But - to Kihyun - it was  _ everything  _ at this point in his life. 

“But, you… Wait, you said you were married? Then what about… ?” His voice trailed off to a mutter of the lips.

Gunhee shakes his head. Gradually, he cards his fingers through his dark hair - it feathers backwards smolderingly, only to fly forth into his face, and cover his forehead. The brilliant onyx fringe appeared to be such a prodigious change from the simple gelled back look that he had been sporting earlier. This style suited him impeccably, even going as far to say he appeared younger from it. Teeth shown as he smiled, Gunhee replied matter of fact. 

“ Si-young won’t mind. Seriously, he doesn’t care one way or the other when it comes to my antics. Plus, he’ll be too busy with work to even think about it.” 

Kihyun pursed his lips all the while he spoke, eyes drifting elsewhere.  

“So,” Gunhee breaks through once again. “What do you say?”

Even though he still had some reservations about it, Kihyun decided on it.

Not only did he have nothing left to go on - it wasn’t as if he had a line of offers waiting outside for him - but, he knew he wouldn’t be able to pass up such an offer from Gunhee. After everything that had happened, from all the pieces being put together, to all of the lies that had been the glue that was keeping them as a whole, it would be a great relief to finally find answers to the questions that were tormenting his entire existence. Gunhee had been a victim just as Kihyun had - albeit he hadn’t a clue of the betrayal and suffering that came with it - which gave reason for faith between them. 

Perhaps something close to credence, lingering. Yet, in some ways, it was a brush of fingertips too far from reach.  _ A sight for the eyes, but a deride to the heart _ , so to speak. 

And this will give Kihyun an assured chance to make it up to Gunhee for how he treated him. Even if the latter had somewhat brushed off the incident cooly, that didn’t mean Kihyun would simply let what happened between them slide. He was more than determined to right his wrongs, even if it meant righting them through different actions. All he could do was try.

So, he caves. 

“You have no idea how much I appreciate this…” Kihyun finds some sort of smile to give through the disarray. Without a second thought he urges to offer up pay for his stay, but he’s rejected straightaway. Instead, Gunhee takes him on a mini tour of his home. He finds that his room is the third door to the left at the end of a hallway that is filled with frames, and assorted 3D decal silhouettes of music notes. 

Gunhee and Si-young’s room was the door opposite to his - the bathroom being just to the right, a hint of amusement as Gunhee warns him not to get the rooms mixed up. He couldn’t promise safety, or new eyes if Kihyun were to walk in on them during the night. And of course, the final door at the end of the hall was never to be disturbed as it was Si-young’s work area slash disposition room. Kihyun had to solemnly vow to never enter unless invited, where even then, it wasn’t the best of ideas to actually follow through.

“The kitchen, living room, porch, and anywhere else is yours as you please.” He finished with a gentle gaze, eyeing him as if he were expecting something. Though, Kihyun had nothing to give but hesitance.

“And you’re sure about this?” He fidgets with his fingers, glancing up the stairs as he memorizes everything Gunhee had told him.

“I am, and stop mulling over it so much. Besides, you look like hell. I bet you’re exhausted to the bone. You should get some rest - if you need me, i’ll be in the living room. Okay?” Gunhee grins, excusing himself to dress down for the day and relax. 

Kihyun’s fingers twitched while Gunhee disappeared down the stairs. He hated to watch him go, there was still a lot more that Kihyun had wanted to talk with him about. But as the first yawn takes him over, he decided that unwinding wasn’t as bad of an idea as he thought when the questions seep into the depths of his mind. 

He would just have to wait for morning.   

  
  
  
  
  


Kihyun stared at the bed, dreadfully. 

There was just something about it that was ugly, and taunting. The emptiness of it seemed to be suffocating him like a persistent cataclysm. As if he were trapped inside the eye of a hurricane. It was not as though the room was the reason for the ungodly feeling that was twisting his gut. Far from it - in fact, the room was absolutely stunning. 

The walls were a deep mint, complimented with a porcelain white trim, and adorned with fanciful abstract designs that spread along the four square room. The windows - though customary in a standard sense - were scarce of any curtains to cover up the contents of the inside. The bed spread was a beige queen set with black swirls waterfalling down the front, as well as the pillows being of the same material.

At a touch, Kihyun felt the silk melt underneath his fingertips.

There were metallic framed pictures along the walls of anomalous style nature scenes, grayscale city streetlights, and a handmade wooden carving of an arrowhead pointed upward with some sort of quote etched in a language that was foreign to Kihyun. A few things seemed to stand out more than others - it felt as if Gunhee was going for an eclectic style when decorating the room. And Kihyun would definitely give him points for creativity.

But no matter how unique, and eye catching the room was, it still wasn’t powerful enough to distract Kihyun from the haunting melody that the bed was playing. 

Ever since he had been with Wonho, Kihyun had gotten used to sleeping with a loving warmth surrounding him. A beautiful embrace that gave him a euphoric sense of security, and a phlegmatic love that he hadn’t known how much he needed. Craved. And now, as Kihyun stared at the vacant, cold blankets, he realized just how spoiled he had become.

Making sure to keep his distance, Kihyun shuffled over to the light oak nightstand to empty his pockets of the money. He would think up ways to use it to make it up to Gunhee another time. For now, he turns his back to the ridiculing bed, and leaves to get a shower that was long overdue. 

The shower was just what he needed to clear his mind, and allow it to wander through the voice of space. Though, he knew he needed to devise a plan to figure out what he should do with his life. He had nothing… once again. 

Only - as before - Kihyun had a convenient place to crash. First, he bunked with Minhyuk when he was released from prison, and now he was living with Gunhee for however long he needed. When he thought about the profundity of it, he noticed how his situation sounded the exact same to that of a squatter. A bum. He felt whorish moving from house to house, not having a place he could call his own. Not a single thing that belonged to him, besides the clothes on his back that were filthy, days old, and smelled of the musky city air.

As sad as it sounded, Kihyun didn’t even own a phone any longer.

The memory of it slipping passed his fingers, and shattering against the tiles bursts through like a golden firework. It being the same day his entire world fell apart. 

With a heavy heart, Kihyun stands under the rushing water to drown out the world around him. A tapping comes through the rain, and Kihyun lifts his head. 

“Kihyun! I’m leaving some clothes for you by the door!” There is a faint whisper that Kihyun supposes wasn’t meant for him yet it drift through nonetheless. “I noticed you didn’t bring a bag with you, then I remembered why…” 

No matter how nice the offer was, Kihyun knew he wouldn’t be able to stay here long. And as much as he didn’t want too, he sleeps in the cold bed, with only his battered heart as a means of comfort.

  
  
  
  
  


Kihyun meets Si-young the following morning. 

And to describe their meeting as a little awkward would be a major understatement. 

He was woken that morning from a delicious, savory smell coming from the kitchen. His stomach was leading him out of the room. He hadn’t eaten in several days - a simple cup of coffee from the cafe with that hot, lanky worker was far from fulfilling. Kihyun was groggy, and the sleep in his eyes had made it difficult to function properly as he fumbled down the stairs. 

But as he turned the corner to enter the dining room, he came face to face with circle frames, and hamster cheeks.

He knew right away that the person was none other than Si-young himself. Not only because Gunhee had forewarned him, but simply because of the pictures he had spotted in the living room the night before. The pictures did not do the man justice as it were. 

Si-young was rather pale, with dark, thin eyebrows, and eyes that were small slits. His complexion was utterly flawless, and his adam’s apple very prominent. Even if he were wearing a pale peach baseball cap, Kihyun could see the blonde strands peeking out the sides, and behind his ears. His lips were glossy, and crumb coated. The air about him was charismatic, maybe a wisp of fame. As if this man was meant to be known by many, and loved by all.

Si-young stared at Kihyun expressionlessly.

His gaze bore into him questioningly, but nothing about them read anything of interest. It made Kihyun feel small, insignificant - more so than he already had. 

“M-Morning,” Kihyun cursed his voice for breaking. Why must be always act this way when he met someone new? He humby wished he could be as everyone else, and obtain some confidence; if only just a little bit.  

The latter hardly blinked, bringing the toast up to his lips. “You Kihyun?” He took a bite, and the crunching sound was pure bliss to Kihyun’s ears. 

“Yeah. Gunhee already explained everything to you?” He attempted to speak in short sentences as the other had been. Then he feels a tepid nudge on the curve of his back, urging him to thank Si-young just the same as he thanked Gunhee for letting him stay.

“Yeah. He said you would be staying here for a bit. Welcome.” The man in the baseball cap crunched again. “Are you hungry? Come, and enjoy.” He jutted his chin towards the plates, and bowls spread out on the table. He was mumbling in between his bites, still, Kihyun was able to hear the friendliness loud and clear. 

“Thank you.”

Kihyun shoves away the suspecting feelings of what exactly Gunhee had told Si-young about him, and why he would be living with them in the first place. Wonderingly, he surmises that he could be Gunhee’s long ago friend down on his luck, who is in need of some time to get back on his feet. It wouldn’t be a total lie after all. Kihyun was unlucky, and needed a bit to pick his life back up from the shambles it was rotting in. 

He decides to keep quiet about it, and only panic if Si-young began to ask questions.   

Kihyun takes a spacious seat at the table - politely, as to not intrude or disturb the others meal - and commences to shovel in bite after bite. It hit the spot way before it ever reached his stomach. His tongue was doing a dance on it’s own from the delectable flavors. Gunhee was by far a better craftsman in the art of cooking than Kihyun could ever wish to be. 

Light poured in through the window despite the coverage of the horizontal blinds. It was cool in the house, though more cozy. And the only noise that could be heard was from Si-young’s crewing, and the mini humidifier that could be seen from Kihyun’s seat. It was the ideal morning that Kihyun could ever dream of. Waking up to breakfast waiting for him, coming downstairs to be greeted a ‘Good Morning’, and eating in perfect silence. 

Of course, he always imagined sharing this type of homely joy with the person he was meant to spend the rest of his life with. Not intruding on someone else's happiness. Kihyun internally groans, the bite of food in his mouth turns bitter. 

Gunhee entered the kitchen with such a welcoming smile that Kihyun finds the strength to swallow the rancorous taste. “Good morning, Kihyun. How did you sleep?” He sets down a full pot of coffee amongst the little banchan dishes, and a clothed bowl of what looked like american style breakfast biscuits. He rests his graceful fingers on Si-young’s shoulder, squeezing lightly, relaxed. The silver band on his finger seemed to glimmer purposefully as Kihyun finally saw the ring for the first time since the announcement of their marriage.

It was so domestic, and - as silly as he found it - the ring seemed regal. Something of importance, and magnificence. Something that Gunhee absolutely deserved.

“I slept just fine,” He had fibbed. He wouldn’t admit that sleeping solo brought tears to his eyes. How cold, and lonesome he was when all he could think about were the passionate nights he and Wonho spooned. “It’s a really beautiful room, and the bed was so comfortable.” He holds back the blackened remorse as Wonho pollutes his mind as painfully as always.

“Ah, the room. Si-young decorated it.” Gunhee brings up a digit to flick the tip of the others cap. “I never understood what he was going for.” 

“I was trying to think outside the box, babe. You have to be artistic with such things.” Si-young says matter of fact, nibbling on some veg in between his chopsticks. “If you aren’t creative, how to do you expect to go far in this world? People deserve a fresh eye. Ordinary will ruin you.” 

A lithe spark rushes up Kihyun’s spine. 

“I really do like it. It’s unique with the way you don’t have curtains.” He feels a slithering happiness wrap around his throat as he beams. “I actually woke up with the sunrise, and all I could think about was how much Changkyun, and Hyungwon would love-,”

His voice vanishes - his body reacting faster than his mind when Kihyun realized what he had just said. An icy chill takes him over - he feels his restraint break, eyelids fluttering to keep the tears within’. The utensils, and food long forgotten. 

_ I did it again _ , he tells himself sadly. 

Si-young was the first to take notice of the sudden change in Kihyun’s demeanor. 

He twisted his body, fully, to face Gunhee, obviously puzzled. But all Gunhee could do was throw his husband an apologetic look. Removing his hand from Si-young’s shoulder, the pharmacist stepped around the table, not taking his concerned stare off of Kihyun. 

“Excuse us,” he mumbled, gently clasping, and tugging Kihyun by his elbow to drag him into the other room. 

With his mind momentarily distracted from being removed from his seat - Kihyun felt as though he were a child about to be scolded for his words from the way Gunhee excused them without so much of an explanation for Si-young. Almost as if it were taboo to speak of them. 

One big secret. Which, then again, it  _ were _ … 

Gunhee motions for Kihyun to sit beside of him on the faux aegean leather sofa. His fingers fiddle nervously out of habit as he takes in the sight of the room. He dismissed the shelf with the hanging images, and was easily drawn into the irregular shape of the mulberry brick fireplace to the left of them. Just in front of it set a nineteenth century fainting chair  - that Kihyun had seen once on a historical documentation program one night before switching channels - in coal velvet. And…  _ where those potted banana trees _ ?

Si-young had, more than likely, gotten his hands on this room as well. A fresh eye indeed.

“Uhm…” Gunhee hesitated with a twitch of his lip. It had suddenly become hot with expectancy. The impression that something pertinent was about to be confessed. He looked to be holding it back, something that needed to be said. As if he had to get if off of his chest. 

“Hyungwon, and Changkyun… They still dream of that?” 

If it were a question, then it was by far rhetorical. It was more of an impactful memory that slipped through with a sigh. Kihyun felt his heart jerk, slamming against his chest roughly. He hadn’t realized his jaw was on the floor until Gunhee continued. 

“Hyungwon used to tell me about a lakefront house. A place surrounded with lots of trees, and water. Somewhere secluded so he and Changkyun could live in peace.” Gunhee nodded to himself. Although he was staring right at him, it felt distant when he spoke to Kihyun. His _ eyes _ were distant as they twinkled with fictitious stars. “He said, he was going to paint his bedroom an auburn-, no, mahogany. So, when the sun hit it just right, the walls would burn.” 

Kihyun’s interest draws all the way in, focusing on the clench of Gunhee’s jaw as he reminisced.    

In all honestly, the story sounded exactly like something the ex model would dream of. Kihyun recalled how the single unit couple had always had an enthralling obsession with the rising, and setting of the sun. Kihyun believed it was due to the fact that the prison cells hadn’t contained windows for the morning light to seep through. The only time anyone would be able to feel the heat on their skin was during the minimal opportunities in the courtyard. It would make sense for someone to want to be selfish when it came to such a sight as the sun. It was a natural beauty that others took for granted each and everyday.

Kihyun swallowed hard. 

Throughout the entirety that he had spent with him, Hyungwon had not one time mentioned such a fantasy as the lakefront house. Never - Kihyun would have remembered it undoubtedly if he had. However, he began to consider that perhaps it was due to the timing. It wasn’t the right time, or the topic hadn’t come up from the situation not being comfortable enough, or… 

_ Or you weren’t as close to him as Gunhee was _ , the hissing voice in his mind spit. 

For a second time that day, Kihuyn’s stomach twists. 

He feels the blood drain from his face after such an inner discovery. He knew he shouldn’t ponder over it. Something like that meant nothing to him now. They lied to him, they betrayed him. It was just that… Kihyun, from the beginning, had held a soft spot in his heart for Hyungwon. There was something incredibly charming, and mysterious about him. Dare he say mischievous in those cheshire eyes of his. He was complex, but possessed a beautiful soul.

Kihyun thought they both had shared a precious bond. But, maybe not. 

“I guess that’s not his dream anymore,” Gunhee breathed out pleasantly. 

Kihyun drew his brows together, curious of the statement. “What do you mean?”

“I mean,” Gunhee pulled his shoulders up, only to drop them straightaway, “he told me about the lake. But, from what you said yesterday, it sounded like his new dream was living with you and everyone else in a big house together.”

There was a fluttering in Kihyun’s chest that he couldn’t quite understand. It was the sudden rush of excitement someone would get right before receiving a gift on their birthday, or the eagerness the night before Christmas. A soft tickling along his ribs. 

“Really?” He didn’t want to sound hopeful, but it came out that way.

Gunhee seemed to take the subtle hint, he gave a meek smile. “Yes, why else would he not tell you about the lake? You must have really made a deep impression for him to change his mind like that.” 

Avidity swept him away. It came to him like a long lost friend coming back into his life. A gentle breeze brushing his cheeks with feathery touches. A feeling of nostalgia of a happier time, an earlier memory that he had missed. That’s what it felt like as the conversation about the group took place. It felt like a hug - he hadn’t felt deprived any longer. As if speaking about them - the good moments - was what he truly needed to make everything better. 

“And the others? Did they ever tell you about their dreams?” Kihyun could feel the couch beneath him start to become more and more comfortable as his body relaxed. His fingers had ceased their obnoxious twitching, and his smile came easier than before.  

Gunhee dipped his head forward, “Yeah. If I can remember, uh. Changkyun wanted the same as Hyungwon did. It’s funny though. Changkyun was so dark, and angry I never thought he would want something so simple as sunshine to make him happy. Heh. Oh, uh… I wasn’t really close with Minhyuk but, he had said something about… What was it that he missed the most? Was it his hometown?” 

_ No, it was the beach _ . Kihyun mentally recalled but kept quiet. 

“Jooheon, his dream was making it big. He wanted people to know him. Wow. It’s been years since that time, and I can’t really remember much.” Gunhee rubbed over his chin, contemplating the best he could for Kihyun’s sake.  

_ He wanted a bright red car to show off with _ , Kihyun noted, teeth shown as his grin grew when the bright, enthusiastic face of Jooheon popped into his mind. How shocked, and happy he was when he found out that Kihyun had purchased his dream car as a gift for him. Kihyun had never been hugged so tightly in his whole life until that remarkable day occurred. Everyone was beaming, and having the time of their lives. 

“Did Wonho ever tell you his dream?” Kihyun asked with a slight pain building from behind all of the joy that he tried to keep close. 

Gunhee doesn’t waste a second to shake his head, expressing an amused, “No. Did he ever tell you what his dream was?” 

Kihyun straightened his back, though he couldn’t seem to hold his head up high as he usually did. “N-No… I don’t think he ever did.” There was a slight burning sensation on his ears, as if someone were talking about him. He reached up, rubbing them tenderly.

_ It had to be his sister… Being reunited with her again, that would be his dream _ .  _ Or the tattoo parlor. The one he worked everyday after his schooling to purchase _ . He thinks, feeling more than disappointed for some reason.

Gunhee scratched at the back of his neck, resting his fingers on his nape. His dark hair fell over his eyes, casting a shadow. “I guess that means his dream already came true.”

Kihyun shifted in his seat - why his heart began to pound at that second was beyond him. The implication that Wonho had already found his dream, his lives wish, and the way Gunhee’s lip curved into a proper smirk while doing so gave Kihyun hope where it was never meant to be. Instead, Kihyun grinds his teeth, glancing from Gunhee to the staircase. Unexpectedly, the lonely bed didn’t sound as bad anymore.

Gunhee must have realized Kihyun’s bubbling panic as he placed a pale hand over the shorters. “Look, I know this is hard.. Obviously staying away from them isn’t enough to heal you. You need to get out, have some fun. Do something to get your mind off of this.” 

Kihyun lowered his gaze to follow the shapes on Gunhee’s graphic tee. Kihyun couldn’t place the brand, but the front had various colors, and words in different languages all over. It was a notable contrast from the required ensemble he wore to work. Kihyun quirked a brow, rapt. “Maybe…” 

Gunhee blinked slowly, a moment of sedated, stretched inspiration. “You should come with me to Si-young’s show tonight!”

That brought Kihyun’s attention away from the shirt. The utterance of revelation was plain on Gunhee’s face. His eyebrows were lifted, widening his usual perfect slits to dazzling orbs, as he sat there slack jawed. Though the look was quite infectious, Kihyun could only wrap his mind around the words.  “His show?”

“Yeah - that’s his job. Si-young is a rap artist. His stage name is ‘Giriboy’. He plays at club ‘ _Vixx_ ’ every other weekend. On Friday nights he performs his own music, then on Saturday nights he freestyles against any challenger that wishes to go up against him. It’s really amazing. You _have_ to come, no, you _are_ coming.”

The ofter was tempting. 

Kihyun knew there was something great about Si-young when he had first met him, and this had confirmed it. He shows delight in the idea that his perception - though undependable at times - hadn’t faltered when thrown into unfamiliar territory. But a charge irks him with a runaround stab in the side. He was able to predict a lure in someone just by sight, but he couldn’t realize when the people he trusted the most were lying to his face. 

What sort of revolting derision was that? 

It was inwardly insulting. 

Even though he was still reeling in the downward spiral of the fresh agony in his chest, Kihyun doesn’t trash the idea of going out to distract himself. His mind was the main culprit in maintaining the hurt that kept the memory of Wonho close. It was as if he couldn’t let it go - as if there was something permanent, perennial that was forcing Kihyun to keep him  _ alive _ . It forced Wonho to stay there. His heart and his mind were waging a war inside of him. Shockingly enough, Kihyun couldn’t differentiate which was winning. 

A diversion from his thoughts would surely cure him from the overwhelming madness in his head. He needed a way to cope - this could be that chance. 

At long last Kihyun feels the straightening of his spine, and the lifting of his chin as he could finally hold his head up high, “I’m in.” 

  
  
  
  
  


Kihyun’s chest tightens.

Inside the club, the music was pulsating, vibrating all the way to Kihyun’s feet.

A throbbing beat that no one could speak through. Kihyun could feel the hairs on his arms stand on end as the thrash, and trap noises of the electronic music shift back and forth through his ears. A heavy voice blasted out sharp, incoherent lyrics from the front stage as the neon, and strobe lights flashed, and coruscate through the air of glitter. 

“Isn’t this great?” Someone yelled. 

Kihyun couldn’t decipher if the voice came from Gunhee or from the girl with the glowing belt, and lipstick to his side. He chooses to keep mum, no one would be able to hear his reply in the chaotic ocean of rhythm, and static. 

Kihyun’s palms burn with the pattern of the music - an ablaze liquid fire, swift, flowing like a current to his fingertips. It was encouraging, showering confidence down his back. He could hear a mellifluous array of silvery sounds through the tumult. Drawing him in. It was hypnotizing - captivating. A place Kihyun could definitely appreciate if it wasn’t for the red thread of fate tugging him away urgently. 

He ignores it, to caught up in the lights, and fascination of this new world he had just stepped into.

The crowd was a storm.

Bodies were pressed, and moving together - others thrusting, twisting, and bouncing through it all on their own. It was fascinating to watch the glamorous riot scream their adoration to the faceless singer on stage. Kihyun knew without a doubt that Si-young would be cherished far more in comparison. He even considered joining to show his support when the time arrived.

“Hey.” Kihyun flinches when Gunhee takes his hand to get his attention. Gunhee lifts a suspecting brow. “I’m leaving to go check on Si-young before the show. Just… try and relax, okay? Get a drink or something, loosen up a bit.” 

With that Gunhee shoots him a heartening smile, before disappearing through the hoard of colored hair, and twisted scents.

Kihyun doesn’t shun the advice, he takes it. 

His mind scatters with thoughts of what he should order when his bum hits the seat. It had been awhile since he last swallowed down a tasteful drink. He doesn’t consider the times back when he got off of work only to down a glass or two as chic. Those weren’t for pleasure, just mere pain killers. His after work, and neighbor headaches were something else. 

“What can I get ya?” The bartender asked, and Kihyun was taken aback. 

White hair, and studded lip piercings grabbed his interest so directly it made Kihyun’s mouth go dry. 

The bartender was beautifully golden. His lips were plump, and pouty, while his bedroom eyes smoldered sinfully. He was giving a look that should have been blacklisted as it was just too powerful to witness. The man wore a dark, shredded sleeveless shirt that revealed everything around his torso. Hanging from his neck, a black spiked collar for popular decoration.

_ What kind of world is this? _ Kihyun couldn’t help but ask himself. 

The bartender's eyes were like the evening twilight in color, and dangerous, salaciously so.

“I… don’t know,” Kihyun mumbled, transfixed. 

The man quirked his plump lips into a prurient smirk, licking over them all the while placing his palms against the flat top of the bar. “That answer doesn’t work for me.” His voice was heavy, chilling straight to Kihyun’s bones. And Kihyun didn’t understand why that thrilled him. 

It felt like something familiar - something that he had once before in his life. A rough, vehement desire that filled his lungs, and caused him to drown in the emphatic taste that was pure vice. But it was faint now, foggy as Kihyun tried to remember it. Rather, remember  _ him _ .

Who was he again? Why was he so important in this?

He shakes the thought away as the music, and radiance of the lights drag him back in, he realized the bartender was staring with intensity. Kihyun feels his cheeks heat up - not from embarrassment, but something more mindful.  “Well, what do you recommend? 

“Tonight's special.” The white haired man hunches over, bending down to grab at something from behind the bar. He pulled out an off white washcloth, and began cleaning the top of the table as he spoke. “It’s called the ‘ _ Monbebe _ ’. It’s something new we just added to the menu for special occasions. It consists of seven different shots, and a chunk of pink and blue cotton candy on top. But I should warn you, it’s a real leg spreader.” 

Kihyun lifted his brows, attentive though blushing like mad. “That sounds… interesting. I’ll have that.”

Admittedly, he hadn’t known first hand if he were a lightweight or not - those simple drinks he was used to taking back in his old home weren’t enough proof to allow him the knowledge of what he could and couldn‘t handle. But even so, this was going to be a fun night. He was going to make sure of that even if it killed him. Ordering something strong was what was going to help him out. He didn’t want to be a downer, he wouldn’t ruin Si-young’s special night.

“One Monbebe coming up,” The corner of the bartenders lip quirked up as he placed down a medium sized cup in front of Kihyun. Bottle after neon bottle did the man pour in the alcohol at an even pace - almost faultlessly. Kihyun half expected each combination to mix and morph into a hideous brown from each different liquid. However, instead of blending appallingly, the liquors swirl around concurrently as if it were a melted rainbow aglow.  

Kihyun’s stared, spellbound.

“What’s your name?” He asked as he fiddled with something behind the bar once again.

“K-... Kihyun.” 

“Well, Kihyun, “ The bartender placed his elbows on the table, resting, as he leaned acrossed it. Kihyun doesn’t move away when the man comes nose to nose with him. Close - so very close that Kihyun could smell the spicy musk of him. “Open your mouth for me.” He whispered. 

Kihyun does immediately, and something soft, and weightless was placed on his tongue.

“I’m Kai.” The white haired man with the studded lips said, giving a graceful wink. “Now, drink it down. Nice and slow.” He guided the cup to Kihyun’s lips, and Kihyun finds himself throwing his head back, downing the drink in one go. 

He gasped out noisily when he comes back up for air, his face scrunching up roughly from the strength the alcohol contained. For a moment, he expects it to come back up on him, but only as he’s greeted with another nefarious look from Kai does he want another one. 

And right away. 

“Well, well, not bad.” Kai cooed, placing a piece of the cotton candy on his own tongue. It melts straightaway - reminding Kihyun of molten lava searing, and blazing. “Not many customers can come in and surprise me like that.” Before Kihyun could muster up the nerve to say anything back to him, a voice calls for Kai’s attention, and the bartender vanished just as quickly as he appeared.

Disappointment tickled the back of Kihyun’s legs, but he had no time to persist with questions that had no answers when the racket erupted behind him. 

He nearly dropped from his seat when the spotlights hit the stage, and Si-young made his anticipated entrance. His pink cap from before was replaced with a blackened beanie - his pale knobby knees show through the slits in his jeans. A few ‘ _ chyeah _ ’s, and ‘ _ ay _ ’s are poured into the mic while Kihyun rushed through the crowd to get a better view. He spots Gunhee the exact moment Si-young started spitting out rapid, sharp rhymes non stop in a pit of silence. 

Kihyun feels his heart drop from the quiet of the club. The party goers press shoulder to shoulder with him, and the heat from everyone’s bodies cause him to,  _ in some way _ , feel protected. 

Si-young interrupts his own vicious word boasting, and the spotlight disappears. Then the instrumental exploded into the atmosphere, as does a surfeit of colors shattering like evenfall. His voice matched with the music behind him as he roars his phrases, calling out to them all. He pointed at the army of fans a time or two as if he were angry at them, as if he were accusing them of such vile things with his rap. Once again there is silence - Si-young laughs into the mic that is pressed against his lips, and the mobs go crazy with jouissance. 

Kihyun suspected this was the type of show Si-young liked to put on. A distinction between him and the other rappers in the club before him. He made a name for himself this way.  _ Giriboy _ , they seemed to cry out as Si-young spits fire. Kihyun was amazed at how much the entertainment spoke to him. How enchanted he was. He was beginning to learn more and more about himself each day with these experiences.

Beside of him, Gunhee’s eyes were shining like absolute diamond’s in the sea of darkness. His smile was amatory - affectionate as he stared at his husband on stage. Fondness clear cut, and seeping through, and Kihyun could feel it. Si-young sends a smirk Gunhee’s way at the start of another song. The love that the two shared was something to be admired. 

_ Admired or… something you should be feeling as well? _ The peaceful voice warned.

He pulled his brows together, doubting. 

Why would he be feeling such a love like that? Again he jerks away from the sense that he should he remembering something, or someone. It was becoming an annoyance when his mind attempted to bring forth a face that Kihyun couldn’t recall. The lights were too bright, and the music was too loud for him to try and process his mind's ridiculous thoughts. He was busy, he was just far too busy for such a thing. 

On sheer impulse, Kihyun joined in with the crowd jumping, and wailing with glee to the music that Si-young created. He needed to keep his mind preoccupied, and away from the faceless man in his head. And it felt as though this club would be his perfect little escape from reality. It was the ideal getaway from the sadness that gripped his heart with calloused fingers, and bruising teeth. There were thousands of people surrounding him so he couldn’t even dream of being lonely again. The drinks welcomed him, and numbed away the intrusive thoughts buzzing about with the ideas of…

He goes blank once again as he tried to remember.

Which is why Kihyun became frequent with his trips to the club. Days, nights, weekdays, and weekends it mattered not to him. As long as the door was open Kihyun graced the floor with his presence. As a continual customer he made the effort to get to know the seductive bartender known as Kai. He discovered the white haired man was in a committed relationship with a tall dog walker who had sultry eyes, and thin lips. 

That hardly stopped Kihyun from befriending him along the way. And therefore he is able to receive drinks for free on Kai’s work nights. 

Kihyun indisputably disregards his own self through the haze of the glamour and excitement of the club’s world. Consuming more alcohol than food or water. His sleep schedule shifted into a chaotic mess as he found that sleeping for more than three hours wasn’t really something he could find his body doing any longer. Rest was inconvenient, per say. He ran on nothing but the anticipation of how much fun the next night could possibly bring him.

Gunhee and Si-young expressed their worry, but it fell on deaf ears.

Kihyun wholeheartedly believed he had everything under control, and assured them of that. Or so that’s what he told himself. It wasn’t until the morning after a certain night he couldn’t quite remember did Kihyun begin to question his own capabilities. He couldn’t say he had a  _ black out _ aloud, it felt too harrowing to admit. 

His eyes were burning behind his lids as he weakly carried himself to the bathroom that morning. He couldn’t help but gawk in horror when he looked in the mirror at what he had become. 

Pink. 

That was the color that replaced the neutral brown of his hair. Unbelievingly, Kihyun slid his fingers through it as if the rose dye would evaporate right then and there. Yet, it stayed, soft and vibrant as he could ever ask for. He contemplates just how trashed he must have been to have wandered around in search of a parlor to do such a job. To most, it would have been a cry for help, but to Kihyun it was a sign that he just wasn’t enjoying life enough. 

So, he entailed to try harder. 

  
  
  
  
  


It was on a Wednesday afternoon when Kihyun felt himself finally snap.

He was feeling rather restless that day, and had decided that occupying his hands might help him through it. He opted to wash Gunhee’s dishes for him as a sort of ‘ _ thank you _ ’ for allowing him to stay in his home. He cringed when he noticed how he hadn’t even ventured towards a resolve with what to do with the money he had vowed to use for the sake of Gunhee and Si-young. He was lacking in that area - being lazy with it, even. 

It was such an uncomplicated task yet, he couldn’t even summon the strength to do so. 

Kihyun gritted his teeth as his head continued to pound unrelentingly. 

He had drank too much the night before, and this sort of newfound hangover was giving him undiluted hell. To confess, Kihyun deserved the pain. He thought he would be able to play his hand in a little drinking game. Divulging in a shot for shot match with a man at the bar that had been hitting on Kihyun that entire night. Even though Kihyun made sure to show his disinterest in him, that didn’t slow the compliments, and soft touches he received. 

Kihyun had been far from flattered, in fact he had felt utterly disgusted with the entirety of it. It wasn’t as if the man wasn’t his type - the man was certainly striking - but something about it seemed off to him. He felt… guilty for even initiating the game while that person carried such hope that Kihyun couldn’t grant. It felt as though he would be… cheating. 

_ Cheating _ … 

Kihyun halted his cleaning to rub over his middle, nauseous.

It was an abrupt sickness that seemed to build a slithering pain behind Kihyun’s ribs. It wasn’t a feeling of having to empty his stomach. It was different, and far more grave. Lurking, and creeping around each bone as if it were taunting. Oscillating slowly to make it’s presence known before it’s imminent emerge. 

Kihyun knew it was wrong. Cavorting with a guy while his heart would always belong to another. Even if it was something as simple as having a drink with him - it was nothing but a mistake. 

With his mind clear from the fog of the usual alcohol, and the luminescence of the club at bay, he could finally remember. Recalling the suffering he tried to escape from, recalling the face of the man that had been haunting him for weeks now. The pointed nose, the crescent eyes, the pale hair…

Wonho. 

Kihyun chokes on a breath that seemed to be trapped, his hand flies up to his throat to clutch it tightly in distress. One of the plates he had been holding slipped from his fingers, and hit the floor with a loud  _ crash _ . Kihyun jumped back just in the nick of time to miss the shards that ricocheted, and bounced upward from the kitchen tiles. His heart went haywire from the exhilaration as the impact of the glass appeared to frighten away the torment in his gut.

Kihyun glances up at the stack of plates drying on the dish drainer. Steadily, almost vigilantly, Kihyun takes another plate into his hands. He keeps it close to his chest, thoughts racing as a few memories of Wonho slipped through the sealed off doors. 

He sees Wonho out on the courtyard as the sun beats down on him from overheard. He sees Wonho on the bench press as he and Changkyun work out together. He feels the gentle touch of Wonho’s fingers on his neck as Wonho confessed to Kihyun in the cell after beating up the shaved head guy from the showers. He tastes Wonho’s lips after all the nights of pleasure, and animalisk passion. He sees and feels everything once again, and just like before… it hurts.

Without a second thought Kihyun brought the plate up high in the air, only to slam it down onto the black and white tiles of the kitchen floor. It smashed, and the sound pierces his soul. He picks up another, and then another as he begins to destroy them. Shattering each plate as if it were a single memory that Kihyun could ambivalently get rid of. The breaking noises that echoed throughout the home felt as though they were slicing through him - lancing, and gashing him apart from the inside. It was distracting, it was off-putting, but it was working. 

“Kihyun! What the hell are you doing!” Gunhee yelled as he rushed down the stairs. His eyes were round, and distraught, his hair a mess as he bolted to Kihyun’s side. Snatching the next plate that Kihyun was holding away, he used his free hand to grab the shorters wrist firmly. “Kihyun! Stop!”

“Why the hell should I stop!” He fought back. Kihyun wrenched his wrist free from the hold, death gripping another memory, ready to obliterate it as he saw nothing but red. 

“Look, I understand-,” 

“No, you don’t!” Kihyun cut him off promptly from finishing the sentence. His teeth were bared, his voice carnivorous with rage. He could feel his face heating up. “You wouldn’t understand! Okay? You wouldn’t understand because you walked away! I didn’t get to walk away, because I was thrown away. It’s not the same!”

“I-,” Gunhee strained to make his voice heard, but Kihyun was too quick on the draw. 

“I don’t want to hear it! You don’t have any idea of what i’m going through! You don’t, and you won’t because you didn’t have to go through it! You have your happy ending. You’re married to an incredible man who doesn’t lie or betray you and actually loves you. Okay? So stop trying to relate to me with this because you just can’t!” 

“Alright, that’s enough!” Gunhee’s voice carried over Kihyun’s screams, and the clattering of the plates. The resounding shout sends waves of shudders through Kihyun that makes him freeze. The vermilion melts from his eyes, as does the fury, replacing with colors of the world around him. Gunhee dropped the plate onto the table hard enough that he could have broke it himself.

“I’m so tired of your moping, and whining around, Kihyun!” He bites, his hands twisting into fists, shaking. It looked as though Kihyun was about to be decked in the jaw. “I sympathised with you. I really did. But for the passed couple of days you’ve been acting, just… like a victim. And i’m sick of it!” 

Kihyun’s heart skipped a beat from the declaration, his lips parting in the start of his jaw dropping, speechless. 

“Wonho lied to you, they all lied to. So what? Why does that matter? You were going to break them out, who cares if they planted the idea in your head first! Who cares if they had everything planned, and ready to go? If it wasn’t for their help in it you wouldn’t have got them out! And you would have failed, and be put back in prison! Only this time you wouldn’t have them to be there for you! You would have been shoved into a different place. With a new cellmate who wouldn’t be as nice or trusting as Wonho was! You got them out! You got what you wanted! But you freak the fuck out when you find out that they helped you along the way? So what? They stayed, Kihyun! They stayed with you even after they got out! They didn’t abandon you! Do you know what would have happened if it was I who got them out? Do you?” 

Gunhee pressed, causing Kihyun to take a step back, his spine bumping up against the counter. The shivers still took him over to the point where he couldn’t speak. He could only watch in silence, granted a little terrified of this side to Gunhee. 

“They would have left me the moment they got out! And do you know why? Because they didn’t care for me like they cared for you! They stayed for you! Do you understand me? They stayed for  _ you _ !” Gunhee panted softly as the yelling dropped from his pinked lips. His nimble fingers relaxed, hanging at his side once again. Even the irate atmosphere around them softened the ever growing tension. “So go ahead… Destroy my stuff, Kihyun. Destroy my plates, destroy my glasses, my pictures, you can even destroy the vase of flowers Si-young got me if you think it’ll help… But after you’re finished tearing everything to pieces, i’m going to clean up my home… and you’re going to realize that you’re back to where you started… ”

With that Gunhee gave Kihyun one last lukewarm stare then disappeared from the kitchen to retrieve a broom to clean up the mess Kihyun had made out of his own pity.  _ Pity _ … the one thing he didn’t want to feel from anyone, yet here he was… sending it to himself. His own culpability. 

For the first time in weeks Kihyun feels the tears prick at the corners of his eyes, not in sadness, but in realization. 

  
  
  
  
  


Kihyun staggered into the club the next night, messily. 

He was feeling utterly exhausted - his lids drooping, his clothes disheveled as he bumped his way through the crowd of party goers. His teeth were chattering together as if he were cold, and he swayed from side to side as the night before hadn’t seemed to wear off just yet.

Kihyun’s mind was spinning in circles. The flashing lights cornered him, whirling him around as if he were a weightless ragdoll. Dragging him, and tripping him up with the blaring of the music's sirens. The reverberations made him feel as if he were on a carnival ride that was jumping off the tracks.  

He managed to find his way to the bar where he knew Kai would be working for the night shift. He humiliatingly missed the stool when he went to take a seat - hurriedly, he gripped the edge of the bar to keep himself from tumbling to the floor. He knew if he ever went down, he wouldn’t have the strength to pick himself back up. 

“Whoa, Kihyun. Be careful.” He heard the familiar voice of the bartender. He felt a helpful hand placing itself over his own when he finally dragged his body back up to face Kai. The bartenders expression was that of dark concern, but Kihyun paid him no mind. Instead, he snatched the bottle of alcohol from the worker's hand to abuse for himself.

“Thanks.” He made an effort to say as he pushed himself back off of the table.

“Kihyun. Wait. You can’t take that!” Kai warned but once more the shorter brushed it off.  

He struggled horrendously to follow his feet. Not sure of where they were leading him when he tipped his head back to swallow down gulps from the bottle.

The lights were dim in the cramped room. A gloomy spruce tone appeared all over him as the florescent lighting hit his skin. Graffiti plastered the walls when Kihyun stepped into the bathroom, the stench caused him to cover up his nose. The bottle falling from his hand while doing so. He made his way to the sink, and rested his palms against the grimy porcelain. The carafe long forgotten

It felt like an eternity since Kihyun had last took the time to look in a mirror closely.

It was as if he had been avoiding himself - refusing to come to terms with what he had become, and with everything that had happened recently. His skin was milky, and faultless, though the overtime stress was evident in his features. Most importantly, in his eyes. They looked ageless, strong, but wholly tired. His taffy colored hair had become faded from multiple washes, and the style was complete bed headed into chaos.

At a glance, Kihyun could see it. How much of a  _ curse _ he was.  

He brings his pale fingers up to his cheek, too cowardly to touch. “Wh-... Why wasn’t I worth more too you?” He whispered to the one person who wouldn’t be around to hear it. “I loved you… and you br-broke me…”

Dazedly, Kihyun gathered himself up, and raced out of the bathroom. He sprinted back onto the dance floor, briskly as if someone were chasing him. Dodging the crowd left and right as best as he could. He comes chest to chest with someone who ended his sprint with a light thud. Without thinking, Kihyun gripped the front of the shirt, seeking some comfort in whoever was willing to give it to him. The man wraps his arms around Kihyun’s waist, keeping him close. 

Kihyun shut his eyes tight, embracing the warmth that engulfed him.

It was familiar - devotedly so. It felt as though it was something he had been waiting for. It was something he had been yearning for, and he was suddenly becoming so needy for it. 

“Kihyun, thank god.” Gunhee’s voice comes up from a short distance, he sighed heavily, weary. Though he felt jocund that someone was concerned about him, that didn’t give Kihyun reason to pay him any attention. He thoroughly pressed into the stranger evermore. “I was so worried. I've been looking everywhere for you, I-,”

Gunhee’s voice died as he moved closer. 

Kihyun glanced his way, turning his head to peer at him. The pharmacist was gawking forwardly. His mouth agape, his slits as wide as they’ve ever been as Kihyun followed his gaze to look up at the stranger. But he saw  _ nothing _ . His eyes were turning against him as were the lights in the club. He could only feel the heat from the stranger's body - and that was plenty.

“I’m taking him home with me.” The stranger's voice was earthy, and naturally licentious. He slid his hands up Kihyun’s back to take hold of his shoulders, imprinting trails of fire on him.

“I’m going with him,” Kihyun proclaimed, unmoving. All Gunhee could do was stutter out an answer, uncomprehendingly.

Refraining from giving a proper explanation, Kihyun walked out with the stranger into the cold. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


Kihyun supposes this is inevitable. 

When a heart is torn, and battered enough into looking for something to stop the pain, it doesn't matter what it will find to relieve the suffering. The only thing that will matter is how far the heart is willing to go to find exactly what it wants. But sometimes, what the heart wants might not be what the mind thinks it should have. The heart is just far too strong to overpower. 

And as Kihyun wakes up in a room that doesn’t belong to him, sleeping in a bed that isn’t familiar to him, he finds that his heart wasn't hurting any further. 

He feels a slight tempered pressure resting on his chest, and he was determined to build up the courage to take in the sight of the stranger he had left the club with last night. He needed to face his indignity, however, shockingly enough, his heart was as calm as peace. There wasn’t an urge for him to fiddle with his fingers as he did in every other situation that was unbearable for him. He couldn’t quite perceive the meaning hidden beneath it - but that didn't matter.

He filled his lungs while he counted down in silence.  _ 3… 2… 1… _

The first thing that catches his eye is the head full of blue hair, and it reminded Kihyun of  _ waves _ .  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, if you can guess the surprise ship in this chapter you will get one free Monbebe drink! ♡


	25. *A gift to my readers*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a little gift to my readers since i've been a horrible author too you...

**(** **The night prior** **.)**

  
  


Kihyun wonders if it’s worth it. 

To harbor such animosity in his heart that he was inordinately amenable to put himself in this kind of position without fear of consequence. It was apprehensive. The worry, anger, and betrayal that burned so profoundly bright from his throat to his fingertips. He could physically feel himself falling into trouble, and falling hard…

Kihyun was shoved against the wall rather roughly. His back naturally arching into a beautiful curve when a sharp gasp passed through his tender lips. 

Though his head was spinning, the quivering of his freshly devoured neck brings him down from a constant high that threatened to whisk him away. The faceless man breathes out a husky noise from above that causes Kihyun to blush, all the while covet hands press, and dig into his bony hips. He presses their middles firmly together - the shivers attack Kihyun’s spine. His head drops backwards in elation, and connects with the wood behind him. 

The mews build on his tongue, but he refuses to let them escape. The fuzzy familiarity of the scorch roams through the fabric of the faceless man’s shirt when Kihyun slides his fingers down his chest. But, a shift in position, and an intoxicating movement causes Kihyun to become vocal with absolute need.   

His world was spinning in colorful swirls of electric lust - as was his head. He was dazed, his sight blurry, his mind obscured. He felt as though he were walking through a foggy world of broken mirrors - a world where everything was stunning confusion. Every movement was lucid, every touch clear, though faces were empty. Bare and expressionless, and he couldn’t seem to rectify the reason why. 

Names traced the base of his tongue but he couldn’t seem to make them pass through his lips. He began to think back, to remember how he had gotten himself in this situation. But he couldn’t find them: couldn’t find a name, couldn't place a face. He was just  _ lost _ .  

The man rolled his hips, and Kihyun shuddered out a gasp. 

He balled his hands into fists against the man’s shirt, his jaw going slack as his mouth was being consumed. The kiss was burning, and a bit too intimate for after dark strangers. But it was drowning him, dragging him under so easily, almost as if they  _ had  _ shared this type of kiss before. It tasted of something that Kihyun once craved.

His touch was magnetic. Sensational.

Electrifying as the tips of his fingers slid up the skin of Kihyun’s bare back. The golden energy between them flowed to and fro with each touch. Vibrant, and dazzling in the darkness of the room. It builds in his chest, urging him forward. His body begs to become closer.   

But, his legs buckle when the faceless man’s hand finds it’s way to the dip in Kihyun’s back. The floor beneath him becomes unsteady - he feels as though this was the sort of falling that was overtaking him since the beginning. But the fear was nowhere to be found. 

An arm wraps around his middle, keeping him from sinking to the floor. “Careful.” The faceless man presses his lips against the shell of Kihyun’s ear. His breath ghosts out hotly, right over his most vulnerable of spots.

It pushes Kihyun into overdrive. 

Into a time where the bewilderment of the alcohol’s dubiety was jostled aside. Where there was steam, and exotic noises that ricocheted off the dim walls. The faceless man latches onto Kihyun’s neck once again causing the fog to dissipate from his mind. He can see it now, though the image was dizzy.

The double beds come through the blur - an array of rattling from the onset metal railings echo out. The walls were dull, and boxy. Although the space was windowless and woe, the presence of moonlight veiled over the palest of the two figures. _This is_ _bizarre_ , Kihyun thought. He felt as though he were reliving this moment - he was staring up from the bed, his eyes connecting with someone above him.

His breathing stilled.

The man’s chest was absolute  _ art _ . The sight was faint, and just out of reach but Kihyun was somehow able to visualize the beauty of it meticulously. 

Consisting of black more so than the other colors - the ink was pressed thoroughly over the light skin. Etched into the unequivocal body as if the tattoos were somehow prophetic scriptures. Designs, and configurations that were blessed to be chosen to be imprinted on him. It was arresting. And it was then that Kihyun recalled dreaming of such a hauntingly ravishing sight many a nights before.

Although Kihyun was frightfully wrecked from the countless intoxicating drinks of the club, he could patently tell that this man hovering over him wasn’t the same faceless man he had followed home. And as rough hands slide up Kihyun’s sides, he feels slightly torn. He can’t seem to make out whose searing palms they belonged too.

Or perhaps… 

His thoughts flit through the brume. He opts to experiment with the rush of newfound wonderment.

_ If the pale figure possesses them, so should the faceless man... _ A fragile voice assures, raising question to the tattoo’s existence once more. And all reasoning deadens.  

Kihyun cautiously slithers his hand up the faceless man's shirt - fingers painstakingly searching. They glide over warm skin, and prominent veins as Kihyun attempts to unearth engraved ink through sheer touch alone. He seeks out the colors he so direly needs. But he feels the man’s stomach clench feverishly under his caress, and it causes Kihyun’s mind to stumble. The tattoo’s significance momentarily vanish.  

“Focus, baby.” His voice was raspy.

The ground disappears from beneath his feet, and the image before him drifts away like drawn, muted smoke. The pale figure is overthrown - replaced by the faceless man’s power. His drive. Rough hands cup, and lift Kihyun into his arms. The shorter reaches up to clutch tightly around the man’s neck on pure instinct. Their noses bump together. 

No matter how curious, Kihyun slips his gaze downward - he couldn’t bring himself to look the man in the face. He aims to keep this alluring creature a prurient secret. 

Kihyun is dropped onto the bed with a slight bounce. His stomach doing somersaults of excitement from the riotous action. The room melts from humidity the moment the faceless man hovers atop Kihyun’s trembling form. He felt so impuissant in that moment, so small compared. But, somehow so  _ safe _ . 

His heart begins to shake as the pale figure comes back into the vehement perspective. Irrevocably persistent. The memory shadows over his view - disturbing the atmosphere once more. Cold, subtle hands cup Kihyun’s cheeks ever so gently, as the pale figure dips his face forward to press their foreheads together. And for a moment Kihyun can  _ feel _ calm breezes, can  _ hear _ babbling brooks, and can  _ see _ soaring birds. His soul begins to fall. 

In some way Kihyun can sense light from him - from his hands, from his lungs. The heat is too much to handle as he yearns to clutch desperately. Something in Kihyun calls out to this man. Something flourishing, and lustrous. So natural, and comfortable but ultimately helpless to sway. He felt exposed along tantalizing touch. 

It was almost as if there was a war raging between the men. Two sides of the  _ same _ coin beckoning to face upwards. Fighting for dominance - demanding total control.     

And as expected, the mettled impetus clash.  

The white fire of the pale figure, and the black ice of the faceless man shift, and merge, and overtake as Kihyun lies in paralyzed self indulgence. His eyelids droop from the feral intoxication. Even now with the raw smoldering of the two men above him does the alcohols poison seem as strong as it had the moment it passed Kihyun’s lips.

But soon the frozen touch fades from his cheeks, a hand presses into the sheets adjacent to Kihyun’s head, and the bed sinks further down. It compels Kihyun to glance up at the two men in battle. 

Dark lines cross over evanesce rage from the image overhead. The climates still - the white fire burns out, and the black ice melts. The two men blend together like troubled water. Coalesce, as they unite - descending into one another. They form a single unit, no longer fighting each other, but rather becoming one.

Kihyun stares in awe.

He raises his hand to brush his fingers against the man's jaw tentatively. The skin was light, but blistering to the tips. A shirt covers the tattoo’s that had shown great significance, but they run up the man’s neck like blossoming petals. And Kihyun begins to understand.

_ They’re the same person _ , his mind fully surmises.             

Kihyun’s hand then moves on it’s own, drifting along the side of the man’s face. Tracing, admiring. The man seemed to tilt his head to the side, resting. As if he were attempting to unwind in Kihyun’s palm. Kihyun’s soft touch disappears beneath dark bangs, and he is bewitched when he catches sight of gold flecks. The man's eyes were striking like the depths of daybreak. Crystalline in dazzling fawn. The eyes of a dreamer, of a free spirit, a  _ wild _ animal…  

Wolf eyes.

_ Wonho’s eyes _ , a voice recalls.           

Kihyun gasps out in total shock. With what little strength he could muster, Kihyun shoves the man away from him completely. He clambers up the bed - creating as much distance as he possibly could from him - before his spine connects with the headboard.

“I-.. I can’t.” He breathes out in sin.

Kihyun pulls his knees up to his chest as the guilt draws near like a raging storm. His teeth clench at the thought of what he was about to do. Even now it seemed Kihyun was a slave to his feelings. A prisoner to his heart. He would never be released from the love he survived on. No matter how many days had passed, or however many miles away he was, Kihyun could still feel the darkening of the blame. 

Kihyun knew there was a reason why he couldn’t bring himself to look at the faceless man. He knew his mind would deceive his eyes, would delude his reality. It would be too  _ real _ , too promising, and this had confirmed it. Kihyun wouldn't put himself through false hope again. 

“I can’t… “ 

“Why? What’s wrong?” The man asks, concerned. Their foreheads meet once more, and it’s deftly clear that it’s an endeavor to calm Kihyun down. Nevertheless, Kihyun’s quivering lip speaks louder than his words ever could.   

“B-Because ... You’re not  _ him _ .” 

Their lips brush tragically as Kihyun sings softly a monstra of his undying loyalty to his true love. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (I've had the worst two to three months of my life recently, so I hope this will make up for it. It hasn't gotten any better yet, but i'm still trying my hardest to make up for it as i'm already working on the next chapter. I love you guys, and i'm so sorry 


	26. D R A M A R A M A

**(The morning after.)**

  
  
  


It was utterly strange - if even a little surreal.  

Dreamlike, as Kihyun comes face to face with Wonho in what had felt like delicate eternity. The closeness was enchanting, breathtaking. The static in the air was pricking at his skin while time stood still between them, for them. The world around the two goes out of focus, changing all things into flushed obscurity…  

Kihyun could taste a faded metallic essence on his tongue. His gut tightens from a sharp pain - like the feeling of broken glass carving into his bones. A mournful agony.  

Wonho had changed so much.

His usual milky complexion had become all the more paler, if ever it was possible. The hue of his hair now varied between the whites of the snow, and the waves of the sea. His features had sharpened, elucidating his beauty into that of daring fighter. Of someone who was bold, and courageous - a person whose strength surrounded them, not _made_ them. His eyes were deep set, and ablaze like torches in the gloom. They were no longer predacious as Kihyun had remembered, but undoubtedly exhausted.

The caress of a fond memory wisps across his lips, almost as if it were hinting to him. And if he were to listen close enough, he started to believe he could hear music. The dark instrumental sounds of breathy otherworldliness from the first day of their freedom together. The steady rhythm of romantic resonance just beyond the silence. A melody entirely for them.      

A glister of feelings rush to Kihyun’s fingertips.

The feeling of anxiousness, the feeling of being confused. He felt the thrum of defensiveness, and the mile of determination. He felt immediately distracted. Fascinated, frustrated… scared. He felt patient, resentful, he felt vulnerable. And yet through all of the smoke of his conflicting feelings does he feel something that is the most bewildering of them all.

Kihyun feels _adoration_.

His hand inches forward from beneath the blankets on the bed.   

Kihyun had felt like he had been in a deep sleep for so long - endlessly suffering, traveling through the days with his eyes closed. Sleepwalking, if you will. But, looking at Wonho now makes him feel like he was finally awake. No, not awake… Alive.

Even still, Kihyun’s voice is swallowed into the abyss. His chest hollow, empty. The usual obnoxious butterflies in his stomach were dead. His bashful smile never surfaced. The constant euphoria of happiness had bled out. His heart never beating…      

The moment would have easily been described as earth shattering.

Kihyun’s eyes begin to burn.

A tingling, prickling sensation he usually felt when the tears pooled, and stung the corners of his eyes. But this burn was far from the sadness that came with the tears - this burn was fervid, and intense, and made Kihyun feel dizzy with wrath. This burn shoved away the cloudy sentiments, and replaced them with the memories that haunted him day and night.

A spark ignites behind Kihyun’s careworn mind.

The impression from last nights drunken oblivion. When the faceless man, and the pale figure became one, when the two men held Kihyun as if he were something precious to them. How the lust scorched the night, and befitting a fulvous glow. And of course, Kihyun backing out from his own culpability.

 _You’re not him_ , he recalled devotedly.

Except, it was him. Wonho had been there the whole time. It always had been _him_.

The air between them shifts from exasperation, to duplicity and back again as the tides of his broken past turn. Kihyun doesn’t want to relive it, but it charges towards him like an unmerciful, blistering army.

 

_Did you ever love me while we were in prison?_

 

_...No._

 

   

Kihyun could feel his face evolve from altruistic confusion to unmasked bitterness in a matter of seconds. His resolve, although mangled beyond recognition from previous heartache, snaps. Kihyun yanks his hand from the confines of the blankets, and it connects with Wonho’s jaw viciously. The impact was so loud it echoed off the walls of the room. The stinging of his palm goes unnoticed.

The extent of the strike causes Wonho to jerk his head to the side. His face contorts in discomfort, his teeth grit, as his hand flies up to cover his pain. Shame and gratification fills Kihyun’s chest at the sight. Even so, the complacent taste he had anticipated doesn’t entice his palate. He hadn’t felt full from the action but rather, he felt hungry for more.

“Ugh.” A tempered groan escapes the taller. It rumbled out in disbelief, as it wasn’t expected.   

When Wonho returns from his soreness to stare at him in incredulity it’s then that Kihyun set his sights for round two. His eyebrow twitches at the slight feel of deja vu from when he had hit Hyungwon at the park. He remembered the hurt in his voice, the tears rolling down his cheeks.

 _He deserved it_ , Kihyun thinks, but a nagging voice tugs at the back of his mind telling him that maybe he _didn’t_. But, Kihyun’s hand is already in mid swing before he could reconsider anything as thoughtful, or pensive.

However, in that moment, Wonho does something that catches Kihyun off guard.

The lapis ombre haired man captures Kihyun’s wrist strictly in his grasp. He halts the impending second slap altogether. Yet Kihyun is adamant with his feelings, so he sends a final bash into the air with his free hand. His fingers now curled, forming a fist. And just as the first had been, the attempt was caught - leaving Kihyun trapped, and stationed in Wonho’s hold.

Wonho grips Kihyun’s wrists staggeringly tight, almost as if he was afraid to let them go. He draws Kihyun forward with his presence. Their faces were merely inches apart - a moment that would typically throw Kihyun into nervousness, now only leaves him mentally reeling. Wonho’s mouth is set in a straight line, as shadows dance in the furious dusk of his eyes.      

“... Stop looking at me. I can’t _breathe_ when you look at me.” Kihyun murmured, spellbound by Wonho’s unintentional charismatic pull. It was as if Kihyun was experiencing their first meeting all over again. How unordinary the first impression of him was, how edgy he was, how exhilarating he made every single instance they shared.  

“I’m just looking at-,”

Kihyun cuts him off immediately, his eyelids falling to a close. “No, you’re not.”

“How am I looking at you, Kihyun?” Just the utterance of his name sends shudders through him. Wonho’s voice hadn’t ventured above a whisper either. He kept his words hushed, and soft. Quiet as if they were back in the prison, in their shared cell room in the midst of the night. Their fingers intertwined, gazing into one another's eyes. The gentle touches, the heavy emotions, it came back to him so fervently.

Kihyun shakes away the thought, “Y-... You look at me like… Like you’re seeing right through me. Looking at all of my vulnerable places, and I can’t stand it…” He yanks his wrists free from Wonho’s firm grip.

Kihyun glances downward, and for the first time since he had awakened did he notice that he had been fully clothed. The details of the night before were still quite fuzzy, but it seemed he hadn’t caved in on himself.

Wonho on the other hand hadn’t been so swathed.

His entire upper body was flawlessly unveiled. The latters tattoos spiked the temperature in Kihyun’s cheeks. How they could seduce Kihyun with their mysterious charm, even now. How each and every one of them had an arcane meaning behind them. Special meanings that Kihyun hadn’t been able to reveal…   

Kihyun lifted his head away from the masterpiece, which provoked him into surveying the unfamiliar territory he was currently residing in.

It was far from the tiny apartment where the seven of them had lived together. The room was enormous, but relatively bare. The beige mundane wallpaper looked freshly pressed, and the imitation wood floors were newly polished. The windows were covered in lengthy shades, but absent of curtains. A few packing boxes lingered against the corner of the room near a set of pastiche carved double doors.

It looked as if someone was in the process of moving in.  

“That’s not what I see when I look at you.” Wonho’s hand extends out towards Kihyun’s face, but the shorter recoils. “I’ve never seen you as someone who was weak.”  

“I don’t care what you see.” He snarls from between grit teeth, pushing himself off the bed. Rage clouds his vision while he stumbles to find his shoes. “I never expected you to take advantage of someone who was totally shitfaced. Is this just a game to you?” He bites, hurriedly shrugging his jacket on. Kihyun needed to get out of there, and fast.

“A game?” Wonho blinked owlishly, bouncing from his seat along the many sheets.

Kihyun throws a malign look over his shoulder, causing Wonho to lick his lips in revised thought. “Okay, it was a dick move. But, can you blame me? You practically threw yourself at me last night, I couldn’t resist. Plus, it’s not like we got far, you stopped it.”

“I stopped it because-,”

Kihyun’s voice vanishes the moment he noticed his reflection in the old-fashioned mirror near the bare clothed window. He was stunned.  

There were faint inky smudges near the outer corners of his eyes. His lashes were darker than usual, and felt heavy. Lurid traces of garnet shadow bled through the black on his upper lid, making his umber eyes shine silver in the light. Everything was smokey. Bewitching.

And assiduously laughable.

Kihyun could feel the shame crawling up his arms as he stared at himself in the mirror. He looked unquestionably ridiculous, absurd. It wasn’t as if what he had on was shoddy, but it was thick, and flashy like fast streets, and city life. He didn’t look like himself, in fact, he couldn’t even recognize the person looking back at him. This person was far stronger than Kihyun could ever be. This person was vicious, this person was untamed.

A painted _whore_.

 _No wonder those men bought me all those drinks_ , he thinks idiotically.

Kihyun can only wonder when exactly the makeup had began. He couldn't invoke the ghosts from previous nights in the club, or recall his actions prior. Or figure out how he was even able to obtain such things. He’d never bought chapstick for his lips let alone give coal liner a second glance. It seemed as though there were secrets that Kihyun could keep even from himself…

He vows then and there to never touch another drop of alcohol.

Kihyun’s transfixed gaze hits the floor - the mortifying feeling has yet to pass, and it may never. It’s fates guess as to what Wonho must think of him, and this… _look_.

 _Why do you care what he thinks?_ A voice asks, and Kihyun wavers.     

“I-I don’t have to explain myself to you.”  

It was a too fair explanation for someone who had destroyed him, Kihyun believes. Then again, Wonho doesn’t need to hear the real reason why Kihyun had stopped it. He didn’t need to know why Kihyun couldn’t be with anyone that wasn’t _him_ . But it _was_ him, he recounts.       

He swept passed Wonho, purposefully knocking shoulders with him on his way around the bed. “Kihyun, wait.” The latter attempted but Kihyun was as bitter as ever. He doesn’t wince or hesitate at the brittle sound of his voice, he simply charged for the exit.

His mind goes haywire with thoughts of what he would tell Gunhee when he got back home. How could he ever explain himself? He would never be able to admit it out loud. Admit that he was too intoxicated to be in control, therefore running back to the one that had hurt him the most as a last ditch effort. Excuses topple over one another, and nothing sticks. Gunhee must be terribly worried about him. He had so many apologies to give.

The money floats back to his mind in an instance.     

Before Kihyun’s fingers can grace the cold metal of the knob he is unexpectedly shoved up against the wall.

His back is pressed to the wood unceremoniously, his palms placed flat against the surface. Too surprised to be afraid, Kihyun submits directly. All want of escape wholly dissipates when he sees Wonho’s teeth clenched, jaw set. And the shivers take him over. Their chests never touch, too intimate, Kihyun supposes.   

“You aren’t going anywhere,” Wonho breathed out a mild flame. “You ran away from me once, I won’t let you do it again.”

Kihyun’s lips part slightly - he wasn’t sure if he had planned to verbally retaliate, or if he could even utter a single syllable from the brusque act - but nothing is said. He can only nod. Kihyun lets his head fall backwards to rest, keeping his eyes trained on Wonho’s face. He couldn’t seem to look away. He calms the thrill that implores him.  

It’s quiet for a while but the silence isn’t uncomfortable.

Wonho was watching him now. His gaze shifting back and forth swiftly, staring the shorter down pertinently. Looking all too closely, and it wasn’t Kihyun’s _face_ he was focusing on. Wonho’s eyes are keen, his expression bewildered. And the confusion isn’t even remotely directed towards Kihyun. It was towards Wonho himself. His eyes flash goldenly as the match behind his lashes strikes.

 _Self discovery_ , Kihyun witnesses.

“How did I fall in so deep…” Wonho murmurs incredulously, it was as if he had forgotten of Kihyun’s entire existence from the way he stepped forward in blinding self-realization. Like a child who had just perceived the difference between good and bad the hard way.    

And something in Kihyun’s chest quivered.  

It’s the next words that had Kihyun taken aback. It was like the floodgates had opened up on him - the force of Wonho’s careful voice made Kihyun clench his fingers into fists. He moved a hand across Kihyun’s cheek to caress, his touch was frozen, yet shaking.

“I love you, Kihyun. I just love you so much… You’re my entire world. I can’t - and I won’t - imagine my life without you. You’re the best thing to ever happen to me,” Wonho’s face dips down, his lips trembling. “You see the best in me, and I haven’t ever known anyone who thought I was… _enough_ . You gave me everything I could have ever wanted. Love, meaning, the strength to go on. You gave me _everything_. And I just… I destroyed all the happiness we had. I screwed up.”

Kihyun felt dazed by the startling confession.

It took everything in his power not to throw his arms around Wonho’s neck, and give into him. The declaration was all that Kihyun had ever wanted to hear. To be told that he was loved unconditionally by the person he cared for the most. He felt the sting behind his eyes, but he fought to hold back the tears.

“How do you expect me to believe you?” Kihyun fired before he could stop himself.

Wonho’s hand slides from Kihyun’s cheek, gliding to the back of his neck. The shorter can feel the man's icy fingers hide in his nape and swirl tightly. It was as if Wonho needed to be connected to him somehow - to keep him grounded.

“... I can’t trust in another lie.”  Maleficent images linger, but Kihyun keeps them at bay.

“This isn’t the same… ” Wonho insists.

“What’s the difference?” He challenged, his tongue sharper than what he had anticipated. He crossed his arms over his chest challengingly. “Is it the freedom? The money? Do you want to keep me here so i’ll splurge on you some more?” The accusation was rough, but Wonho is as cool as always. His face doesn’t harden from the blow, in fact, it seemed to look more restful. Frightfully composed.

“Kihyun, _we_ have the money, you never came back for it. We haven't touched it since you left. This isn’t about the money.” His voice was sure.

Kihyun stilled.

He goes back to thoughts of being in Gunhee’s home. The money was in the nightstand near the window that was absent of curtains, and shades. The drawer was secured by a lock and key, one that Kihyun stashed under the mattress. And he kept it that way. Not because he didn’t trust Gunhee or Si-young, it was just an annoying habit that formed after that day in the park. The nightstand wasn’t that grand. It was rather tall, and perhaps half the size of the briefcase-

The briefcase, he recalled.

Kihyun had forgotten all about the briefcase full of money. It hadn’t crossed his mind since _that_ day, and he hadn’t thought about it in the least. He was too preoccupied with what he was aiming to do with the money he reserved in his pockets. The money he was going to bribe too Shownu _that_ day…

It came back to him gingerly, and he lifted his chin to face Wonho.

“This isn’t about the money.” The latter repeated.   

Another unusual feeling crept through Kihyun’s chest, it was becoming continuous.

“ I wanna fix this,” Wonho’s fingers tighten in Kihyun’s hair, nudging him forward. Kihyun isn’t as reluctant. He feels vulnerable - he wasn’t someone who was able to keep his walls up. They started to crumble before he was even able to build them. “I wanna fix us…”  

“I-...I,”             

Kihyun is incapable of stammering out his defiance, still too nonplussed.

Wonho had hurt him, had lied to him, had used him. Their budding relationship behind bars was nothing more than a lustrous charade. The friendships he made were a front of unknown advantages for their series of devious tactics. Kihyun believed he had grown stronger - physically, and emotionally - from the actions he took to rescuing his presumed _family_. He thought he had finally found his true self. He thought he had become somebody…

And Wonho still hadn’t apologized for deceiving him through it all.

“You want me to say ‘ _I wish I could take it all back_ ,’ don’t you?” Wonho asked out of the blue, his mouth twisted in disapproval. His voice held an edge of derision to it. “Well, I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t take it back, I wouldn’t take anything that’s happened between us back. Because, i’m _not_ sorry. I’m not sorry that we met the way we did. I’m not sorry for all the shit we went through together in that hell hole. And more than anything, i’m _not_ sorry for what I did to get out of there. To get us _all_ out of there.”   

Kihyun’s breaths quickened. He could feel his legs slowly turn to jelly, he wanted to slide down to the floor dismally. His worst fears were finally confirmed, and the tears formed.    

Wonho continues while Kihyun’s head swims. “If we hadn’t went through this, went through all of the mistakes I made… then I would have never known just how much I truly needed you.”

“I don’t believe you!” Kihyun shouts.

The explosion vibrates through the both of them, sending Wonho back a few steps. His nimble fingers slither from the shorters hair, and the lost contact has Kihyun feeling regretful. Wonho’s dark eyes are raked with bewildered stars.        

“Do you really think saying a few meaningless words is going to fix this?” Kihyun kicks back off the wall, sending his legs forward, and into Wonho’s proximity. “God-, do you have any idea how hard it was for me? Being without you? It was absolute torment! Not to mention what _you_ did too me - what _all_ of you did too me. I felt hopeless, and angry, and scared… I told myself to just move on. But, I couldn’t move on, and I didn’t want too. And I had to find ways to cope…”                                         

Kihyun trailed off, not wanting to bring up his time at club _Vixx_. He wouldn’t speak of the drinks, the flirting, and the endless comatose feeling of being unwanted. It would be a secret for him, and the nightworld to keep. “I thought I could make myself forget,” A gasp escaped regardless of his ongoing vague energy. “Oh, but I always remember.”

Kihyun is relentless. He sustained his constant wails, feeling his face begin to heat up. As he bellowed the ire, he stalked towards Wonho. He sensed a dominant aura surrounding himself as the latter appeared to retreat. “I-I thought I could just blame you, and push you away. I thought it would get easier, you know? I thought it would hurt less. But it was the worst thing I could have done… Because no matter where I looked, you were _always_ there.”

The back of Wonho’s knees met the side of the mattress, causing his legs to buckle. He falls then, using his hands to brace himself when he lands on the mess of blankets, and pillows. Adrenaline washed over Kihyun in stormy, useless waves. “All I could do was miss you…”

Kihyun could taste his own anger - he couldn’t keep himself from shaking. His sudden outburst dredging up bittersweet memories.

The time he and Hyungwon had spent in the library together, Jooheon’s hilarity, his smile, Changkyun’s thuggish behavior - but genuinely harmless spirit, Minhyuk’s pure light, and Wonho’s… _everything_ . The promises they made. The ties that bind them. Kihyun swears he could almost _feel_ them near. It was warm, soothing. Kihyun desperately tries to rebuild his walls so he wouldn’t reach out for them.

Withering petals ripple the stillness of the water.

“I know you hate me, Kihyun,” Wonho says quietly, breaking the mute rigidity. The shorter hadn’t realized he was crying until Wonho swiped a thumb across his wet cheek. “I hate me too.”

When Kihyun refocuses from his thoughts, he finds that the latter’s ombre hair was askew. (Most likely from toppling onto the bed.) His bangs had messily fell to each side, his parting currently down the middle, exposing his pale forehead. Kihyun resists the urge to lean down, and press his lips against the cool skin. Such a yearning.

But, maybe…        

Kihyun moved to him then, so close that they were touching. He wouldn’t leave space like Wonho had when he shoved him up against the wall moments ago. Carefully, nearly routine, Kihyun slides his fingers through Wonho’s hair, pushing the strands out of his eyes, and off his brow completely. “... I’ve never hated you. Actually, I hate that I _don’t_ hate you at all.”

The connection melts through their touch like burning wax. It coats, and hardens, keeping them near and still. It pulsates through their veins like incandescent light. Kihyun could only tremble with want - a white hot intensity that carved into his very being. It wasn’t sexual, rather, it was something arrestingly supernal. A spellbinding constellation that will shine forever.

 _Stop that_ , a voice hisses, and Kihyun yanked his hand back.

Stepping away, Kihyun tries to rationalize what he had just done.

The way he had touched Wonho just now was a gesture that was from long ago. Back in the days of their time in prison together. Back when the moon hung high, and the only sound was the creaking of the bunkbed railings when inmates tossed and turned. On the nights when Wonho would have unwelcomed nightmares, and Kihyun would have to chase them away.

How he would tousle his hair, stroke his cheek, and press their foreheads together, while imagining beautiful skies, soaring birds, and clear brooks to scare off the unpleasant terrors in his dreams. In the daylight, when Wonho would wake, his smile would be tired, but grateful. Those days seemed far away, and yet, Kihyun could see them so vividly.  

 _How can that be faked?_ Kihyun mentally demanded. _His smile was honest_ …

Despite his constant screams of disbelieving, and the perpetual lies that had suffocated him through the days, Kihyun couldn’t stop from questioning it. No one - regardless of what they truly desired - could ever fake such a smile. Right? Smiles spoke volumes, and unveiled the soul. And Wonho’s soul was altruistic, and golden like his eyes.

Another throb in his chest makes it difficult for Kihyun to breathe.

“Was… Was any of it real?” Kihyun asked.

He couldn’t exactly decide on which moment he wanted to know more. Or which moment was palpable. There were so many he could choose from.

Wonho had tattoo’s, that was a fact. But did he really own his own parlor, or was that just a fake pity story to tug at Kihyun’s heartstrings? Did the other’s create false pasts to play along? Did Minhyuk know about Iseul before he was released from prison, or did they truly become friends that fateful day at the gas station? Did Wonho pass the message onto Jooheon to inform Minhyuk to add her into the plan during their monthly calls? Did Wonho go to prison for taking the fall? Was there ever even a husband to kill?

Of course there was, what other reason would Wonho go to prison for?  

Was Kihyun right with his speculations of Shownu hiding the evidence of his freedom until the moment was just right? Did they know Kihyun would obtain all that money from the old aristocratic man? Or was that sheer luck on his part? Wonho doesn’t love him, and yet he slept in Kihyun’s bed after he was released…

Kihyun huffed a sigh while rubbing his temple. He had to stop brooding over the questions that had little to no meaning to him at this point. Everything was _fake_. He cared about one thing, and one thing only. The question that stood out above the rest - despite it being a little farfetched. He was taking a chance. “Were the nightmares even real?”

Something in Wonho’s eyes fractured. It was like watching stained glass shatter to pieces. The look on his face was devastating. It was as if someone had just spilled his most kept secret to the whole world. Perfectly broken.  

Wonho’s eyebrows drew together, looking unconditionally lost, “How did you know about them?”

Kihyun paled, _he doesn’t realize it? He never knew that I…_   

Kihyun dropped his curiosity of the sinister dreams without ever blinking. He threw his hands up in front of his body to deflect the previous question.

“I-I meant,” he struggled to come up with something right on the spot. Uncomprehendingly, Changkyun tears to the front of his unsteady mind as a diversion. “I mean, wh-.. Was it true that you and Changkyun got into a fight because of the cafeteria incident?”

But Kihyun already knew the answer to that. He could patently recall the bruise the latter was sporting on the night of the break in. It had been blackened but healing.

However distracting it may have sounded at the time, it didn’t change the sorrowful expression on Wonho’s face. His eyes shift to the side, still damaged. He was looking at the shaded window across the room. Light was pouring through the creases, and dust particles danced gracefully through the air. “Kihyun, please. I swear on my life I have never lied to you.” He implored.

“You said you never loved me while we were in prison, but now you’re saying you can’t stand another day without me-,”

“When _we_ were in prison.” Wonho ran a hand over his forehead, touching leisurely. Kihyun wanted to believe it was because he had touched there just a second ago. He shrugged off the narcissism to pay close attention. “As soon as you left, I don’t know. Something changed…”

The taller rises from the bed, sauntering over towards the packing boxes. Opening the one on the very top, Wonho pulled out a pair of blue jeans. The exact pair of pants Kihyun had let him borrow when he and the group went out shopping. It took a few tugs before they fit him ideally. He gripped the cardboard as if he was trying to steady himself.

“The first couple of days were pretty easy, but then the nights started to feel so much longer. The bed was too big, and,” he swayed his bangs back and forth as he shook his head. “And…” It was as if Wonho was struggling with what he was trying to express. As if he were baffled for words. With another bewildered shake of his head, Wonho seemed to snap.

A crease formed as he became apoplectic, the intense flame in his eyes scorched blue.

“Look, I… I don’t let people in! I _don’t_ . And then you happened, and… and I _didn’t_ want you, but you… you _made_ me love you.” Wonho’s voice was rough, and consuming. “I- I fucking panicked. And, I became scared of how much I loved you.“

Kihyun could only hold his breath - he would be lying if he said he hadn’t felt something just then. Kihyun was always thunderstruck by the abilities Wonho possessed. He could describe it as magic even by the way the latter was able to surprise Kihyun in every way imaginable. It was impossible to deny at this point.

Something in Kihyun’s chest _was_ beating.   

“You’re good, Kihyun. You’re so good, and when i’m with you I want to be good. I want to do good.”

“That’s funny, “ Kihyun’s lower lip quivered. “Cause when i’m with you I can’t help but be _bad_. I just want to break all the rules, and I have, and I want to break more and more… for you.” He had felt the tears this time - they seemed to scorch his skin.

Kihyun had to control the whimper that begged for escape.

Flexing his fingers against the cardboard, Wonho beckoned for Kihyun, serenely undulated. Ultimately composed. A calm in which the shorter could not feel, nor could he see himself even able to make his way towards the other complacently. In fact, it was quite the opposite. Kihyun rocked back on the heels of his feet. His balance unexpectedly becoming precarious, and he hurriedly placed his hand to the wall to steady himself. His vision burning.

A sudden dreadful churning in his stomach caused his head to cloud.

 _Hangover_ , the inner voice chided him as if Kihyun were a mere child. The initial shock dwindled away, and the affairs of last nights aim gradually began to turn on him.

Icicles grazed the side of his jaw tentatively, finding solace. “You’re turning pale.” Wonho was near once more. The ferocious heat between them married hazardously. His tears relentlessly falling.    

Kihyun sampled the aversion as it rested heavily in his throat. He fights to keep the bile at bay from the instant sickness of last night's mistake - he had to stay composed if he wanted the answers he sought for. He needed a level head for this, hangover be damned. Kihyun pushes back the unpleasant taste.  

He peeked up through his pastel bangs warily, jaw dropping, and becoming ultimately mystified at the sight.

Wonho’s eye were _vacant_.

The affinity of fire that scintillated, and thawed through golden sand to attain the cerulean waves had vanished. The spark had died away. Something visibly changed. Or everything changed. Tired of fighting, perchance. Nevertheless, Wonho no longer looked like the animal Kihyun had painted him out to be, or believed he had been. The Wonho standing before him was a fallen soldier.

And it wasn’t fair that Kihyun’s inner spirit whined and keened with wanting to succumb. As if there was another side to Kihyun that was yielding without a second thought. Entreating him to give him, to hand his heart back over so easily. His crystalline opposition was tempted with arduous stones.

“What were you thinking?” Kihyun asked lowly, trying his best to distract that other side. He wouldn’t let the weak minded side of himself take over.          

“I thought I was doing the right thing,” Wonho said, speaking as though he were holding the grating harshness of his voice back. “Not even for myself - but for _them_.”

The shorter raised a brow, _Them?_ He wanted to ask, but Wonho persisted accordingly. He was foolish to wonder otherwise.

“Sure, you were there. But, you only got a taste of what it was like for the rest of us. _Us_ , the _lifers_ , we were the forgotten ones. They throw you a number, and that’s all you are for the rest of your life. A number. You weren’t. You were always somebody, you were incredible, you were… Kihyun.” Wonho purred out his name, exalted. “You had someone fighting to get you out. Sure Shownu’s initial intentions were biased towards us. But he still fought to save you.”

Kihyun absentmindedly blinked away the blue after images of the florescent lighting in the visitation room. The manilla envelope. Shownu’s smiling face the day before his release. The unavailing memory brings out an involuntary twitching in Kihyun’s fingertips with recognition.

 _Don’t bother to remember_ , an inane voice in his head sibilates.

 _No, you should remember_ , a more diaphanous voice exhorts. Kihyun’s other side - the encouraging, needy side of him.

But something caught Kihyun’s attention that was more compelling than the discomfort of the memories tender qualm, or the ceaseless feud of his innermost voices. It was what Wonho had said. Of what he had just labeled himself as.

A _lifer_.

The very word that was bound to Changkyun, and Hyungwon’s image. The name that would have followed them till the very end had Kihyun not went through with this plan to break them out. The term that told their stories without telling the tale. The conviction for the most pivotal of criminality.

And it seemed Wonho was one of them…

A fact Kihyun hadn’t ever known till now.

 _You saved him more than you will ever know_ , a third, centered, voice lured.

“We didn’t have that chance,” Wonho’s voice breaks through the newfound reality. “Your families disown you, you know, because they’re too ashamed of you. Too ashamed of what you’ve done. You have nothing, you have no one. But… this time it was different.”

Kihyun’s eyes narrow curiously, almost eager, as the even voice tugged the threads of his mind.  

“This time we had someone. We had _you_.” Wonho tucked a strand of hair behind the shorters ear, and Kihyun’s pulse took flight. “You made us feel again. You helped us realize we weren’t forgotten. Because you cared, you cared so fucking much about us. And I just wanted to protect them. I wanted to rescue them from that life, even if it meant hurting you. I thought I was doing the right thing.” He sighed, “...but then it started turning against me.”

Kihyun couldn’t look at Wonho any longer.

His emotions were on haywire - his body was shutting down from all the information he had learned today. His mind had already taken it’s toll from the previous night, and a love he thought he knew was fleeting before his eyes.

Diverting his awareness from the taller brings him back over to the pastiche carved double doors embellished with overflowing packing boxes.

Oddly enough, Kihyun sensed something from them. Something familiar, as if they had a greater intent to their existence rather than for beauty purposes. It was the same feeling he got back in prison when he had found _the_ book. Or rather, when the book found him. How much he craved to hold it, to open it, and discover it’s pages. It was identical. He wanted to fling open the doors and peer into the darkness to uncover the secrets that could lie ahead.

But he wouldn’t cave.

Being impulsive was what had gotten him into this situation to begin with. He shouldn’t have picked up the book, and he wouldn’t open those doors. He wouldn’t.  

“Kihyun.”       

“I’m not the one.” Kihyun surmises dismally.

Wonhos brows come together in sterling confusion, his eyes crinkling at the edges attractively. “What do you mean?”

Kihyun shakes his head - not because he was rejecting Wonho’s prying - but, because he couldn’t fathom how this was happening to him yet again. It seemed to always follow him wherever he went. Whenever he loved. “I’m not the one,” He repeated prudently.

“Before you… It was always the same, with _everyone_ . I was never the one for them. No one ever wanted me, or ever thought _I_ was… _enough_.” Kihyun’s voice cracked almost duplicate to the way Wonho’s had when he had said it. “A-And it was like a whirlwind in my head, constantly wondering… why? Why was I always second best? Why didn’t they want me? Why didn’t they need me like I needed them? It won’t stop asking, it refuses to stop.”

“Maybe i’m too clingy, or too stupid to understand it, or see it. I tried, or I believed I tried so hard to fight for them. And I thought I fought hard enough for _you_ . For us. But it turns out I wasn’t enough.” Kihyun tilted his head up a bit as a choked sob poured through his lips. “Everything I have ever done was for you, Wonho. You’re the only person I ever, truly cared about. But for you I was never the one. Because those guys, the guys that mean so much to you, they’re your _one_. Not me, and I never will be.”

_I never will be…_

Finally saying it out loud caused a burdening weight to be lifted off Kihyun’s soul.

He had been holding the truth back for so long it became a part of him. A freight, a curse. His cross to bare. No one ever wanted him. No one craved the love he entrusted to them, they simply tossed it aside as if it were bothersome. They thought it a punishment to actually care for him.

“Kihyun, please listen to me. I love you,” Wonho urged.   

“Fine, maybe you do.” The shorter stared into Wonho’s face. The cheek that Kihyun had slapped just moments ago was still red, and irritated. “Maybe you love me. But maybe it hurts _me_ to love _you_. And maybe at one point I thought I would be okay with the pain. But now… maybe all I need is to feel nothing for you.”

Kihyun could physically sense himself becoming numb the more he spoke. It arose in his legs, unremittingly slithering up his body like a devious snake. Soon he wouldn’t be able to feel anything at all. It’s what would be best for him.

“You don’t really want me, you just don’t want to be alone.” Kihyun deduced acidly.

“I’ve been alone for seven years, don’t give me that.” Wonho hissed through his teeth.

Kihyun glanced downward at the door knob, pondering if maybe it were unlocked, and he could muster up the strength to just walk away.  

“You just don’t get it, Kihyun.” Wonho’s lips primed, and Kihyun’s body stiffened at the remark. The numbness came to a standstill at the incline to his chest, though his legs were still paralyzed.

“I don’t understand how you can say no one ever wanted you while i’m standing here, bleeding my heart dry, to prove to you that I _need_ you. That you’re enough. It’s like you’re walking around with your eyes closed. Open them. Look at me. Actually _look_ at me. Can’t you see me?”

Kihyun inhaled sharply.

Wonho’s eyes flashed faithfully, his voice arising with passion. His rough hands clutch Kihyun’s shoulders. Not tightly, but caressing. On the edge of embrace. It occurred to Kihyun how much he wanted it to be more than just a simple touch. The beating in his chest makes him feel nervous. Like their first time.

His shaking body, his shallow breath. Wonho pinning him down, hovering over him with steady, confident motions. How safe Kihyun had felt - how special the moment was. How everything back then was without a doubt… complete. Just like _this_ moment.        

“I lie, and I trick people, and I hurt you because I didn’t want to feel. The thought of letting you close to me was fucking terrifying. I had to fight myself everyday when I was with you. I had to fight to keep my distance. But, I always failed, because you mattered. Because I wanted you. Because I would rather die than be without you. And maybe, just maybe, I didn’t tell you that you were the one for me because I was hoping you would say _I was your one_.”

Kihyun outstretched his arms, promptly gripping Wonho’s forearms. Another soft, pitiful cry escaped, his vision blurring into watery bedim. _Wonho…_

“So go ahead, run from me. Run away, but tell me this. What are you so afraid of?” Wonho barked out, his jaw flexing under his skin. It was wild, it was powerful. “Are you afraid of actually being loved back? Afraid that someone might be as desperate for you like you are for them? Because I am. I crave you, Kihyun. I need you.”

The numbness dissipates entirely.

Kihyun feels everything again. It comes crashing down on him in a waterfall of colors. In blazing reds, and drowning blues. He feels the pain, he feels the pleasure, he feels the struggle, and the hope that lingers between them. And more than anything, he feels Wonho. He feels the love he’s pressing, and coveting. He feels the guilt, and the heartache. The grief.  

“I’m so tired of disappointing you, that’s all I seem to do. There must be something wrong with me. I-... Maybe i’m broken. And I know I _don’t_ deserve you. I don’t deserve someone like you. But, I can honestly say I _deserve_ the love you feel for me.”

Through the tears Kihyun can make out Wonho’s face leaning towards him. Their foreheads meet. Wonho tipped his head to the side, carefully sliding his nose along the bridge of Kihyun’s affectionately.

“When you left,” Wonho’s breath ghosts over Kihyun’s face, burning, bringing him closer. “When you left my entire world turned grey.”

Kihyun didn’t know when his hands had slid up Wonho’s arms to encircle around his neck, but they held firm. His fingers slide into the tallers nape, fondling the locks practically playfully, teasingly. The tears are gone, and his chest was far from damaged. In fact, warmth spread through him in vermillion ropes. The room brightened up through the shades.  

“I want to be the one for you, Kihyun. I want to be the man you need, the man you deserve. I want to be him so badly, you have no idea.” Wonho’s voice cracked, painfully so. “ I know i’m being selfish, because they say, if you love someone you should let them go. But, i’m begging you here. I can’t go on without you. I’ll chase you to the ends of the earth if I have too. So, please don’t leave me, please stay. I will do anything if you stay… “

Kihyun blinked slowly as the bickering voices rush back to his ears, but he doesn’t pay them any mind. All he can hear or see or think about right now was Wonho.

“ … You’re _my_ home.”

His heart skipped a few beats, a shudder running through his whole body. “Wh-... What d-did you just s..ay?” Kihyun stuttered out in jubilant disbelief.

“I said… you’re _my_ home.” Wonho repeated, and Kihyun rushed forward.

He connected their lips vehemently.

_Oh._

It was frightening - transfixing in it’s form. And for the first instance it hurt. A tearing pain that was rooted deep inside - as if something was being pulled out of him. Dimly, a part of his mind thought that Wonho was stealing his very soul.

 

_I’m Wonho, and this is the part where you say your name back._

 

And yet, at the same time, it was enthralling. Taking hold of him, and he was helpless to resist. It was profound, and uncontrollable. Taking him over with a yearning that Kihyun hadn’t felt since his time behind bars. In the nights when he and Wonho were all alone with their promises, and wistfulness.

 

_What do you know? You come in this cell so willingly, so sure of yourself. So trusting in me. You don’t know what I’ve done to be put in here, remember? You trust me so easily, but you don’t know what I’m capable of._

 

He suddenly felt tugging - and then a burst of light. It was as if a certain barrier had erupted. His walls had crumbled, being ripped by the pressure. All the emotions Kihyun had locked away, had shut off, were suddenly flooding forth. And it was euphoric.

 

_You never believed it, but I did. Because I know that innocent people, good people like you… they have good things come their way. But not for the bad people. You deserve to get out of here Kihyun._

 

A torrent of golden light flowed in from Wonho, greedily devouring the blackness inside of Kihyun. A flood of golden sparks filled the empty hole that sneered with scathing, jaundiced memories. The intensity shook him. He couldn’t exactly think through the force, he could only experience it. Feel it. Surrender to it.

 

_Well, it seems like we’re complimentary for one another._

 

The kiss was giving him life again. Something like a raging storm, or a streak of lightning. Because Wonho was offering, not taking. It was pure, and joyous. Something deeper, and more overwhelming than anything Kihyun had ever encountered in his life.

 

_Why are you always kissing me in the daylight?_

 

His pain was gradually fading. The resentment, the tragedy - everything was vanishing. Being overcome by the blue-white brilliance from Wonho’s intimacy. It was like being in a whole other world. Before the lies, before the betrayal. Kihyun could feel… happiness.

 

_You’re mine! And no, I don’t mean my thing , my toy . You’re mine , Kihyun. You’ve been mine the day you dragged your tiny, scared little ass into my cell. You’ve been mine the day you cried in front of me. When you kissed me. When you touched me - mine. When I fucked you, mine. Every smile, every laugh, every anything. Mine. You’re… mine Kihyun…_

 

He could feel Wonho’s compassion, his truth.

 

_Want me to kiss you until you fall asleep?_

 

 _He loves me_ , Kihyun finally understood. _Wonho loves me_.

 

_No matter how hard I try, I will never be able to let you go… So do what's best for both of us… And leave… Leave before I decide you going isn’t an option…_

 

There was no possibility of a misunderstanding. Kihyun could feel Wonho’s emotions clearly. He was bound too it, immersed in it. It was as if Wonho had given up his natural control to allow Kihyun to take a glimpse into his naked soul. As if Wonho was distressed, too desperate in his feelings to hold anything back.

 

_You seriously did all of this just to be with me?_

 

Kihyun could sense that they were holding each other, clinging to one another. But Kihyun could feel that Wonho was holding him harder than Kihyun was able to return. An ache was building in the currents that surged between them.

 

_I love you. I may not have loved you while we were in prison, but I do now. I love you, Kihyun. Please ._

 

They were together, _together_ , so close, and Kihyun wanted to be closer. Everything was crystal clear to him. _I love you, I still love you, Wonho, and I will always love you._    

The shorter slid his fingers over the metal knob - if the door hadn’t been locked before, it definitely was now.  

 

Kihyun was finally _home_.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Our babies did it! They finally got their first win! I'm so proud of them! MX forever!


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